question for younger girls

i know this may seem very childish and im sure things like this dont get posted on here ever, but theres been so much anger in me that i try to get rid of and god has helped me through it alot, but i need answers and the fact that im posting this on here is how desperate i am for answers so i can be completely free from my anger...i dont get angry like in the past but in the past my anger has caused me to hurt girls emotionally and ruin tons and tons of friendships. girls who loved me to death were very hurt because my anger would be taken out on them emotionally....
heres why i am angry... ok so that there is no more confusion about what i am actually writing abuot, i will say it now. I am angry because i feel every young girl in this generation is shallow and even if i am married there will always be temptation for a girl to maybe cheat on a guy if she sees a guy who she thinks is really really "hot" according to girls these days and if she doesnt cheat then she will always crave to look at "hot" guys...when i see girls get raped cus they dated a guy they didnt know but he was so good looking i feel no pity for her and i might even feel happy, or if a girl gets beat by her husband because she decided to date him when she was younger cus he was hot, i feel no pitty and i may even feel happy at times...basically anything negative that happens to a girl because she chose a guy for his looks can make me happy at times or just feel nothing...growing up girls always made me feel ugly. sometimes girls would tell me im ugly and such. there would be guys that were jerks yet girls thought they were hot and get with them. of course girls are immature when they are young, but nothing really has changed. I see all girls always eventually saying "oh look that guys so hot" and i came to realise as i hung out with girls mostly, that girls may say they care about personality but they are liars. because when girls think a guy is hot, if he walks up to them and talks to them, then they will hope to date him, if he has an ok personality and not a complete jerk. Ive seen it with my own eyes with every girl. basically when girls think guys are hot, there is always that temptation to want to date that guy. but if a girl meets an ok looking guy they will need to get to know that guy a bunch. I came to realise that even if i date a girl and she may not say guys are hot, what difference does it make? inside she will still think about "hot guys" meaning there will be temptation around a girl..even if a girl is inlove with a guy she will still have temptation around a "hot" guy. heres an example. in all honesty i dont think jessica simpson is hot, in fact i dont think any girl is hot. i only see pretty in girls, but looks do not phase me one bit and people dont believe me but i dont care. ive dated an ugly girl before and thats my proof to all my friends. now about jessica simpson...well all girls think brad pitts hot i guess...now if i was married to a girl wont she still think brad pitt is hot? so then what does it matter if she doesnt say anything outloud, inside wont she be lusting after brad pitt. so that is wrong. i mean what guy would want his wife saying outloud that brad pitt is hot, well i dont even want her to think it cus theres no difference. i mean even all christian girls i have met talk about hot guys. why? heres my conclusion. for all girls to talk about hot guys means that there will always be atraction, meaning that even if i am dating a girl christian or none christian, she will still have that guy she thinks is hot and still be attracted to him. being atracted to someone means that there is temptation which means that every girl is alwyas tempted to cheat. will it realy be easy to wait for a christian guy who god wants for you or will it be hard at times if you notice a guy who you think is so good looking and he has a good personality and talks to you? because looks dont phase me...I HATE HOW PEOPLE ARE SO ATTRACTED TO LOOKS..how it can phase people and be the deciding factor of dating someone at times, i hate how it can make someone want to boast about that good looking person to thier friends..do you understand my point? i hate it so much and thats where my anger comes from. i have alot of hate in me... this also means every girl is shallow, because they say they care about personality only, yet why are they phased when a hot guy talks to them. why is it that when a hot guy talks to them, thier hoping he has a good personality so that he can be the perfect guy...that means that ugly people will never be good enough for any girl even if they are married because they are lacking looks...no im glad my girlfriend was ugly because i liked her for her and if she was prettier it wouldnt of been her...i was attracted to her because she was her. all these things have angered me towards girls and made me think ugly about girls. heres my question...are there actually girls who dont get phased by looks? if ur dating a guy and u have to go out of town for a whole month and in that month a guy who most girls think is the hottest guy ever, will you not be phased just a little bit to want to go out on a date with him or to get happy if he flirts with you...i hope girls get the idea of what im trying to say..and i hope you understand everything i have anger for is everything that i dont do and that im not. i dont get phased by looks and never will and im proud of it. i havent said a girl is hot since junior school and im proud. if i date a girl and we are inlove and she says someone is hot then i will break it off with her...i dont want comments telling me that you will pray for me...i want comments telling me you are just like me and looks dont phase you, and if u feel otherwise then change and stop thinking looks are anything at all!!!

Hi daLightdalit,

I think I qualify as a "younger girl" (c. 19yrs old).

Firstly, I just wanted to point out that in general (not wanting to make universal statements), the same thing goes for guys in terms of superficiality. You may feel pressure on yourself to be attractive, but that's true (maybe even more so in today's society) for girls. Many girls feel the same bitterness as you when guys go after what are considered "hot" girls, which contributes to their insecurities and lack of self-esteem.

Unfortunately this is a deep-seated mentality cultivated by Western popular culture, and thrown at us (males & females) from everywhere (movies, TV, ads, magazines, music, products etc.). I'm not making excuses - this way of thinking is wrong! God looks at the heart, and so should we. I'm just pointing out that with the majority of non-Christian girls it's quite likely that they'd subconsciously have this mindset (and as a Christian, you should probably reconsider dating non-christians in the first place).

For Christian girls & guys in the Western world it's a real battle of the heart & mind to resist falling into the trap of superficiality. When you've been brought up & lived your whole life within a culture it's so difficult to resist falling into what is automatic behaviour. Like the examples you were citing of girls commenting all the time about "hot" guys/movie stars. It's a battle that we ALL must face, and remind ourselves that we do not live in or are apart of the world. We are aliens in a foreign land, waiting to go home to our Father in Heaven.

A lot of the issues and frustrations you mentioned above also perhaps are rooted in the problems with the "dating" culture. If guys & girls spent less time chasing after & dating "hot" people and more time cultivating character & a Godly mindset, the problems you have been experiencing would not occur.

I'm very sorry if you have experienced any mistreatment at the hands of superficial girls. It would be a good idea for you to go to God with your anger, work through it, forgive these girls and also ask for forgiveness for yourself for your anger/bitterness. I can understand your point about partial responsibility of girls in SOME rape cases, but it's not healthy to be feeling happy about anyone being sexually abused.

I hope I have been of some help. As for your plea for comments of solidarity - in my own life I strive (with difficulties) to look at the heart and see people how God sees them. Dating & marriage are not things I actively pursue...I'm leaving it up to God's timing & choice for these things to occur.

God Bless,
HisPrincess :-P

Brother, I am not a young girl but likely old enough to be your grandmother. Mind if I share my observations?

1. Human nature has not changed throughout history.
2. The competition for attention from the opposite sex has not changed. Consider Samson or David.
3. God allows us to be tempted to alert us where our weaknesses are so we can work to 'get it fixed'. Now this is what I would like to discuss.

Since you are young it stands to reason the way you react to females who act superficially. Would you know this is a problem that may follow one for years - even as they get older? And will continue until God stops them in their tracks. People have this mental image of what an ideal person should look like and behave and so they work to uphold that image so when something happens they respond out of this mindset. Now this is them.

Let's talk about you. One of the things that happens to one who has a high view of life, behavior, holiness is that we can get all bent out of shape when we see others who abuse our ideals, even if they are shaped by the Word of God. So what is the proper response? You have told us how you are not at ease with your response and desire help. For one thing, you will not be able to change others. This is important to remember - for all your life: only the Holy Spirit can do that. So, since you are not the HS what how should I respond to hypocrisy? (BTW, it could very well be these girls may look at you and consider you a hypocrite because of your anger! - you have said you have destroyed many friendships...)

Now what do I do? I suggest you go talk to your Heavenly Father, tell him all you have told us. Everything! Do not leave one stone unturned. And stay on your knees before Him until you have exhausted yourself. And then listen. And listen. And listen some more. (Be sure to have your Bible nearby before you do this.) Stay there until you experience his forgiveness in your heart and you have received a brand-new resolve to be obedient to Him. If the HS will ask you to do something He will enable you to do it. And it will be very hard. (The reason I say this is because whenever the HS tells us to do something, the devil will be there to make it extremely hard for you.) If you fail, do not get discouraged. Try again. And keep trying until total victory comes. He will help you, I promise!

After you have done this, ask the LORD to teach you to be able to recognize his voice when He speaks to you. It [likely] will start with little things, simple things. But these are important because God is very interested in the little things. Then do or act accordingly. Brother, if you will follow these procedures I think you will find the release you are seeking because you see, the devil will always have his people out there to irritate us. Always. This is so certain you can take it to the bank! So lest we get upset with this, we need to get our own act together and then perhaps the LORD will be able to use us as an instrument to help these.

Make sense?

Blessings to you brother,

ginnyrose

I am a young girl I think. I am 18.
I am very glad that you are taking your problem with anger to the Lord. But like our sister pointed out, taking delight in the misfortunes of others, even if deserved, is an extremely vile thing to do. I hope you consider the personality and love of Christ, and repent of such awful awful thoughts. Our Father has pity on sinners, and to be like Him we must too. Otherwise, it shows that we are prideful, as though we saved ourselves and changed ourselves.
Of course girls of the world will be shallow. But when we become sold out for Christ and seek to imitate Christ, we are not shallow any longer. I do not in any way want to toot my own horn here. I am about to describe God's work, not mine. But perhaps you will be encouraged by how the Lord has blessed me and led me to behave.
I don't date or flirt for recreation, and I do not goggle at celebrity males, or even more obtainable males. Since my conversion, I have never considered any male for companionship for any other reason than whether he had love for the Lord. I am against the current fashions and seek to dress in a modest manner. Like the women of many different ages on this forum, I want to be like the celebrated women of the Bible.
Also, my good friend (16 years old) is also this way. Although we aren't convicted on all the same things, she still is not shallow, nor does she behave in any of the ways you described. She and I have had victory in Christ in this manner. But many are still weak. They need God's help, not condemnation.
I think if you have been frustrated with the companionship of women you have kept in the past, that this is the best place you could be. I only hope you will forgive them and pray for them, for many of them sound like they would benefit from being free of the bondage of worldly girlhood to serve the living God. If you can, right all the wrongs you can with the young women you've hurt. Don't be so concerned with how they hurt your feelings and care more about their soul.