Is Marriage God's method for sanctification?

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contrite Sep 28, 2006

Is there anyone in this community who is in a marriage that they feel is the means of bringing about their sanctification? I recall hearing a sermon by Keith Daniel and he spoke of various thorns in the flesh, and one of those can be a spouse, who even though a believer can be a source of unutterable grief. I love my wife very much, but for whatever reason, she won't allow us to live in peace. For a season, we can be the happiest couple in the world...our married children think we have a glorious marriage, but in the privacy of our home, there's a cyclical thing that has gone on for years...seemingly out of nowhere, my wife will go into a depression or get some sense about something in me that isn't given over entirely to God ... and this is the beginning of sorrows. The whole thing is so scripted, but everytime it happens it is so painful, actually to both of us. I try not to engage, because I always feel like I'm in a no win situation. When I speak I'm in trouble and if I'm silent I'm in trouble. I've prayed and prayed and prayed, we've seen cousnelors and have done the gamut but NOTHING changes. Is this God's method to sanctify me, or is it demonic just to rob us of peace and joy, or can it just be hormonal and my wife should be medicated? I don't know what to make of it, but I am a desperate man and would love to know if there is any other man out there on Sermon Index who has experienced anything like this in his marriage? We're getting older, and before we go to our graves, I would love to see redemption and deliverance. Any help out there???
Desperate,
Contrite

C

contrite Sep 28, 2006

I should add, that I'm very aware of God's Word that admonishes me to love my wife as Christ loved the church, so I wrestle with this and the conviction that I need to lay down ALL my rights, and my perceptions of what is right and be willing to die to them in order to love my wife according to God's Word...and if I do share another perspective with her when we're in the throes of this cycle, she will remind me that this is not how Christ loved the church. I've heard Paul Washer and others who absoutely believe that as men we must DIE completely to ourselves...and I can't argue that point...but why is it so hard???

Please brothers and sisters, pray for me. I want to do God's Will and align my life with teh Word, but this is a test and trial that has brought me to the end of myself...and I guess that is a good place to be.

E

enid Sep 28, 2006

Contrite,

I noticed that this is your first post, so welcome to the forum. You will find much help here, and godly sermons and articles, as you have no doubt found out.

As to your situation, you asked for men to reply. I don't fit that catergory, but what you are going through is a concern to me and will be to many who read this.

You have grown up children, so you must have been married many years. That's good news! It might not sound like it, but it shows a fighting spirit.

All I can say is keep praying. Seek God's word and guidance. If God cannot help, no one can.

He will send the right people to help, if necessary.

God will help. God bless.

G

ginnyrose Sep 28, 2006

Contrite,

I am not a man so in a sense I do not qualify to answer your question, but will give my two cents anyways!

You sound just like my dad and mom: exactly in every way except you say your children think you have a good marriage...in our case we all know it is not good ALL the time!

In our case we have tried everything: went to the preachers, they have confronted her and she ACTS so sorry, so repentant and may make apologies only to relapse later. And be just as bad as ever. We have confronted her but it does no good. And we have prayed and prayed.

In our case there is a generational sin of anger that has not been dealt with. And how do you deal with an angry person who is very religious? I suggested she be put out of the church but for some reason the leaders are reluctant to do that...she is so religious.

Ok, sir there you have it...sound about like your situation? Yup, I have seen my dad cry about his situation when I was a child and God bless HIm! I suspect it is because of his faithfullness that we children even want to serve the LORD!!! Because it certainly is not because of mom.

Ok, I have bared my soul...the info I have shared is no secret in our community in case you may think I am being disrespectful..I still consider my upbringing good because I was given opportunities to know the LORD and they did try to do what they thought was the best. I would not exchange my upbring for one who had things nicer but had no Bible teaching.

ginnyrose

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hmmhmm Sep 28, 2006

well i can say what the bible says before my opinion

1Pe 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Col 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

you listend to keith daniel...he has several sermons on that topic i recomend you listen to them all, i myself have had some problems in this area... one thing just come to mind... youre saying you have grown kids.. so maybe i assume to much but since my wife had several kids in quite fast pace she also suffered from depression and stress and very short temper, and as i as a man understood that was that the woman body changes often its hormon level... it does so once a month... and it goes thru a major change if shes pregnant or in hmm i dont know that word in englisch but all women go thru it when they get a litter more mature... and their hormon level change and this can be a very big change for some..and minor for some...

i recomend prayor prayor prayor... when she gets angry dont fight back... go pray...talk lovingly or just be quiet... but over all pray to god and be patient...

i will pray for you
christian

C

contrite Sep 28, 2006

Thanks for your words of encouragement and admonition. I also would like to say that I didn't mean to limit any responses to just men. I appreciate the sisters who can idenfity with my wife's psyche and for any light you are shedding.

I so appreciate the SI community...you truly are wonderfully caring and compassionate fellow believers. I'm so glad that I found SI!

Contrite

sermonindex Sep 28, 2006

Is Marriage God's method for sanctification?

Marriage may drive one more consciously closer to God,

30 ~~[b]~~But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us[/b] wisdom, and righteousness, and ~~[b]~~sanctification[/b], and redemption:

31 That, according as it is written, He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.

The process of being changed from glory to glory, seems to be something different - although we ~~[i]~~call[/i] it 'sanctification'.

Your sanctification doesn't ~~[i]~~depend on[/i] your ~~[u]~~receiving[/u] your wife's assessment of your Christianity, as if ~~[i]~~hers[/i] is the word which settles it all.

This brings me to the point which leapt out of your leading post to me, which I've emboldened below:

seemingly out of nowhere, my wife will go into a depression ~~[b]~~or get some sense about something in me that isn't given over entirely to God[/b]

I'd say ~~[b]~~if[/b] God wants you to change something, HE will make an issue of it with you, Himself.

This applies just as much when you're listening to a sermon, or to any other quarter from which His word comes. ~~[u]~~You[/u] should ~~[i]~~~~[b]~~know[/i][/b] that ~~[u]~~He[/u] has spoken to you.

This is not to say your wife is always wrong, but, I'd say (again), you can't base your life on ~~[i]~~her[/i] word. You have to base it on ~~[b]~~God's[/b] word TO YOU.

Your wife's intermittent depression is significant, I'm sure, but while she is pointing you to look at yourself all the time, it helps to keep the pressure off your looking to see what might be causing the depression ~~[i]~~in her[/i].

Of course there can be hormonal influences, but which comes first - the depression or the hormonal response? This would be a question to consider. Maybe a simple journal would help confirm or rule out a physical cycle.

D

death2self Sep 28, 2006

I've heard Paul Washer and others who absoutely believe that as men we must DIE completely to ourselves...and I can't argue that point...but why is it so hard???

I can't speak for you contrite but speaking for myself I can say is that my flesh doesn't want to die. I then have to honestly take that attitude of heart to Jesus and tell Him.

There are places in my heart that no one other than my wife can touch and oftentimes the Lord will use my wife to deal with things I'm unwilling to deal with.

Have I laid down all of my rights? If I have, then I will not have a defensive spirit even if I'm confronted. I'm walking through a somewhat similar circumstance and will be praying for you.