i need so much help

I used to love serving the lord. I met this girl and i shared christ and she got saved but it always made me feel worthless...not in a bad way but in a way where i saw that it was all god doing the work and i was so proud to be this sinner that didnt deserve grace and now he wants to use me...but now i have fallen away because as years went on ive gotten more confused. Things just dont make sense anymore...i hear people always say they know god talks to them yet i always tricked myself into thinking i knew god talked to be when really it was because i was so desperate to want to hear his voice, then i see people that love god so much and they say god shows them what things mean in the bible yet since they have thier doctrine all wrong, and i see muslims that has so much love and are such great people compared to christians i know that are not that nice and yet i cant understand why they will go to hell...god wants us to all have love and to live a life of peace and ive seen muslims and other religions that want to go to heaven so bad and they love god and maybe they dont believe in jesus but they will know they would of believed if they would of known he was the way because i know theres people that know jesus is the way but they will never repent...and then im having trouble with the fact that everyone says god will answer you and when i have trouble with scripture or something i never get an answer, i always have to ask people so many questions about the bible and such and ive never gotten anything answered from god, and if we have the holy spirit shouldnt we get all the answers because we know the thoughs of god? see theres so many questions that are hurting me and my life is becoming a mess because i want to come back to christ but my life keeps questioning. if we have the holy spirit then why do we have divisions in churches. why cant we all believe the same doctrine? shouldnt the holy spirit make things clear? see theres so much and im so lost now. god always talked to people in the bible straight to them and he wont do it to me, yet ive heard pastors say he has for them...many miracles were performed in the bible yet we never see any. we dont see blind people seeing and if we do its rare and only very few people hear about it, i never hear of crippled walking or of anything that the new testament had of things. god talked to saul? i think that was his name and told saul "why do u persecute me" and saw believed and i need god to talk to me like that but he wont...i know ive gone on with so many questions but i dont know where else to turn. My pastor saw me all messed up and he wasnt too nice..he said that i shouldnt give the devil a footstool and i need to come back or its going to be too late...i need someone to show me lots of love and really help me get questions answered because god wont make things clear and im not mad at him or blaming him but thats another question...why wont god talk to me directly? i need help...plz someone understand that theres lots of pain in my life because i know theres no reason to live if its not living for the lord. the number 2 thing thats really killing me is how people will go to hell...i know that on judgement day many religions who if god would of made clear to them that jesus was the way and was god then many religions would of turned to it. they love god and they would of course do that... i know that people who even if jesus plainly showed it would still not care should go to hell but why people who would and they have everything that jesus said... allthey are missing is believing jesus is god and they would believe if only god who they love would make it plain...look my pastor said that you cant stop drinking on your own or stop sin to be exact on your own. yet ive heard of muslims who have said they pray to ala and they stop porn or alcohol with his help...how? if only christians were able to do this then it would make so much sense to hell anyone that jesus is the way to stop walk away from sin but any religion can say they have turned from sin with the help of whatever god they have...see? maybe i should private chat with someone about my questions i have too many but i hope you see how messed up i am

You speak like someone desperate for revival. It doesn't matter what those around us are doing, Jesus Christ is Who really matters. Forget about the world, and focus only on Him. The Pharisees lived outwardly perfect lives, but on the inside they were rotten. Just because someone is clean on the outside, doesn't mean their heart is right. Romans 1 says that everyone has been given a knowledge of God, but through their own corrupt minds they've turned Him into something that He's not. If all the Church were to turn away from Christ, that doesn't give us an excuse from following Him. Keep seeking Him. He said "If you seek Me, you will find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart." Believe His promise. Don't seek Him for your own gain, but for His glory.

God bless you. Never give up. Keep after Him.

Dear luckyd,

I can understand the questions you are asking brother. I've grappled with many questions myself.

I was watching a documentary last night called [i]The Cross: Jesus in China[/i] and one of the brothers being interviewed expressed how he had went through such a dark time spiritually; I think this was while he was in prison. He related how he was seeking God for answers to a question or questions and the answer he got back was that he would not get an answer. That is pretty rough to us, but...

As I recall it, he said that after he had accepted this the darkness lifted.

One of the things that stood out to me in the episode that I watched last night was how for these Chinese believers, it was the love of God in the Cross that made all the bitter things they endured, sweet. They had found the path of the cross themselves, and found it to be rough and painfull but that at the same time it was also gentle and sweet. And they had found that God had prepared this way for them. And it was for their good.

Please hang in there and my mailbox is open to you,

Chris

god always talked to people in the bible straight to them and he wont do it to me, yet ive heard pastors say he has for them...

You think too much luckyd ... And praise God for it! Will qualify that a bit though ... There is a great deal of letting go in this walk, it turns into faith and trust. Not having all the answers, knowing "I do not know" is a great liberty to ones conscience.

I know well of what you speak, have been precisely where you have been, the unending questions, the longing to [i]hear[/i] the Lord [i]speaking[/i]. An quote mentioned by E.M. Bounds, I believe it was of Foster, mentioned an 'intimation' of 'hearing' the Lord speak. It is not 'audible' in the human understanding of the word, it far surpasses it ... It is knowing past your understanding, a settled, peaceful (generally, conviction can be both painful and later peaceful, depending on our response). Remember, God is spirit and we worship Him in spirit and in [i]truth[/i].

What may be very helpful and will take some work is to get your focus off the multitude of questions that are assailing you and purpose to disallow them for a season. Force yourself into a decided distraction when they come. Tell yourself, "I am not going to worry about all these thing's right now", by that I mean those questions of 'hearing' God speaking according to the way you might wish to hear Him. Having a burden for others and for the other things you mentioned, intercession for the lost and the persecuted even, these things can help drive off the self interest that can plague us.

Read the lives of past saints here, challenge your own assumptions. The Lord is speaking brother, and often it is in the quiet, silenced place. It can be cultivated, patience and waiting are great attributes. I know well of what I speak, having little to none of much of these things in the years gone past and still can get caught up in circumstances and agitations ...

Pray brother, search, keep at it.

Psalm 119:145-148

"I cry out with my whole heart; hear me, O Lord! I will keep Your statues, I cry out to You; Save me, and I will keep Your testimonies. I rise before the dawning of the morning, and cry for help; I hope in Your word. My eyes are awake through the night watches, That I may meditate on Your word."

Psam 119:130

"The entrance of Your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple."

This it the testimony given to us in Scripture of one who has found God. This is the only way for you also.

Do you read like this person?

Do you desire to be simple in your understanding and allow the Scriptures to teach you?

Psalm 119:81-83,

"My soul faints fro Your salvation, but I hope in Your word. My eyes fail from searching Your word, Saying, "When will You comfort me?" For I have become like a wineskin in smoke, yet I do not forget Your statutes."

This man also struggled, yet we find that God will answer those who continue on...

Psalm 119:105-109,

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and light to my path. I have sworn and confirmed that I will keep Your righteous judgements, I am afflicted very much; revive me, O Lord, according to Your word. Accept, I pray, the freewill offerings of my mouth, O Lord, and teach me Your judgements. My life is continually in my hand..."

Your life is continually in your hand...if you imitate what this person had done, you will begin to recognize His voice.

The question is are you looking for signs and wonders or Salvation.

In Christ
Jeff

Thank you Rookie for bringing out this marvellous Psalm, Luckyd, delve into this Psalm, ask the Holy Spirit to teach us all of it, this beautiful and solemn Psalm.

Let us fill our minds and our hearts with His Word till there's no room for anything else, yeah, speaking to the Father is great, but hearing from Him through the pages of His Word is blessing of the utmost sort.

praise Him!!

Brother,

You are asking a lot of questions....mind if I ask you a few? are your questions creating a barrier between you and the LORD?

Basically, you want God to speak to you and you feel he has not answered your questions. Are you saying unless he answers you directly you will not serve him? that you will keep you distance until your intellect has good reason to believe? Perhaps the problem is submission to him and his authority...can you submit to him your doubts, knowing you do NOT have to have all the answers to your questions and trust him to reveal the answers to you in his own timing, or if at all?

Brother, life is full of questions...and it gets worse as you age...however, you also learn to defer these questions to the one who is control. You may never learn all the answers but you will know that God is a whole lot bigger then you can ever imagine. So I would suggest you get on your knees and tell God exactly what you told us here in your post and stay there until you feel his peace enter your soul.

Your problem is common..you are not the first one to have experienced it and won't be the last one. I, too, have been there and done that -asked the same questions you are asking and had to do as I suggested.

Brother, let me share a question I had which had been easily resolved. Twelve years ago our only daughter came down with a brain tumor. She was a young mother, and expecting her second child. The prognosis was grim and got grimmer as time went on. Even after three tumors, three anointings of oil, the LORD called her home. leaving behind two small children and a DH who missed her terribly. I cried more for my grandchildren then I did for my own loss. Why did God allow this to happen? He did not directly tell me, but I feel certain her time was up: mission accomplish! Time to go home! Now how do I reconcile her death with those who are healed supernaturally when she was not? God said no and he is not obligated to answer my "why?" Brother, when I live in faith, believing this, I realize I do NOT have to know any of the reasons: I am just glad there is a heaven she could go to and I am now lookimg forward to joining her there someday! Brother, NOW that is a blessing!

Brother, please do as suggested...you will find mercy and grace you could never have imagined. I Promise. Go your way and God bless you.

ginnyrose

I don't know if this will help or not, but it has with me. This is Ray Comfort:

Let me share something very personal. In June 1985, I had just finished preaching in a small country church when a lean-looking man approached me and said, "I wish I was like you." I managed a smile, but held onto the words that came to my mind. 'You don't know what you are saying.' Little did he know that at that moment I was going through sheer terror. I had been praying earlier that day when suddenly it seemed that all hell was let loose in my mind. It was as though God had removed every hedge of protection from me and a thousand spirits of terror invaded my thoughts. I fell upon the floor. I wept. I cried out to God. I exorcised myself, to no avail. There is no way I can describe the experience of the following months other than to say that is was like being held over a black pit of insanity by a spider's web.

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There is more but I think you get the point. I too have gone through some very low points in my faith. I won't go into my personal experience, but I look back and clearly see that God was having me get rid of useless things, and to begin new things in my walk with Him.

I have asked God desperately numerous times to speak to me audibly regardless of how much I am put in fear, changed, shaken, etc, etc, but He is not bound to our will, but yet we are commanded to get in line with His will, regardless of how He operates with us. Whether He speaks to us audibly, or He speaks to us through someone else.

If you are going to be used of God, you will be broken. If you haven't been shaken to your core by God, your not really able to be fully used of God, yet.

Remember this, that after the Holy Spirit descended upon Jesus, He was immediately lead by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by Satan. If you are to be used of God, you are going to be handed over to be tempted by Satan at some point. Notice and remember Jesus' words when first standing up to Satan's temptation, and remember that no matter how up and down our spiritual walk is, how much we fluctuate with our godly activity, Bible reading, witnessing, and prayer, the ONLY thing that does not change is God and His Word:

"Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God."

If you start to count on anything but God (that is Father, Son, and Holy Ghost) and His divine message, you will get messed up.

My prayers are with you, just keep your eyes on Jesus and read His Word. He will speak to you in due time.

This is probably one of my favorite posts.

I think about Jesus in the desert for 40 days. What was he doing? What was he thinking for all that time? The desert is a lonely place but it's the first place where he was led to.