Prayer or counseling?

S

Spitfire May 1, 2006

Hello Friends. I haven't spent much time here at SI in a long time. I really haven't been in church in about 20 months although I have been at times, I am not involved in any church. I have continued my own prayer and Bible study, as well as listening to downloaded sermons. I'm writing because I need prayer. While I feel that I have come to a knowledge of the Truth that has radically changed my thinking, it has left me discouraged. I'm struggling to make it through each day, and often feel like life is so futile. I've searched my own heart for the reason behind this, and I'm not sure what is wrong with my thinking. I suppose I think that there are so few people who really know God, that I just feel so alone. I hardly respect anyone's opinion, just because I know how frail we all are. I only want to know what God thinks, and everyone's opinions on that vary so much.I've become quite desperate for a breakthough within myself. I don't know what to do except to ask that, perhaps someone else who might care will help me pray for myself.My prayers have been reduced to, "Oh God, help me!" and "Oh God, what is wrong with me?" I really do want to see whatever it is God wants me to see. I'm just feeling like I can't live a lifetime feeling like this. Thanks, Dian.

sermonindex May 1, 2006

Dian!! Im so glad to 'see' you here but not in these curcumstances. I know this might not help at the present time but i have i say i do know what you are going through, i went through the very same a few months back. The only thing that kept me going was reading God's word each morning as i woke up although at the time i couldn't see it. Sister i will send you via e-mail what i went through in the hope it will help and most certainly will be praying for you. Remember although you 'feel' alone you know your not. Jesus is always there as you know and you do have brothers and sisters around you the world over. Because were hundreds, thousands even of miles away doesn't mean were not there. :-) Keep praying, i know in these times it can feel a very laborous thing to do but push through and you will come through the other side changed. Hang in there sister, am praying.In His Love , Geraldine

sermonindex May 1, 2006

Dian, The following is taken from the evidence bible and is written by Ray Comfrot. I strongly recommend reading this as it answered so much of what i was going through. Although your experience may not be the same i believe there is much here that will help.Click on the following link and it will take you straight to the letter he wrote. Grab a hot drink (or cold :-) ) sit back and prayerfully read:Closing words of ComfortYour sister in Christ, Geraldine

sermonindex May 1, 2006

Dear Dian,You don't need to answer this question publicly, but, it comes to my heart to mention.... Apart from the Bible reading, study and prayer, do you have a good chance each day to pray aloud, to sing to the Lord and to get lost in worship...? I don't mean with a music cd, I mean just you and Him, with no holds barred?An associated question would be whether you get on your knees to pray, or prostrate, ... or any other 'position' which is not sitting down, where you are truly able to connect with God in a fresh and unselfconscious way?Lastly, I find it helpful to think of this kind of time as a 'winter', when one puts out new 'root fibres' in search of 'water', which, when winter is over, will prove to have been a strengthening exercise by the more abundant fruit and a greater ability to withstand the strain of fruit-bearing... as well as all kinds of spiritual 'weather', with less toll on the whole tree. I know you have asked the Lord what is wrong with you, and asked Him for help. Subtley close, but different, here is one last question.... Have you told Him how you are feeling?

D

dohzman May 2, 2006

Dear sis, You need to be apart of a local fellowship. Scripturally there is a cleansing effect there that you can't get unless you're among God's people, physically, (Now i'm not going to expound on special circumstances where that is impossible and God makes other provisions). When we look to closely at each others lives we often see so much flesh and carnality, I generally just go to the mirror and look and leave and weep. But it's when we look up that we have hope and than "love will cover a multitude of sins" and our very lives can change the spiritual climate around us and among our brothers and sisters. In relationships we do need discernment and wisdom, so even among an assembly of saints there will be times when we just don't "feel" as if we fit in, but our marching orders come from the very principles of God's word. Use his grace to do that word and you'll have the modern equalivient to taking up your cross and following Jesus.As to your present state of mind-spiritual experience--?? You'll be alright, just look up, tell Jesus how much you love Him, rember "He ever lives to make intercession for you" and Love (Jesus) never fails. You're name is carved on the palm of His hand. God bless

T

Tears_of_joy May 2, 2006

Dear sister,I don't know why, but what you are saying touched me very much. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Oh, I believe that God will come in your life in such way, you will just praising His holy name with deep joy in your heart. As I was reading your words it came to me three verses that I want to share with you:"Come, and let us return unto the LORD: for he hath torn, and he will heal us; he hath smitten, and he will bind us up.After two days will he revive us: in the third day he will raise us up, and we shall live in his sight.Then shall we know, if we follow on to know the LORD: his going forth is prepared as the morning; and he shall come unto us as the rain, as the latter and former rain unto the earth."Hosea 6:1-3Take to heart the words of dohzman, it is very very important to find some good local fellowship, God can lead you to such, He is faithful, He will show you where His children are gathering, I believe in that. Be blessed sister, He is coming, Lord Jesus is coming to your life!Though it tarries, wait for it . . . —Habakkuk 2:3Kire

C

crsschk May 2, 2006

Hi Dian,Rather than sharing in the similarities or anything else by way of 'help' ...I don't know what to do except to ask that, perhaps someone else who might care will help me pray for myself.You have that with assurance.I've searched my own heart for the reason behind this, and I'm not sure what is wrong with my thinking.It may be nothing wrong with your thinking at all and the reason hidden for a reason, to just trust Him. I know that is impossible on one level ... maybe it is advice after all... How many situations are we either put in, fall into or are outside of our control?How many times has the Lord ever let you down?Faith is the most incredibly impossible thing in the world if we are really honest about it. For all the times of hearing "You just gotta have faith" more often than not it sounds trite and half-hearted, but faith that is and has been tried ...Hard to say it but this is the best possible thing that could happen to any of us, the Lord knows precisely what He is doing and allowing.I really do want to see whatever it is God wants me to see.You will, in time. I'm just feeling like I can't live a lifetime feeling like this.You won't.Go to the Psalms sister, you will find comfort in your affliction right alongside David.

S

Spitfire May 2, 2006

Oh! I love you guys so much! Dohzman, I am going to attend a women's Bible study this evening at a local fellowship. Thank you all so much. What great words of comfort from you all! I'll write more later. Love you guys. Dian.

S

Spitfire May 3, 2006

The Bible study was miserable, like someone scraping their fingernails on a blackboard. It was so, I don't know! I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't really like hardly anyone anymore. Everyone seems so willing to just be religious. I can't stand religion anymore. It's torturous to me to go to church. I know that feeling this way is not right. I repent for not having compassion and love for others, but I don't know how to make myself feel differently. I don't think I've ever really liked alot of people. I'm always skeptical and watching and judging others. I just really think most folks are not being honest with themselves. They smile and say how much they love Jesus, but they are obese, or taking drugs for "anxiety" or depression, or spending all their time spending their money on themselves, or reading romance novels and watching soap operas, or Nascar, or hunting and fishing shows, and never thinking about eternity. I don't get it. I think I'm messed up. I don't know what to do now. I feel so alone and I guess I'm telling you guys because you are kind of nameless and faceless. Not that I wouldn't tell someone that I actually know, but I've already done that. I'm really troubled by the state of the world and especially the state of the church. I'm so disturbed by it, I feel hopeless. The more I think about it, the more I don't know what to do. I'm to the point, I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. How has this happened to me? I'm scared. Each time I make an effort to look at things differently (like go to the Bible Study), I come away almost worse. I feel like I'm on the spiritual moon. There's nothing and no one here. It's just me in this awful place. I'm scared of myself. How did someone who was sincerely seeking God become someone who doesn't like hardly anyone? Where's the love, the compassion? I'm empty. I have nothing to give. And I don't know where to go from here. Dian.

sermonindex May 3, 2006

Hey Dian,
I really can relate to what your saying. In fact i really do believe that God is perhaps preparing you. You look around you and just see a sea of faces caught up in comfortable christianty but God it seems is calling you to something deeper, he see's your heart!
When i read your post i saw myself as i was a few months back. So i have pulled out my diary where i recorded my thoughts at that time and will post some of them here in the hope that it will help.
As i went through this time i read through the life of David when he fled Saul in 1 Samuel and the Psalms he wrote relating to those times. There is nothing 'wrong' with you, As you seek God He will bring you through this.

sermonindex May 3, 2006

Just gone through my journal and found this poem that may bless you.

~~[u]~~~~[b]~~The Secret[/b][/u]

I met God in the morning
When my day was at it's best,
And His presence came like sunrise,
Like a glory at my breast.

All day long the presense lingered,
All day long He stayed with me,
And we sailed in perfect calmness,
O'er a very troubled sea.

So i think i know the secret,
Learned from many a troubled way,
You must seek Him in the morning,
If you want Him through the day.
Anon

I

InTheLight May 3, 2006

I can't stand religion anymore
I think I'm messed up
I feel so alone
I'm really troubled
I'm so disturbed by it, I feel hopeless
I don't want to get out of bed in the morning
I'm scared
Each time I make an effort to look at things differently
I'm empty. I have nothing to give.
I don't know!

Awful lot of "I's" in there sister. Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face...

Praying...

In Christ,

Ron

T

Tears_of_joy May 3, 2006

O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s a light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!

~~[i]~~Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.[/i]

Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
Over us sin no more hath dominion—
For more than conquerors we are!

His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
Believe Him, and all will be well:
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!

S

Spitfire May 4, 2006

Awful lot of "I's" in there sister. Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face...

Ron, I had some eye opening insigt this morning, a revelation you might say. I saw how the enemy had led me into sin in getting me to believe that God wasn't being fair. I saw how I had entered, once again, into selfishness and doubt and unbelief. I just want to say to all of you, thank you for your prayers. I'm sure that is what allowed the grace for me to see what was wrong.I spent some time in repentance this morning and I feel much lighter both physically as well as, there seems to be a literal light enabling me to see much more clearly.

Intercession is such an amazing thing! Thank you all for praying.

Just want to share this from what I "saw" concerning my own sinful heart this morning:
I saw how God had given me the grace for a season to seek him earnestly, and I had the faith to go with it. I was getting up very early in the morning and it really wasn't difficult because I had a grace that was enabling me to do it. I know that it was God, in answer to my heart cries, who gave me that grace. But...he tarried. And Satan suggested to me that God wasn't being fair. He did his usual thing of suggesting that I doubt the character of God and somehow, I fell for it. This all started when Art Katz was unable to keep his Tennessee engagement back in January. That seed of doubt and bitterness that God cast me off, has been at work all this time. I knew I mustn't let that cancelled engagement mess me up, but it has in spite of all that I knew. God gave me grace to see my sin this morning.

I began to see how I've wanted God to release me from my suffering of being alone, of a job I hate. This morning I thought of Jeanne Guyonne, how she suffered in that prison for years and it became the womb where a woman of God was brought forth. I realized that I've demanded that God let me live. All the time I was telling the Lord I wanted to go to the cemetary, and please, give me grace, to go all the way, and then, when the things that kill me begin to do their work, I got mad. Oh! Oh! Oh! Thank God! This morning I see! Thank you all so much for praying! Love, Dian.

I

InTheLight May 4, 2006

Praise God dear sister! What a wonderful testimony to the power of united prayer.

We really need to be in constant prayer for one another. God is moving mightily among His people, filling us with vision and purpose and Satan isn't happy about it, he is vicously attacking the minds of believers. Pray, brothers and sisters, for one another.

In Christ,

Ron

sermonindex May 4, 2006

Dear Dian,

THANK YOU for sharing this testimony with us, and for being open enough to share the details of your deliverance in the full blaze of light by which you now understand what was going on.

I think at least part of it, was due to your coming here to share - that exposure helped to break the cycle of how you were thinking, as much (if not more) than being prayed for (imo).

But, ~~[i]~~of course[/i] we prayed, too. :-) Praise the Lord!

B

boomatt May 4, 2006

God Bless you Dian

I will keep on praying for you.

sermonindex May 4, 2006

Awesome Dian! Glory to God!

Jordan