Dear Paul,
*edit*
The answer is quite simple. Though you have information about Jesus, you do not know Him in truth. You are feeling this way because Jesus is reaching out to you.
Let me explain using an illustration. There was a man named George who had studied aircrafts most of his life. However, he had never flown in one. Because of this studies, he knew they were safer than driving a car. More people die in car accidents than airplanes. In addition, because George had studied them, he knew everything about them. He knows how safe they are. He knows what to do in an emergency. However, no matter how much George knows about planes, he is too afraid to fly. When his family goes on vacation, his wife and kids fly to their destination. George however drives his car. No matter what, George cannot overcome his fear. He knows planes are safe, but why doesn't this take root?
Let me tell you another story....the night I was redeemed by Christ, I sat there in a discussion about salvation. Everyone told me that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. They kept saying, "you are forgiven." Well, if this was true, I certainly didn't feel forgiven. Why? I felt like I was going to Hell. I knew I deserved Hell. But I also knew Jesus died on the cross. Why wasn't I forgiven? Why?
The reason for this is because though I had head knowledge (information), I did not have heart knowledge (faith). There is a big difference between believing Jesus died for our sins, and believing in Jesus. There is a big difference between having information about Jesus and having faith in Jesus.
To have information about Jesus means that you know about Him. You might know the bible in depth. You have read all the stories. You accept that the bible is true. However, to know Jesus means that you have had an intimate experience with Him in person.
For example, let's say a friend of yours tells you about his new girlfriend. Everyday, he talks and talks about her. You know all about her. However, you have never met her in person. Would you say that you know her? Let's say that odds things happen, and he marries her without you ever meeting her. Though you may know about her, you certainly don't know her like he does.
When we truly know Jesus, his spirit has been unified with our spirit as one. Jesus Christ abides in us. We enter into the presence of God, and His person Jesus Christ is made true in us. When this happens in truth, then God is with us. Emmanuel.
So....how does this happen? What do we have to do to be united as one with Christ? What does it mean to have faith, and believe in Christ?
There is a big difference between believing something is true, and believe "in" something. The first is mere information. The second is faith.
Faith is about making an investment of yourself. It is about giving yourself to another person in trust. We have the freedom to place our faith in anything. As children, we often have faith in our parents. We listen to them. We accept anything they tell us. We believe what they say. We obey them. And we love them. Of course, this breaks down once we find our parents are unfaithful. This usually occurs when we find out Santa Claus is not real.
What you must understand is that faith is an exchange. There is faith and faithfulness. We give faith, and in return, we receive faithfulness. When we invest our faith in something and it proves to be true, then that thing is made faithful. So, when we trust in God and God answers, God is faithful. When Kind David trusted that God would help him defeat Goliath, and God did just that, God was faithful, and David's faith was made true. This exchange is important because we know when we have found the true God when God is faithful.
So, how do we have faith?
It is really impossible for any human to have true faith because we are weak. Sure, we can easily give ourselves to anyone or anything, but then that faith is dependent on our giving. If we do not receive some sort of affirmation or return on our investment, then our faith will fail quickly. Faith must be met by faithfulness.
So, this means that while faith is mostly our part, it is also God's part. We give faith. God is faithful. Then we grow in faith. This means that while faith is something we give, it is something God grows. We cannot grow our own faith. We need God to help us.
In fact, we need God to help us in all things. This is how we have faith. To have faith in something is to trust and believe in it. We must invest ourselves. It is not enough to simply have information. We must give ourselves to it. We must be willing to take a step of faith. We must be willing to take a risk.
So this is what you must do, and it is the most difficult thing to do....
Give everything to Jesus Christ. Call upon Jesus, who lives in Heaven, and ask Him to help you. Crown Jesus Christ as your Lord and ask Jesus to save you. Call upon Him and no other.
What does this mean?
When we believe in Jesus, we give our lives to Jesus. It is not enough to believe Jesus, we must believe in Jesus. This means we give all our trust to Jesus Christ. Do not trust anything else, but give everything to Jesus. Do this everyday.
Of all the things you will give to Him, the last thing you may think of is the most important. Many people will tell you to give your best to God. This is only partly true. Jesus wants everything, even our worst. Give all your sins to Jesus.
Truly lay down your life to Jesus. Imagine that you have died. You have died with Jesus on the cross. Before your death, you were in control of your life. You fed yourself, you paid your bills, you obeyed God's law, you were in charge. However, you died to all that. Imagine that Jesus raises you to new life. He makes you into an entirely new person. In this new life, Jesus does everything for you. He feeds you, clothes you, changes you, and gives you everything new. In this new life, you only have to do one thing. You only need to awake and say, "I am yours Lord. My life is yours. Everything I have is yours. Do whatever you want with me. I will do nothing apart from you." You stop trying to obey God's law, you stop trying to do anything. Instead, you allow yourself to be completely controlled by Jesus Christ.
This takes a huge step of faith. It means you must let everything go and give it to Jesus. This means that Jesus is God of your life. He is in complete control. Are you willing to give yourself to Jesus? Are you willing to let Him have complete control over you?
It can be a scary thing. Will Jesus answer? Will He take control? Is Jesus real?
So many people fear doing this. They want to remain in control of their life. Many people cling to the bible because they cannot allow some invisible spirit to have this much control. They want to control their own salvation. They want to prove themselves by their works.
Jesus wants to prove Himself in you. He wants to work in you. He wants you to realize that you are nothing apart from Him. You can do nothing apart from Jesus.
When Jesus has complete control over you, and He is truly your Lord and Savior, you will produce new fruit. Then you will rejoice because you will be united as one with God. However, this will not happen until you give up to Jesus.
I will pray for you my friend. If you should struggle with this and want to talk, I am here. I know Christ can save you. I know He can make your heart sing praises greater than the angels.
May Christ be yours,
In love,
Blake
