Divorce and Re Marriage

I have met a girl and we have become very close. She is 42 and never married and I am 39 and married briefly and then divorced when I was 19. I was not a christian at the time, or some would say that I was a carnal christian, however I am a christian now.The question that I am faced with is: Am I allowed to re marry? This woman wants badly to marry me, and everyone is telling me that it's fine , but I have heard other views on the subject, and I really don't have a peace about it.I am hoping that my brothers and sisters here at SI can help me find an answer to my dilemma.Thanks.... :-?

Look up New Testament about that, and go with your conscience. We are disciples of Jesus, look up what Jesus says about that in his own words, like Matt 5:32, 19:8, Mark 10:2, Luke 16:18. The rest of the bible has other notes about God's perspective on divorce and remarriage. Please, pray about this and research it yourself from the bible and Jesus. People will tell you what you want to hear, but Jesus is your Lord.New Testament suggests being single is easier than marriage also.I have researched this myself as I struggle in the divorce, remarriage issue also. You're not alone. I am living with the consequences for my actions, and am obeying what Scripture says about it. God will change circumstances in His time, He always does.

That's quite a dilemma, I'm sorry you're put in this situation by a pre-conversion decision.I'll be blunt about my own position: If a man and a woman marry, then divorce, neither can lawfully (by God's law) marry another person so long as both remain alive.The only reason I believe that is because I believe the Scriptures teach it. If I had a good Scriptural argument for anything less harsh I'd probably leap for it.Matthew 532 But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery; and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.The clause "except for the cause of fornication" has been interpreted (reasonably) to mean that if either person commits adultery then divorce is lawful and presumably remarriage as well (of the non-adulterating person, at least). I've heard, however, that Jesus was referring to the Jewish custom where if the woman fornicated during the espousal period, the engagement could be called off lawfully; nothing to do with sexual misconduct after the marriage had taken place. I think there's support for that interpretation in that Matthew has a more Jewish audience than the other 3 Gospels (right?), and Jesus' other statements on the matter do not include this exception clause.Mark 1011 And He said unto them, "Whosoever shall put away his wife and marry another, committeth adultery against her.12 And if a woman shall put away her husband and be married to another, she committeth adultery."Luke 1618 "Whosoever putteth away his wife and marrieth another committeth adultery; and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.I'd put more time into investigating this, and I'll ask a friend of mine who has been researching it, but right now I have to finish up a term project. Will pm you if I have anything worthwhile.Again, the Scriptural evidence is the only reason I hold this position, it's definately not my natural preference, but we must obey God.I shall pray for you, at the least.

Hi Dave,I so appreciate your openness and desire to follow Jesus in this tough area. You might want to check out some MP3 teachings by Steve Gregg at www.thenarrowpath.com (Go to the "Tape Download" page and look under his "Towards A Radically Christian Counterculture." Teachings # 14 and 15 concern this whole issue of divorce and remarriage.) I think you'll appreciate Steve's thoroghness and integrity in searching for truth in the Word of God.Bless you!

You might want to check out some MP3 teachings by Steve Gregg at www.thenarrowpath.comThat appears to be an excellent site, thank you for the link.I didn't listen to the mp3, but I read the (long) "topical article" on "Divorce and Remarriage". I'm going to think about it and discuss it some people more mature in the faith than I, but the author makes a very good Biblical case for permissible divorce and remarriage in a limited set of cases.Some of the more conservative churches might not be so understanding, which is regrettably a necessary consideration, but one cannot generally please everyone else.

I just wanted to pose a question to perhaps make us consider things a bit more on the subject.If two people are married and have not been "saved", "born again", get divorced and then one or both get "saved", has not Jesus forgiven them of the sin of divorce as well and forgotton about it? Have they not begun a new life in Christ Jesus, old things passed away and all things made new?If the sin of divorce hangs over a persons head after they have been saved then why wouldn't other sins.Mike

Have they not begun a new life in Christ Jesus, old things passed away and all things made new?If the sin of divorce hangs over a persons head after they have been saved then why wouldn't other sins.That's something to clarify, yes, but the problem is elsewhere. If the first marriage was not actually (according to God's reckoning) dissolved, then marrying another person is adultery because it's being married to two people at once. The sin of divorce is forgiven (there's the matter of restitution, like when a thief gets saved and returns what he still has of the stolen goods, but I'll leave that alone for now), but entering into adultery is still a sin.That article gives a pretty good Biblical case for a marriage in this situation being actually dissolved, though.

Also, did you read his own testimony (narrowpath)? He has been married 3 times. At first glance this seems like a tragedy but after you read the testimony you see that not all circumstances are the same.In Him, chanin

Thanks for the link. I think he does a thorough, clear job in writing.

Adding another scripture I came across today, is 1 Cor 7:10, the whole chapter goes over marriage, divorce. etc. Reading it shows me God does not support remarriage very much, but I am a woman, so maybe that can be a loophole. I haven't found new testament scripture that does support remarriage outside of death and adultery. I could be wrong, but I have researched this quite a bit, and haven't found it, because of Mark 10:11 Jesus says something very clear "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."Matt 19:9 Jesus says, "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."That is the only provision besides death that I have found for godly divorce. It doesn't even mention if remarriage after adultery is okay, I haven't found Scripture to elaborate on remarriage. But Mark says if you remarry, you're committing adultery, so that's what I think is right. There really isn't provision for remarriage, just divorce.And Rev 21:8 says adulterers are going in the lake of fire, so this isn't a light thing. Please pray and follow God's teachings about this, He has some hard things to say about it.

I must say I am impressed by the honesty of people here at SI. :-)Dave, I understand that this must be a really hard situation for you, that is why I am so glad to see that you are prepared to ask such a tough question and to consider the answers.The thing I noticed in your post was this:The question that I am faced with is: Am I allowed to re marry? This woman wants badly to marry me, and everyone is telling me that it's fine , but I have heard other views on the subject, and I really don't have a peace about it.NEVER take such a step if you don't have peace about it. There is always some reason for the lack of peace inside, even if we may not know the exact reason. (Or maybe in this case you do?)My heart goes out to you, brother! I can feel you anguish./Rikard

Having thought about it and discussed it a bit with one of my friends, I don't see a Biblical justification of remarriage when the ex-spouse is still alive. If your spouse just up and leaves you (either heathen or acting like one), you aren't held responsible for the divorce, but to say the Scripture permits remarriage in such cases is probably stretching it.It also seems that the position of the Church on the matter was pretty solid from early times until fairly recently, and we should always be wary (not necessarily dismissive-out-of-hand, but wary) of "new" doctrine, and place the burden of proof upon those proposing it. I'd like to know what you all know about the history of the Christian position on divorce and remarriage (if I weren't so lazy I'd go research it myself, and I probably will, just not at the moment). Sometimes it's right to turn from the historical position, but we have to be careful, and we had better not change only for compassionate or emotional reasons (i.e. there's a tremendous number of remarried people and people living in possibly/clearly adulterous re-marriages, so there's a lot of pressure to be too lenient on the issue).Aside from the general case, though, it's a very good point that we should never do anything (particularly so important) lacking a peace from God. Remember,Romans 14:23And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not from faith; for whatsoever is not from faith is sin.That is: doubtful action is sin.

Hey Brother, Continue to ernestly CONTEND FOR THE FAITH of Jesus Christ our LOrd and Savior. HOBBY

Hi, I am entering this forum for the first time. I would like to say to bigdaveusa that I understand your problem. I am divorced although the difference being that I was married for 7 years and have 3 beautiful daughters. My children's mom decided to have an affair (we were saved at the time) she separated and I divorced after 4 years of prayer and hope. Anyway I have not remarried and do not feel as a Christian I have a right to as long as my children's mother does not remarry. Although I do not see myself remarrying anyway Deuteronomy 241 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD . Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.You see I believe christians who marry divorce and remarry are bringing a curse upon the land that the Lord has given us. They are leading selfish and self serving lives, the exact opposite of the life Jesus Christ called us to live. Now, that being said I also understand that you were not a christian at the time of your 1st marriage, or maybe you were, that was kind of unclear. At any rate I do not see a great problem in your remarriage if your first wife has remarried and or if you were not saved at the time of your first marriage.

One final thing I seem to have noticed you saying how badly this woman wants to marry you, Am I allowed to re marry? This woman wants badly to marry me, etc.,but nothing is said about how badly you want to marry her although you said you have "become very close" that alone is not grounds for love that brings marriage. Maybe the check you feel is not whether it is scriptural or not, maybe it is because you don't love her in the way that brings marriage into a relationship.I am just reading from what was written by you, and I had to look at this very same topic with myself and a woman. I finally realized the "check" was because I really didn't love her that way. P.S. we are still great friends, Thank God!!!!

Though I am against divorse and remairrage in most every case, every case must be viewed individualy. and as far as you are concerned, my thinking is this. We can do what we will here as we will (concerning divorce) but since he he who mairries a divorced person commits adultry, the divorce is not valid before God. therefore whatever the state decrees you are still wed before God.In that case, (if my initial premis is invalid it destroys my arguement) I would draw your attention to 1 Corinthians chapter 7 verse 14-15. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. It seems here that if you were yet married and it was her desire to leave, you would not be under bondage...I think this is the councel of the bible in this case...matthew

I would tend to agree with Matthew's latest post on this. (1 Cor 7:15-16)Also 1 Cor 7:27-28 seems to indicate to me that when your spouse leaves you and divorces you that you are released. It says not to seek a wife but if you do should marry again that you have not sinned.The real problem to me is when two people say they are Christians but one wants a divorce. To me this is an indication that one of them is unbelieving. God hates divorce and so do Christians.Mike

I just want to say through my tears how much I love and appreciate all of you. Thank you for the tender words of understanding and encouragement. I knew that I could count on all of you, and could imagine that I could actually hear the pages of your bibles turning as you winnowed out the truth with me. I am shocked at the disparity of views concerning the matter. Scripture seems clear about it, and then I read this or that that leads me to the conclusion that the matter is not so clear but seemingly convoluted. I do know this: Jesus is the Author and Finisher of my faith. That the evil one is the author of confusion. I now merely wrestle with the hard truth it seems. God will not be mocked. He hates divorce. He is faithful even when we are faithless, but He does not excuse willful sin or causing another to sin. There are consequences...eternal consequences.......This is where I am at on the subject. Please pray for me. Thank you.........................

How is it that a person can remarry under any circumstance after a divorce, whether they were a christian or not at tha time? It looks to me as though God's word is very clear on the matter. :-?

Responding to 1 Cor 7 verse about letting them go. That seems to mean it's ok to separate or divorce, but the Scripture doesn't say then it's ok to remarry, that is being assumed, and that is dangerous to do. Reading the whole bible, scripture seems to lean towards staying unmarried if your first marriage is a bust. Reading the whole of God's word over and over, not just taking one scripture, is the best way to interpret God's word and understand God's will and His ways. Again, we follow Jesus, and He has some things to say about this. If one is going to twist and add on to what Scripture says, God will not hold you guiltless on the Day of Judgment. Jesus as Lord means do what He says to do, live life how He says to live it, otherwise, He is not your Lord.