Pre-October Confessions

"The weekend before halloween of 2006, a couple friends of mine and I had a sort of celebration. This was no normal halloween celebration. This was a ceremony to worship God.

A few weeks before this celebration took place my grandfather had come to visit. My grandpa is not a Christian, however he looked at what I had to say about my faith and how I dressed and how it didn't seem to correlate. So, I decided it was time to get rid of some of my clothes that were not beneficial in my walk with Christ and my Christian influence on a wicked world. Weeks before that halloween weekend we all three gathered together things that were not glorifying to Christ, that were sinful, that stood in between us and Him. We gathered together and built a fire. We prayed and spent hours burning the evil that had once been a part of our lives. Clothing, magazines, jewelery, pictures, all sorts of material things as well as the things of our hearts. What better way to celebrate halloween, giving to God, destroying evil, and spending time in song and prayer!? I'm thinking of starting a yearly or biyearly tradition of this sort because it was an amazing time. I look back on that day and think wow, let's do it again, I bet I could burn more! :)"

These are my words from one year ago. Once again, October is approaching and it will be time to continue the tradition. The month of October will be a time of fasting and prayer, of self-examination and examination of what we own, what we love, and what we cling to in this world. Saturday October 27th is the planned day that we will gather together, build a fire, and cast away that which is unholy and unworthy of our call as Christians. This is for the glory and honor of our heavenly father.

Charlene and I will be posting updates throughout September and October to confess the sins of our hearts that God reveals to us... these will be our October Confessions.

We invite all of you to take part with us this October, to search your hearts and your homes for sin that might be evident or tucked away, that we might cast it off for the glory of Christ. We invite you to build your own fires and come together as the body to worship God.

That we might put off the sin that so easily entangles... that we might put on Christ and holiness... that we might look more like Christ and not be conformed to the ways of this world!

Laura and Charlene

When you look at the revivals in the Old Testament, this is one of the hallmarks of revival, the casting down of idols. My prayer is that you won't have to do this again next year because there's nothing left to cast down. May Jesus reign. Thank you for the encouragement today sisters, it was a cold sip of water in the desert that the Lord has me in now.

May we be willing to cast down our idolatrous ways, not just the external things as well. Blessings to you both in the name of Jesus...

The first thing God has been speaking to me is
Whom do I love?

Love my God with all My Mind, My Soul, My Heart..
I hate to say but as I have thinking, it brings tears.. " I remember how eager you were to please me as a young bride long ago how you loved me and followed me even through the barren wilderness" Jer 2

God has showed how I am not as eager to study his word as I did..

God has showed me how I am not as eager to put it to heart and take the extra time to do it.

I have seen my lack of faith and trust in God with memorization of his word..

I not as eager to feed on his word, as I was.
I know I was keep memorizing his word, but I disobey and lack in faith I could.

I my hunger for is lacking and small to what it was, I have let lies fill my mind and the lack
of delight in memorizing his word.

Where has my fire went?
where is my passion to feed on the word?
Where is my delight to know and mediate on it all day?

Oh God change my heart and make it new. help me oh Lord to learn to the delight again of memorizing your word, and build my faith again that with you all things are possible. Would it not be of God that I lack the eagerness to be in and memorizing your word. Help when I am weak to keep my mind on you.
Give discipline and self control in my time to set aside time to devote to memorizing your word.

in his love
charlene

Outstanding ...

With the conference wedged inbetween ... This is wonderful sisters. Will bring some material for burning even here shortly ...

Greetings

I just wanted to share that Father has been showing me that I really need to seek Him more and not be about pleasing self. I have also been convicted that I need to learn to choose my words more carefully and to be mindful of others. I do not have to be right all the time, I would much rather spend my time living in submission to Jesus not because I have to but because I want to. Something that I read recently really opened my eyes to the motivations of my heart in my daily walk with the Lord. "We are more concerned about our own “victory” over sin than we are about the fact that our sins GRIEVE THE HEART OF GOD." I really felt convicted by this one sentence. How can I continue to profess to love Him and still continue to hurt Him with my sinful, selfish heart! For me its not about living my life a certain way because I have to, but because I want to. When I look to the cross and see the love that was demonstrated there for me, someone so undeserving I am speechless. Jesus willingly choose to die for me! Now I want to live my life for Him because He is worthy of one hundred percent of my heart, devotion, submission and life.
I want to die to the sin in my life because that sin grieves the heart of the one I love.
God Bless
MJ

Jas 3:17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable ...

[i]Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth ... And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell... But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be... Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation ...[/i]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pardon the difficulty in what is to follow and the particular crafting of the verses above. The first is something that has stalled as it is at exactly that point, [i]first pure, then peaceable[/i] all week long repeating in the hearing.

That which follows is part and parcel of this confession and revelation of sorts that came about yesterday. Redundantly as it is likely known to more than a few here, the penchant is to take much from many that share across this fellowship forum as we would prefer it, rather than a board of mere opinion ... Ah, there is a catch even here, will explain.

A certain situation here at home drew something to my attention that I had not noticed and when it became apparent recognized it even as recently as this particular thread had it's same elements; [url=https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=19493&forum=35#152610]Detroit continues to go to hell[/url].

It is merely this, an attempt at a forced confession.

The situation here was one of finances and feel I should spare the details as it would make this far too long. Will just say that where a week ago their was a more mutual and sobering, sorrowful attribute in kind, rather than to wait on the Lord, keep the unruly beast behind the pearly whites ... knowing these things notwithstanding, out burst the untamed fire starter ... and it gets worse.

For some strange reason, perhaps for about a month now have made it a point to stop and pause in the hallway that leads to our bedroom and put out my hand towards our wedding picture, the point of lingering varies but it has almost become this sort of invisible line that I cannot cross without doing so. Please understand and take it with a grain of salt. There is something about it that is reflected in the moment, the two smiling faces are so ridiculous as to think we had arrived in Heaven itself. It is a prayer for restoration as one as unto the Lord.

The point of failure was just there. Coming home and knowing there would have to be some discussion ... well, hindsight ... Had been praying somewhat and had some anticipations, paused there, stopped and turned back, tried to settle things out first by the Lord ... But, too quickly was the whole thing, it was an usurping, a trumping, a natural proclivity that figured 'good enough' in it's duration, Oh the sheer folly.

So that the whole matter came apart, became unruly and somewhat heated, ugly ... remorseful, was certainly no surprise at all. What did later become apparent was, to coin a phrase from our own Philologos, the 'little scheme I had cooked up in my head' wasn't coming to pass in the manner that while not planned was still evident in that the scheme had at it's source a 'confession' of sorts that was more in line with the previous week, a subconscious expectation of "I am sorry, you are correct ..." along those lines. When it didn't materialize, the [i]force[/i] came in by way of expression of my frustration and explanation and ... the continuing, the pushing and subtle prodding, that I kept it going, [i]forcing the issue[/i]. And to think how much I despise manipulation? Oh ... the folly!

When this dawned on me I was sorely humiliated and recognized that which I must often do here, the aforementioned thread a most recent example. If the point cannot come across and the expected reactions distilled ... Try again! Keep at it, keep pushing and prodding and bringing it back up in different ways and forms. Use [i]force[/i], the force of an argument. It is observable across the lines here in many of us I am sure and the extrapolations could go in to many different applications.

The brutal recognition however it might be sliced is still that of not waiting on the Lord. Not recognizing the essence of being led by the Spirit, a word in due season and a prison break of the little beast.

I repent of it here and if this bonfire needs a starter might it be this little member and might it be consumed in these flames.

I repent of it.
And I ask of all your forgiveness.

A little P.S., praying over these things this morning, musing on the dying of the natural\\old man however one wants to couch it ... Had flipped over the most recent issue of [i]The Remnant[/i] and this caught my eye and my attention and seemed to codify all these things;

[url=http://www.charityministries.org/theremnant/index.a5w] July/August/September 2007[/url]

Separately;

[url=https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=19573&post_id=152808&order=0&viewmode=thread&pid=0&forum=45#152808]Dying To Self[/url]

Mike and MJ thank you so much for your openess and willingness to lay your hearts bare and share your confessions. How beautiful it is to see Christians who long to be more like Christ!
Who long to die to self!

Dying to self is definitely what God has put on my heart. To teach me how to love others and think less of me. I must confess that it has been extremely difficult to put down my pride, my vanity, my agenda, my desire to be recognized and praised, and my covetessness... I must say that God has definitely shone the light on my wicked flesh to expose it for what it really is. I just seem to continue to fail in this area again and again. I also ask forgiveness, as I have asked God to forgive me and have confessed this to others at my church. I have a true desire to die to self, please pray that God would transform my heart to love others as I love myself and to put their needs above mine. Oh how I long to be like Christ! How I hate my wickedness! Lord please work in our lives and make us like you!

Last week God was putting on my heart, I haven't
told anyone about Christ.. I confess thanks to Abe song.. “Whom Have you told”.. Really got my thinking.. I said I wanted to share Christ more. But I failed this week.. I was driving with Laura last week when it really hit how cold my heart really was to share Christ.. We were driving to Care Group. There we started to pray, my dear sister held my hand and prayed for me. " Oh God make my sister have a fire to share, make her bold as a lion" After I couldn't stop thinking about thinking about. Whom I have a told about Jesus? Whom? I confess my fear my cold heart and lack of love for the lost. I started thinking do I weep over the lost? Really how do pray? How I weep? My eyes are dry for the lost.. But my desire has been growing stronger and stronger to speak. After I failed this whole week.. I said let me tell of You to someone today. After Church me and Laura went to place everyone was eating at. As I sat there, each talking about this and that. It hit me, these people need God. They are lost.. My heart starting pounding. God started to give me a heart for them.. I have to say something but to whom? Then I saw the man behind us, I knew I was to go and speak to him. But I couldn't I had fear. I sat there forever wanting to go, and yet I couldn't. What was keeping me back? When I knew the Lord was putting on my heart. I couldn’t leave without speaking. But I was so weak I need Lord. Then I said to Laura lets pray...I started praying there my heart broke out I started crying. What a fool, to not go and share Christ, I am not ashamed of Christ? After praying I knew I had to go.. I went over and talked with him and we talked a while. I got to tell of Christ. It was my piece of Heaven.. Why did it take so much time to go and share?

But this I Confess my coldness and God came and gave me a new heart. I was fearful yet for what?
Do I let my fear keep me back? Oh may it never be.. I confess how weak I am. And how little I really the those who will burn in Hell.. Oh may it never be..

I see my heart as much to grow in.. Oh God this I pray I will speak without fear.. Oh let it be I weep over the lost..

May help to speak more this. week..
So again I am left with Whom Have I told?

In His love
charlene

I confess I feel very upset, at different things. My joy of the Lord is not seen. I am in sin, rejoice in all things. I haven't been rejoiceing. I feel discouarged and upset. Not useing all my words in love. May I find my rest in God. and my joy..

In His Love
charlene

I confess I am full of pride. It is terrible how I have allowed the enemy to put such pride in my heart that I think stemmed from insecurity and/or rejection. I have allowed myself to take pride in good works I have done. I have allowed myself to take pride in evangelizing others, I have allowed myself to take pride in how I look.

I have in such a terrible and wicked way allowed pride to infect my life. I have such a critical spirit towards others. I look at them in such a negative way because of there sins, but commit the same sin as they.

I have come to such a place where I do not see others how I should. I do not esteem a number of others more highly than myself; and have laughed at others in a un-christ like manner. And thought myself as something when I am but dust.

I have compared myself with others and have had pride in my heart, and took pride in myself because I have done this thing, or that thing, or am this way, or that way.

I am not anything without the Lord Jesus Christ. I am truely vile, and one of the worst sinners. I lust, and have looked at pornography, within the last month. I even spent money on pornography a time back that I could have used to help the poor, or help someones ministry.

Woe to me, woe to me, I shall see his eyes like a flame of fire! Woe to me, woe, woe! HE shall come with the army of Heaven, woe to me!

I have used profane language, and have had a terrible thought life.

I have doubted God and HIS Word. I have failed to believe in Him and trust Him fully. woe to me!
:cry:

I have commited idolatry, and have put doing things on the computer before communing with God by spending time in His Word and prayer. I have failed to use the gifts and abilities God has given me as I should, whether that is playing guitar, or reading the Word and serving others, doing a better job at work, being faithful to pray for others, evangelizing, etc.

I am a glutton, but yet I have looked down upon and judged someone I work with who is obese and talks about food. Woe to me!

A number of months ago, I started to sign a paper at my moms house that this guy who put up some blinds here wanted me to sign. I signed part of my full name and then read something like "owners signature" I just finished signing it. I do not own the blind, I have lied in such a terrible way! I hate lying! How could I have done such a terrible thing. Woe is me! I shall be judged! I shall be judged! God extend your grace to me, I desperatley need You! :cry:

My sins of omission heap up over me, failing to spend as much time as I should in prayer, and in the Word, in praising and worshipping God, in serving others.

I have not always honored and many times have not honored or dishonored my mother and father.

I have held resentment and unforgiveness towards various people. One occassion, was even when I was a young kid, I lost at this car derby thing. My car was going pretty good, and then this guy just took my car and put graphite on it and put on the thing for one of the final runs. I lost and got second or third place, and held resentment towards that guy because I might have won if he wouldn't have done that to my car.

I also was treated bad by a teacher, my father, and other people, that I have held resentment and unforgiveness towards. I need the grace of God to help me forgive people who have hurt me in my life. I still may have unforgiveness towards others.

I have condemned myself or allowed myself to feel condemned many times, and have failed to focus on God many times and instead have focused on myself, and bad things I have done. I also have pitied myself, and have dwelled in self-pity, shame, and guilt. I have failed to be thanful many a times, and have complained or have had a terribley negative spirit.

I have failed to say things when I was supposed to; and have said things to people when I shouldn't have done so. I have failed to always spend the money I have how God wants me to. And have spent money unrighteously.

I have feared man in ways I shouldn't and have allowed various fears to keep me from focusing on God. I have fallen victim to many fears such as fear of man, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of committing adultery, fear of lying, fear of being a jealous person and being a jealous husband, fear of hell, fear of loss of salvation, fear of being bit by spiders or stung by bees or hornets, fear of not having a beautiful wife, fear of God that isn't a righteous fear of God, fear of dying, fear of demons, etc.

I also have been jealous of other people, I have been jealous of a number of people who have very beautiful, wonderful wives, and have covetted there wives. I have coveted other peoples posessions. I have had jealousies towards others because of what they have. I have coveted other peoples cars, body parts, cell phones, digital cameras, food, abilities, etc.

I also have had a terrible legalistic mind set and have been a legalist. I also have had a terrible view of God and have a wrong view of who God is. I make a god in my own mind that is not the true God.

I have done very wickedly.

Jarona-your confession cause conviction in my heart for I am too guilty. Thank you for your honesty.

Father Forgive US...

God says our lips are to praise him.. bring glory and lift up others.
Don’t praise then cruse with.
well the other day my brother said some things to me and I was mad. My flesh came out and said F word.I was in shock and went and cried. I went and said I was sorry. I was sadden because what comes from your lips comes from your heart.
I am seeing I need God even more. I am ever so needy for Him to help me. I cried Lord how can you use me? Then God spoke to my heart God can use anyone. We have all been sinners. Saved by grace and kept by grace.

I have seem bitterness in my family spring in my heart this week, will I hold on or will I forgive? I must forgive for I am forgiven

Also the real love for the word.. Last Sunday
I woke up late, and I was in word such a short time. We got their and they started singing I started crying. Oh How Lord can we go with your word? I am hungry..

Today I woke to pray, I was sick and was having a hard time thinking I laid down and said I don't have to pray as much today. I gave in and failed to trust God in my prayers.

I have also seen when I pray I ask oh God will you do this for them and us and we.. But I need to be saying Me and I...

Also how good it is to be in the light how free it is..

I am shamed of my sins, for they kept God getting greater glory.
I cover my head in shame, but I rejoice
For if I confess my sins he is faithful to forgive.. Amen

In his love
charlene

What are non- essential things that take up my time? I am really willing to give them up?
I have seen it is Holy war to give the desire of flesh to pray. I have battle after battle. Moment where I feel I am on the very Mt with God, while next day I am in the pit struggling with every word. But I have seen, if I am not willing to fight my time will quickly be taken up with things that have no eternal value. I am guilty of filling up my time with meaningless things, when there a war to be fought.