Sometimes i have so many thoughts and feelings its hard to sort them all, its hard to express in words, sometimes it all seems so hard.... the christian life....following christ, no one said it would be easy, it dosent say so in the bible. I see the opposite... its going to be hard and rough... and i see the deemand christ have.... to be holy.... totaly separated from the world, pick up a cross and follow him into death to self...every day, deniy myself everyday.... my will, my plans , my feelings, my mind and thoughts, love everyone.... even my enemies.... those who insult me...they who laugh at me, they who say im crasy....
i try to live in the sermon on the mount.... it burns me out, it really does.... but i do belive its better to burn out for Jesus fast whit a bright big light then one that hardly shine for 30 years....
all thease things i read in the word.... the high standard god has for his people.... this isent a game a improved life...its a supernatural life....but still there is so many struggles, i feel ive just gotten thru this big thing....ive made it thru this great struggle only to find there is a whole new mountain to claim.... i look at it i get discouraged....
how can i do this?
its impossible!
i cant do this....
then i remember....it isent me...its him in me....
so i countinue, i take one step, praying, reading his word, fasting, go to meetings, meet christians, witnessing, love all, more prayer, more reading, more loving, more jesus , more jesus.
But i just hate it when i fall.... when it all comes craching down, when i fail in some sense...i do something wrong..a wrong turn here....or a wrong turn there... i feel so low, i feel like a failiure.... i know my savior restores me and loves me... but still i want to live a life that satisfies him... that he will say well done!!
i want victory now!!! some say we cant get the full victory here on earth... but i dont want to live in this constant falling...whit falling i dont mean some big great sin...i meen the small things... like in geting irritated on my wife...in thinking irritational thoughts against co workers or fellow human beings... or other things...i hate it !!! i hate it!!!
i repent of this i ask forgivness, i turn around i hate it. i pray about it, i will be free sometimes one day...one week...one month... but in the end im back...
i hate it !!!! i dont want it!!! i pray god will help me thru this... and i know his faithful, and i have bad patience...but still...this thing just breaks me, the word says we should feel peace all the time...i dont...i dont rest in him always...i want to....but i so often just wander of on my own...leving him behind...
a man who had been a christian for 30 years said...its not a long time.... i understand that we are never finiched in our walk of following him...
He is god the son, perfect in everything...im opposite... currupt in everything... how i long for heven... no more wickedness...no more this sinful earth, ohh i hate it, i hate being this eveil thing who just cant stopp being evil...
i know im born again... Ã know im a child of god.... i know what he has done for me...he so freed me from so many things...i truly was a slave to sin... ive done every sin there is, and he set me free...i was dead..now im alive.... i can see clearly now... i know what life is about... it isent about me its about glorifiyng him!!
i just need this filling of the spirit..i need the cross fully i need to die... i feel like im crusified on the cross but one arm is free still...still out there trying to grab some sin...is it possible? to be free from all sin? as i belive and understand gods word..it is.... we can live a life whitout sin mastering us? i meen the small things ... is it possible to be entierly set free this side of eternity?... i do like peoples thelogical opinions about this..but even more i would like your living testiony, are you free? dont you get irritated? dont you think bad thoughts about people sometimes? dont you get selfish sometimes..?? dont you get materialistic sometimes?
this is just my thoughts, id love some testimonys of your struggles and how jesus faithful as he is helped you thru... how you died...how you got filled...i know i have my own walk in him...but its encuraging to listen to other brothers and sisters...
gods peace to you
christian
