I feel the need to say something on this matter, and please do not let the length of this thread put you off.
I feel terrible at this present moment. There is a fire in my heart, a fire for the lost, which I cannot quench. I have prayed and prayed and prayed for a vision of hell and eternity, knowing that I need to be woken up from this selfish slumber which I am presently in.
I have something in me that cries out to save the lost, however I have shed no tears. I feel there is something inside of me waiting to break out, waiting to scream and cry and weep for my own sin, and then weep for the countless souls that are pouring into hell daily.
As mentioned above, I have prayed so much, however I feel physically and spiritually sick because it is stuck inside of me, burning away at my very soul, although unable to come out. I am at an end and have no knowledge of what to do next.
I feel there is an anguish inside of me, although I cannot communicate it. There is something in my soul that I believe is from God, although I know not what to do.
To many, this thread may seem pointless, although I would ask for your prayer. I ask this because my flesh has gotten so selfish and dirty that the real fire, the real passion in my soul cannot get out. I have prayed for something to happen, something to break free, although as yet there is no answer.
I think of the lost souls going to hell and burning in an everlasting fire, covered in darkness, pain and torment. I cannot seem to let it out.
Is this anguish? I listened to a sermon by David Wilkerson on this subject, but he spoke a lot on the outward communication of anguish and as yet I have none.
I am at a ends and just ask for your help in knowing what to do and where to turn. I have tried filling my day with Bible reading, prayer and discussion, although I still feel that I lack something.
There is a time for weeping and a time for laughter. I feel I am in a deep pit with no way out. Countless souls are literally pouring into hell every single day and I cannot shed a tear. I fail to witness to people I brush shoulders with daily.
Sorry that I take a long route to my questions: what is happening to me? Why do I feel this way? And most of all, what can I do about it? Suddenly my prayer life has drooped; I was in intercession with God not long ago, but since this feeling has emerged, my praying has gone stale. Has God deserted me? Have I deserted God? Is this anguish from the Lord? Or is Satan driving me to feel this way?
I can't really put this into words, but please help me!