Hi Compliments...
Good question. I've heard quite a few people who have tried to suggest the "sit back and let God bring your spouse" philosophy. Unfortunately, several of these (particular the girls) have let many years go by without getting married (even though this is a spoken desire of their heart).
When I came to the Lord, I thought that I would never get married. I really wanted to be like Paul -- single unto the Lord. This desire lasted quite a while. Then a funny thing happened. On my first missionary trip into the rugged forest-covered mountains of the Sierra Madre in Mexico (as a teenager), I realized that I did not have "the gift" of being alone for the Lord. Our small missionary team had taken an early dinner break near the top of one of the mountain trails (on our 4x4s). I took a walk in order to be alone for a little while. I walked until I came to the side of the mountain. We were several thousands of feet up on a very cold day. Across the valley, I could see the next mountain -- so close that I could throw a rock at it and almost hit it. The sun was beaming through the forests atop that mountain. Below me was a cloud into which both of these mountains disappeared. It was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen (and I had seen a lot of beautiful things). At that moment, I was overwhelmed with a desire to share this moment with someone. Of course, I could share it with the Lord, but He created it. I wanted to share this view of the Lord's creation with someone else. At that moment, I knew that I might need to get married one day. I would want someone with whom I could share my sunsets with.
Now, I didn't go out and pursue a wife the very next day. I didn't start contemplating which young lady in my youth group would make a good wife. Nor did I begin praying that God would bring me to the right girl. Rather, I committed this desire to the Lord. I began to ask the Lord to give me wisdom in this endeavor -- including what things to look for in a virtuous woman. I searched the Scriptures for understanding.
I suggest that you read as many examples of marriage in the Bible. Read about Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, etc... Start thinking about what it is that you want in a woman. I know quite a few guys who base their desire upon the flesh (what she looks like, how she presents herself, etc...). They forget to realize that charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting. I wanted to find a woman in whom I would passionately love -- even after 90 years had passed! Outer beauty will eventually fade away -- but inner beauty can (and with God's help, will) last much longer! I desired a woman who loved God more than anything! Whether you believe God is the one who actually brings a woman to you, or whether you feel that it is your responsibility to search, the important thing is that you GET IT RIGHT.
Don't marry the first girl who is willing to say yes. Marry the girl who will complete you as a help meet. Marry the woman in which it will not be a "chore" to love, cherish and support. My dad used to tell me, "[i]Don't marry someone you can live with. Marry someone that you feel like you can't live without.[/i]" I am very blessed to have found an extremely godly wife. I don't have to ever question her love or loyalty to me or the Lord. She encourages me to seek God with all that I am.
I met my wife at a non-denominational christian organization on the campus of my University (while we worked on our undergraduate degrees). This was a large organization, and she was highly sought by many of the guys there. But Mireya wasn't seeking a husband. I wasn't seeking a wife. We were seeking the Lord. We were seeking His pleasure from our lives. We were friends for nearly a year before I even thought that she might be the one I should pursue (yes, I feel that it is a man's responsibility to "pursue" -- and not the woman's).
Our courtship (although we referred to it as "dating") withstood many circumstances over a period lasting several years. She studied in Europe for a semester while I interned and co-opted for NASA. She moved back home and became a teacher while I worked at another University and finished my Master's Degree. We only came together after we had both finished our Master's Degrees and I felt that I could properly provide for her (and "prepare a place" for her).
I love being married! I love my wife! With the exception of meeting and knowing the Lord -- she is the best thing to ever happen to me! It is such a blessing to pray with her, fast with her, and study the Word with her! While we are still independent individuals, I feel so closely tied to her.
This weekend, my wife traveled to her parents' home in order to attend a baby shower for her sister. Tomorrow, her family will have their monthly "family time" -- which consists of a Bible study, a prayer meeting and a time of worship and fellowship. This is the first "family time" that I have missed since getting married (I have some responsibilities here at home). Let me tell you: I really miss my wife! I hate being away from her! It isn't that I want to smother her (nor her I), but I feel like a part of me is missing when we are apart.
Brother, I will be praying for you. I'm not certain whether or not you bring this question in regard to someone else or yourself, but I will stay in prayer nonetheless. I might suggest that, in addition to studying the Word concerning marriage and relationships, you might want to read some of Elizabeth Eliot's books on relationships. My mom gave me a copy of [i]The Mark of a Man[/i] shortly after Mireya and I began courting. It is good stuff -- and full of wisdom!
I hope this helps!
:-)
