Politically Correct Santa

POLITICALLY CORRECT SANTA
by (c)Harvey Ehrlich

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.

His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.

So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

Notice: This poem is copyright 1992 by Harvey Ehrlich. It is free to distribute, without changes, as long as this notice remains intact. All follow-ups, requests, comments, questions, distribution rights, etc should be made to mduhan@husc.harvard.edu.

Poor Santa! Even he is affected by this Political Correctness....

:-x

edited to say: I am not a proponent of Santa...just commenting on how ridiculous this Politically Correct business is.

You may be questioning the expedience of posting “Politically Correct Santa”. I suppose if nothing else, it could be good for a few laughs. On the other hand, I found it a handy tool. Let me share the background:

I was recently asked to prepare kids in the local schools to present a Christmas program at an evangelical church – for a morning outreach program. The first half of this event is always “secular” and the second half is “spiritual”. I was assigned to the first half, much to my chagrin, and was explicitly instructed to “keep it secular”. Add to that the fact that the schools are on “red alert” about anything not “politically correct”. (Maybe some also feel a need to keep me from getting carried away with this “God” stuff).

After my complaint to God, I settled on the fact that this WAS my calling! So I prepared kids from the area schools to sing (mainly) secular Christmas songs in a massed choir, etc. During the program I inserted a variety of “secular” features - including a brief synopsis of the pagan origins of Christmas (It’s always risky to burst the “bubble”!). Then, I shared the Politically Correct Santa Poem (another risk), but first made all the kids plug their ears. After all, it is NOT politically correct to tell children that Santa might not be so jolly these days.

This made for some good laughs, but really my motive was to “explode” some of the myths – both in the church and in the education system - the utter folly of self-induced bondage towards faulty presumptions. I felt too that if we Christians want to present Christ, we must admit that we ourselves have wrapped him up in layers and layers of culturally-fabricated wrapping paper.

It works both ways. When preaching Christ to the world, we just can’t superimpose him over top of THEIR “wrappings”. Nor can we effectively present Christ if he is smothered in OUR wrappings.

We preach, not Christmas, but Christ!

Diane

AKA; Knecht Ruprecht?

(sorry to piggy back your thread)
but for those who don't do the santa thing
or maybe interested in the origin & biblical contrasts etc..

http://www.av1611.org/othpubls/santa.html
&

And a great James Knox audio -
http://www.ifbpreaching.com/media/James%20Knox%20Santa.mp3

the origin & biblical contrasts etc

More and more I am coming to believe that neither these pagan customs from the past nor the political correctness of the present-day IN THEMSELVES are the problem. In fact, to the extent that we believe THEY are the culprits, we will focus on them, and campaign against them. Let’s admit, we can eradicate the season entirely, but that just leaves a clean empty shell. We can tweak the words of our carols and remove such folklore as "the cattle", or the "snow" or the "three kings". However, none of this fixes the core nature of the heart. The trouble lies in the hearts and minds of fallen people, not in their practises, and Christ is the solution for the malady not the abolishment of Christmas.

Our love for people includes participation in their lives. And these days, for most of us it means some involvement in the Christmas traditions. Either that, or bury yourself into a hole. “When in Rome do as the Romans do.”

The true Light will truly shine if it is truly within. We keep Christ first in our own lives.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God." 2 Cor. 4:7

Diane