Hi everyone.
Dear Corey, thank you so much for your honesty on openess with us.
I can relate to the things you shared after my own conversion too and especially that zeal for truth and hating falsehood and absorbing so much all the time. The grace of God brought me up from a horrible pit of sin like you brother.
One of the ways this worked out in my own life was that I was much like the proverbial [i]bull in a china shop[/i]. I was like a 500 pound gorilla around people. :-( :-( :-(
Something which I believe God has impressed upon me through all of my terrible blunders and sins since then is that He is not, at least when it comes to us, so much concerned with strength and power; that is, He doesn't have much use for brute force when it comes to His earthen vessels. And well, I suppose I've always found the brute force method much easier in life, at least short term.
Maybe the reason for this is the scripture says that His angels [i]excel in strength[/i]? So then, if God has need of that type of force and work, I suppose that they are much better suited to it that us! And this comes to somehting which I think underlies all the purposes of God in man and it has to do with the only definition of meekness that I have heard that has really stuck with me.
I have heard meekness defined this way, that it is [i]power under control[/i].
I just love that, it really seems right to me when I think of the attributes of God Himself.
How powerfull is He! And yet, He is gentle enough deal with us. He is so powerfull He can fling whole galaxies across the night sky and at the same time speak to us in a still small voice and comfort us with a gentle breeze. What control! What power under control!
Brothers and sisters, isn't this underneath all that God would do with us? Remember how the scripture says
[i] ...God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty[/i]
For...
[i]...the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men.[/i]
[i] For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:[/i]
And remembering what He told that Apostle who was so mighty in deeds and words..
[i][b][color=660033] My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness[/color][/b][/i]
I think brothers and sisters, how often the Lord Jesus could have torn His hearers apart with the sword of His mouth and even in those times when His words were so sharp and cutting, were they not always [i]under control[/i]? I think of one word, [i][b]restraint[/b][/i]; a holy restraint.
It may be that God has put within us a fountain of knowledge, a torrent of zeal, pools of wisdom and revelation in deepest things of God, and yet what if, [i]He should want it to come forth in a trickle[/i]? Is this not our meekness?
Does not God demonstrate His great power by excercising control? What good would His awesome powers and might be, if He could not control them? And is this not His purpose in us, that He should subdue all of our powers and all of our might and bring them under His control?
As for me, I am constantly in need of checks against my selfish tendencies and against my tendencies towards self-preservation or self-seeking glory. And then who even knows my secret motives but God?
Thank you for letting me share that and grace be with all your hearts,
Christopher