Deeply troubled.....where do I stand. Please help.

Hi everyone I have been deeply troubled and at unrest with myself for several months yet I know that somethings going on.

4 years ago I was given the understanding of God, I cant say I became a christian because I never repented, I believed but it didnt change most of me, I talked about Jesus and started reading the bible and was deeply passionate, preached in schools fought vehemntly against the evolution garbage that saturated my life before believing and was ferociously angry about the lies I had been told for the last 16 years of my life.

But one day when my step father yelled at me when I said how stupid evolution was he rebuked me and I fell apart in tears and went quite from there.

2 or 3 years passed and I eventually became discontented where I was at and through 2 books that I had read I was lead to a copy of A.W Tozers The pursuit of God. I read the book and was absolutly fascinated with what I read it was like nothing I had ever seen before. I had to have more so I ordered about 15 more of his books and through his books I learned of the writings of Spurgeon, Wesley. Augustine, Murry,Fenelon and many many other authors and I have at this time spent about $4000 dollars on these books most recently picked up the only avaible copy of John Wesleys Hymn book "A collection of hymns for people called Methodists" which cost me $70.00 and I love them. Studing these books has showed me the depth of Christianity death to self and something glorious in Christ.

1 year a ago me and my now wife went into fornication and she became pregnant and we married, we were only married for 3 months and we have now separated, still communicating and spending time together but not living together.

Theres some background now in my heart of hearts I know I am empty that Christ isnt dwelling in me I havnt experienced the forgiveness or sins and peace with God. I dont know what to do pray in my room for 20 hours till things change, have I missed my chance have I missed my call, will I be one that is not able to find repentance, All these messages I hear on here are absolutly the greatest so alive so Spiritual not fleshly, BUT THEY EXPERIENCED GOD, I havnt and desperatly want to, I pray and weep but I havnt been persaverant enough can you pray that I would know him and not be one saying Lord Lord, and have him say I never knew you. Which is a reality few find life many are told to depart.
Thanks
MortifyFlesh

What a muddle!

It is hard to know what to reply to this one, but it is not an impossible situation. The word of God says, with God all things are possible, Matt 19v26.

Jer 32v27 says, 'Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for me?

You mentioned that some years ago, you never repented, have you repented yet?

Have you repented of everything that has taken place between you and your wife?

What church do you attend, if at all?

Repentance is key to God accepting us as His child.

Stop spending so much money on books!

With reading so much it might be hard to grasp everything that is said clearly.

Spend more time in the word of God and don't seek 'experiences'

God is our reward.

James 4v8 says draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.

It does not say you will feel, see or hear anything, but the fact remains that He will draw near.

The Christian life is one of faith, believing God when everything around you makes you seem like you are losing.

I don't want to go on, but do seek godly counsel and advice. If you need to repent, do so.

God bless.

Joh 1:29 The next day John seeth Jesus coming unto him, and saith, Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world.

Learn about Jesus, study Him only. Set your books down for a time and just read the Bible, might I suggest the 4 gospels. Read them through, as one would read a story book. Don't study them through, read them through. There's just something about grace that can't ever be properly explained or written on. I'll pray for you.

I like dohzman's advice. yes, read over the New Testament, commit to it daily, even small chunks if needbe. many churchgoers miss that part of christ, reading Him from the Scriptures with the context of the whole New Testament, not just one verse here and there taken out of context.

then do what God convicts you to do as you read the Scriptures.

if there are things in your house that are ungodly, you should also start destroying them, CDs, movies, music, etc. we keep our house rated G.

that's what I did in starting my christian walk, then God brings more and more deeper as you draw near to Him.

I would also look deeply into Jesus and what He means by Luke 9:23 "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."

and 1 John 2:6 "Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did."

Mortify Flesh
I will agree with the replies that you have received. It's nice to have books upon books about the WORD.
Put them aside!
First get a strong foundation in who Christ is. Read the 4 gospels,don't skim read. Work on your foundation,work on having a relationship with Chirst. To have a relationship with Christ and knowing of Christ is two totally different things. Mark 1:24 & Luke 4:34 ...I know thee who thou art, the Holy One of God.
My point is even Satan an unclean spirits know Jesus. They just don't want to have a relationship with him. Work on having a relationship and FALLING IN LOVE WITH JESUS.
May the Lord bless you and your family upon y'alls journey :-)

FALLING IN LOVE WITH JESUS

Yes, here is where you will find His treasure - the treasure beyond all treasures.

This is how He releases us from our depravity and all the tangled messes we have made by being in love with ourselves. We are nothing without Him. He must be the Love of our life because He is our life.

I've been in a very similar situation and would suggest you do a couple of things. There's a wonderful sermon entitled "What It Means to Pray Through" by B.H. Clendennen. Its meaning has been lost in much of the modern church and it's one of my favorite SI sermons. You can download it here: [url=https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=5113]What It Means to Pray Through by B.H. Clendennen[/url]

I would encourage you Russ to take whatever time away from your responsibilities that you can and find a place to pray and seek Jesus. Don't take anything with you but your Bible and whatever clothes you may need.

I've done this several times and Jesus has been faithful to meet me. Sometimes it's simply been time alone in the prayer closet at home and other times it's been somewhere where there was nothing but me and Jesus.

If you seek Jesus with all of your heart, you will most certainly find Him.

I pray that the desperation in your heart for Jesus increases until you're willing to drop everything else and go for Jesus. If you're willing to do this Russ, I'm quite certain that Jesus will meet you. I don't know how long you will have to tarry but He will meet you.

There's nothing wrong with books but I too have gone quite overboard with the book other than the Bible and I pray you set them aside and let the Holy Spirit began to speak to your heart as you read the scriptures.

NO! You have not missed your chance, you have not missed your call. The gifts and callings of God are without repentance,(no take-backs!).
These are all good advice, but I might add to talk to God from your heart in your daily life. Just talk to Him honestly. If you ABIDE in Him He will manifest Himself to you. Amen

I have been going through the same thing!!! We had one of our friends who's sons died!!
I am hoping that god will bring victory, I just want victory of this!!
I want to go 100% for jesus even thou I fail
Dom

Will have to be the dissenting voice here somewhat. The same book's may be just what is helpful to you as you sort through the changes that are taking place.

BUT THEY EXPERIENCED GOD, I havnt and desperatly want to, I pray and weep but I havnt been persaverant enough can you pray that I would know him

Having said all that, it is just as easy to go overboard searching for that elusive something through too many resources all at the same time, some things we are just not quite ready for. That is where getting yourself to a place of quietness in prayer, allowing even your good preconceptions, strivings, all of it to be tested by the Holy Spirit. Neither all that simple nor easy in your particular season but it can be learned brother, give yourself the luxury of patience, you have lost nothing and the answer to where you stand is right in the providence of Him who knows all, sees all and perfectly knows just where it is you are and how He will shape and mold you. Let Him.

By all means do take all the comments here to thought as well. My own recommendation would be John and the Psalms and do read them ever so slowly, contemplatively, praying for the Holy Spirit's guidance and illumination as you go. It may be only a sentence or a paragraph that can hold sway.

Brother in this short tenure this far one thing that constantly amazes me is how surprising the Lord can be. Generally speaking have learned a bit and am still learning that the feelings are both necessary and yet fickle, can't allow them to rule the roost. Faith is something that is developed, endurance will come along with it but the truth I wanted to forward here is;

Joh 3:8 The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.

A couple of days ago it was a spiritual warfare and a great battle, even the Lords slight manifest presence as I am want to couch it seemed completely abated even though I know better and deep down understand that He is always present even when not 'felt'. Today, a lessening of the intensity and a completely different disposition. It's not due to circumstances or just the way I was feeling particularly, just the sovereign surprises of the Lord. But do keep much in prayer, in fact deny yourself not this no matter how unproductive it may seem at the time, there is nothing that will help you to understand and know the Lord than this, nothing.

Keep that anticipation from the Lord, the seemingly contradictory statement is true;

Hab 2:3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.