what do you think about driving in a car with a guy alone?
Short and long trips?
what do you think about people who talk in a car alone?
What do you think about praying with a guy?
what do you think that there are times the Holy Spirit wants us to pray?
do you think the guy should lead, and leave?
Thanks in His love
charlene
There's nothing at all wrong with being around another person of the opposite sex (even.. alone!) unless your conscience forbids you to engage in such a situation (i.e. if it's a guy that you believe is either "bad" in one way or another or is going to take your mind off God etc. or you don't think you're mature enough in one way or another for that situation.)
Just be careful and keep your focus on Jesus-- always, in all things-- and you'll be OK : )
Jordan
I'm just happy to see people still have "blushes and crushes".
If he's a God-fearing sort, maybe you ought to let him court you.
hehe >;')
The fact that you have asked this question shows that there are doubts concerning this situation.
We know scripture tells us to abstain from every appearance of evil, 1 Thess 5v22.
Scripture also tells us if in doubt don't, that's a paraphrase of Rom 14v23.
Also, if the journey is unavoidable, the passenger can sit in the back seat, not next to the driver, just like in a taxi.
As for praying with a guy, why? Is it needed?
Is it in the car or in a church building or where?
Wisdom is justified by her children, Matt 11v19.
And wisdom should tell us to just use what wisdom we have in any given situation.
I don't tell people what to do. They do as they please.
But it help if we just look into God's word to see if what we are doing is questionable, what it looks like to God, and what it looks like to others.
We should not give the enemy opportunity to reproach God's name. And he will, if given the chance.
God bless.
i think you should never be alone with anyone of the opposite sex if it is not your brother/sister or mother/father, wife/husband, if you are you get into a dangerous situation where "youthful" lusts can come, i have no other reference then myself, and i know I'm week, but the bible says stand fast against the devil and run from lusts....that to me is a great warning. Maybe some are stronger then others. But for me it is never be alone with the opposite sex, unless its family.
Whether you are in a car or any place alone with a fellow will not make as much a difference as your body language while with him. If you dress immodestly and behave like a heifer in heat*, you are inviting sexual advances from the guy, and I would guess this could be your fault. BUT if you conduct yourself in a manner that radiates purity, holiness, these questions [I think] would be of no issue....except for long trips...what do you call long? And why not ask others to go with you? That would dispel all questions/doubts! And remove the appearances of evil...
My suggestions and how a 60 YO views human nature....
ginnyrose
*if you wonder what this means, ask a cattleman. One sees this behavior all the time out in the public. And this is what I think all the time: that girl acts like a heifer in heat..
:-(
Even if there isnt a chance that anything sexual might happen... there is always the impropriety factor.
For instance, we're good friends with our neighbors. Our kids are constantly playing together on a daily basis, we're always getting together for meals, etc. But not one time have I ever been alone with my neighbor's wife, and vice versa. If I'm dropping something off at their house, and her husband or oldest son (who is college age) isnt there, I dont go into the house.
It's just a matter of being 100%. Billy Graham went so far as to have people from his staff go into his room when he checked into a hotel, and check it before he even entered it.
It's not a fear thing, it's a desire to be pure.
There probably isnt anything wrong with riding to church alone with a guy, but if you want to take that extra step toward purity, dont do it.
As far as praying alone with a guy... I would be real careful of that. Prayer is a very intimate thing, and draws people closer together. In a fellowship with other people, it's a wonderful God thing that happens. When it's a single guy and girl... not sure it's a good idea, unless there are people in the next room... and doors are open.
As for the Holy Spirit "leading"... one thing the Holy Spirit will not do is lead you into temptation. The Holy Spirit gets blamed for a lot of stuff, which is nothing more that us following our flesh and believing it was the Holy Spirit... when it wasn't.
The Holy Spirit is also used as an "ace in the hole" as well. When people question our actions we say "The Holy Spirit led me to do this..." which is nothing more than us trying to shut up our critics.
He ought not to be treated like that.
Krispy
If your really interested in Courtships and such, check out Denny Kenaston. He is on this site.
I do not think men and women of God should meet members of the opposite sex alone [i]for any reason[i]never
Avoid all occasions to ruin your testimony. Pursue perfection. The "old paths" upheld these standards; the new paths have inconspicuously converged with the world's lacksidaisical customs and Christians now venture into pastures not ordained by God, to their hurt.
Hello...
I would like to add that my wife and I often drove together to visit her parents during our courtship. It was a two hour drive to her home, and we drove together in my vehicle. I never felt the least bit of conviction for driving with her. If I stayed overnight, I typically stayed with her parents in their home (I stayed in her brother's room on the floor), while my then girlfriend stayed downstairs or in the home of a sibling.
We often went out to eat together. We would drive alone to the restaurant and eat there. Sometimes, we would have a picnic in the park.
I think that it is a good warning to avoid the very appearance of evil. However, the definition of what appears "evil" will vary from believer to believer. The Word does not give an exact definition of everything that constitutes such an appearance. However, there are some pretty good definitions for the term "evil." It is my opinion that it is not at all "evil" to drive alone to a restaurant with my fiance. Nor is it "evil" to drive to the park for a picnic. The only "evil" is the sin in which we did NOT partake.
We must be very careful not to mistake "suspicion" or "opinion" for Biblical "conviction." The only individual that ever spoke to me about driving alone with my girlfriend was a very "spiritual" friend who felt the liberty to share his feelings with everyone else BEFORE he confronted me. He felt that my freedom for driving alone with my then girlfriend was an indication of sinful, ulterior motives. When I found out from others about my friend's publicized concerns, I confronted him. I reminded him of Titus 1:15 ("[i]Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled
I have been to several "God-seeking" local congregations where I had heard such whispered suspicions before I had even met the target of the whispers. I wonder if Mary and Joseph ever encountered such whispers?
:-(
PaulWest wrote:
I do not think men and women of God should meet members of the opposite sex alone[i]for any reason[/i] . Those who do so are not wise, they are immature in the faith and completely unsuspecting of the devil's vast arsenal. If a woman wants to speak with me and get advice concerning her marital issues, I'll ask her to call her husband also. If she is single, I won't discuss things with her unless my wife is in the room (ideally) or another Christian is nearby. I would[i]never[/i] agree to meet someone alone of the opposite sex, in a car, restaurant, office, or otherwise. The negative factors invloved are extensive, and we open all kinds of doors for enemy tactics. Temptation is only but a single threat. Lies, rumors, accusations can run amuck. Satan is also a master seed-planter, and can sow all kinds of filthy things, if not in your head, in the heads of others who can exponentially damage your reputation by slander and storytelling. The trick to survival is to give no place for the enemy to set up camp. If you are in the habit meeting alone with someone of the opposite sex you are transversing a land mine. Why even put yourself in such a predicament for the enemies of God to blaspheme on your account?Avoid all occasions to ruin your testimony. Pursue perfection. The "old paths" upheld these standards; the new paths have inconspicuously converged with the world's lacksidaisical customs and Christians now venture into pastures not ordained by God, to their hurt.
Amen brother. Well said.
Thank you all for your input.
I Know in my heart what is right and
what is wrong. I know I want to be pure
with my thoughts and actions.
after being part of the prayer team were
sometimes only one guy would come. I started thinking it was ok to pray with guys alone.
Krispy quote:
Prayer is " a very intmate thing.. draws people together." I agree.
So was I in the wrong for praying, in my spirit I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong.
But now I can see how it can be unwise.
I pray with so many differnt people, I really just love praying with people.
Maybe praying at a Church or with others would be ok?
I want to be pure.
I guess I was questioning being alone with this guy and praying. Because so many say don't ever be alone with a guy. I don't any apperance of evil. I don't to give room for the enemy room to tempt us. YOu are all right and I agree I should not be alone with, but it seems that maybe in life not very thing fits in the box.
I do think that my heart was prue and holy in this, and I think his was too. But you are right we shouldn't give room for somthing to happen.
So maybe I am still immature and also him. So please pray I have wisdom.
Yes I think that this guy fears God, but I don't think courting is in the picture.
But I look at Denny - good stuff.
Please pray I will say something and
will keep myself from being alone with
guys.
I would say a long trip 2 or more hours.
In His love
charlene
The Word does not give an exact definition of everything that constitutes such an appearance.
Try out some versions that use language the way we do today:
“Avoid every form of evil.’ NASV
“Avoid every kind of evil” NIV
“Abstain from every kind of evil” NKJV
Being concerned about what others may think, or how you may APPEAR isn't a powerful enough check for your conscience. It can lead to the temptation to "go underground" with sin. THAT doesn't feel wrong, because it APPEARS okay.
It is important to distinquish between what the Bible says, and what man says. We are warned in scripture not to add to what's there. If the Bible does not say that, then don't add it. Doing so creates a lot of false guilt and all the troubles created by legalism - fear, self-absorption, judging, pride, etc.Because so many say don't ever be alone with a guy.
Charlene, when I was a teen, there were certain fellows I just KNEW I didn’t want to be alone with ever - even in a shopping mall. It's still that way. You have to use your gut sense, and don't let it get defiled with all kinds of legalism.
Above all, desire to remain faithful to the Lord. He will guide you.
Diane
So was I in the wrong for praying, in my spirit I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong.
I dont think you were sinning. I just think it was unwise. There is a big difference.
Just be aware of it in the future, and ask God to give you wisdom to see potentially dangerous situations.
Krispy
Charlene, when I was a teen, there were certain fellows I just KNEW I didn’t want to be alone with ever - even in a shopping mall. It's still that way. You have to use your gut sense at times.
Hi Charlene,
May I answer this only because it has given me a headache, Please if you will show me where In the bible does it say that we must not, or that we should not want to be alone with ever. We are called to be light I understand that we should not be unevenly yoked with unbelievers but should we hide as Christians our faith, should we continue to separate ourselves from certain people?
How is this God’s love? Please clarify so that I may understand. I for too long have stayed away from certain fellows and have even made a vow to God. I believe that there is a time when God will take certain people out of your life for a season, and then he brings them back again. It is not so that your relationship with them can be where it used to be, but in essence so that it can be taken to another level In Him.
If I am wrong please correct me.
and don't let it get defiled with all kinds of legalism
Did you just add this?
Dear Saints on Sermonindex,
I have been following this thread, and would like to contribute and share my opinion on this mather..
I think there are a lot of good things said. So if you feel this way about being with someone of the opposite sex or have problems with being alone with another gender or think it gives cause for a saint to stumble or might dishonor the name of Jesus, than do not spend time alone together.
However I think that there is nothing in scripture that forbids that a man and women spend (long) time alone together. I can imagine immature people reading this thread and making rules about it.. short trip is ok.. but we can not be with each other when the drive is more than 2 hours. Praying with 2 girls is ok, but praying with one girl should never be done. This is what the pharisees did, making all types of rules for all types of circumstances... now we would not want to be making our own do’s and don’ts to place burdens on ourselves and others.
What to think of Jesus at the well, I can imagine the first disciples wondering why He would do such a “sinfull”thing: And upon this came his disciples, and marvelled that he talked with the woman: yet no man said, What seekest thou? or, Why talkest thou with her?
What would have happenend if it was one of the disciples who was talking to the woman and the other disciples saw him, they probably would have dared to say why he did this thing. We never know though..
Paulwest wrote:
I do not think men and women of God should meet members of the opposite sex alone for any reason. Those who do so are not wise, they are immature in the faith and completely unsuspecting of the devil's vast arsenal.
These are very strong statements... Not wise, immature, unsuspecting of the Devil.. This could be, if it is done in ignorance and unbelief and flesh.. But I realy do not think it is the Lords will a man and women who do not have an earthly relationship must never be alone together. Would it for a christian not be more in line with the saving overcoming message of the gospel that man and woman are able to spend time together alone in a car, a prayer meeting or anywhere else. Whitout giving in to Satan, because they ARE wise and mature in the faith? I have been to Israel once and many times a ultra orthodox jew passes or spots a woman or girl (not even dressed immodest) they take their hat of and put it between their eyes and the girl. They do not want to see such tempting creatures... Of itself it is not a bad thing, just like Job had a covenant with his eyes not to look at other women. But the freeing grace of God is more than the old covenant and legalistic laws of the jews is it not?
Even people of the world can have normal friendships and spend time with eachother without anything sexual or tempting happening.
In my experience it is easier to remain pure in thought regarding women when she is a sister in Christ then when they are of the world. Especially when they are godly, it does not even matter if she wares a long skirt or jeans, because the attention is focused on Christ in her instead of the outward appearance. I think this is a blessing. On the other hand there are also people like roadsign mentions: Charlene, when I was a teen, there were certain fellows I just KNEW I didn’t want to be alone with ever - even in a shopping mall. It's still that way. You have to use your gut sense at times.
Krispy quote:
”Prayer is a very intmate thing.. draws people together."
Jesus prayed that we might be one, why would we prevent a honest and upright brother and sister to become more one in Christ by laying some rule or personal conviction on them? I agree that it can be a drawing in a lustful way when the prayer is focussed on the other person who hears our personal things.
Awakenwithin had no convictions an upright heart and as far as she could tel the young man had too. They are praying together to the One who made them, focussing their prayers on the one who saved them. It’s not a matter of two people of the opposite sex spending prayer together. You can be with 10 Christians and half of them might pay more attention or feel more atraction to the other gender attending then to the Lord whom is in the midst of them. After all Jesus said:
For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
He did not ad that He will not be there when 2 people of the opposite sex are praying.. It’s all about heart issues I think just like chris reminded his “spiriual friend”: I reminded him of Titus 1:15 ("Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled."), and how it is better to believe what is certain than suspect the worst (I Corinthians 13:4-7).
In the last days there will be a whole lot of people forbidding a whole lot of things which are in and of themselves not sinful:
Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; 3 Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth.
Bless God! And may God bless you!
All of you help me to grow in the faith..
edit: changed "head" of the jews in "hat" :)
'Humbled', i am afraid for you. The Bible says "he who thinks he stands, beware lest he fall". I am afraid that if you go on with this attitude you will be 'humbled'.
Can i exhort you my dear brother, i had reached the stage where i thought i had overcome (through God's grace) the sexual temptation struggle in my life. I thought i was 'mature', i thought that i didnt need an accountability partner because i had reached a stage where i wouldnt majorly fall in that area again, and my brother i did fall. I was humbled.
I am now afraid, i know I need Christ every hour or i am a goner. I am broken, dependant, aware of my weaknesses, and aware of Christ's strength.
"Can a man take fire to his bosom and not be burned?"
Be careful my brother, i guarentee that your heart is a lot worse than you know it to be. Maybe God has just not shown you that yet. I pray you dont have to learn the hard way.
Protect yourself, do not put yourself in any even remotely dangerous situations. I exhort you for your sake and for Christ's sake
It should be noted that Joseph and Mary went on several "long" trips together, ALONE, before they were married. Such trips would have required sleeping in a tent on the road side, or finding an ancient "hotel" along the way.
Humbled... I've never seen anyone here take my words completely out of context and then misinterpret them... and then explain why I am wrong.
If you do that with my words...
By the way, I didnt totally disagree with a couple of your points. But I think you have missed the heart of what everyone has been saying.
Krispy
King Jimmy said:
It should be noted that Joseph and Mary went on several "long" trips together, ALONE, before they were married. Such trips would have required sleeping in a tent on the road side, or finding an ancient "hotel" along the way.
I can't believe what I am hearing, i think it incredibly foolish to try to justify a Christian going on 'long trips' with a member of the opposite sex by refering to the example of Mary and Joseph.
We have to be so careful. Why would you want to do such a think KingJimmy? are you mad?
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