frustration and emptyness

Hi everyone

i havent posted on sermon index for awhile due to some stuff that is pulling me this way and that way. Guilt, Guilt, Guilt followed by shame that has been a burden on my mind for over two years now. My wife is so dead spiritually that we can not even agree on biblical principals, for over 13 years it has been this way. i left her a few years back because of the religeous, legilistic noose that she had around my neck. Although i felt free to talk to God more i had guilt thinking my vows as a husband and father so i killed a relationship i was in and had to go back to my wife. although we agreed to give things another try, i find myself feeling my spirit die in the house slowly each day. some days i will wake up and rush to the lord and stand up and fight the enemy. other days i just lock myself away in hopelessness.

My burden everyday is that i need to witness and share the gosepel but with out the support at home, with out the love in the relationship i feel naked before the worlds enemy.

the churches that i walk into are so dead today the people seem like shiny gold vases that have cob webs inside. to sleep next to someone everynight with out even hugging or kissing for weeks on end. I would go into the harshes battles for a touch of love from my wife but it is not their.

i see christian women with christ in their eye's and my heart drops for i would give up all of my possessions for a partner like this.

normally by now i would erase my post as it feels uncomfortable to be so negative but today i will post it.

my wife does not wont to move in the spirit, and it's killing me that she is not. i needed to get things out of my heart even if my thinking is way off.

Brother, this sounds like a tough test. But remember it is a test and the Lord is with you in it.

My wife is so dead spiritually

Was she ever saved? or is she just backslidden. Difficult question I know, but her position sounds perilous and you might be her only hope.

Although i felt free to talk to God more i had guilt thinking my vows as a husband and father so i killed a relationship i was in and had to go back to my wife.

Brother, that was a big step in the right direction!

My burden everyday is that i need to witness and share the gosepel but with out the support at home, with out the love in the relationship i feel naked before the worlds enemy.

This is more wonderful than you think. What a blessing to have this burden. A sure mark that Christ is living in you! Remember that your protection against the world's enemy is Christ. He may use support at home and love in a relationship to help you, but He may not. My point is that these elements are not essential to being a good witness. In fact, it sounds like God needs you to be a witness to your wife. Lean on Christ, get close to Him, cry to Him, unload to Him. He'll direct you out of this wilderness. You'll know in your heart what He wants you to do. The hard part for all of us is having the faith and courage to do it.

i see christian women with christ in their eye's and my heart drops for i would give up all of my possessions for a partner like this.

YOU MUST DIE TO THIS BROTHER! This little thought pattern is more dangerous than a tumour. You are married and remember those vows. They were taken before a holy God. Trust that one day you will see Christ in the eyes of your wife.

Thanks for posting a very personal issue. I'm sure many people will relate to it. Keep praying and trusting and I pray that God will turns things around for you. You're not alone. It's a pity your church is dead. Is there no believers you can confide in? A men's fellowship programme?

Below is an oft quoted verse, but eternally beautiful. If you can, take the time and meditate on it.

[i]And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Romans 8v28)[/i]

Brother, I am praying for you and your wife.

Pray without ceasing. Pray for your wife. Pray for her salvation. Pray for strength to endure. Pray for wisdom and revelation. Pray for the Holy Spirit to move through you. But mostly, pray that the Lord molds you into the man that He wants you to be. Serve the Lord first, and all else WILL come into place.

The verse that comes to mind about your wife is:

[u][b]Romans 12:20[/b][/u]

If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.

or from the OT

[u][b]Proverbs 25:21-22[/b][/u]

If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat; And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink; For so you will heap coals of fire on his head, And the LORD will reward you.

I pray for a change of heart and spirit for both of you.

I am glad you posted this posting brother. It has blesses me in many ways. May it do the same for you.

I will pray for you and your whole household. During this time learn the lessons of contentment which are of Great value in the SIGHT of God. God Bless bro. daryl

Miccah wrote:
Brother, I am praying for you and your wife.

Pray without ceasing. Pray for your wife. Pray for her salvation. Pray for strength to endure. Pray for wisdom and revelation. Pray for the Holy Spirit to move through you. But mostly, pray that the Lord molds you into the man that He wants you to be. Serve the Lord first, and all else WILL come into place.

The verse that comes to mind about your wife is:

[u][b]Romans 12:20[/b][/u]

If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.

or from the OT

[u][b]Proverbs 25:21-22[/b][/u]

If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat; And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink; For so you will heap coals of fire on his head, And the LORD will reward you.

I pray for a change of heart and spirit for both of you.

I am glad you posted this posting brother. It has blesses me in many ways. May it do the same for you.

I'd say amen

crusader
When you pray in your own time at your prayer closet. Go before the Lord and stand with him.
Meditate on things of God read Hosea and seek other study about Hosea and you will see the similarity of your situation.

Prayer will be dedicated for you and your family.

hey bro, I have an assignment for you. That verse "after ye have suffered for a little while'
There is a hidden truth in this verse and it applies directly to any of us going through the wilderness.
The hidden part has to do with the length of time we are in the wilderness.

David

What about seeking counsel from elders in the church that could give godly counseling to you and your wife?

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, that is one of Satan's greatest deceptions. Other women will always appear more spiritual than your wife, but that's because you see your wife when she is the must vulnerable, and you only see other Christian women when they have their makeup and 'spiritual clothing' on.

Being close to another person is one of the greatest privilages that you have, but it can also be one of the greatest stumbling blocks. You need to learn to love her even when she is not spiritual, and lead by example, be spiritual! Be consistent in your devotions, in prayer, in fasting, in setting a Christlike example, if she continues to let her down, well, you've gotten a taste of what Christ had to deal with when dealing with his Apostles.

Here was Jesus trying to tell them that he was going up to Jerusalem to be crucified and that he would rise again on the third day... and all they wanted to talk about was which one of them was greater -he was trying to communicate something to them spiritually, and their heads were not set on spiritual things.

One of the old testament prophets was told to marry a harlot so that he could understand God's heart for Israel. The betrayal, the iniquity, the heartbrokeness. From what you've described, you have expirienced nothing to this level.

God is ready to bear your burdens, but you need to lay them all on him. Do not rely on what you have to love this woman, your heart will always fail, you need to have the heart of Christ towards this woman, and the only way to do that is to give your heart to Jesus for him to put his own in your chest.

When you see your wife through the eyes of Jesus, you will see her with a burden, not as a burden.

A good read for you would be Pilgrim's Progress, it is an allegory for deeper spiritual life, and although the Pilgrim leaves his wife to go on the pilgrimage in the book, this doesn't dismiss you from your duty to your wife in the worldly sense.

My point is, you can only take the spiritual journey for yourself, but you need to set an example for your wife to follow. As you set out on the journey she may scoff as the wife of Christian in Pilgrim's Progress did, but when she recognizes your devotion the Spirit will move within her heart and help her see that you desired her to pilgrimage with you the whole time.

It is hard to leave your wife Spiritually, but you need to be the trailblazer for your wife and your family, to fight the battles and secure the victory and it is Jesus' duty to take care of the rest.

You cannot make your wife any more spiritual than she is, you can only show her the way, it is her job to take the next step, and it is the job of the Spirit to take her. Your main concern should be setting a Christlike example for her, as Christian did in the allegory in Pilgrim's Progress.

my wife does not wont to move in the spirit, and it's killing me that she is not. i needed to get things out of my heart even if my thinking is way off.

Brother, did you ever consider that God may be using your wife to break you? I have learnt that God uses friction and deadness through the people closest to us to refine our own character - and after we've allowed God's finger the liberty it requires, He will then take care of the other person without you having to move a muscle. God can change your "weak" wife overnight; you, on the other hand, can take years to change, due to your greater spiritual strength and knowledge.

This is why, in His wisdom, he will pair us up with what often seems to be a spiritually-incompatible mate. Note, I am not alluding to unbelievers marrying believers; I am speaking of professing Christians, but at different levels in God's school. God will use your "weaker" wife to sand some rough edges off you, and He will use her as a spiritual lathe to shave the fat off the meat of your sacrifices.

Remember that your wife is the weaker vessel - for a reason. Give honor to her, according to such knowledge, and treat her extra special and do thank God He uses the weak things to humble and refine the strong and wise.

Brother Paul

iansmith, I agree pilgrims progress is excellent reading.
It answers a lot of questions and somehow adds a bedrock to the believer.
it is required reading in some bible colleges.

David

PaulWest wrote:

my wife does not wont to move in the spirit, and it's killing me that she is not. i needed to get things out of my heart even if my thinking is way off.

Brother, did you ever consider that God may be using your wife to break you? I have learnt that God uses friction and deadness through the people closest to us to refine our own character - and after we've allowed God's finger the liberty it requires, He will then take care of the other person without you having to move a muscle. God can change your "weak" wife overnight; you, on the other hand, can take years to change, due to your greater spiritual strength and knowledge.

This is why, in His wisdom, he will pair us up with what often seems to be a spiritually-incompatible mate. Note, I am not alluding to unbelievers marrying believers; I am speaking of professing Christians, but at different levels in God's school. God will use your "weaker" wife to sand some rough edges off you, and He will use her as a spiritual lathe to shave the fat off the meat of your sacrifices.

Remember that your wife is the weaker vessel - for a reason. Give honor to her, according to such knowledge, and treat her extra special and do thank God He uses the weak things to refine the strong and wise.

Brother Paul

Brother, thank you for sharing your heart, i believe there is enormous amount of truth in this what you are saying. It blessed me very much and touched me in a special way. It is my experience that God uses our family much in the "school of God" , even as for me it has been some very painful realizations of my own sinfulness and wretchedness and prides, i have to thank God he is showing me them and working with me. God works in effective ways...he know the best treatment for bringing us to the places we ought to be.

Take our brother Paul's words to heart brother .. I can speak from experience but am hesitant to say much towards it all just here.

A couple of things that have been very helpful. One, was this perspective contained within an article from William Carey;

[url=https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?viewmode=flat&order=0&topic_id=17336&forum=34&post_id=&refresh=Go]What Difference Can One Person Make?(William Carey)[/url]

Another, was a couple of messages from Keith Daniel;

[url=https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/viewcat.php?cid=144&min=60&orderby=titleA&show=20]Keith Daniel[/url]

Apologize that I cannot recall just which exactly, but the messages on marriages listed here were very helpful, just noticed one that I have not listened to in that mix; "Husbands Love Your Wifes!"

It is difficult to be in this place, my prayers brother.

I HAVE ONLY JUST READ THE RESPONSES TO MY POST, AND TO BE HONEST MOST OF THEM GAVE ME SOME AWNSERS.

1. I HAVE READ PILGRIMS PROGRESS
2. I DO BELIEVE THAT IT IS MY OWN WALK THAT IS LEAVING ME INSIDE THE WILDERNESS INSTEAD OF WALKING TOWARDS THE MILK AND HONEY
3. GOD IS USING MY WIFE TO CHANGE ME
4. AND NO I SHOULDNT PONDER ON OTHER WOMEN THAT HAVE CHRIST IN THEIR EYE'S AS IT MAY LEAD ME TO TROUBLE.
5. I WILL READ HOSEA IT'S PROBABLY THE ONLY BOOK I HAVEN'T READ IN THE BIBLE (I DON'T KNOW WHY)
6. I DID LISTEN TO KEITH DANIELS AUDIO'S BUT THE LIGHT BULB DIDN'T TURN ON.

MY MOST FRUSTRATING PART IS THAT I HAVE SOME STRONG CHRISTIAN GIFTS AND I DONT USE THEM, BECAUSE OF THE ISSUES AT HOME. I WOULD LOVE TO GO TO CHURCH WERE I AM BUT I GET SO ANGRY AT HOW MOST CHURCHES HERE ARE PREACHING IT'S MILK FILLED WITH SCORPIONS. I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO SPEAK FACE TO FACE WITH A TRUE SPIRIT FILLED CHRISTIAN FOR OVER A YEAR NOW. THIS SITE IS THE ONLY SPIRIT MEAT THAT I AM GETTING AT THE MOMENT.

I DO FEEL THAT THEIR IS AN AWNSER IN THESE RESPONSES BECAUSE MY SPIRIT TESTIFIES TO IT, SO I WILL CHEW THE CUD AS TO SAY.

Crusader,
Thanks for the post this is actually encouraging, so many of this guys shared a good wisdom to uphold your faith and to other that read it. I'm in vice versa situation with you. The wisdom i read here is compounded more what the Lord teaching me, especially about my husband... which backslide so many times whom he used to be so firey in God, now he is blinded by his self justification in his wrong doing, living in sin full way. No desire to provide for his family, so now i have to do his part as a provider and spiritual head, to make sure my children will grow strong in God. I used to look at him as the head of our family, in Honour of Christ. Some times it's so hard to remain silent, when you feel being rob so much spiritually and in every thing. Matthew 12 is what it feels to me ...
Now is different i look up to Jesus a the Head of my family, my comfort, my provider, for my realtionship to works i have work on my relationship with Christ. I felt my burden is much easier and lighter to face in each day, but some times that get tested just get my focus back to the sparrow that watches over me.

i see christian women with christ in their eye's and my heart drops for i would give up all of my possessions for a partner like this.

Brother Paul and iansmith wisdom is beautifully shared it's so uplifting.

Fight the good fight, mate you be right as the aussie saying :-D as you walk rightly with Christ.

I am really encouraged by everyones responses, the holy spirit was telling me while i was reading the responses that the devil was trying to to divide and Conquer me, firstly as i have stayed away from sermon index, i was seperating my self from this type of fellowship, secondly then he worked harder on seperating me from physical fellowship at home, thirdly opening his doors to corrupting fellowship at work. 2 co-workers are selfconfessed wicca, another new age and another has been making advances towards me. my clientel are court appointed convicted drug dealers that are very criminal orientated.

satan has been hearding me away from the sheep towards the wolves and i didn't even see it until now.

as far as a church goes not sure as yet i'll see what God leads me too.

while i am working today i will look into the advise you guys have given me.

I have tried to listen to carter conlan but not to sure about his fruit as yet but i will look into this mans ministry the best i can.

confession tonight i listened to carter conlan i got a bit confused because he sounds exactly like david wilkinson. although i found only a little bit of meat in one message is was enough to feed me today. i realize that the lord does love me or else he would not have taken me to the wilderness, and i also realize that fiery arrows get through too my heart very quickly which slowly makes my spirit man become depressed and want to lay down and die.

i need to stand on this one thing allow the lord jesus to rule the kingdom of my heart and his mercy and authority will spread out amongst the whole land with out looking for the signs and wonders as they will follow as i do gods work.

the poison of the fiery dart has been pride, i havent yet but hopefully soon humble myself before the lord and get back on track.

ME AND MY HOUSE HOLD SHALL SERVE THE LORD THY GOD - LORD I PRAY RAISE ME TO BE A MAN THAT LONGS FOR YOUR MANA AND SPIRIT. LORD START MY MINISTRY AND GIVE ME A ZEAL TO SEEK YOUR SPIRIT EVERY MORNING WHEN I WAKE SO I MAY WALK THE DAY IN YOUR LIGHT.

GOT TO GO LISTENING TO CARTER CONLAN

the horse and rider are thrown into the sea.

Jesus always wins
The devil always looses
..............."and the word of their testimony"
To hear crusader talk this way.....It blew my wig clean off my head!!!!

God bless you bro,
David