You Know You're Visiting a Bad Church If...

Kind of along the same lines, I don't know who said it, 'If you find a Perfect Church, don't go there, you'll just mess it up!'

Three times you are asked to move because you are in 'their seat'.

...the baptistery is in the shape of a firetruck and confetti cannons fire when a person comes up out of the water.

...when the offering plate is handed to you, an usher opens a notebook and tells you how much you need to give.

...the pastor keeps referring to you by name during his sermon on hell.

Ok, I'll join in.

'They just finished their 10 million dollar building project and they've already started raising money for their 20 million dollar building.'

On your way in you see a bearded man knocking on the door to be let in, and folks inside refer to Him as the crazy legalistic guy outside.

...the female pastor begins her sermon as follows: 'I thought I would begin by telling a story, many people tell me that I am good at telling stories...'

Actually happened at a Methodist Christmas Eve service.

...after the pastor finishes his series on Mark, he motions for the snakes.

or

...after the pastor finishes his series on Mark, he asks if anyone is thirsty.

...after the 10th verse of "Just as I am" you are tempted to walk down the aisle to Rededicate something in order to end the invitation.

...the worship team performs and sings "Born To Be Wild" at the request of the elders to celebrate the pastor's 55th birthday on Sunday morning. (This was my church...)

On your way in you see a bearded man knocking on the door to be let in, and folks inside refer to Him as the crazy legalistic guy outside.

Oh my...that's too close for comfort.

MC
:-( :-( :-(

. . . they have a special "Super Bowl Sunday!" service. God forbid that He should be the main attraction.

this is true , of a fellowship I used to attend(which makes it sadder rather than funnier)

The pastor gives a message in "tongues" and then begins the intrepretation

"buttons buttons buttons, there are all kinds of buttons - brass buttons silver buttons yea even choclate buttons"

Upon which hearing, members of the cngregation began praising the Lord with "thank you Jesus" and "Amen".

...before the "power service" the entire worship team is outside in the parking lot smoking and joking. (true story)

...for "Valentine's Day" the church sanctuary hosts a quiet, candlelight dinner for married couples, replete with chocolate-dipped strawberries and slow-dancing to popular contemporary Christian ballads. (true story - $20.00 per couple)

...the children's church superintendent brings her Mary Kay cosmetics kit on Wednesday night to teach pre-teen girls how to put on make-up. (true story)

Are you getting angry yet?

The pastor opens with a joke, and closes with a joke, and everyone laughs all the way through.

The pastor stands up to preach, and opens PDL rather than the Bible, or begins to quote R.W.

The pastor preaches a message you just listened to another man preach the night before, jokes and all.(used to happen almost every Sunday)

When the pews begin to have cup holders for your Starbucks

The preacher is wearing sweats and a Carolina Panthers jersey :-P
(for you Krisp)