Crsschk (and whoever else is reading this),I struggled with anorexia for over a year. While it may not seem it, it is just as strong of an addiction as cigarettes, I'm sure. I got so thin that the doctors wanted to hospitalize me. I remember crying out to God again and again to set me free... yet knowing that deep down inside I didn't FULLY want to be free - I wanted to be thin. Every power of hell was out to destroy me, this I'm sure. I was on the "praise and worship" team at my church youth group. I was even ministering at various venues at the time... first let me say that worshipping at "the altar of Baal" (my church youth group) did me no good. It wasn't until I left that hellish place (the kids in my youth group were either anorexic, bulimic, many many were cutting themselves with knives, others were stuck in drugs, alchohol and sex... and this was supposed to be one of the largest, best churches of it's denomination in the state) that I finally began to become free. I can't tell you what formula to follow, or how or what I did/didn't do to find freedom ... all I can say is: GOD IS FAITHFUL. Do not give up. Keep "trying" until you finally "cease striving and know." Rest while persevering... but above all: TRUST IN GOD. No matter how long it takes, and no matter how discouraging your struggle, GOD WILL SET YOU FREE. For some, it's a process... and the struggle doesn't go away ... you must "starve" the flesh. God will give the Grace as you begin to move toward Him and away from your addiction.As for the financial difficulties - can totally relate there! At least, my parents can. I was born in the projects of Atlanta, GA (my parents were "missionaries" to the inner city. Running a Christian school and involved in church ministry). There were days that we would wake up and food would suddenly appear in the cupboard. There were times when people, without knowing the need, would drop by with specifics that we needed - right down to name brand underwear for my 2 year old brother (I think he was two...ah well, hope he isn't mad at me for writing that... see, there was this underwear that was really popular with a specific cartoon character or something...hehe...well, it's true!). My mom has seen a loaf of bread last 2 weeks - my point is, God will provide. Even in debt, He WILL provide your needs. You may not get everything you want - you may not even get out of debt right away (if you ARE in dept or something ...) - but in everything, He will provide. Paul knew riches and he knew poverty. He learned contentment."Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7God is so faithful. And He longs for our freedom more than we do! How patient He is with us! This point of desperation you feel, crsschk, is very, very good. It is actually probably a sign of progress. The disciples themselves had to come to this place of sorrow ... finally realizing that "in me, in my flesh dwelleth no good thing." It is only as we recognize this that we will make progress in our walk with Jesus."Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world." 1 Peter 5:8-9 --Maria
