I'm single.
I believe God has a wife for me and I'm waiting for her.
But I sometimes find it hard to concentrate on God when I'm thinking too much about 'her', you know?
Any advice on that?
I'm single too...just seek Him..love Him...learn about Him and He'll build you up
I don't know if Valentines day was a big deal in Portugal, but it is here. It was a painful reminder but I remember that God has something better planned for me.
One of the lessons I've learned is that I [i]could
One thing I truly believe, and I'll quote my Pastor on this, 'Besides accepting Christ, there is no decision of greater importance in your life than who you choose to marry -and unfortunately most Christians don't understand this.'
God can make a beautiful thing out of a marriage that was against His will -just like he still worked through the line of David even after David's sin. But can you imagine what the line of David would have been like if David hadn't compromised?
There's a Korean proverb that says, 'Every shoe has a pair.' Koreans believe firmly that marriage is the most important sign that someone has stepped forward into adulthood. In ancient Korea you would change your haircut when you got married, and anyone unmarried was still considered a child -even if he was in his fifties.
Sorry for the tangent -but what I hoped to say with this illustration is that God has a match for you, there's another shoe to your pair. But it's not just any shoe, it's the shoe that God intends you to be with.
If God has a major plan for your life and has made you into a running shoe, and you end up marrying a high-heal, don't you imagine that would slow down your progress for God and send you spinning around in circles.
Now currently I've been praying for a wife, and I've also been praying about missions. I never used to think they had anything to do with eachother, but recently I've been meeting more missionary couples and I realize that they both have the same vision for reaching the lost, they're both willing to make the sacrifices to do it.
When I look at the girls that I've had crushes on in my church, I realize (and I don't mean this in a mean way) that they do not have those concerns. So I have had to change the lenses with which I am looking at sisters.
The fact of the matter is that God has someone for you, and when He brings her into your life you're going to know, or he's going to let you know. Until then, don't stress out, just focus on pleasing God and becoming a more fragrant blessing to others.
I will tell you my experience, maybe it will help.
I was just out of a bad relationship, and as all young people do, I swore off ever getting married. (This by the way is at the age of 18.)
However, what I did do, that I haven't met many people that did this, is I went to God, and said: "If I am ever to get married, then my wife must meet these requirements." Then I listed about ten or twelve requirements, that I was not gonna back down on.
Now some people may say that that is me trying to control things, and not relying on the Lord to bring "the perfect woman" to me. That is a bunch of baloney.
The requirements I gave God were all Godly requirements. With the exception that I told Him I wanted a girl who would play some video games. (so maybe that one was my choice) : )
Anyways, I then proceeded to focus all my time and energy serving the Lord, and ignoring women entirely. Within about 4 months, one of my close friends (which happened to be a girl) suddenly became an interest for me.
So I sat her down, and we talked for about 5 hours a day, for a week. And she met every requirement that I had given God. We then decided to get married. But we figured it would be best to date for a bit, let all the family catch up on where we were at.
About 10 months later we got married. (that took too long) Never get engaged for more than a week. and don't date for more than about 15 minutes.
It was really a God thing, now do I believe that she was the only option out there that I could have married? No, but it became apparently obvious to me that she was the one God wanted me to marry.
Now, I'm not saying that you should go out and make a list, but if that helps to ward off girls that aren't Godly, by all means do so.
My Pastor always says, 'make a list of 10 things, and if you find someone with five or seven of them, they're probably the one.'
Sometimes our lists are unreasonable, selfishly motivated or unrealistic. We have to remember that we're a person too -I certainly hope that if the girl that is looking for me doesn't have a list that says 'no chest hair,' or 'perfect teeth.' I'm finished!
Or even if she has a list, 'must be musically talented to lead praise,' or 'must be highly regarded in church.' Well if those are her requirements than I'm not going to fit them ~_~ Not that these are things I wouldn't desire in myself also. I'll just focus on being sold out for Jesus!
Ben: Your testimony is amazing. Maybe I can get my boyfriend to post his side of our story, because it's much like what you've said... and it's such a God thing that neither of us can hardly breathe. It's amazing.
Anyway...
It's probably going to sound silly, because I'm sure you have already figured this out, but patience is key. It's also going to sound silly coming from an 18 year old girl, but this is what I can tell you:
Patience is absolutely the most important thing in such a situation. Being that I'm 18 and still in high school for a few more months, I'm surrounded by young people that go back and forth between different boyfriends and different girlfriends every other week. I've always stayed away from that, knowing that this would be striving. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Rather than conforming to the patterns of the world, patience is key. Do it God's way and He'll bless you.
A while back God started working in my life and said that I had to get to the point where I was happy with being single my whole life. He never said it was going to be that way, but I had to live as though it was. Through many tears and much broken-heartedness, I came to terms with the idea that maybe I was meant to be single. Many times it's important for the sake of ministry to remain single-minded, and always it's important to trust in God that He will provide for you as you have need.
But God just recently rewarded my patience.
Brother Ian said that his pastor says to make a list of ten things. I think that's a good idea. Make a list of things you won't compromise on. Have any kids? Put that down: "Must love my children like they were their own." Have any favorite hobbies? Go ahead and put those down, too.
See, God really did reward my patience. I never made a list myself, but a friend of mine did. God had him make a list of things a while back.. things that he would never ever compromise on. Be sensitive to God while making this list, and be realistic. I wouldn't advise getting so specific as to put things like, "brown hair, green eyes, and however many feet tall" because those things are trivial in the scope of things. But my friend made this list... and he never compromised on it. He held on to that list and trusted in God to fulfill it... and He did. I just happened to be the one that fit the things on his list.
God has His timing, and He holds our lives in the palm of His hand. Trust in that...
These are the three verses that gave me patience. I prayed these as a prayer many times, and God continually increased both faith and patience, and then fulfilled the promise in these verses by giving me someone that, although I don't deserve him, I know that God wants me to be with. He has blessed us both because we have sought HIM first.
Romans 12:2--And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Matthew 6:33
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Hebrews 11:6
But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
Also remember, that some are called to be single! And it is no more or less fun than having a partner.
I'm still waiting for some of the older saints here on SI to give advice... :-D
Resources:[url=http://www.amazon.com/Singled-Out-Nancy-Leigh-DeMoss/dp/0966712404/sr=8-1/qid=1171644569/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-3014696-7883910?ie=UTF8&s=books]Singled Out For Him by Nancy Leigh DeMoss[b]highly recommend
[url=https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=13918/]Dating Sermon by Paul Washer
"You will never realize that Christ is all you need until He's all you have. And when He's all you have, you will come to understand that He is really all you need!" Taken from [i]Singled Out For Him
"The fact is, if we're not content with what we have, we will never be content with what we think we want...The man or woman who does not learn contentment as a single is highly unlikely to be content once married...The deepest needs and longings of our hearts cannot be filled by any human being but only by God Himself...The key to joyous living is to embrace the will of God and to receive with gratitude whatever gift [speaking of singlehood or marriage] He has given us." Taken from [i]Singled Out For Him
That is way cool Amy, it appears that the Lord has truly blessed you both.
Amazingly enough, the things on my list were not even personal preferences, they were things like:
They must be willing to go hungry, for the spreading of the gospel, even to the point of starvation, and ultimately death.
These requirements I never wrote down, but I probably should have, I'm just not good at writing stuff down.
[ edit ]
I'm as guilty of this as anyone else, but if one is going to write a reply, please read what other people have posted before -in their entirety. Otherwise one might look foolish.
Vico, thank God that he showed you His list, but I think you could have found a more gracious way to say this.
The fact of the matter is that we all have our own personal preferences and selfishness that blinds us from seeing what God wants us to value, that's why my pastor said 'make a list of ten' implying that we have to be realistic with our own desires, but also to settle for what God offers you.
In the case of these other two contributions, God has provided abundantly, excedingly above what they expected. However what I wanted to say earlier is that God wants to give us the Best, but some times we're looking for 10 good things which aren't God's best and we can miss them.
Vico, instead of implying a lack of experience with God as your post has suggested of us, if I had been in your shoes I would have said something to the ring of: 'Amen, It's good to hear how God is working in these people's lives. I have personally been convicted by God's top-ten list, let me tell you what he said was important to me when looking for a wife.'
Let's continue to be edifying. Thanks =)
Thx alot for the advices and testimonies! They are really encouraging! I never made an actual list but I did think of some things about 'her' like one:
- Must be on fire for Jesus
This one to me is essential. And if she's on fire for Jesus she'll want someone who's also on fire for Jesus. So that's what I gotta do.
I pray that God may be patient with me and help me, and teach me in how to love Him and Seek Him and trust Him above all else. And be humble too.
See ya ;)
I'm single.
I believe God has a wife for me and I'm waiting for her.
But I sometimes find it hard to concentrate on God when I'm thinking too much about 'her', you know?Any advice on that?
I'm single also. Here is my advice: don't worry about it. :-D
I use to secretly think to myself "Lord, I hope you don't come back until have had a wife and children." Putting it that plainly, you can see I wasn't willing to forsake all and focus on him. The Lord changed my prospective now I think, "Lord, it matters not whether I get married. It's not about my pleasure or my convenience. It's about You."
When the Lord changed my thinking, it was a great deliverance. It may seem like only a subtle thing, but it felt as if a burden has been lifted from me.
Besides, who has time for a wife? ;-) I’m joking, I wouldn’t mind having a wife as long as she would propel me closer to Christ.
1Cr 7:27 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.
sorry brother! i actually had a longer post all typed out with more details but didn't have time to finish it. instead of deleting it all i just left that sentence there and submitted it. i didn't realize until after you mentioned it what that must have sounded like. :oops:
i'm really sorry for any misunderstanding to any of you that read that. i didn't mean it the way it sounded, next time i'll use more discernment before doing something like that again.
i appreciate your concern brother, your reply was a good rebuke to me and it was well received.
God bless you!
Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another. Romans 14:19
For the Glory of God,
vico
I once heard a different pastor speaking on marriage, his prayer for a wife was, 'Lord, help me to find a woman that loves You more than she'll ever love me, and always push me closer to you.'
God was faithful to his prayers -to this day he's still the pastor of the church, but she's considered the spiritual heart of the church and leads bible studies at several college campuses -having personally lead hundreds of people to the Lord. I think this shows humility two fold, he was ready to submit to Jesus for his wife, and he was ready to submit to his wife as she served the Lord.
Be careful what you wish for, if you pray for a girl who's sold out to Jesus He may just give you one, and if you're not sold out entirely too you might just be along for the ride!
One of the best sermons I ever heard on dating and marriage was Ravi Zacharias' message called 'I, Isaac, Take Thee Rebekah.' Which Ravi later compiled into the book by the same name.
The original message is here:
http://rzim.org/radio/archives.php?p=LMPT&v=detail&id=251
http://rzim.org/radio/archives.php?p=LMPT&v=detail&id=250
I think the best part of this message is that there's more to meeting the right person than just praying (although praying was what Isaac was doing when Rebekah first saw him). There's also community and family involvement. There are a lot of facets that God uses to bring us into a right relationship with himself while bringing us into a relationship with someone else.
I hope that I can have as strong a testimony about marriage after the fact as I do while being single =) God willing!
Hi everyone
There's been some very good counsel already on this thread, Maybe I can just add a book recommendation and two testimonies (one of being single - my own - and one married).
The book is "God is a Matchmaker" by Derek Prince. He remarried after his first wife died, and tells how the Lord directed him to the woman of His choice both times. He deals with all the paractical issues like preparing for marriage, the question of marrying a divorcee etc etc. Its also very readable.
I can testify from personal experience that if being single is God's choice for your life then He closes up the "gaps". I find life is very fulfilling, and a lot less complicated than it would be if there were a husband and kids to consider. I often joke that if the Lord brought "Mr Right" along after all these years (I'm only just the right side of 60!) he would be in the way!
Not that I haven't had temptations, and sometimes the mother instinct kicks in too, but most of the time life is more than OK.
The Lord dealt with the marriage issue right at the start of my Christian life. I was 18, consciously seeking God, and also had my first (and only) boyfriend. He was a Muslim, and a friend who had been saved a few months was being challenged about giving up her boyfriend who wasn't a Christian either.
The night I heard about this, the Lord said clearly in my mind, "[i]If
I just couldn't live without God any longer, and after a while it became clear that we were walking on different paths and I had to finish with the boy. Looking back, I realise we weren't suited anyway and would have been very unhappy if we'd married, even apart from him being a Muslim).
The marriage testimony is of friends of mine, . Tom decided it was time he had a wife, so he prayed about it.
One Sunday in church, he was early as usual, and sitting watching people come in. He decided the Lord was showing him what to do. He prayed, "Lord, I believe that the next girl who comes through the door will be the one you've chosen to be my wife".
Sure enough, the door opened and a girl came in. He thought, "Oh no, not [i]her[i]me
They've now been happily married for many years.
I wouldn't recommend that sort of "courtship", but it just shows what the Lord can do!
Trust Him and wait for the right one He has planned for you. Easier said than done, but the Lord will give you the strength.
Jeannette
Over the hill and turning 40 this year and no one to fill my bosom.
I've been single all my life, never dated, and don't know a thing about any of the aspects of the opposite sex.
I would like to get married one day, have a family. It's all too scary because all I have ever known is the single life.
I hope that when that day comes that I would be a good example of what it means to be a husband and father.
This is an interesting post. I too have been called of God to accept that which he called Jeremiah too. I have no desire to be with another person; and though marriage can be dressed up in fancy garments and lofty pretences, I refuse to bind myself in a wretched sin by depriving some innocent woman of the rest of her life just because I want to have sex. That may be blunt, but that is my basest inclination whenever I think of marriage, and thus it has been forbidden me. I think we all ought to try our hearts of whether we seek fellowship in love with the opposite sex, or just *edit* just lust*edit. I did and was shown the wickedness of my inner most desires.
Who here has read the Great John Wesley's letters between him and his wife, and how his marriage fared when he received warning not to marry from his brothers, though he did anyway? Interesting stuff.
My advice (though I’m not worthy to give any) is to truly make no provisions for the flesh and care only for the things of the Lord. Vague I know but Christ will fill in the blanks..
In my haste to produce to post I have violated common laws of decency, of the which another brother had to point out to me. I am greatly grieved at my blindness and apologize to any and all who has seen my error and been offended. I apologize.
SeanHobson wrote:
This is an interesting post. I too have been called of God to accept that which he called Jeremiah too. I have no desire to be with another person; and though marriage can be dressed up in fancy garments and lofty pretences, I refuse to bind myself in a wretched sin by depriving some innocent woman of the rest of her life just because I want to have sex. That may be blunt, but that is my basest inclination whenever I think of marriage, and thus it has been forbidden me. I think we all ought to try our hearts of whether we seek fellowship in love with the opposite sex, or just intercourse. I did and was shown the wickedness of my inner most desires.Who here has read the Great John Wesley's letters between him and his wife, and how his marriage fared when he received warning not to marry from his brothers, though he did anyway? Interesting stuff.
My advice (though I’m not worthy to give any) is to truly make no provisions for the flesh and care only for the things of the Lord. Vague I know but Christ will fill in the blanks..
Its sad that even John Wesley seems to have made a mistake in this - he seems to have been so desperate for a wife that he married the first available one, after "missing the boat" twice, when the girl he loved was snapped up by someone else.
Paul said in 1Corinthians 7:8 "To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain single as I do. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion."
Jeannette
Hey blinx,
Think not about what you do not have, but be grateful for that which you do. As for myself, before becoming a Christian, I had over a hundred girlfriends and slept with a great number of them. Was that ever fulfilling? Never, not once. A few years ago, I received Jesus, but still did some of the things I should not have done. I slipped up and slept with a few more women.
This led me to feel guilt as I have never felt before. I tried to stop looking for a girlfriend or wife, but when I came to Korea two years ago, I was more lonely, because I did not know anyone. This led me to sleep with two more women. I was reading my Bible, praying, and going to church. In November of 2005, I said to God that I did not want or need anything that he did not will for me.
In January 2006, I read something about how to pray and it suggested, as iansmith did, to make a list. I felt that I had this 'new power' or ability to get 'what I wanted', so I made one.
Since I am in Korea, I asked for 1) a Korean wife 2) speaks English 3) 'beautiful' 4) not from a particular area that I was living 5) willing to move to Canada 6) and a virgin
That was my list. For one month I prayed for a wife and guidance. I was praying for 1 - 3 hours a day. Almost exactly one month to the day, I met a girl one Sunday morning and we began to talk and I invited her to church. We hit it off and she was everything I asked for.
I then spend 1-3 hours a day thanking God for what I received, however, there was a problem. The more I sought after God, the less she was interested. The one major thing that I overlooked, was that I did not ask God for his will. My list had good intentions, but it was not complete. I did not seek a Christian.
I understand that some people can be saved through their spouse, but this was not the case. She and I got along wonderfully, as long as I did not talk about God. That was a major problem. For five months I insisted that I could change her, because I believed that she was the answer to my prayers. I was wrong. God gave me exactly what I asked for, but what I asked for was not exactly what God wanted to give me.
Many selfish tears later, I let her go and said to God that his will be done. I was too tired to ask anymore. I needed Him to show me what was good for me. However, I was honest with Him. I said that IF I have any say in my life, could I make some simple requests.
My new list was that 1) she's Christian 2)Korean 3)speaks English 4) beautiful 5) willing to go where I go 6)a virgin
The beginning of June 2006 I broke up with that girl and started a new prayer. Having moved to a new town, because I started a new job, I attended a new church. The week after I broke up with the girl, I went to this new church and sat there and cried and cried and cried out to the Lord. I was so tired of my search for a women.
The church welcomed me, but no one could speak to me because I could not speak Korean, nor could they speak English. I did not care. I just wanted to be with the Lord. I was giving in to His will, not mine.
The next week, I went to that church again and again I cried and cried and cried to the Lord. I felt a lot better and even though I could not understand the words of the pastor, I was comforted by the message. After service, three girls were standing behind me and one said hello.
They were sisters and appearantly her family and others told her to talk to me because they knew she could speak English. I gave her the cold shoulder, because I was not interested in talking, especially to a girl my age. They invited me downstairs for noodles (which is custom in most churches around here, or at least a snack). I agreed, but was really not forthcoming with anything.
She was cold with me, too. I talked about my old relationship and she talked about getting away from Korea. Neither one of us looked at each other as potential or an answer to prayers. But after another week or two of church, we looked forward to our meetings and then exchanged phone numbers and then went on a date. Everything was a snowball effect from there.
By October 29, during a sermon that she and I gave to the youth of 'our' church, I proposed. She said yes and we are to wed May 5th, here in Korea and then again July 7th in Canada.
God is good. Patience is key. We must be willing to be submissive to God's will. God is funny too, because my story or testimony consists, in part, of a horrible childhood in a town called Mira. My fiancee's name is Mira.
blinx, make your requests to God, on a list or just in your heart, but submit to His will. Then and only then will you receive true blessings, rather than curses.
On a side note, I am 29 and my birthday is on the 21st, so it has taken me almost 30 years and many heartaches and mistakes to get it right. Do not worry. Your time and God's time have very different meanings. When you do meet that special woman, pray and thank God that He loves you enough to have tested and tried you to that very point.
My fiancee and I, from the VERY FIRST date, prayed together. Nothing major, nothing mountain moving, but just a simple prayer. That set God first in our life. We have since, never missed a time of prayer with one another. I pray to God that we never miss a day to pray together, whether face-to-face, on the phone, or on the Internet. We must always put our Lord first, above and beyond ALL people and things in our life.
Marriage is not for everyone, but I thank God that He has blessed me with this great responsibility. We will not agree on everything, but we agree that Jesus is our Lord of Lords and King of Kings.
I am trying to convince her that we are going to have 12 children...errr, this is a challenge
:roll: ... whatever's clever ... God's will not mine...
God Bless those that are eager to be patient,
BrianMira
This discussion is locked.
