Learning to "Rest in the Lord" or "The Waiting Room" experience ...

i guess the following could be classified as my testimony to where our Lord has me right now, i pray that it will be of benefit and blessing to someone ...One thing i can say about my 25+ years of walking with God is it certainly hasn't been what i'd call restful ... It's often times been exciting in illumination, intense in communion and works, joyous in praise and worship, painful in rejection and expanding faith and most excruciating in His continual tearing down of my "self" ... but never restful ... Of all the places our Lord has had me right now in probably the most peculiar place i've been in thus far ... i call it "The Waiting Room" ... It's sorta like a "wilderness" experience in that it's only Him and me, but unlike a wilderness experience it's neither lonely in the sense of my feeling all by myself, or gritty and dirty in the sense of His exposing and expunging some obvious sins in me that need be demolished, or revelatory in the sense of believing the recieving and commisioning of a special outward mission as was my case in the past ... On the contrary this "Waiting Room" in itself is spacious, pure-clean and white, with ample provision of all kinds of spiritual food, and in the midst of it is a most plush-big-comfortable chair which faces a door before it that's locked, and a door behind it that i can still open ... It would actually be a very pleasant place if it were not for the fact that it's a "Waiting Room", and i ain't never been one who liked to wait, but the only instruction i'm hearing from our Lord at present is "Rest in Me", and i know that He will not open that door in front of me until i've learned to rest in Him ...i keep hearing our Lord tell me to rest in Him, and i know why He's saying this to me ... Out of everything that i've done so far in what i believe to be my calling none have proved as difficult as "resting" in Him, which i concider being idle, and this has really brought to the forefront that i've never truly ever rested in God before ... In my own little part of the world, in my own little assignment, i've been on a long mission toward sounding the alarm verbally, and in writings, for our need of repentance, revival, and that things in the Body of Christ are totally out of wack in some very serious areas ... Then early last year (5/05) i heard our Lord say to me regarding the church and pastor He assigned me to, "Cease, I will handle it from here" ... Shortly after that i sensed an unction to publish a book (i believe) He gave me back in 1987, which was finished and published by 9/05, and then i heard Him say to me, "Cease, you have done all that I've required of you in this season" ... At first i was overjoyed to hear "rest in Me" and to no longer feel like i had fire shut up in my bones, then He showed me how fickle i was in that i'd complained all along in the initial work, and in the "rest" was now complaining that i had nothing to do ... That's when Holy Spirit showed me "The Waiting Room", and made it clear to me that yes i did have something to do ... i now had to learn probably the hardest lesson any Christian has to learn ... To wait/trust/rest in our Lord, and to do so in the same manner as Paul and Silas when they were at a place of confinement ...The other morning as i was preparing for work Holy Spirit said to me, "Resting = trust, trust = faith and faith = pleasing Him ... i'm a pretty hands on type guy when it comes to getting things done, and i also firmly believe that if i want a job done right i need to do it myself (or at least be their to supervise) ... This may be thinking beneficial if fellow human beings are involved, but not so with God ... When God says "cease" that's exactly what He means, and in this case Holy Spirit is comforting me to an understanding that without my resting in Him it's impossible for me to please Him ... What i've come to realize thus far is that there are a couple of reasons why we may not be able to rest in God, one important one being if we still have sin(s) in our lives that He's been attempting to kill but we won't let Him ... i can tell you from experience that if you're truly saved there is no way you can do the devil's dirt and rest in God too ... But my own difficulty with "rest" now in my better and more cleaned up walk with God has to do with "trusting" God ... Not for the things of scripture that are promised to us all, but for the things i believe i've heard Him say for me to proclaim concerning the coming economic upheaval in America, Revival, and my own ministry (next season of work) in the midst of His refinement of His Church ... Now my mouth is shut, and i'm now in "TheWaiting Room" where our Lord is determined to turn my "when and how long must i wait oh Lord" into "whenever You say oh Lord and in the meanwhile i'll be both praising and confessing Your Holy name" ...Holy Spirit just told me this morning that if i (or any saint) ever truly learns to rest in our Lord i'll never, ever, have to have another care in/of this world ... This may sound as impossible to some as Jesus' mustard seed saying, but i think i got the gist of what Holy Spirit was saying ... He wasn't saying that i'd (you'd) never have another hardship or heart-ache down here on this low plain, but if i (you'd) truly rest in our Lord i (you) don't have to care ... i (you) can throw that care on our Lord ... How is it that Psalms 37 starts off? ... "Fret not ... Bless His holy name that our Comforter wishes to teach us how not to fret, if only we'd surrender to His teaching ... What has started out to be a most painful lesson for me is becoming with each passing day one most soothing - i actually feel lighter! :-POne final thought/irony about my walk/calling with our Lord ... All during the past time when it seemed the majority of folk around me were at rest, i wasn't allowed ... Now when it seems the majority of folk around me are becoming more and more restless, i'm allowed to rest ... i can't say for sure what this is all about, but as with everything God and time will reveal it, so in the meanwhile i'll be learning from Holy Spirit to rest more and more in our Lord ...Heb.4[9] There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God.[10] For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his.[11] Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest ...Now in the meanwhile i've attempted to find some sermons on "Resting in the Lord", and would you believe i could only find (3) over on SermonAudio ... i'll post them here if Holy Spirit leads ...Blessings to all in the name of Jesus!

Amen!!!Thank you for sharing that. God is good, isnt he? When your out of this waiting room, and into your next season, You will be rejoicing and thanking god.I just recently got out of a waiting room. He helped to expose my sin I thought I never had.(I'm not saying that you have an unknown sin) but God puts us through this for a reason.God is goodbless you

Thanks Brother to sharing what Jesus is doing in your life. Learning to wait for Jesus is a wonderful thing, just wanting to spend time in his presence versus having a laundry list of things that Jesus has to take care of. It doesn't come easy to us Americans, we've got to be some of the most inpatient groups of folks in the world. The need for "productivity" is the flesh I believe, at least it is in my own heart.I call what you're going through as "being on the shelf" so to speak and am going through a similar experience. The Lord has been convicting me of late on my unwillingness to wait on him and I got behind a car the other day and the license plate said "I wait for no one" and I said Lord that's my heart isn't it? He's going to teach you to wait in the prayer closet as He is teaching me and as we wait He'll deal with our hearts. Jesus always knows how to speak to us in whatever place we are in our walk with Him.Blessings to you brother...

Bro Boomatt ...Amen ... our God is good!!!You wrote;"When your out of this waiting room, and into your next season, You will be rejoicing and thanking god."Ha! ... ha! ... you mean even "more"! ... That's one of the things Holy Spirit has shown me via Paul and Silas, to thank and praise Him in the midst of my confinement ... In fact to do so releases our spirit in the Holy Spirit who cannot be confined ...You continued;"I just recently got out of a waiting room. He helped to expose my sin I thought I never had.(I'm not saying that you have an unknown sin) but God puts us through this for a reason."Praise God on your release! ... And bro i have sins (we all do) still both known and unknown, but bless Him they're no where near the quantity and magnitude of what they once were, and He that began this good work in us is determined to finish it ... And thank God that i no longer fight against Him with the same intensity i once did ... Yes i know He has me here for a reason, and some of them have already been made obvious, one in particular my tendency toward "contempt" ... He's shown me that contempt, like vengeance, is not my domain ... Contempt can cause a man of God to strike the rock twice ... i pray Holy Spirit to ever keep me mindful of this ... i believe our Lord has me in the final stages of preparation for His wider ministry (my next season of work), i can only continue to hope as it's something i've prayed to Him for a long time ... Bottom line is tho, He calls all the shots ...Lord bless you! :-D PS - A note of interest about that door behind me that i can still open ... i know what that's about, and this experience has let me know just how much it turns me off to think of going back ... Where i've been has nothing to offer me, no allure ... It's thru His closed door in front of me where i want to gain entry!

Greetings in Christ bro habakkuk3 ...You wrote;"The need for "productivity" is the flesh I believe, at least it is in my own heart."i'm suspect of this too bro, which is why i've always had a running conversation with our Lord about whether the things i've believed led of our Lord to do were of Him or me ... i call it being "live (Him) or memorex (me)" ... It actually scares me to think that i'd be doing anything in the name of our Lord which is not of our Lord ... You continued;"He's going to teach you to wait in the prayer closet as He is teaching me and as we wait He'll deal with our hearts."This is believe is His major thrust, the refining of our hearts ... i've always told our Lord i wanted to be like His apostle Paul for Him, and He's always answer back, "No son, I want you to be like my apostle John" ... It's really been only of late that i began to surrender to His will in this respect, and in light of where i believe He's shown me that the Church in America is headed "love", "love" and more "love" is gonna be needed big time in both our ministering to one another and our fellow man ... i truly believe a glorious hour is coming for His Church in our time of refinement! ...Let us shine on in our Lord bro in the power of His/our Holy Spirit no matter where He has us ... To God be ALL the glory forever and ever - Amen!

Rahman, you have no idea how much your testimony blessed me. God worked in my life in similar ways, though through very different circumstances. I put my thoughts about God's rest in an ebook - Entering the Place of Rest It needs a lot of redoing. I'm wondering if I should add an appendage - and include the various testimonies like yours, as I come across them. This is awesome fellowship!Diane

Praise the Lord for all of you,This site is so awsome!! :-D May the Lord continue to bless everyone of you all. feel free to email me with any prayer requests. at boomatt@adelphia.net

i keep hearing our Lord tell me to rest in Him, and i know why He's saying this to me ... Out of everything that i've done so far in what i believe to be my calling none have proved as difficult as "resting" in Him, We get a lot of gratification from our efforts. As good as they may be, even divinely ordered, they can subtly become a dependency for us. It feels scary to let go. We fear an empty life. For me the only way I could let go of “responsibilities” was by moving away. But I fought it. I remember being angry each time we had to move. I wanted to maintain my loyalty to my church and community involvements. Each time we moved I had to start all over again. I would immediately go looking for things to do. My inability to rest was symbolic of my inability to trust in God’s spiritual rest. Not until my long-term illness did I learn to rest – and accept it. – it was God’s rest I really needed. That has nothing with what I do or don’t do, but a condition of the heart – quiet trust. "Cease, I will handle it from here" .Cease, you have done all that I've required of you in this season" ... This reminds me of the Sabbath rest, and the Sabbath year. Those were times God instituted for Israel to learn that they could trust him. They were tangible pictures of deeper truths about rest. Holy Spirit showed me "The Waiting Room", and made it clear to me that yes i did have something to do ... i now had to learn probably the hardest lesson any Christian has to learn ... To wait/trust/rest in our Lord, While “The Waiting Room” is a short (we hope) period of time that God institutes for us as our personal Sabbath rest, there is a permanent Sabbath rest God has called us to - a rest for, not only our bodies and minds, but for our spirit. This was the kind of rest I knew nothing about, even though raised in the church. It was the rest Christ came to give – to set our conscience free from guilt and self-effort. God’s permanent Sabbath rest has such enormous implications in our daily lives. Most of our problems come from a failure to enter into God’s rest. And then we are driven by guilt, fear, unbelief, selfish goals, religious zeal, etc – just like Israel’s history. And we get legalistic about the Sabbath Day - and make it more a day of carrying loads than of being set free from loads (ie, loads on the conscience). when it seemed the majority of folk around me were at rest, i wasn't allowed ... Now when it seems the majority of folk around me are becoming more and more restless, i'm allowed to rest ... i can't say for sure what this is all about, but as with everything God and time will reveal it, so in the meanwhile i'll be learning from Holy Spirit to rest more and more in our Lord ... This speaks to me of the importance of walking the path of obedience by faith. We just can’t follow the crowd. And where better can we learn to cut the umbilical cord of our religious and cultural ties than in the place of quite solitude with our Lord. Diane

Rahman,Thanks so much for sharing.I have been in His Rest, but have let the cares of this life draw me away.I always feel like God wants me to do something, but Jesus paid it all.I know that when I was in His Rest, I didn't have any agenda but His.When He said Go, I went, and when He said stay, I stayed.I know God wants to bring me into His Rest again.I love Him, and I will His will in my life.I'm so thankful for this site, and people who will share.Diane, I printed some of your Entering the place of Rest.Will study it.ThanksIt is my Prayer to do only the Master's bidding.God Bless all of you.Nellie

It actually scares me to think that i'd be doing anything in the name of our Lord which is not of our Lord ... Similar circumstances here as well Rahman and that well sums up the sentiment, even the 'doing' entailing 'saying' or speaking. Breaking with that somewhat by response here...There seems to be but one thought running concurrently at the moment; (Two, actually)"Is this the Spirit of Jesus"Left off the question mark as it also seems to be both statement as question and applies right on across the board. To myself first and foremost but to others as well, I can neither state it nor ask it of myself for others to apply (If that makes any sense) ... That may be as to a mis-intent and mis-motivation, misunderstanding. A great deal of that often is seen here in how things are approached with each other."The need for "productivity" is the flesh I believe, at least it is in my own heart."The self life trumping, forcing itself in so many fashions .. Agree wholeheartedly. Think it was Diane awhile back making mention of the whole of "oughts" and "shoulds" as we might think everyone needs to be doing just as 'we' are. Not in a matter doctrinal constructs and understandings, just in dying truly to the self and learning to subject every thought captivewhether the things i've believed led of our Lord to do were of Him or me It can be quite humbling to find that a great deal of the time they may not. The benefit is when it's recognized even as a possibility, bringing that soberness that need not be depressing even if it is convicting, repentance is axiomatic, automatic, a reflex, normative.The other running and similar thought;"Grieve not the Holy Spirit"Same expressions as above. It is a good season brother and maybe it is to be continual in one sense, as a foundation, as a undergirding, as returning to... Wouldn't pour any excess meaning into that than is warranted, we most certainly are at war with that which is to be warred with spiritually speaking, not to mention the putting to death the nature of the greatest enemy we contend with, this self of ours...Rom 8:13 For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live. Just to look to the Lord while recognizing how He responded, reacted, His waiting, His praying, His actions and maybe the most overlooked... His non-reactions, all those things missing from His character (difficult word there, applying it from our perspective) yet still often present in ours. Yet we have the same Holy Spirit indwelling.the refining of our hearts Yes.A lot of this waiting and necessary slow down personally. Circumstances being heavy, difficult, at times overwhelming, responsibilities, burdens and a 'hard taskmaster' not to put it too severely, demanding, yet needed, discipline and a whole new realm of challenges and revealing of personal character flaws and submission issues, complaining, murmuring even if mostly inwardly, still they escape the lips ... Worse is the repeating of the particular hostilities of the course of the day on occasion, to hear one's self repeat them as if they were being told by someone else ... The anger, justifying the frustrations ... Jam 3:8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Ugly, down right ugly. Feeling somewhat compelled to break with this silence for the moment, one last thought. If anything is seemingly at odds in general and may even be evident just here ... While all these things are well and good, to come full circle back to what Rahman stated and to shorten it a bit more into a narrow focus; "... in the name of our Lord which is not of our Lord.." Might I add, 'to our Lord' as well as 'for our Lord'.For His intents and purposes, for His glory, for His majesty ...Col 1:18 And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminenceAm thinking of the bottom line at "Ten Shekels and a Shirt". Those that apply as a byproduct and regard us and that which is the 'prime product', which is the Lord Himself.It may be of some source of benefit to expand on this once again and to further the point. Along with the fear you mentioned Rahman, perhaps my biggest and the one most grievous is just a misrepresentation of the Lord. So many speaking of Him and even more bewildering in His stead, with such an ease as to put forth their own interpretations of what He is doing, saying and speaking that is in direct contradiction to His person, to His ... manner. To the scriptures most certainly, His own Word, but more so in the direct and demanding expression 'back of it' to borrow Tozer's sentiment. The root of the matter, the heart of the matter, the spirit and truth of the matter. Cannot pretend to have attained to much beyond a limited scope of things, but something out on the peripheral seems to have overtaken things into practical application only and largely missed the very marrow of that which is always first and foremost spiritual.It is where so much of the great resources that are stored up here ... If we knew half the importance of what is before us...Let me cut to the chase. I do pray that all these things are being utilized to the hilt. There are treasures untold still lurking in our midst. Messages to be not only heard, but absorbed. Great foundational truths buried in the articles (Am at present reading some of William Law, his presentation of what the fall of man is and the contradiction largely as it is supposed in this day ... another topic). But to uphold one example among the many, T. Austin Sparks. He may be equally difficult to grasp at certain points in each of our own particular walks and his style quite different from many. But the standout notice is his exalting and expressing the Lord Jesus, everything pointing to Him, His majesty and honor and glory, everything due Him. To get the church, His church back to that singular focus, to the Lord Himself. The noticeable missing aspect is how little and disinterested is the man T. Austin Sparks mentioned. That is not to say everything nor to belittle anything, just to put it in it's right ordering of matters.2Co 8:5 and this, not as we expected, but they gave themselves first to the Lord and then by the will of God to us. ... the interrogation of a good conscience toward God, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ; who is one the right hand of God, having gone into heaven; angels and authorities and powers being made subject unto him. 1Pe 3:22 My, had no intention of going on so long here.That we might all keep ourselves in prayer and in waiting as it seems best to us and to the Holy Spirit. It is good to wait on the Lord.

Mike wrote:Along with the fear you mentioned Rahman, perhaps my biggest and the one most grievous is just a misrepresentation of the Lord. So many speaking of Him and even more bewildering in His stead, with such an ease as to put forth their own interpretations of what He is doing Ah, yes, we have an evangelistic fervour to proclaim our convictions – eager to take a stand for truth, certain that we are defending our Lord. I suspect that tendency is absorbed from our religious background – a message we constantly hear: WE are called to be God’s ambassadors, to change the world, to turn the wrong into the right. And so, our message becomes our identity. Yet we are blind to cold pricklies and weedy patches in our message. It needs to be fine-tuned through the work of God in our lives. We hear little about a preceding time of rest in the backside of the desert. Moses’ burden for his people burned within him, and so he acted prematurely by killing the Egyptian. The desert experience had to come first. And then a brand new Moses came forth forty years later. So too our burden must first be broken up in the desert – where are put into solitary disablement. We must have our “40 years” of rest and silence. And then, in God’s timing, he will birth his divine work within us, using us in a way we cannot accept yet, a humble and “small” way, a way which is so opposed to our fleshly sense of worth. We must be stripped of our evangelistic fervour. The capitol ‘E’ in Evangelistic is reduced to a small ‘e”. (I am preaching to myself here.) A difficult aspect of rest is silence , that is - being quiet, not speaking, not responding when everything inside is screaming for expression – to defend truth (as we see it). As Rahman seemed to indicate, there are times when God muzzles us. I have had many such times, and am slowly learning that it comes from God. In the past, I it would frustrate me. I would feel guilty for not “speaking out”. I would ask myself or God, “Why could I not say those words that were on the tip of my tongue,” or “ Lord, why did I fail to think fast enough of a proper response to that comment? Why didn’t you put the right thought into my mind? Why did I say something stupid instead?” And I would kick myself for failing God. (really, for failing MYself. ) Yet, at times God seems to loosen the muzzle and I say the right thing. But also many times I blurt out absurdities which I later regret. Those (many) times cause me to run as fast as I can towards the cave of silence. I seek to hide in shame. And then I appreciate God’s muzzle. The humiliating silence feels like defeat. Yet it is a needed death process. “I must decrease, he must increase.” This feels unpleasant until we our self is sufficiently crucified. This seems to be a constant, ongoing process – many times around the same mountain. But it's worth it. As our minds learn to silence the constant, obsessive thoughts and mental churnings, we become still, and can then hear the quiet voice of God. I suspect that we in ourselves will never succeed in crucifying our tendencies to “jump the gun” – until God works in us. And until God works in others in the same way, we will never be able to "set them straight". We will just waste a lot of energy coming against a strong resistive force. Oh, how I praise God that he knows how best to handle us. Diane

Hi ALL ... :-Di praise God for the beauty of this fellowship, and what YOU ALL have shared concerning "learning to rest in our Lord" ... i've bookmarked your site sister D, and the link you provided sister Dorcas, for future reading ... Bro. Mike i'm also taking under consideration what you've posted ... i understand what you meant when you posted "It can be quite humbling to find that a great deal of the time they may not.", but i pray our Lord to be even more humbled by the fact that it was/is Him leading me to do/say ... Many of us experience the humility that comes along when God can finally show us that we've been barking up a wrong tree, a 'self" tree, but few are we who come to such awsome humbling as to find out that we were right, and it was/is our Lord manifesting Himself thru us ... That's the humbling experience i so desire, but of course i'll take whatever humbling He sends my way for at this point i'm resting in Him ... Bro Dave i hear this that you've posted "You are not to worry about ministry." ... In this "Waiting Room" the door in front of me is like one of those old fashioned office doors with that type of glass in it that obscures, but behind it i can see all kinds of light and lightning movements - very bright, and i know it's God moving on the other side of this door ... i want to be on that other side because i see ministry there, the new season of work ... The old season, including this waiting, seems preparatory of me for what's on the otherside of that door ... You best believe that if learning to rest in Him is what's required for my going thru that door, i'm all about being comforted in our Comforter! ... 8-)But regardless of all else i'm telling you this is something great and wonderful our Lord has brought me to, in that it's even affected my sleep ... At one point i'd noticed that my dream activity, mainly of stressful situations, had increased and i'd awaken not rested - But not of late, i find myself sleeping like a baby ... Whenever anything pops up now regarding what i've had a tendency to stress over (which is pretty much where am i going in You Lord) i just say "I trust You Lord", and for the first time in my life i can honestly say i mean it ...Sis D you wrote;"We get a lot of gratification from our efforts. As good as they may be, even divinely ordered, they can subtly become a dependency for us."i've had to search myself on this one, and i think i can safely say that i've gotten no gratification out of my efforts (except maybe that i've done, even tho i didn't want to, because i believe God told me to) ... All the past work i believe our Lord gave me to do i see no fruit from whatsoever ... In fact probably the major reason i've found it so hard to rest in our Lord is due to this ... But then the Word tells us that man may be used of God to plant and water, but only He can make it grow ... So i'd become pre-occupied with nagging God as to when He'd make grow what i believe He had me do ... And to be more precise when would He make manifest what i believe He had me do to vindicate/substantiate my having done it ... Back to "self" again ... :-? Another point you touched on that robbed me of my rest in our Lord was my always questioning Him (and myself) if what i was hearing to do in fact was "divinely ordered" ... i had no rest in this when i was doing it, and when i heard "cease" i had no rest because all my energy then went to "when Lord will You manifest what i believe You've told me" ... Some have alluded that this work i was doing was of myself, and that caused me unrest in that i began thinking that if i were taking myself on such a grand delusion that's lasted 20+ years then i was in dire need of serious psychiatric help ... This is what has somewhat baffled me with this scripture our Lord has just recently brought to my fore ...Heb.4[10] For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his.i don't quite know what God's saying to me here ... Have i been ceased from a work He gave me, or have i been ceased (finally) from a work i gave myself ... But in this place of His rest i leave the final answer of this to Him, for what's most important for me to get from this verse is that whatever it was, it is now ceased ... So if my past mission was of God, He will manifest it to fruition ... If it wasn't, then praise Him that i'm covered under Rom. 8:28, and i can still go on in my new found rest in Him for i'm done with it now (therefore no further need to wonder of psychiatric help) ... :-PPss.91[2] I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in Him will I trust.Isa.12[2] Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; He also is become my salvation.Blessings in our Lord Jesus Christ!

All the past work i believe our Lord gave me to do i see no fruit from whatsoever ... In fact probably the major reason i've found it so hard to rest in our Lord is due to this I’m not convinced that there was no fruit. What about the fruit within you - the kind of fruit scripture talks about? I suspect that there has been a lot of fruit-growth in the process. Perhaps God wishes you to lay your work on the altar - your Isaac. Maybe it is your first fruit offering to God. I suspect that much fruit is ripening in that process. In the life of the Russian composer, Shostakovich, there was a period of time when he wrote primarily for his desk drawer. At the time Lenin controlled the kind of music that was acceptable. That was very stifling to the composer. He wrote “proper” music but he couldn’t and wouldn’t stop writing what was on his heart - even if it could not be performed at the time. I think of Fanny Crosby who wrote some 8000 hymns and even more poems. She couldn’t stop, though someone once tried to make her stop. It was within her, and needed to be expressed. (though, who needs that many hymns and poems!! ) She didn’t analyze if it was intended for watering or planting, or if it was practical, or whatever. I think that we can freeze ourselves up if we are constantly sifting our efforts through the grid of “evangelism” or ‘God’s will” I was trapped in that for too long. That’s how people end up as evangelical salesmen, and compromise what God has truly put within them, yet convinced they are doing “God’s Will”. That reminds me of our music industry and it’s sad. Beautiful, deep, honest, and creative expression is replaced with a lot of shallow dribble. It is the will of the masses, but surely doesn’t impress our Lord. What sells or even what’s “working” is not synonymous with what’s fruitful or what’s God’s will. Does God not allow room for the freedom of expression, as part of the gift of free choice? If we are submitted and surrendered to him, can we not trust him to help keep us moving in the right direction? Surely, God’s legs aren’t too short that he can’t catch up to us if we get too far ahead. I believe that trusting him to be a good heavenly parent brings us rest, and also keeps us from the psychiatrist. Over the years, I’ve been plagued with a fear of myself – worrying about getting outside of God’s will. That is a nightmare way to live. It is better to be an unbeliever. They just create and do whatever freely, without all the anxiety of wondering what God thinks. i don't quite know what God's saying to me here ... Have i been ceased from a work He gave me, or have i been ceased (finally) from a work i gave myself .. Do I hear another echo of my own thoughts? I wonder if this is even an issue with God.Is rest about our activity or about the state of our conscience? Is God not interested in what we CHOOSE to do freely – as our expression of worship – not doing it because we feel obligated do the “right” thing, but because we really want to? I think of the women who poured perfume on Jesus. She just did it! I doubt she even asked him if it was okay (his will) or proper? She had a lot of nerve – or was it that she was so free that she did just what she really WANTED to do – as a heart-felt expression of worship? And THAT is what thrilled the Lord.Was your creative offering not a pouring out of yourself – “wasted” on Jesus? If it wasn't, then praise Him that i'm covered under Rom. 8:28, and i can still go on in my new found rest in Him for i'm done with it now (therefore no further need to wonder of psychiatric help) . Amen! God’s love for us doesn’t change even when we flounder like a toddler – still learning with faltering steps – still coloring outside the lines at times. I think that authentic creative expression of any kind comes from a place of rest – rest from anxiety, people pleasing, people fearing, pressure, cultural trends, religious expectations. In its best, it portrays the authentic relationship we have with our divine Creator - which can only be sustained in a place of rest. Diane

Sis D you wrote;"I’m not convinced that there was no fruit. What about the fruit within you - the kind of fruit scripture talks about? I suspect that there has been a lot of fruit-growth in the process. Perhaps God wishes you to lay your work on the altar - your Isaac. Maybe it is your first fruit offering to God. I suspect that much fruit is ripening in that process." Sis D when i spoke of fruit i wasn't speaking of within myself but without, tho yes there has been much growth within me and i thank God for it now (but it was very painful in the process) ... "Perhaps" and "maybe" rate right down there with "if" for me in terms of clarity, and it's the seeking of clarity (seeing for sure) that became a major cause of my increasing un-rest, but i surly don't put it past God to give us something and then require it as a sacrifice back only to show us if we love Him more than His gift ... God's funny that way (and i don't mean this disrespecfully) ... It's like a conversation a brother and i had in which we came to understand that God's definition of such things as love, fairness, discipline, grace, obedience, etc. are light years apart from our own puny self absorbed human definitions ... The OT gives prime examples of what i used to think of as the tricks God played on His chosen vessels back then, one in particular that i've given much concideration to concerns Isaac ... i've always found it interesting that God made a promise to Abraham regarding his son that took so long Abraham gave up hope, and more alarming in the process at one point attempted to aid God's promise and produced Ishmael ... See in my past i've heard promises from God, some have suggested that i've heard promises from myself, but that's neither here nor there for me now for within this rest God and time will tell which ... Sis D you continued;"I think that we can freeze ourselves up if we are constantly sifting our efforts through the grid of “evangelism” or ‘God’s will” "Over the years, I’ve been plagued with a fear of myself – worrying about getting outside of God’s will. That is a nightmare way to live. It is better to be an unbeliever. They just create and do whatever freely, without all the anxiety of wondering what God thinks."i understand where you're coming from here but i take the exact opposite tack ... i wouldn't have had any problem at all if what i believe i've heard from Him regarding my ministry, The Called, America's economic demise and revival was delivered from a burning bush, Gabriel or a Damascus road experience, but they were'nt ... i heard these things in my spirit ... What i need to clarify here is that our Lord took a former JW, saved me and initially taught me in a Baptist surrounding, then sent me to a Pentecostal surrounding ... Talk about culture shock! ... Everything that happened to me in that surrounding i questioned, because i saw a whole lot of what was termed spiritual as overly emotional ... So the first time in that surrounding i heard what i believe to be the voice of God in my spirit it totally scared me, and then to react to the point of carrying out what i was hearing really gripped me with fear (but eventually i went on and did) ... i don't sift what i hear thru "evangelism", in fact i don't even know what that means, but i sift everything that i believe i'm hearing God say for me to do thru "is it His will" - and if His Word agrees then eventually i will move ... For me "not worrying" about getting outside of God's will would be my nightmare, and for me there is no experience in our Lord, however unpleasant it may be, that would merit the better situation being an unbeliever ... i believe why our Lord called me (and others) in the first place, with the message of much needed repentance amongst His Body, is because a whole bunch of His leadership, and subsequently those led, have not worried enough over whether we're outside of God's will ... And so they've created freely of themselves, without any anxiety as to what God thinks ... This is dangerous enough when the world does it, but deadly when the Church does does it as is obvious today ... Sis D you continued;"If we are submitted and surrendered to him, can we not trust him to help keep us moving in the right direction? Surely, God’s legs aren’t too short that he can’t catch up to us if we get too far ahead. I believe that trusting him to be a good heavenly parent brings us rest, and also keeps us from the psychiatrist."Amen, "submitted and surrendered" the two key elements we must choose to do in His being able to move us along (expediently) in the right direction ... i remember a little while back when a SI member told me that i needed to cut myself a break ... My response was apparently that's what too many of us saints are doing already, and since i didn't believe i'd set myself on the course i was on then in the first place, it wasn't up to me to take a tasty-break on my own ... Little did i know then that He'd soon give me one, and that He'd have to teach me to take it ... Praise Him! - and you're right, as the perfect heavenly Father He knows how to bring each of His children to rest (keeping us from earthly shrinks) if we'd but submitt/surrender to His rest ...Sis D you continued;"Was your creative offering not a pouring out of yourself – “wasted” on Jesus?"i don't quite know what you mean by "creative offering" ... If you mean that i created something to do for our Lord as an offering to Him then that's not what i believe i did, and i truly hope and pray that i've not been that twisted a Christian to have done so for all these years ... i've not wanted to do many of the things i felt led of our Lord to do, particularly when it came to delivering "words" to pastors ... Most pastors i've come in contact with are good at delivering God's "word" to the flock, but not so good with one of the flock delivering God's "word" to them ... But i, in His blessed rest, leave the verdict so far as still out in God right now as to whether He will prove my actions of Himself or myself in future ... i've heard "cease" and "fret not" and i'll be doing neither from now on, especially in light of Rom. 8:28 ... As one called according to His purpose, and i certainly believe that i am, i can't lose one way or the other in what i believe He's had me do so far ... Even if it wasn't Him He'll work it out to both mine, and His own good ... And i can certainly "rest" in, and "trust" Him in that! ...Sis D you ended;"In its best, it portrays the authentic relationship we have with our divine Creator."i think this is a very good definition for "resting in the Lord", and i agree whole-heartedly ... Have a very blessed day in our Lord Jesus Christ ... one and all! ... :-D

Diane said: Was your creative offering not a pouring out of yourself – “wasted” on Jesus?"Rahman responded: i don't quite know what you mean by "creative offering" ..Rahman, you've given me lots to think about. I will address those thoughts later, but for now I would like to expound on one thought: That of being "wasted" for Jesus:It seemed wasteful to pour an entire bottle of expensive perfume on Jesus' head. None of the perfume could ever be retrieved. Why, even the bottle was broken! The perfume did nothing more than make Jesus smell nice for a day. A dab would have been enough. Surely the costly perfume could have been used for the kingdom in a more economic way. It was worth a year’s wages! What a waste! A waste of an ENTIRE year of labor! We have a natural tendency to assume that we're worth more than merely being 'wasted' on Jesus. Why, we could be something useful for Him, by doing something productive with our time, gifts, talents, and efforts. However when we are eager to BE something for Jesus, we focus on ourselves. We are like the perfume - still sealed up in the bottle, yet unbroken. When we lose ourselves, what we do, or what we did, we are like the perfume spilled out, irretrievable, no longer useful. It feels like a dreadful loss. We resist this as much as we resist death - because really, it is a death process. It is dying! It is losing ourselves! Forever!When we sense ourselves being poured out and “wasted” we react by mustering up all our energy in an effort to hang on – to prove to others that our efforts were NOT a waste. We justify ourselves. We may even dull the pain of loss by imagining ourselves being successful. We want to convince ourselves, if no one else, that we are indeed someone significant, and our efforts are worthy. We cannot bear the thought of being “wasted”. Only after we stop striving to BE something useful, we discover that we were never called to BE, but to BELONG! It is so simple! That is what we are anointed for - to belong to Christ. He becomes our center, not us. We receive new life - Christ’s life in us. And his life flowing through us is immensely productive - from His point of view, though not necessarily ours.At various points in our spiritual journey, we are tested with the challenging question: Are we willing to watch our “year’s wages” go up in smoke – never to be seen again? Only when we have truly let go, only when we no longer grieve our loss, then we will be at rest – content merely being like a broken bottle of “wasted” perfume. Dianemore later....

Sister D you wrote ...- It seemed wasteful to pour an entire bottle of expensive perfume on Jesus' head. - None of the perfume could ever be retrieved. Why, even the bottle was broken! - The perfume did nothing more than make Jesus smell nice for a day. A dab would have been enough. - Surely the costly perfume could have been used for the kingdom in a more economic way. It was worth a year’s wages! What a waste! A waste of an ENTIRE year of labor!i've pondered these statements and while they are true i just can't seem to tie them to my experience ... Whatever i've done in my past season whether it proves of unction by our Lord, or myself, i don't concider a waste either way, especially in light of my even newer found rest in Rom. 8:28 ... All that has transpired in my saved life thus far must have been necessary for me to get to, or as i like to think of His getting me here to this place of rest ... Perhaps (ughhh that word again) at the onset of my being saved i wasn't capable of intering into His perfect rest then ... Lets say perhaps i thought myself so unworthy of just plain grace i unconsciously thought i had to do something for our Lord - something great in the way of works! ... If that was the case then still i have to put my actions on Him (for if it wasn't Him then i'm a lot more capable than i realized), as i did initially pray fervently to be used of Him, and i did seek the gift of prophecy (even tho i wasn't sure then what it was) because Paul said we should because it was of benefit to His Church ... Perhaps our Lord took advantage of what may have been my early misconception to His use, and my future growth, by putting me to work until He could bring me to the point i am now ... Or perhaps, as i've come to believe, He placed in me a pre-disposition that once i recognized Him for who He is i went all out (in my first love passion/zeal) to break all that i possesed of His gifts, talents, etc. that He'd given me from before the setting of the foundation of this world to break upon Him at the point of His bringing me in ... Others may concider my past efforts futile, or wasteful in light of not seemingly have served any good purpose, but i honestly don't ... i think that a great many of the folk Holy Spirit directs to SI are extremist in the sense that placing a little dab of themselves on Jesus just ain't enough ... It's breaking ALL of oneself on Him, or none at all, either hot or cold, no lukewarmness ... As i also think that the reason a lot of SI'ers find it so difficult in organized religion/denominations is because the status-quo is so comfortable in luke-warmness ... We long for "hot" collective fellowship, worship, praise and prayer to our Lord in the action of Holy Spirit breaking us over our Lord's head! ... That's why so many of us are so Revival oriented ... But alas such a seeming extreme to much of the Body today echoes the same sentiments of the disciple back then, instead of a recognition of our opportunity to being broken over our risen Lord as an annointing to His second coming ...Matt.26[6] Now when Jesus was in Bethany, in the house of Simon the leper,[7] There came unto him a woman having an alabaster box of very precious ointment, and poured it on his head, as he sat at meat.[8] But when his disciples saw it, they had indignation, saying, To what purpose is this waste?[9] For this ointment might have been sold for much, and given to the poor.[10] When Jesus understood it, he said unto them, Why trouble ye the woman? for she hath wrought a good work upon me.[11] For ye have the poor always with you; but me ye have not always.[12] For in that she hath poured this ointment on my body, she did it for my burial.[13] Verily I say unto you, Wheresoever this gospel shall be preached in the whole world, there shall also this, that this woman hath done, be told for a memorial of her.i have to admit that in my youth there was a glimmer of "self" attached to my seeking, and it was that of wanting some recognition ... But i was soon to be made very aware that the type of message, and experiences i would carry/have got me a kind of recognition i hadn't bargained for, but the more i then tried to run away from it the more it seems our Lord sought me ... It was not a fun time ... Now this is the part of your post that i can identify with ...Sis D you continued;- We justify ourselves. - We may even dull the pain of loss by imagining ourselves being successful. - We want to convince ourselves, if no one else, that we are indeed someone significant, and our efforts are worthy. Been there, done this ... These are some of the things that eventually cropped up after so much rejection, and what our Lord has had to free me from in order to come into His rest ...But this one i still have trouble applying to myself ...- We cannot bear the thought of being “wasted”.Even if my past actions prove to be of myself i know that all i did i did out of faith, and toward His glory and the good of His Church ... Rom. 8:28, after John 3:16, is a most favorite scripture for me ... i know that nothing is of "waste" or "wasted" in the life of "the called" ...Sis D you continued;"Only after we stop striving to BE something useful, we discover that we were never called to BE, but to BELONG! It is so simple!That is what we are anointed for - to belong to Christ. He becomes our center, not us. We receive new life - Christ’s life in us. And his life flowing through us is immensely productive - from His point of view, though not necessarily ours."Amen ... i can say that i understand this now ... But you say "it's so simple" ... Was it always so simple to you, or did our Lord have to bring you to this simplicity thru much complexity? Sis D you ended;At various points in our spiritual journey, we are tested with the challenging question: Are we willing to watch our “year’s wages” go up in smoke – never to be seen again? Only when we have truly let go, only when we no longer grieve our loss, then we will be at rest – content merely being like a broken bottle of “wasted” perfume.In terms of what i believe i've heard our Lord say He had in store for my life i can truly say that "now" if none of it comes to pass i'm ok with it ... What's important is where i am now, where He has me now, and that's in His rest, which truly is the most comfortable place i've been in Him thus far! ... My new years motto is "Lord, Your will be done" ... Whatever He wants, does,does not do, is fine with me ... It's like finally this huge recognition has dawned on me that He's in complete control, and all things transpire by His timing ... i trust God!Blessings in our Lord Jesus!PS - Sister D i have a question ... Your web-site is amazing, and i believe by the unction of Holy Spirt ... But would you call your site your own "creative offering" or an unction by Holy Spirit (thru you) to the uplifting of other saints?

Sister D i have a question ... Your web-site is amazing, and i believe by the unction of Holy Spirt ... But would you call your site your own "creative offering" or an unction by Holy Spirit (thru you) to the uplifting of other saints? My site is my “thought processor” as well as my creative expression. Many of the articles arose from personal bible studies. Many were aided by divine revelation – like dreams/visions/ experiences/ discussion etc. And I would say that God helped me along by putting certain ideas or scriptures into my mind, helping me “stumble” across the ideal reading etc. However, God did not do the work – as should be obvious. I don’t want to give God the “credit” for all the mistakes, bad sentence structure, weak thought line, and possible doctrinal errors. I am in training. Only a few years ago, while I was going through my anger-at-the-church stage, my writings would get quite tainted by my feelings. I hope most of that has been cleaned out by now. Some might look at my site these days, but I suspect not many. That’s okay. It leaves me time to fix up articles. If God wants to send anyone, that’s up to him. My earlier writings need a lot of redoing. Just a few years ago I couldn’t write a coherent sentence. Perhaps because of my long illness, I seemed to be left with a weakness in the area of speaking and writing, even worse than my high school days. Actually earlier today I was kicking myself for being so bold as to submit to you a link to an ebook that needs editing. I was thinking of skipping supper so that I could fix it before you got there.... Ha ha... oh well. Amazingly, guess what I do now more than anything? I even write for the local paper and get a lot of warm fuzzies. So as you see, God is helping me along. But his more important work seems to be in my mind, not on paper. Yikes! It’s going to take me a while to respond with all my thoughts to your thoughts…. More later…. Diane

The Lord's rest is not to be in a situation where all our circomstances are at peace. 2 corinthinians makes this abundantly clear.The Lord's rest is the inward rest we have in Him. He is at rest, His work is finnished, He is ascended and is imparting Himself as rest in those who abide in Him.We enter into His rest by entering into the Holy of Holies. That is, to be in our spirit, which is His dwelling Place and experinecing Him as our rest.This rest exists in the midst of our tumultious circomstances. It is not the alievation of problems, of hard circomstances, of difficulties, of persecutions, or anything outward. His rest is experienced when we abide in Him. We experience by the rich supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, rest in our environment, peace amist unrest, joy amidst sorrow, and patience in tumult.The reality of Christ is experienced when we abide in Him, lay hold of Him, and press forward into the Holy of Holies living in His Presence in our regenerated spirit.Graftedbranch