Ungodly Husband? What a struggle this is.

Brothers and Sisters,

I am in a constant struggle. I am a believer and trying to do what is right. I have a constant struggle with my husband. He does believe but I am not sure to what extent. He prayed once before we were married but that was as close as he has ever been to my knowledge. Anyhow, I as a christian, should be leaving everything in my life to God. We are young and still have much growing to do. He is a good man, but often does things that seems to be a blatent disreguard for my feelings. I understand that when you are married, you and your spouse become one. He does not have a relationship with the Lord. When he does something and I am hurt by it, his response is purely defensive, no matter what it is. I feel like he just walks over me at times. By no means is he abusive, verbally or physically. I am only talking about the little things here. Nor do I fear him. I think it is my flesh that wants to get through to him but he never sees things from my point of view. It seems like this is what my life will be like forever.

That may be part of my journey with the Lord, He may have me live like this. Only He knows and His plan is perfect.

But what does that mean? Do I just keep quiet about everything, all the time. Letting my husband do what he wants.

Sister, I have been where you are. I know how hard this is. There's only one solution here. Pray! Pray hard! Stay in God's presence and allow him to lead you all the way to the cemetary. When you begin to desire to see your husband [i]really[/i] come to Christ more than you care about your own life, then you'll be over the hump. I have one more thing to share with you, but I'll have to write to you later. Gotta go to work. Love, Dian.

[i]Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.[/i] Psa 27:14

[i]In your patience possess ye your souls.[/i] Luk 21:19

Opposite genders, quite a bit older I would suppose, but not to dissimilar to some of these matters ... Have learned many things the hard way. The greatest of these is [i]pray[/i].

Do I just keep quiet about everything, all the time. Letting my husband do what he wants.

This might surprise you but, for the most part, yes. If you are a reactionary sort the verses above will be quite helpful. Love him, at all times and let the Lord and your prayers deal with the particulars. Study the life of Jesus, especially His reactions.

Trust me I know what I am speaking of here, silence and understanding, keeping your peace is far more effective by and large. Not always mind you, but the best thing any of us can do is learn to be led of the Spirit.

Perspective is also helpful, challenging. Here is something that threw me to my knees just by way of comparison;

[url=https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?viewmode=flat&order=0&topic_id=17336&forum=34&post_id=&refresh=Go]What Difference Can One Person Make?(William Carey)[/url]

It may not be what it seems, but take special note of his relationship with his wife.

The other mentions here also, Keith Daniel ... these sisters as mentioned have quite a measure of experience. You are in some good company. Hope you might immense yourself in all that is available here on this site ... it will change your life and your perspective, all for His glory.

Sister,

One of the most difficult situstion a person can find himself/herslf in is when a loved one lives for himself/herself with a disregard for the LORD. It is one thing when they turn their back on the LORD and another when they are so religious but have an abiding sin[s] in their life. Now that is worst yet! This is the situation among our close kinfolks...

One day as I was dealing with this issue, I was so troubled, so discouraged and wondering where we had gone wrong. The LORD saw it and you know what he told me? He said "Sandra, you be mom and let Me be God!" Oh dearie, that was the most woderful thing I could have heard. I said "Yes, LORD, I will do that!" And I did. Now I concentrated on being 'mom' to my son and backed off from preaching to him. I made sure he always had clean clothes to wear, delicous meals for my family, the house orderly - in short I catered to his wishes in the small things I knew that meant a lot to him. He still has not come to the LORD but he did go on and served his country in the Guard, became a 1Lt. and earned a degree in civil engineering. But I do not fuss at him any more - I let God do that.

Sister, I would urge you to focus you attention on doing things that please your DH, lay off preaching to him. Know this that you are serving God by pleasing your husband! Having said this, you are never to obey him when he bids you to do something that goes against scripture: that is still the final authority in your life.

Many of us women desire a perfect husband but you know what? There ain't none on this planet! They only exist in the imagination and some write about them and it is called fiction! :-?

And another thing, live only one day at a time: do not worry about the future or tomorrow. Sometimes it is moment by moment, but either way work to see how you can please him. Check out the scriptures that deal with husband/wife relationships for more inspiration...and at all times be in prayer for him.

Blessings,
ginnyrose

God bless you...

My precious sister in the Beloved,

You have an opportunity of a lifetime. Can you think of anything that you can give to the King. Will He be pleased with offerings or songs of praise. Will He even be pleased with acts of service and labor unto His Name. These things dont carry much weight in the economy of Heaven. Yet what you can give Him that is of great value is a heart that is broken that does not need to be understood or treated fairly before it can give itself fully to the object that is source of the pain. The state of Christlikeness can only come as negative pressure is applied to your soul. As the negative pressure is applied to the soul the soul will show itself for what it is. It will cry out for vindication. It will naturally seek its own. It will go through great legnths to see that the discomfort ends quickly. And if that soul gets what it wants the pain may stop but know that you have circumvented that which your heart truly seeks which is to be conformed to the image of the King who himself was made perfect through suffering. You will know when the Cross has perfected its work in you when you can fully love your husband without any regard to his treatment of you. Love meaning that your heart is never gaurded to keep from being wounded. Love that does not withdraw to an inner sanctum for the fear of being hurt yet again. Through this bearing up under the pain you show yourself forth to the demonic realm and the Holy Angels that you are indeed the offspring of the Father. You prove to them that you march to a different beat. A beat whose rythm has as its source the Wisdom of God which was manifested in the Cross. As to your question 'do you keep quite about everything?' Communication is key in a marriage. Yet try your best in the Grace of God not to communicate for your interest but for your husbands. Remember our ultimate call as believers is to be conformed to the image of the King.

Go forth and conquer

I have one more thing to share with you, but I'll have to write to you later.

I was trying to pray for my husband one morning when the Lord spoke to me and said, "I see you and your husband as one person." I said, "Yes, Lord. I know that." He said, "When you pray, it is him praying." All of a sudden, I understood something I've never understood before! I realized that I had the power to pray in my husband's stead. I think the oldtimers call it "standing in the gap". I began, that very morning to pray for my husband in the first person. I could see the areas of his life that he needed to repent, forgive, renounce, etc. So...I began to do it for him in prayer. I prayed as if I was him. I would literally say to God, "Lord, I come to you right now on behalf of my husband." And then...I would just pray as if I were him. It changed everything. More later. Dian.

For instance: I knew that my husband had alot of unforgiveness towards his mother. She and her husband travel in a motor home and live in another state. They once came to visit and stayed in a nearby campground for two weeks. My husband refused to visit with them. Anytime his mother called, he would wave his arms and tell me to say he wasn't home. So I prayed about forgiving my/his mother. Shortly after I began to pray this way, his heart towards her changed and he repented to her for his actions. He now visits with her and talks with her on the phone. I knew certain areas that he was in sin and I began to repent and renounce my/his association with those things. I knew that my husband was simply going his own way in life, so I began to repent of my/his pride and selfishness and rebellion. You know the biggest revelation I had as I prayed? That everything he was guilty of, I was too.

I once heard someone preach on intercession and they said that the greatest benefit of intercession is that, whatever you pray in behalf of someone else, you also receive yourself.

Another beautiful thing that I understood as I began to pray for my husband in this way was, I began to really love him and see him in a new way. I didn't see myself as better than him anymore, because I had to identify myself with him in order to truly stand in the gap for him.

Think of things this way: In the realm of the spirit, it is sin which stops us dead in our tracks. We are stuck. We cannot progress spiritually until, through repentance and humbling ourselves to God, we get lifted off of the stumps we are stuck on by God's grace and mercy. As I prayed in my husband's stead, God lifted him off of the stumps in the spirit and set all four wheels onto solid ground. I then began to see my husband move forward spiritually. Where he had behaved like a 13 year old boy for most of our married life, I suddenly saw him begin to respond to situations like an adult. Here's one example from our lives: He wore tshirts and a baseball cap everywhere he went. If the situation called for different attire, he simply wouldn't go. Then, after I began to pray this way for him, suddenly, one day, he said to me, "I need to go shopping. I want to stop wearing tshirts and a baseball cap everywhere I go." Inwardly, I rejoiced. I saw it as a sign that he was unstuck in the spirit. He stills wears tshirts and a baseball cap alot, but he does have dress clothes now, for when he goes somewhere that calls for them.

More later...Dian.

Since learning of this new way to pray, I now see it as getting the splinter out of someone's eye. It is impossible to pray prayers for someone else in the first person without also removing the splinter from your own eye. I've realized that one of the biggest problems we, so called Christians, have is thinking that we are better than someone else.

God asked Cain, "where is thy brother?" and Cain answered, "Am I my brother's keeper?" The answer to that question is, "Yes." Actually, I am my brother and he is me. Jesus prayed that we would become as one in John 17. How could we continue to condemn one another and hate one another if I see you as me? Would I not take responsibility for your sins and shortcomings as if they were my own? Love,Dian.

I don't belive that we can repent of another's sins but when we pray the holy spirit intercedes for us.

I only know that things began to change rapidly when I began to do this type of prayer that I have described.

Just for the record: I have begun a new thread in scriptures and doctrine asking a question about Matthew 16:18-20: "And I will give unto thee the keys of the Kingom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven."

This verse was running through my head when I awoke this morning.

I just want to say that I am so glad I came across this site. I find the information shared by almost everyon on this thread useful.

Another good site to check out is streamingfaith.com.

God bless you all! :-)

I've been taught that "strongholds" are established through wrong responses to sin and violation. In other words, we give demonic spirits access to our lives through our own sinful resonses to others or to situations. We, then, are held in captivity and the "key" to that lock is repentance.

Jesus set the example for us of what is the perfect way to respond to sin and violation as a believer, but it is understandable that, as we grow up, we simply respond in the "natural" way, which is to take offense. While this is, of course, natural, we are not to be living "natural" lives, but rather, supernatural. Therefore, to be a person who walks truly "free" (instead of in bondage to a stronghold), one must repent, especially if the bondage we are presently in is due to someone else's "wrong".

I've been thinking alot about how I've come to believe that I could help my husband to freedom through repenting on his behalf. I [i]know[/i] that this was the "key" to unlocking his chains. He, then, was able to make right choices of his own free will, wheras, before anyone was praying in this way for him, he was in utter bondage and darkness. He could not see his own need to repent. He felt justified in the way he was living. Someone (me) had to come and let in some light and loosen the chains. In the same way that an earthly prisoner cannot deliver themselves, a spiritual prisoner cannot deliver their self. Someone must come with a key.

I believe that the verse from Matthew which was running through my head yesterday morning actually was God showing me that this is true.

I'm sure that there are those who will say that this is hogwash and "unscriptural", but to them who have an ear, let them hear.

I know without a doubt that I have stumbled (by God's grace) onto a truth that is changing my life and the lives of those around me. Love, Dian.