time of trial

Psalms is always a good place to start finding focus on God again, and there are many places with the psalmist transfers between 'I', and 'we' and God, effortlessly, as the Spirit takes him to that interface with the ever-present now of eternity and God Himself, the I AM.

These verses from Psalm 18 are one place where David details just how he destroys his enemies, ruthlessly. Perhaps they will encourage you to keep beating them down, until yours also, are dust.

31 For who [i]is[/i] God, except the LORD?
And who [i]is[/i] a rock, except our God?
32 [i]It is[/i] God who arms me with strength,
And makes my way perfect.
33 He makes my feet like the [i]feet of[/i] deer,
And sets me on my high places.
34 He teaches my hands to make war,
So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You have also given me the shield of Your salvation;
Your right hand has held me up,
[b]Your gentleness has made me great[/b].
36 You enlarged my path under me,
So my feet did not slip.
37 I have pursued my enemies and overtaken them;
Neither did I turn back again till they were destroyed.
38 I have wounded them,
So that they could not rise;
They have fallen under my feet.
39 For You have armed me with strength for the battle;
You have subdued under me those who rose up against me.
40 You have also given me the necks of my enemies,
So that I destroyed those who hated me.
41 They cried out, but [i]there was[/i] none to save;
[i]Even[/i] to the LORD, but He did not answer them.
42 Then I beat them as fine as the dust before the wind;
I cast them out like dirt in the streets.

In v 36, the KJV says 'you have enlarged my steps'. I think this is a way of saying that the writer could take bigger longer steps as he grew up (in God), thus covering more ground and appearing to run faster\\farther, to outrun his enemies. The matter of growth is close to God's heart.

Of course, the whole psalm is worth the reading. I hope you do.

satan sometimes seems to cloud my vision from the truth

Dear brother,

We must never underestimate our enemy. For once we become unaware, let alone willingly ignorant, of his wiles, we'll surely fall into his snares. HOWEVER, we also must never trust our feelings, mood, what others say, etc., more than we trust the Lord. We must not focus on our inability or our natural condition. "For [i]we walk by faith[/i], not by sight"--the Apostle writes. If we look UNTO THE LORD, and lose ourselves in Him, He will NEVER fail us, nor desert us. He, our God and our only Hope, "is ABLE to keep you from stumbling, And to present you faultless Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy" (Jude 1:24); "it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure" (Phil. 2:13). Don't doubt that! Rest on His eternal promises, brother. Your Heavenly Father is able to deliver us out of every temptation; even when we don't feel like being delivered, He provides a way out by grace.

Brother, let your mind and hope be fixed upon Him! The Word says, "You will keep him [i]in perfect peace[/i], Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You" (Is. 26:4). Look for HIS STRENGTH. God is your Rock and your Shield. Don't look back. Don't look at yourself or your past failure. Remember, you can't (and don't try to) improve your flesh (that's why it's been judged and crucified in Christ); the power to "do all things" and "to be more than a conqueror" is all in and from and through Him. And He's done it all! He's overcome the world, so be of good cheer (Jn. 16:33). The war has been won once and for all. Enter into His rest, brother, and never look back! Do you have a mustard seed of faith?

And you know, you may fail... you may try too hard to "trust" Him more, and to "depend on" Him more, and to be "more watchful," and "more obedient"... but during this process of wrestling with yourself, brother, only God by His infinite mercy, may visit you, and show you your absolute insufficiency, and your total hopelessness, and reveal to you the truth and absolute necessity of His grace. There is something of this in His word, "And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; [i]neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand[/i]" (Jn.10:28). And then you will know that HE--not you or any man--but God alone has delivered you out of your predicament. You'll know that you can never save yourself, or ever live unless you are kept by the power of God.