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crusader Oct 17, 2007

An issue that pours on my heart is how do we maintain a household in Godly fashion when our partner does not have the same faith or passion towards christ as you do?

I have been married for about 13 years and the hardest thing to deal with is having a partner that is comfortable with the physical attributes of christian living but will not push fourth in the spiritual.

I have met many strong christians in my life that have lived with this and they struggled with the pain of this as well.

I have noticed through out the years that when ever i get into spiritual warfare that the attacks instantly start from my partner.

My wife was a christian when i met her and brought me to christianity but God took hold of my heart and gave me a passion to follow him with all my heart. As time went by i noticed that my wife didnt have the same passion and as i learnt and grew in the lord our understandings started to seperate.

recently when i asked my wife about her faith she advised me that it is hard for her to believe in God because of the pain her mother went through before she died of cancer. at night my wife could hear her mother crying out to the lord to take the pain away from her but this continued for 5 years.

i am told by the family that my mother inlaw was a strong christian and the whole family lost faith durring this time.

i so understand my wifes heart but she is unwilling to push into jesus for anwsers or change.

has anyone overcome in this area, we have prayed together many times through out our life but my wife is very persistant in staying the way she is.

my main worry about this is that when ever i preach or witness to people i am alone spiritualy and physically from my wife. Many times i have to face attacks with out the support of my family!

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ginnyrose Oct 20, 2007

Crusader,

I am so sorry to hear about your wife ....please give to her my sympathy in the loss of her mother through cancer. That is traumatic - to see one suffer with no relief from pain for so long.

I do not know what to tell you to do except perhaps try to be a little bit more understanding of her hurt. Physical suffering is no picnic....one of my births was a very painful one. Physically I was a small person - I looked almost like a child myself who was carrying one and to deliver one was very painful. During this pain I had to think of what Jesus went through on the cross and how he endured it - did not think his pain could be a whole lot worse...Why am I saying this? Your wife may be intimately acquainted with pain that you are unfamilar with because she can relate to her mom.

Affliction will do one of two things: draw you to God or turn you away from him. It will test you, reveal to you what you really are. Since you know that now, your mission as the head of your home is to operate as an intercessor for your wife and as her priest. Whether she will come around or not will in no way lessen your responcibility as the head of your home. Tough, no doubt.

Perhaps you can get a glimpse of how God feels like when his children turn their backs on him when He does not function according to their wishes.

In the meantime just make sure you are right with God and are walking with Him. Whether your wife will come around, I do not know. But what you can do is make sure you are where God wants you to be and being there you can intercede on her behalf.

God bless you,

ginnyrose

sermonindex Oct 20, 2007

I would follow ginnyrose's advice as far as being there for her ect.. but at the same time you have to obey God. Live your life for God. God comes first and what He calls you to do comes first.

1 Corinthians 7:15
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

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crusader Oct 21, 2007

yes i do need to press in to lord and not let my relationship take that away but also i need to pray for my wife and understand her heart as this is a struggle for her.

sermonindex Oct 21, 2007

Dear brother,

I believe you have moved on with God immensely in the last year or two, and this will have an effect on your spouse. She was also affected by the things you struggled with, but will respond to your leadership.

Perhaps there is place in your relationship both for quiet uncritical example, and some conversations about God's heart to heal her wounds.

Your description of your mother-in-law's long drawn out death pangs, which were taken as an object lesson by her children, also indicate that they had been somehow protected by her, from such difficulties as might have driven them to Christ sooner, as individuals.

I think this is a common pitfall in Christian families, of which I have tried to be aware, but it does not absolve the children from making their own peace with God. (I want to say also, that just because their mother was continually crying out for relief of pain, it is an assumption to conclude God did not answer her.)

It is more likely, also, that a 'strong Christian' had 'strong' opinions about many things, which set standards and controls, which may have been spiritually ~~[i]~~wounding[/i] to the children. I realise Christian parents don't set out to do this, but frequently become locked in the rigid way they present God to their offspring - unless they are genuinely tender and maleable by Him, always acknowledging their need for His help and grace.

I believe your awareness of this gulf between you and your wife is part of God's dealings with you both, and as you draw her closer in God's love and your love, she will be melted towards Him. Remember He already walked this way for us, to draw us closer to Himself, and He understands exactly what you long for, as it is a reflection of His own heart and mind by which He intends to make you even more like Himself.

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crusader Oct 25, 2007

I had a small but major victory in my relationship last night, i am baffled because most of my efforts have been set on my work. I do feel that people on this site most have prayed because of the blessings i am receiving. Still a long journey ahead but God was gracious enough of giving me a glimpse of what could be when he is fully in control of both our lives.

sermonindex Oct 25, 2007

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Brother, praise God for the glimpse you received. I think God was letting you know not to give up on your wife or Him. This is just an attack of the enemy. From what I've read there is NOTHING that the Lord can't fix in you or in her.

Fast and pray for her and her faith. Those men who tore off the roof for their sick friend in order to put him in the same house as Jesus did all they could do and the Bible mentions THEIR faith not the sick friend's faith! Because of their faith their friend was healed.

You and your wife are one. So I think that story is telling us that we can fight (fasting and prayer) and do all we can for our loved ones and he will answer! Only believe. Don't the Word say, "Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you." I believe it does!!

The enemy wouldn't be the enemy if he made it easy for us!! It's his job to deceive us into believing there is no hope for our marriage, for us, for our families, etc. Deception is his thing.

C

crusader Oct 25, 2007

thankyou for your encouraging reply, i find it amazing that we already have the anwsers from God with in our spirit but it seems to grow and flower when christian brothers and sisters water it. Thats true fellowship

luv crusader

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ginnyrose Oct 28, 2007

Crusader,

I just got to thinking about you because of something that happened to me - again. I will share it for whatever it is worth - might not be much, but then who can tell?

We had a 26 YO DD who died from brain cancer in Jan. 1996, leaving behind a wonderful husband with two small children. Every year since then on anniversaries like birthday, wedding, and death I experience something dreadful. I am well aware of these dates, have accepted her passing gracefully (I think) with the help of the LORD. I no longer grieve intently EXCEPT when these dates come around I find myself getting angry at ~~[i]~~anything[/i], totally unrelated to Gina's passing. It would help if I would remember how this slips up on me and grabs me unawares. The reason it slips up on me is that if you were to ask me how I have coped with her passing I would say "fine" and mean it. I have moved on and do not wish her back. She is happy being with the LORD. But I find myself getting angry and wonder "what is wrong with me?" Once I realize what is happening, this anger soon dies and emotionally I find myself on an even keel again.

I am suggesting your wife may be angry at her mother's passing and may only be partially aware of it. This is part of the grieving process. It helps so much to know you are not going crazy and helps you to deal with it. You did say she is angry at God and this exaggerates the problem more: you have the simple anger that comes from losing a loved one to death in addition to blaming God. Tough, hard.

Heat can soften a hard potato and it can also harden an egg. Same affliction will have different results depending on the object being heated. Same way with people.

Blessings,
ginnyrose