Rejoicing in God's Grace

I know this sounds like a weird title. But I truly know what God's grace is now. I wouldn't have understood this a few years ago.Today I was cleaning up my bedroom and muttering to myself about what a mess it was- all the books and booklets scattered everywhere. I had about 5 or 6 books and a couple of journals on my bedside table; then on on the floor next to my bed, and on my desk and on my dresser- there are many more.It suddenly hit me that I shouldn't be complaining about this. This is a miracle in itself! Over two years ago, my room might have looked similar except that all the books and reading material would have been about fitness, dieting, body shaping, and personal training. Now all the books and reading material are christian classics and a mixture of God-inspired books.Wow, what a long way to come in such a short time- it seems. I look back at the last two years and I can't believe how much work the Lord has done in me. I don't know how He got me there- but by His grace- He did. As much as I know i've grown in this last two years (I guess i was making up for the past 20 yrs. of lukewarmness :), I also know I have so much more to go. I can't even imagine it! I feel like I went through a whirlwind these last 2 years- a crash course in many ways. Yet now I am on the slow road- taking my journey one step at a time now- not by leaps and bounds any more.How he could take someone who has such an addictive personality- addicted to whatever was my "thing" at the time (fitness was my thing for about 10 years) and then turn that into an addiction to Christ. Ha! It is amazing the way God works!When I look at the difference- just even in my interests (which there is none really except Christ now), I am amazed at God's grace. I just say to myself, "HOW?" How did I get here? Why? Why me?It truly makes me feel loved by Him. If I had not had His grace to keep on going- to press through- I know I could just as easily be cleaning up a bedroom with tons of fitness and dieting books and magazines today.Thank you God, that I am not where I was then and living a lie. But now I live everyday in the truth and in the light!Satisfied in Him alone, Chanin

I hate to reply to my own post but I would like to ellaborate a little more. Things are still coming to my mind that are complete miracles to me. The fact that Lord has taken down walls in my heart- walls that were there to keep people from seeing the real me, walls that were there so that I wouldn't seem vulnerable to anyone, walls that were there so that I woudn't get hurt.God has taken those down one by one. I know He intends for me to be transparent so that others can see through me. A few years ago, I hated to admit that I liked pink. It hated to admit I had any weaknesses. I kept a parts of me hidden and behind locked doors because I didn't want to seem vulnerable in any way.Now, I know it's ok to be who God intended me to be. I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not or keep a front up so that I won't appear "weak". I am weak. I am weak in many things and only God makes me strong in those things.Boy, if any of you could have seen my heart just a couple of years ago. Everything looked really good on the outside, but inside I was closed off from so many things. I wouldn't let the Lord in to all my closed doors.To finally let it all go- to just say "ok, God" I don't know what's going to happen to me or how I'll be hurt- but I have to trust You"- just so I could be FREE. Now I know not only what grace is- but what FREEDOM is. :-) That is a miracle!Satisfied in Him alone, chanin

As much as I know i've grown in this last two years (I guess i was making up for the past 20 yrs. of lukewarmness :), I also know I have so much more to go. I can't even imagine it! I feel like I went through a whirlwind these last 2 years- a crash course in many ways. Yet now I am on the slow road- taking my journey one step at a time now- not by leaps and bounds any more.It's been about 2 years for me too, but not from lukewarmness, rather icy coldness. I think I'm still in leaps-and-bounds mode, and I hope it is always so, but the leaps and bounds are in different things, particularly since the last of the besetting sins (so far as I know) was burned away.How he could take someone who has such an addictive personality- addicted to whatever was my "thing" at the time (fitness was my thing for about 10 years) and then turn that into an addiction to Christ. Ha! It is amazing the way God works!I think He gives almost unnatural intensity to certain people for specific purposes of His. When I played video games, I played them all hours of the day; when I read sci-fi novels, I could read something like 1500 pages a day; when I gave my mind to imagining a world and story, an incredibly vast saga developed over the years (which I take no credit for, I think it was spirit-induced, though I don't know the source), when I became infatuated with a girl, I thought of little else (not uncommon, I suppose) ... I wasn't always successful (particularly on the last one) but I almost always did it with utter intensity.Now, by the grace of God, I serve Him. I hope with as much intensity. It comes to mind, that He has a specific purpose for me. Some (perhaps most) people He intends to be balanced, not so with others.When I look at the difference- just even in my interests (which there is none really except Christ now), I am amazed at God's grace. I just say to myself, "HOW?" How did I get here? Why? Why me?It is very surprising, looking back, I think I know how you feel. It's hard even to remember my state of mind before conversion, and even for some time afterward.The fact that Lord has taken down walls in my heart- walls that were there to keep people from seeing the real me, walls that were there so that I wouldn't seem vulnerable to anyone, walls that were there so that I woudn't get hurt.Walls are always peculiar structures when erected in the soul... personally, getting hurt is something I stopped caring about some time ago, though some walls are preferable to keep others from getting hurt, or needlessly distracted.God has taken those down one by one. I know He intends for me to be transparent so that others can see through me.May we each be baptized in the water of the Word unto repentance, and be cleansed of all unrighteousness that the fountain of living water from us not be tainted, and may we each be baptized in the Spirit and Consuming Fire, melted and burned clear through, becoming vessels as glass or crystal, that His light might shine through.Now, I know it's ok to be who God intended me to be. I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not or keep a front up so that I won't appear "weak". I am weak. I am weak in many things and only God makes me strong in those things.We are nothing but weakness, except where the Lord strengthen us. Wherever we do not rely on Him, we fail.Thank you for sharing, Chanin, the Lord blesses me through your words.

Both of your words were so encouraging. God bless you both.How could God change a wretch like me? Solely by His power, His strength, certainly not through some fleshly striving on my part.Many of the people who prayed for me when I backslid for so many years feel uncomfortable around me now. It saddens me sometimes and I wonder why? When I say things they just look at me like what is that coming out of His mouth?Shouldn't Christ be our life? That's really all I want in life, not a comfortable life but a life comforted by God as I yield to Him and trust Him to change me, use me, whatever He wants or wishes to do.Sometimes I don't know what's happening to me, it's hard to explain. I just thank God for whatever He is doing in my life. Romans 5:20b "But where sin increased and abounded, grace (God's unmerited favor) has surpassed it and increased the more and superabounded, " Thank you Jesus for changing our hearts. We don't deserve your mercy and grace but we thank You for these wonderful things you have done and are doing in our hearts. Thank you for this superabundance of grace and mercy when we seek you with our whole heart. Romans 15:13 May the God of your hope so fill you with all joy and peace in believing [through the experience of your faith] that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound and be overflowing (bubbling over) with hope.

Ed,I know what you mean! The people (including family) that I thought were pretty good christians before my "second experience" as Oswald Chambers calls it- all run the other way when they see me coming. :-D It's funny, it's like just our very 'presence' is convicting or something. They are afraid of being revealed in some way. Is this not strange.I am grateful for the gathering of this 'peculiar' people. :-D In Him, chanin

It's funny, it's like just our very 'presence' is convicting or something. They are afraid of being revealed in some way. Is this not strange.Was reading this this morning:"Brother Wigglesworth, like Charles Finney, believed that the presence of a man (or woman, my insert) filled with God could bring conviction to sinners without even a word being spoken. As he sat opposite a man in a railway carriage, the man suddenly jumped up, exclaimed, "You convict me of sin!" and went out into another carriage."Secrets of Smith WigglesworthW.HackingI am grateful for the gathering of this 'peculiar' peopleSo much so I could hardly begin to express it all.I read some many things here last night, throughout the forum that I felt compelled to respond to everything. But it had been a long day and it was all just such an encouragement and a blessing to see and hear all you peculiarly odd people that you are, marching to this different drummer, going on with the Lord into deeper depths and higher heights. And sharing it all here in all it's stark nakedness (at times). So as a kind of blanket statement over everything:Praise God! The work He is doing in so many lives is just phenomenal. Reading over these particular replies here in this thread caused me to pause as well and reflect back to 'those days' that now seem somewhat obscure in trying to recall the thought process before God got hold of me. The things that I used to give me attention to, where my loyalties lied (pun intended! By accident I might add.) Yes, it is quite amazing now. I too have stacks and stacks of books and articles and so much to read it is just incredible, might actually be gaining on Greg! :-) But the point isn't in all that and I don't feel any need to apologize for this gluttonous approach to the things of God. I think a large part of it is this "catching up" if you will after squandering so many years that you can't back and the other is just...hunger, the best way I could put it is already summed up in a particular members name here.More of Him.Bless you all