I’ve made vows to God about my life, career goals, dress, and especially devotional time and broke them ALL. Its just lip service with me and I don’t want to add to my condemnation.
You know, often in the forum here we do our best to give only the information and testimonies we believe has led to our successes, discarding anything that has led to failure. It's an unconscious filter we apply to our testimonies, but one that perhaps leaves out the information that would be most helpful.
The bottom line is that discipline, for me at least, is not an effortless habit but a battle of gaining ground, losing ground, and then surging forward again. If we are honest...we are ever balancing ratios in our lives. For instance, we might notice spiritual areas that need tending to and so we surge forward in prayer, bible study, and the like...but soon find our work duties need increased focus. So we turn our attention to learn more about project management, take on a second job, or spend extra time getting our heads around some new piece of software for a couple of weeks, all the while still mindful of holding ground on our spiritual fronts. Perhaps it's not too long afterwards we begin to notice that all of this intellectual and spiritual activity is leaving our bodies flabby and unenergetic so we begin a program of physical fitness. Perhaps with enough discipline and focus you manage to achieve results in all three of these areas, but to your dismay you realize your valient efforts have made you a totally self-absorbed person, working from morning to night on self-maintenance...leaving nothing for other people, including your own family.
Arrggg! Brother, I've learned to see God's grace reflected in the seasons. Not every day offers the same ratio of warm sunshine, and not everyday offers the same volume of refreshing rain. Indeed, if it weren't for the biting cold to come around every year, the old deseases and germs wouldn't be killed off and spring wouldn't be fresh but stagnant. Seasons take time to work through...they do not cycle every single day but over periods of time. Once you are in summer you may feel tempted to believe you will always be in summer, and to become quite intolerant of those who are in winter. Yet I believe the seasons reflect the Lord's patient renewal, just as all of creation reflects something about the Creator.
What I am saying is to not get caught up in daily regiment, which requires more then character, but also fortunate cirucumstance. Financial instability, extra duties, and sickness are only a few of the external factors that can bring winter upon you...do not imagine the Lord will leave you in these times! Daily regiment is not the greatest evidence of maturity, but growing in love perhaps is.
And if you feel compelled to seek God just to avoid condemnation, then prepare yourself for a long loveless road of failure and frustration. In my experience, Christians who feel they must be in summer all their lives are not under grace, but under the law...and under a heavy burdensome misconception.
Another analogy: to avoid mistakes and reduce inefficiencies, our small business is beginning a process documentation project, to help distribute the best processes and procedures. So, in my typical fashion, I began by trying to find the best examples of Operations Manuals to learn from. I asked a trusted friend "Have you ever come across an operations manual that was so complete and well written that it anticipated every possible mistake and helped the employees all work from the same perspective consistently?" He answered without hesitation, "Yes. It's called the bible and even it is full of grace." Point taken...business can be boiled down to processes buttoned together by people with vaying personalities and dispositions...success is not just the processes themselves. Relationships, whether business, or spiritual, human or divine, are still based on trust. Yet, we saints can sometimes emphasize spiritual principles and processes to the point where we have a hard time simply trusting the Lord.
I'm not discouraging your "Prayer Process Implementation Procedure"...I am only reminding you that Jesus promised he will never forsake you or leave you. Sure, if there is something in your character that needs work, he is working on your behalf...you can trust in him. And if you miss your morning devotionals and prayer because you were were up all night studying or meeting a deadline, then feel free to look for time elsewhere to meet with the Lord.
I know some here may be wary of my advice...but I give such grace to my own spouse and children, because I know they still need my support even when their duties keep them from spending regular family time. I do not expect the relationship I have with any of them to be the same 10 years from now. At times we luxeriate in hours of fellowship, and at other times we chat briefly to each other before heading out the door in the morning. Yet never once do they feel my condemnation...I know they are all working hard! How is it that the Lord would have less grace towards his children and bride then me?
And one day, after passing through the fire or through the flood of trials, you find a rich prayer life, don't become tempted to believe you have mastered yourself, and start writing new laws for other weaker saints to follow. Just be thankful that the Lord has brought you to a wealthy place and luxeriate in His fellowship.
Blessings,
MC
