I figured since this is a post about me, I'd keep it here so as to not clutter the forums.
I went to church today! First time in eight years! I went to Bethlehem Baptist Church (Pastor John Piper).
Talk about nervous! I was shaking in my boots when I walked in the front door. I was scared. It brought memories of being around Sunday Christians, Monday Gossips, and the abuse and heresy. As I was walking in, what's the first thing I see but scripture on a TV moniter. Joshua 1:9 "This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Thank you, Father.
There was a table with name tags for visitors to put their name on. Then you put a red circle sticker on it to denote that you're a visitor. I don't want to stand out! But I did it. I wanted to comply with their wishes and experience their church the way they intended visitors to.
I hung up my coat and a lady at an information desk directed me towards some coffee. Too nervous to drink anything for fear of spilling all over myself (especially coffee), I thanked her and moved into the sanctuary and found a seat. Not in back. Not in front. In the middle. I prepared my offering, and my pounding heart, to go before the Lord. There's a section in the very detailed bulletin for visitors to fill out and drop off. OK, I thought. The full experience. I filled it out and waited.
I looked around. It's not nearly as big as I thought it would be. I found comfort in that. Their balcony is beautiful. On the platform I saw drums and an electric guitar and cringed. Performance music immediately came to mind. It's how the Word of Faith folks do things. I also saw horns. I prepared myself for loudness. I prayed again.
Suddenly, sweet, soft music filled the air as more people were finding their seats. It was the horns! I couldn't believe it! They weren't blaring! They were actually - how can I put this - worshipping God! Their music was honoring God. This hasn't been my experience with Christian music! I felt like I was being bathed in it. Anticipation was growing in me.
A very dear brother gave the welcome and announcements. He had a great look of peace and calm on him. His name, which made me smile, is David Livingstone.
We began to worship God with songs and it was, again, unlike anything I've ever experienced! They weren't songs about how great we were or how blessed we are. We didn't sing about God blessing us and enriching us and making us awesome people. (That is the only "worship" music I've known.) Instead, we sang praises and glory TO HIM! We actually glorified HIM, not ourselves! I couldn't control myself and I wept with my arms stretched out to Him. I didn't want it to end!
We read scripture together. It was so moving! The offering was taken without a word about it. No mini-sermon on give so you can receive. They didn't even announce the offering. Those heavenly horns just started playing again and quietly, reverently, we worshipped GOD with our giving! No vending machine levers to pull to choose our own paybacks. No noting how much we've given to keep a running tally as to how much God "owed" us. It was worship, from the heart!
Then came the sermon. Are you ready for this? It was tailor-made for ME as if God Himself designed and orchestrated it. You know how I've been seeking Him for salvation and my regeneration. This is exactly what the sermon was about! It was about how GOD calls us and how we are not in control of saying a prayer to save ourselves. It's a work of God. He CALLS us. I devoured that sermon like it was a meal at the finest restaurant! Brother John Piper's heart was evident. I've never seen such a humble sincerity in the pulpit.
After the sermon, we worshipped in song and David Livingstone prayed with us and we were excused. I don't know why, but I suddenly felt an urgency to speak to him. I immediately went forward and poured my heart out to him, weeping. Now, it's always been my experience that, when speaking to an elder/pastor after a service, others rudely interrupt and pull them away. Though a few tried to speak with Brother David as we were speaking, he paid them no attention. Not even a "please wait a moment" nod. He showed me respect. He gave me his card and asked if I would give him the visitor card I filled out, instead of dropping it in a box on the way out. I thanked him for his time and went to get my coat.
I was welcomed by several people, who took the time to get to know me with a few questions. It wasn't the usual interrogation-type questions I was used to in other churches. They were sincere, inviting me to their small groups. The small groups at my other churches were the "Us Four and No More Clubs. Please wait until next July and try then, thank you."
I felt welcomed and wanted. People prayed with me and called me by name. I was with a body of believers who loved and worshipped the Lord for Who He is and not what He could do for them! I walked home very happy. (It's only about a mile and a half from where I live.)
So, that was my very first Sunday back in church in eight years. It felt like coming home to a home I didn't know I had.
