Am I quenching the Sprit and don't know it?

There is a question i have wanted to post for some time now but i have not had the time. I realize that I have not replied to other posts and have not given anyone much of a chance to get to know me on the forum so if this is a break in community rules I apologize. My question is this; I have been preaching for about four years now and I have a recurring episode that is becoming almost unbearable. No matter where I am at, either at the church I pastor, or visiting another church I find myself unable (at least it seems to me) to fully- I don't know how to say it- "let go"?. When I preach it feels like there is something inside that wants to come out. It is almost physical and gets to the top of my throat and then gets stuck. No matter how much I have studied, or how much time I spend in prayer, or how many things I can repent of I still have this feeling that there is something missing in the messages. People say the mesasges are good but honestly sometimes this hurts more than helps because how could every sermon for four years be "good" and not make someone angry or sad or make some kind of visible change. it's like the Spirit crushes me with the weight of what is being revealed and then I go and say what is prepared and I know that I am not saying the words in the way that the Spirit spoke to me and it seems that this is what that feeling is, not just the words but the very manner of the Holy Spirit speaking to the people. How or why is this happening and how can I allow him to speak through me? Any verses and/or advice would be appreciated.

Hi washad,

I have found over the many years of preaching God’s Word, rather ministering to three or three hundred, I have always had a reverent fear before I minister. I always pray for Him to draw those who He wishes to be there and to bring forth the word He wishes them to hear. Many times I have laid the notes aside as the Holy Spirit ministers the heart of our Lord to His people. How do I know it is Him, because I know it is not me, for many times what comes forth is teaching me as it comes through my lips?
If we always approach His Word with fear and the knowledge that we are not able but His Holy Spirit is, He will always meet us there.
In all these many years, He has never failed me once, even though I have failed Him.
He is Faithful who Promised

In His Love
pastorfrin

Brother, your post touched my heart so much! Somehow, even though I am a woman and not a preacher, I understand. Thank God you've brought this up here!

I would just like to share my opinion with you, if that's ok. I have sat in congregations many times and felt that this was happening. I could see that the man standing before us was earnest and doing the best he could to deliver the truth to us, but somehow, something was missing. I've left many a service feeling like "something is missing".

You say you are a pastor, right? Something in me wants to tell you to stop everything. Hold your horses right here. Don't go through anymore of the motions just trying to press through. I realize this would mean a huge change from the way you've been doing things. This could possibly mean that you leave the pastorate. This could mean that many in your congregation would be upset with you. This could mean that some people in your intimate circle wouldn't understand.

I finally left the last church I was in because of this same feeling. I wasn't really upset with anyone, it was just something i had to do. I went in search of God. I stayed at home. I got up all hours of the night and spent many hours in prayer and tears. I begged, and I mean begged God to show me his face. I waited and I begged. I repented and humbled myself in every way I knew how. Finally, slowly, I began to see something of God I had never seen before in all my years of going through the religious motions. My life will never be the same.

Every day I see this Holy God before me and every day I fall deeper in love with Him. It's changing the way I relate to people. I still don't feel as if I'm being very useful to God yet. I simply try to love him and love others and be obedient day to day. I keep thinking, maybe one day, I'll really know God well enough to do something, I don't know what. I just get up every day and humble myself before Him. I'm striving to surrender every aspect of my life to Him. It has changed my marriage and my view of everything. I cry alot. Some days I feel so useless, you know, because I just have an average job and an imperfect family and I'm not in church, but I do try to stay in fellowship with other believers. I spend alot of time in prayer and quietness before God. I'm just waiting and worshipping Him the only way I know how. I'm trying to love God and love people. Jesus said it would fulfill all the law. That makes it alot simpler for me. Love, Dian.

I just wanted to thank those that have taken the time to respond to my post. I have read and prayed over your advice, especially the verses that were given. All were a great encouragment some were quite convicting but the Spirit spoke through and I am now more at peace than I have been. Guess what?! I even got a different response to my sermon last Sunday so maybe God is beginning to break me enough to use me as He wills. I can only pray. Thanks again.

washed, It appears to me that preaching is three dimensional. 1]preaching from the intellect.2]preaching from your[our] spirit. 3] preaching under the unction of the Holy Spirit.
Sometimes the unction is there right from the start. Other times we start from the intellect and then the deep well of the spirit is tapped into and a flow of scripture that resides within is pours out for those hungry hearts of the congregation.
this is not the third level. the third level is where you become the mouthpiece of God and the annointing is so intence you can hardly stand up.
this is where your preaching is bypassing your mind and you say things you were never taught.

this level is so awesome! This is the life changing level! You can see you congregation transformed by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Remember it is a walk of faith.Not intellect.
Your mind will decieve you but the Spirit never will.
The Holy Spirit will invade the individual standing in the pulpit. Very few Pastors know or even consider preaching under this "3rd dimension"......And their congregations go home robbed.
He[the Holy Spirit]Will come while you preach but you MUST grab the annointing when it comes or you will miss it.
Once you learn to "hook up" your preaching and your congregation will NEVER be the same.
In the early 90s I attendended timesquare church in NY. I had recieved a newsletter from Dave and he said "when the worship starts it is like a wind blows through here"

Well, he was right.
I could not run with those worshippers.They were used to that wind,I was not. I would open my mouth to worship and nothing would come out.
By the Third service that day I could finally worship.
It changed my life TOTALLY.

All because one man decided he needed the 3rd level.

....David

Welcome to SI, I have thought back at my own experience and my response is along the same lines of thought as Pastorfrin

When you were saved and started reading the Bible it seems so familiar and you knew you have the Spirit of Truth in you but you failed miserable at expressing it to others. The Spirit of Truth was there but we could not manifest it into words. We knew we had something inside ourselves teaching us things that we felt we were already acquainted with. We were never able to manifest it to ourselves or to others because of a missing component. Our Bible becomes our Daily Bread [our Spiritual Meat and our light] and we begin to manifest our light and walk in it and the more light we manifest the more we are given. We have been warned that if we hide our light it will be taken and given to him who has the most light, you know the parable.
All you will ever need to know was given to you when you received the Holy Spirit but like you said letting light manifest itself through us is the key. So let your light shine and manifest the light to a lost world but avoid worldly (light)wisdom for it strengthens the flesh not the Spirit.

I keep a copy of most every thing I say to others in print like the above. I usually go back and gleam the part that is not of me and give Glory to my Heavenly Father and my Savior.

1Tim.6:18 That they do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to distribute, willing to communicate.
Heb.13:16 But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.

wasshedd, I thought of one other thing that might help you.
There was a preacher I read about when i first got saved 30 years ago. They asked him "how do you come day after day and preach numerous open air meetings and not totally give out physically?"
He said "Thats easy,I just get onfire and people come to watch me burn"

David