Hey brother,
If I can speak from my heart I would like to share something with you. As i heard Tozer say in one of his messages I think "Youre trying too hard". Just like salvation weve made repentance so complcated that people can't even make a simple decision. It's kind of like this.
This is what the devil will tell you. (You're not sorry enough for your sins. You've got to bow lower. You've got to pray harder. You're not shedding enough tears. You've got to scream lowder. You don't mean that with youre WHOLE heart! That's not TRUE repentance!
Weve made it soooo hard that people can't make a simple decision to repent and follow Christ.
It's not all peaches and cream. Theres times when were in the valley. You can't grow when youre on the mountain.
There is a line between true Holy Spirit driven zeal, and fanatacism. I know all about both of them because I've been on both ends. you can also work yourself up into and emotional state to mimic the power of the Holy Spirit and this takes a decisive heart to pick up on it.
Satan is very deceptive so watch out. Be sober be vigilant!
J-bird
Be careful and ask the lord to open youre eyes to understanding and ask him to give you wisdom, and He will.