I appreciate all the prayers and advice. It could be a season,like you mentioned.Its a longing to be more faithful to HIM and the inability,so it seems, on my part to do so.I'm sure we all go through it, but sometimes, I feel like Im all alone in this battle.It is hard to figure out what is me and what is from the evil one.How do I seperate what is of the flesh and what is of the devil?
In one of William Nicholson's sermons (available here on SI), he says, "You listen to sermons, he'll leave you alone. You go to church, he'll leave you alone. You read your Bible, he'll leave you alone. But you start praying... and the devil will send everything he's got your way, right or wrong, to distract you from your communion with Jesus." (paraphrased)
About being alone:
I'd like to tell you you can rely on us or others in the Christian community to help you out - but that's a lie.
"It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man." (PSALM 118:8)
"Take ye heed every one of his neighbour, and trust ye not in any brother: for every brother will utterly supplant, and every neighbour will walk with slanders." (JER 9:4)
"Thus saith the LORD; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the LORD." (JER 17:5)
"Trust ye not in a friend, put ye not confidence in a guide: keep the doors of thy mouth from her that lieth in thy bosom." (MICAH 7:5)
You are victorious if and only if you trust the LORD alone:
"Ye shall not fear them: for the LORD your God he shall fight for you." (DEUT 3:22)
"For I will surely deliver thee, and thou shalt not fall by the sword, but thy life shall be for a prey unto thee: because thou hast put thy trust in me, saith the LORD." (JER 39:18)
"The LORD [is] good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him." (NAH 1:7)
"The God of my rock; in him will I trust: he is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my saviour; thou savest me from violence." (II SAM 22:3)
"Call no man your father upon the earth; for one is your father, which is in heaven. Neither be ye called masters, for one is your Master, even Christ." (MATT 23:9-10)
"But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead." (II COR 1:9)
The Bible is replete with admonitions to "come out", "remain seperate", "trust God exclusively"... and "not to trust man". Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Jacob, the prophets, John the Baptist, Jesus, and the Apostles were all called to come out, be distinct, and be hated of men.
I feel for your aloneness. I really do. But even A.W. Tozer admitted that aloneness is part of the cost of discipleship. And the more you pray, read the scripture, and long for your Lord and New Jerusalem, the more you'll be like Him. The more like Him you become, the less comfortable you'll be in this world around these people - even professing Christians will seem alien.
Because you're not of this world like He's not of this world.
Sobering, isn't it?