I'm begging you for your prayers.

S

SimpleLiving Jan 23, 2008

I'm asking anyone who is willing to lift me before the Lord in prayer.

I've had a very emotional time of it these last two weeks. (I've written a bit about it in the Welcome Forum, if you care to read it. If not, it isn't necessary because this its about God, not me.)

I feel as though I've gone through two years in the last two weeks. The highs of experiencing His joy and the lows of mourning and repentance until I thought I'd be crushed into dust. And now, with more sincerity than I've ever spoken with before, I must share what I've learned.

I am undeserving of even thinking about God. My sins are such a stench before my own nostrils that I want to vomit. How much more so to a holy God? I deserve hell and would have no leg to stand on if He were to sentence me there for eternity.

But, I know He loves me. I haven't been able to grasp the reality of it yet. I can't fathom the possibility because it's too wonderful to hope for. Hell could have been rightfully been created solely for me but He chose to redeem me for Himself. Do you ~~[i]~~really[/i] understand that? What could possibly contain enough love to do that except for the Father Himself?

I'm humbled but I am incapable of walking in humility. I'm repentant but all I know how to do is sin. I want for nothing more than to be transformed into His image daily -- but I'm full of pride, incapable of pure motives. I have knowledge but I'm puffed-up. My heart is deceitfully wicked... ~~[i]~~BUT GOD...[/i]

My brain isn't capable of processing this! I'm overwhelmed and my breath falls short! Who is this God that can love like this?!

Even my own opinions sicken me. They mean nothing and I spout them like wisdom. It's foolishness!

Please pray that God would have His way with me. The world would say I'm insane because I want His rebuke, correction, and to be purified by Him. But, I can't help it! What else can I do? Jesus ~~[i]~~died[/i] for me! I have no other road to follow!

I know God's way is to crush and destroy and turn me inside out until all that's unholy and not of Him is purged. And I know it won't be anywhere near the neighborhood of easy, but I must go through it because I must be made more like Jesus! What else is there? I'm willing but I'm too weak and afraid to ask Him myself! I'm scared.

I'm at the end of myself. I have no more strength; no wisdom. And no hope without Him. All the hope and strength I have is in Him and I can only trust in His storehouse of provisions for me and for anyone who will give Him their very lives. I fear Him and I will obey Him, but it will have to be in His strength and come from absolute faith because I have no other way.

I'm begging people to pray for me. I've never been more serious in my life.

M

Miccah Jan 23, 2008

May His will be done in your life brother. This is my prayer.

sermonindex Jan 23, 2008

Brother, may I share with you something that Watchman Nee taught.

Get some of the "I"s out.

"it is no longer I that live, but Christ".

There was also a great tract for Christians by that title. I'll try to find it.

The only thing I've seen that I've felt apprehensive about for Your own sake, was the amount of "I"s in some of your posts.

Swallow many I's for a while and see ONLY HIM and you will have what is needed to be "others minded" as He was. Our "I"s need to decrease so that He can increase.

Besides Nee, Chip Brogden is good to read, either from his text messages here at SI or at www.watchman.net .

Good dying to self stuff.

Nee said something to the effect that -- over-introspection will blind you to self after a while and stunt growth and our hearts are not pure enough to explore themselves.

Commit the "doing" to Him and know that we are transformed by Him by just "hungering and thirsting after righteousness - then we Shall be filled" and we are cleansed "by the washing of the Word."

Just bite your tongue and clip the "I" thoughts and look to The Author and Finisher of our faith.

Hope this is taken in the spirit it was writen in.

All of our hearts are the same. We all need to decrease so He can increase or "die to self", for a lack of a better phrase.

LORD Bless.

2Ti 1:12 ..... for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep ~~[i]~~that which I have committed unto Him[/i] against that day.

Pray one for another.

1Th 5:23 And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
~~[i]~~1Th 5:24 Faithful is He that calleth you, Who also will do it.[/i]
1Th 5:25 Brethren, pray for us.

Amen

N

Nellie Jan 23, 2008

Brother,
God knows your heart, and you know He loves you.
There is a Song, "Give up, and let Jesus take over,
and He'll make a way for you.
God Bless you, and hold you close to Him.

M

murrcolr Jan 23, 2008

SimpleLiving

You got some good advicd there from HE_Reigns.

Understand this you will never be good enough.

You will never never never never never be good enough. You must stop trying to do it yourself.

To me you seem to be very religious. Religion gives you rules it gives you law. Guess what you can't keep the law.

You where saying on another post about not watching TV and recommending that others do it and then I come on here and see this.

My heart know crys Father as I know God the Father, to get to the Father you have to come through Jesus.

In John 14:6, Jesus says, "I am the way, the truth and the life, no man comes to the Father except through me".

I know the Father loves me and I love him I have a peace inside. I am not happy with who I am there are areas in my life that are not perfect.

The first time I heard God speak to me it was through a preacher.

This is what was said 'for even some of you have felt that this weekend boy I have to get my life straight I have to get myself straightened out get my life together well that is my Spirit says God.

Guess what I was thinking that weekend these very words. On the Satarday night I said to myself I am going to church. I did not know if it would be open but off I went it was open I went in and I heard God speak to me.

What you need to develop is a relationship with God. Get before God in prayer tell him how you feel. How long have you known God, do you know God? He longs to know you he longs to spend time with you.

One more thought there is no microwave for Christians you have to get in the oven and get roasted the good old fashioned way.

Please don't do this I am trying to paint a picture. See yourself wraped in tin foil placed in a tray reach out to close the oven door as the door is about to shut. Tell the Holy Spirit to turn it up as high as he wants and that you'll stay in for as long as he wants.

Let the Holy Spirit Roast you brother but remember there will always be a peace.
If you are truly submitted to God's will there will always be a peace. So there is another key get to where the peace is.

We are not good enough but because of Jesus we are good enough. His blood made us good enough. Holiness is not about living a certain way that would be Holiness by works. God makes you Holy then you live a life for him.

All you have to do is ask.

sermonindex Jan 23, 2008

Murr, I love this -

~~[b]~~See yourself wraped in tin foil placed in a tray reach out to close the oven door as the door is about to shut. Tell the Holy Spirit to turn it up as high as he wants and that you'll stay in for as long as he wants.
Let the Holy Spirit Roast you brother but remember there will always be a peace.
If you are truly submitted to God's will there will always be a peace. So there is another key get to where the peace is. [/b]

:-D

Rom 4:5 But to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness.

Heb 4:12 For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

I found those two things I tried to quote above.

http://ccc138.org/article.asp?ID=762&CatName=Evangelism Not I but Christ.

http://www.indwelt.com/display/0935008373/Watchman-Nee/Spiritual-Knowledge/

N

nowhr2hide Jan 23, 2008

murrcolr

Let the Holy Spirit Roast you brother but remember there will always be a peace.
If you are truly submitted to God's will there will always be a peace. So there is another key get to where the peace is.
So true and some times it takes more time.
And some times God is seems silent through out of it; but He is always there watching over you and making sure at the end will be perfect, a sweet smelling aroma for Him that may be pleasing for Him who is the creator of all.
Rest in Him and under His wings you will find peace.

edited typing error

B

broclint Jan 23, 2008

Take a deep breath, set a steady pace, and drink long at the fountain of God’s grace on your face before Him, because there are a few miles left to run. I agree wholeheartedly with Murray and Annie. You can overload trying to stuff it all in at once. Better to eat one good meal and chew it thoroughly and digest it, meditate upon it until it becomes a part of you than to nibble off of every plate until you cannot remember what the first one tasted like. And what you learn on your face before God with nothing but His Word before you will be yours and yours alone.

These two verses came to mind in reading many of your posts.

Luke 8:15 (NASB) 15“But the seed in the good soil, these are the ones who have heard the word in an honest and good heart, and hold it fast, and bear fruit with perseverance.

Hebrews 12:1 - 2 (NKJV) 1Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I will be praying for you this very night.

Clint

H

HeartSong Jan 23, 2008

"And, behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and will bring thee again into this land; for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of." Genesis 28:15

"Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." 1 Peter 5:7

I will hold you in my prayers.

G

gtenigma Jan 23, 2008

Brother, I can relate to what you are going through. I am going through the same things you are going through. The desires of my flesh so dominates myself that I feel incapable to even repent properly. All I can say is "Lord, help me."

I will keep you in prayer.

May our Lord bless you.

T

Talkn2u Jan 24, 2008

You are in the most perfect place of all.

To be so aware and honest of how we fall short
in the light of His Face, and to be crushed and broken daily at the reality of His Holiness, truly is the best position to be in.

Rejoice...
You are in the Loving Hands of God, and in the ongoing process of being transformed, by His Spirit, into the Image of Christ.
That is quite obvious by your post.
And again I say, "Rejoice!"

Bonnie

R

running2win Jan 24, 2008

I'm praying for you bro. Keith! I know very well your experience as I've been there myself. I believe it was Correy Tenboom (sp?) who said "Look within and be depressed. Look without and be distressed. Look at Christ and be blessed."
Remember this, that faith is the victory. Don't let your feelings control how you think about your spiritual condition. "beloved, if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart and knoweth all things."

P

psalm1 Jan 24, 2008

hey bro, I am with you! Yes I believe anyone serious about the Lord goes through exactly what you describe! Maybe everyone has? But if you check out the movie Martin Luther your experience is almost like a script for the first part of that movie.
Remember one thing.....his strength is made perfect in your weakness.
You are not your own,you have been bought with a price.

Read the steadying books [chambers,watchman nee,spurgeon,wigglesworth]
Pray "Lord burn everything out of me that is not like you"
Then pray "now Lord inhabit those areas that are burned out."
If you are ready for God to use you you must submit to the "Jewelers hammer"

Get this picture.....The gold comes out of the furnace so beautiful.
but not useful.
The gold says"look at me so clean and shinny.I'm glad that furnace thing is over with.I'm set for life,I can be useful now"

..............Then come the shaping process with the hammer! WHAM,WHAM,WHAM.
THE GOLD IS JUST A BLOB WITHOUT THE HAMMER.

Your being shaped......so am I!

God bless you,
David

S

Sharlene Jan 24, 2008

Lord Jesus Christ, Keith has been poured-out drained of all strength I ask you to replenish/fill him-up with you Lord, your fruit.

Gal 5:22 love, peace, joy, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, & temperance.

Also with Ish 11:2 Isa. 11:2 And Keith, the spirit of the LORD shall rest upon you Keith, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD........

Forever, Amen!!!

sermonindex Jan 24, 2008

Brother Keith

I was touched by your post Brother, your right where the LORD wants you to be. No, not in sin, sin is just the by product of His chastening. We WILL fall into divers temptations, some we will overcome, while many we will fall headlong into it.

James 1:2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

One of the reasons we are to count it all joy is because there is no condemnation for us because we are in Christ Jesus. UNDERSTAND that!? Get that into your spirit. You are in Christ Jesus and you do not walk after the flesh because we are not in the flesh, we are in the spirit.

Romans 8:9 But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his.

Your identity in Christ is spirit, you've been translated from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of His dear Son.

As true believers we do not relish in our sin, we hate it and we loathe it. So when we do sin we are overwhelmed and we give in. But that doesn't mean that God sees you as condemned, that is your mind doing that. Your condemning yourself for which Christ died. (we all do it but it doesn't make it right). Remember your in Christ whether you feel like it or not, it's a fact.

We will sin yes, but as we allow the holy Spirit to do His work by acknowledging our sin, acknowledging His work, acknowledging that you and I can't do anything to obtain our righteousness, He will do in us what we could never do in a million years.

Romans 8:13 For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live.

Keith, praying we will pray. However, you must start believing that your not a piece of trash. God knew what He was getting into when he saved you. The word of God states that when the children of Israel went into the land the LORD said that He wasn't going to drive out the strongholds of the land all at once, but He was going to do it little by little, LEST YOU FORGET HIM and are turned out of the way.

Exodus 23:30 By little and little I will drive them out from before thee, until thou be increased, and inherit the land.

"Until thou be increased" when I read this line only one verse jumps out.

Ephesians 4:13 Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ:

Consider bondages to be blessings. Joseph was in bondage in a prison, yet it was turned into a blessing. Lift up the hands that hang down and thank God that He is stirring your heart, revealing sin in the life that He has purchased by His own blood. Yes, He puts the law in our inward parts that

Romans 7:13 Was then that which is good made death unto me? God forbid.~~[b]~~But sin, that it might appear sin, working death in me by that which is good; that sin by the commandment might become exceeding sinful.[/b]

When you sin, don't give into the pity party, don't give into the lies, the condemnation. Shake yourself and be sober, it ain't easy (nothing ever is). Christ is not condemning you, you are!

When we sin, we are NOT walking after the flesh. Walking after the flesh is "habitually" walking after it. Now there will be occasions where we might continue in sin for a season, and as true believers that hate sin, it's a result of a lack of knowledge, we are perishing in our minds over what Christ has accomplished and we don't have a clue what the grace of God is all about.

Get the book by Watchman Nee, "The Normal Christian Life". It will give you all the necessary information on who you are in Christ Jesus, and the problem of the sin nature. If you can't afford to buy one, PM me and I'll send you one free of charge.

In my opinion, I think that every person that gets born again, should be given this book before given any other book, it'd save us a lot of heartache and woe.

God Bless you Brother.

B

BrianPaul Jan 24, 2008

Read the Psalms brother. Doesn't and shouldn't get any better than the Word of God. Ill tell you your experience blesses me and encourages me. I see the fight in you. I have a great promise for you and its in this quote, "Christianity is not, N O T, not, a sinning religion its a victorious religion." - -Leonard Ravenhill. my brother the victory from on high is on His way. I have faith in God that He will show you His victory over your flesh.

Amen, this is great. Your experience comes from nowhere but God. Amen.

S

SimpleLiving Jan 30, 2008

Brothers and Sisters,

I can't tell you how much your prayers and encouragement mean to me. After I posted my request, I signed-off and haven't signed back in so that I can seek God with all my heart. I've been like a starving man seeking bread.

At the time I posted this prayer request, God had quite a hold of me. It was painful and awesome at the same time. He's working marvelously in my life and He's not done yet.

I believe God is doing a work in the lives of people who are seeking Him ~~[i]~~desperately[/i], desiring to make HIm their life. I also believe there is coming a time when those who are not absolutely grounded and deeply rooted in their relationship with God are going to stumble away. I don't know how to word it, but there has been a tremendous urgency in my spirit. God is doing a work in me that is very difficult, but it feels like it's being speeded up. I'm being broken and rebuilt for a purpose and a time. I don't know how I know that, I just do.

Concerns and desires that I had even a month ago are like faded memories. Now it's just Him. A readiness mentality. Peace.

I'll be back online later. I signed in to post a sermon by David Wilkerson and wanted to respond here, too. Thank you again for your prayers. They're being answered.

C

ccchhhrrriiisss Jan 30, 2008

Praying.

Be encouraged about our Lord's heart:

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." - Matthew 11:28-30 (KJV)

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." - Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

:-)