Working woman, stay at home mom or other?

(Godly Home) Part 21 - The Hidden Woman - Denny Kenaston

Here are a couple of Scriptures that have guided me in my decision to be a full-time homemaker. I have 3 small children (and we homeschool). I never really "struggled" to make that decision, because it's always been my heart's desire anyway.

Titus 2:5
to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Psalm 128:3
Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table.

I used to work 2 or 3 days a week. But after I quit, I was surprised how much more focused and in control I was concerning our household by being there almost all the time. Our meals, laundry, etc. really suffered and fell behind when I was absent just those few hours a week.

I still do one part-time job from my house, though.

I don't think God intends women to [i]never[/i] have outside jobs, but I do think she should realize the role of homemaker is the most prestigious of all. Interesting question, thanks for asking!

Heismypeace wrote:
Thanks Jenn, It was actually not my decision to work. I homeschooled all 5 of my children up to the fifth grade. I know what you mean about the housework! :-D I've learned to pace myself to keep from getting stressed out.

Wow, I thought you must be supermom, with 5 kids and everything! I meant to ask the ages of your kids. . . I have a friend whose 4 kids are a bit older now (she homeschools too) and who has an afternoon job.

I do know several ladies who would love to be home, but their present circumstances make it impossible right now. I know it's so hard on them. (I shudder to think of cooking and cleaning after an already long day at work -- I barely have enough energy to accomplish everything now!)

Then again, I have a cousin who works full time (and she wants to), while raising her 2 young boys, and she manages her home beautifully at the same time. She is just blessed with lots of energy!

Let us fight valiantly for the Kingdom of God suffers violence and the violence taketh by force.

Let us fight valiantly on, pressing toward the prize. The one who turns to one side or the other will perish with Lot's wife who turned to look back, feeling sorry for the possessions she left behind.11

You’re not a writer, nor a copier that would make you a scribe. Are you a scribe, or are you a prophet, are you an apostle, or are you an elder, which one are you?

Brother this was too much to bare, I often wonder how did Lot feel when he had to leave his wife, because she chose to look back and therefore turned into salt, I often wonder/ponder.

"The proud world wants to be Christian too," wrote an Ausbund writer. "But the world is ashamed of the cross. The world says: No. That cannot be. Why should we suffer if the sufferings of Christ were enough to redeem us from our sins? Oh blind world, you will be put to shame! Your faith will not save you! Repent! If you do not want to suffer forever, come out from among the world and sin no more!"13

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…and why should we continue to live in sin, are we to say unto the Lord, your grace is suffiencet for me, yes this I know but I will continue to sin, because where sin abounds grace does much more abound and I can continue to live in sin and apply grace/no!

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It is difficult for the one who loves to talk to get to know himself. If he would think of who he is, he would not have so much to say. Look at yourself! Leave the rest. Do not gossip. Be quiet . . . so that in the end you may not be put to shame.

Where there are many words sin is not far.

God will not forsake the one who lives in the truth. God is ready to hear us if we hate sin. Oh Jesus Christ, it is your spirit that comforts us. Do not leave us! Be merciful to us and intercede for us . . . as we near the end of time.14

..and God receive us as his own, for we know that we are not of this world, and our citizenship is in Heaven

It is what it is and only time will tell, are we to tell God are we to Ask God why did you create me like this. Let me ask you a question, if I may?

Where were you when I God formed the world answer me if you can,

This is what I hear,
Hear, o heavens! Listen, o earth! This is what
The Lord says: “The Children I raised and cared
For have turned against me, even the animals-
The donkey and the ox-know their owner and
Appreciate his care, but not my people Israel.
No matter what I do for them, they still do not
Understand.”
Oh, what a sinful nation they are! They are loaded
Down with a burden of guilt, they are evil and
Corrupt children who have turned away from
The Lord.
They have despised the Holy One of Israel,
Cutting themselves off from his help.
Why do you continue to invite punishment?
Must you rebel forever? Your head is
Injured, and your heart is sick. You are sick
From head to foot-covered with bruises, welts,
And infected wounds-without any ointments or bandages
Your country lies in ruins, and your cities are burned. As
You watch, foreigners plunder your fields and destroy
Everything they see. Jerusalem stands abandoned
Like a watchman’s shelter in a vineyard of field
After the harvest is over, it is as helpless as a
City under siege. If the Lord Almighty had not
Spared a few of us, we would have been wiped
Out as completely as Sodom and Gomorrah.

Listen to the Lord, you leaders of Israel!
Listen to the law of God, people of Israel
You act just like the rulers and people of Sodom
And Gomorrah. “I am sick of your sacrifies”,
Says the Lord. Don’t bring me any more burnt
Offerings! I don’t want the fat from your rams
Or other animals. I don’t want to see the blood
From your offerings of bulls and rams and goats.
Why do you keep parading through my courts
With your worthless sacrifies? The incense you
Bring me is a stench in my nostrils! Your celebrations
Of the new moor and the Sabbath DAY, and your special
Days for fasting-even your most pios meetings-are all
Sinful and false. I want nothing more to do with them.
I hate all your festivals and scacrifies. I cannot stand the
Sight of them! From now on, when you lift up your
Hands in prayer, I will refuse to look. Even though
You offer many prayers, I will not listen. For your
Hands are covered with the blood of your innocent victims.
Wash yourselves and be clean! Le me no longer see your
Evil deeds. Give up your wicked ways. Learn to do good.
Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the orphan. Fight
For the rights of widows.

“Come now, let us argue this out,” says the Lord. “NO
MATTER HOW DEEP THE STAIN OF YOUR SINS, I can
Remove it. I can make you as clean as freshly fallen snow.
Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make
You as white as wool, if you will only obey me and let me
Help you, then you will have plenty to eat. But if you
keep turning around and refusing to listen, you will be destroyed
by your enemies. I, the Lord, have spoken”.

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Learn to do good, again I say learn to do good, and
Stop your gossiping, and your slandering, wait, I say
Wait upon the Lord, for the Lord is coming and his
Book will be opened.

Hopefully they will turn out alright. I really don't have much time for them anymore. I'm tired after working all day and we don't do devotions anymore. I just come home from work, fix dinner and go to bed.I can only do so much. If the Lord wants me home He will have to make a way or else they will just have to fend for themselves. Sounds harsh but that is reality. They go to church on Sunday and Wednesday nights so hopefully that is enough. I never thought I would have to let go of them at such an early age but that was not my decision and I am not accountable for the outcome.

Is this in reference to your children?

My dear sister..After reading your post yesterday..I was inspired to share what I have lived in regards to the subject you bring up..but as I began to write..I wondered if what I had to offer would benefit you..and so I decided to pray about responding instead. This morning I see so many of the questions I had concerning your situation answered and more importantly I am able to hear the true cry of your mother's heart in regards to your query.

Though the circumstances differ in dynamics..I am hoping you will find some value in my words.The challenge for me is in pruning back the unimportant details.Brevity is not one of my strong suits.

My experience as a mother began at 18 as a single mother..at 19 I was soveriegnly converted and met the Living God and the Savior I had believed in as a child..I was confronted with my sin,as God revealed His standard to me in a powerful way one afternoon..firmly revealing who I was at the same time! I was completely undone and wept for hours on the floor of kitchen while my 15 mos. old son lay sleeping in the other room. I was dramatically changed..God slowed my entire life down and due to the flexibility of youth,the powerful focus that God had deposited in me,I began to listen intently for the voice of my Shepherd to teach me His way..what to say and where to go. I was shown how to be with my son in a much more present way..how to be more patient and how to go at his pace..how to teach his inquiring mind whatever the opportunity allowed.The Heavenly Father was teaching me to be a parent..I felt so excited to be given such an incredible chance to be a godly mother..even though I did not have a husband. Upon joining a fellowship it soon became apparant that if I were to be treated as anything less than a fallen woman..I needed a husband. I wanted to fit in somewhere...I was not a true single because I was a parent..but I was not married..obviously I longed for a husband.Many brothers in the fellowship asked for my hand but there was no witness in me to marry them..but knowing that I did not know about what love was in Christ I considered that perhaps love grew differently than just attraction or whatever seemed to be missing in the way I viewed these men. The pastoral began to become weary of counseling me out of all these proposals..truly laughable now as I look back.

Eventually I decided to investigate the possibilty of marraige with a man I'd been writing for a number of yrs..and moved to be near him. We eventually married and had 3 children together..however we were unevenly yoked...in my quest to be a wife..I had substituted the love of a man for my true Husband. My husband came to see his need to surrender his life to Christ..that his childhood faith would not pass muster and so we began attending church at his request. It seemed important to lay a foundation so you could have a point of reference for what follows.

The issue of money and roles in the household were always an issue between us..He chafed under the role of sole provider..while I did not see what good it would do to pay a sitter the same amount I would get in the workfield.As a teenage mother..my education was limited,I had praised God for America's welfare provision for women in my situation..after being convinced by brethren that that was why the provision was there,,the only ambition I had ,besides to be like Jesus, was that I would be a mother and a wife..a godly submissive wife.

When my husband brought home pottery from the place where he managed..for me to paint..upon seeing I was skilled enough to do it..this became a way for me to contribute..I began to be shown that I could start a home business growing sunflower seed sprouts( also buckwheat and wheat grass) in trays of dirt on the loft above the kitchen in our underground solar home..which acts like a greenhouse. He began to relax..but I became more stressed..and one afternoon painting this large limited edition vase I complained to God.

"This is too much,Lord..I have these 2 little ones at my feet..I know they are not recieving my full attention when they need it..instead of me being able to closely supervise as they nmove from puzzel to blocks and clean up each toy instead I am left with a huge mess too difficult for them to help put to rights before thier father returns from work needing to walk through the living room without it being an obstacle course.I make my meals from scratch, have a 50x70 foot garden who's beds need my focus..it's almost time to plant the crop for summer..now this small home business..the meals,menu,shopping and the housework..I am feeling overwhelmed! I can't do this!"

To my suprise His answer, though not sympathetic was empowering instead.This is not word for word..but I'll recount what I recall.

He spoke to me of my attitude..noting the tone of my complaint to be leaning on the whining side..joked with me about whether I need some cheese with that wine..no kidding..And told me that I had low blood sugar and had forgotten to eat..He told me that as everything had shifted in my life..I had begun to do it mostly in my own strength moving away from asking Him what do I do first here,Lord..which was my normal way of having things run smoothly.
He then asked me if His promises were true..Did He give me more than I could handle?..could I do all things through Christ who strengthened me or not? Concepts such as these He had me ponder..then finished up with telling me that I could do all this,,but not until I changed my attitude..I was to give of myself cheerfully or not at all..I could choose to be thankful that God had given me all that I had to do and that He would provide me with the divinely choreographed movement and the energy in which to get everything done..if I would allow Him to do it through me..Good enough..I chose to be thankful.God is so Good to us..when the battle seems to be overwhelming us ..He has always provided a means for us to triumph..and here's the clincher! I worked happily on the vase(large decorative pot) the rest of that day and it being finished, my husband took it to work the next morning. When he came home for dinner he said,"Hey honey..you've been reprieved..I won't be bringing you any more pots to paint..they've decided they can cut down on the painters now that we got caught up with back orders..no more pots to paint for you!" He must have been reading my body language because I had not told him I was overwhelmed. Suprise! God knew I would be relieved ..but He wanted to develope my character..implanting His word and building my faith in His promises and reinstating,strengthening a standard of how I would go about performing what was required of me..my strength or His.

This next part reveals how what might have been applicable before is not necessarily applicable later.Staying in the moment with God and what He is saying to you now..flexibility,sponteniety in obediance is mandatory in my opinion in our Christian walk.

Soon after this incident I became pregnant with our 3rd child. I usually suffered being very tired and sick during pregnancy,after being taken aside by an elder sister in my fellowship,who expounded on the Lord being our Healer..removing the curse of childbearing..found that in believing I was full of energy and had no sickness whatsoever! My home business grew and I even trained a few employees..to help when I approached my 'time'.My youngest differed from all my other babies in that he could nurse and play quietly, did not clamor for my attention..He used to flip in my womb during worship..like John the Baptist upon meeting Christ in Mary's womb.I'd never had a child do that..a sister from Austailia prophesied about it during the service time for the gifts to be given a chance to manifest..after it had been going on for a few weeks..though I'd never told anyone.Needless to say,he was very content and confident in a way I didn't know babies could be..so I could go about my work without him becoming insecure if I popped into another room..He wasn't interesting enough for big brother and sister to pay him much heed yet. But when the 6 mos.teething set in and I'd landed my biggest account at the larger grocery,Smith's..I suddenly realized that he would be requiring more of my attention..I argued with my conscience..I had a playpen, a johnny jump up, a backpack,his walker,the high chair.. I could sit him up next to the sink and talk to him while I rinsed the hulls off the sprouts after harvest..I could do the weighing and bagging while he slept..I can do this Lord!,I proposed.

"You are right..You can do it all..You can do whatever you put your mind to.but you've never done your babies this way..coming up with ways to keep them out of your way,not giving them your full attention when they need you, so you can create finances..He needs you now..you could do it all and the business would not suffer,however the human's will."

And so I decided not to take the account..but God was not finished..no..He asked me to give up the entire business..to give it to a godly family who was struggling far worse than we were. I obeyed and for whatever reason my husband did not object out loud.When this newfound sense of being someone..a respected business owner..a contributing member of the household..was taken from me,I was made to see that my sense of worth was askew..what me me valuable to God and others? Earlier in the year we had begun a deep emotional healing class at my fellowship (in which I led the worship beforehand) I began to understand why I could not stay consistant in loving unconditionally(with Divine love,Agape) The trauma of my childhood was opened up for me.I was taken into a new season of growth and deliverance..much needed healing. Praise God for His divine orchestration of events in our lives. The marraige began to deteriorate as my husband became more aloof and distanced himself from participating in the work..having much from his past that needed healing..but being a different personality..was not ready to deal with it.He became abusive..we got pastoral counseling from a very young pastor..who was at a loss.inexperianced in having a family(childless)He ahd not been attending the classes that his fatherinlaw was teaching.When God spoke to me to leave He gave me rhema word and a list of scriptures..sharing this with a few counselors and the pastor It was agreed that I should go..we would seperate.God sent the children and I to live near my parents,1000 miles away..so they could assist me with the process of remembering the past rightly including them in the process,a relatively rapid time of real healing ensued.My husband was in agreement and followed 7mos later,renting out the house.His infedelities began to surface..He would not talk about them for a few years ..stayed in denial after being thoroughly busted.I learned to forgive and move on..commited to the marraige.

He continued to resist the work that God desired to do in his own personal life..in his soul..and this caused us to grow at a different pace..he stopped moving and I went forward.He became more distant and my efforts to include him only caused him to resist me further.

Many yrs of being back together and being seperated followed..but for brevity I am including what follows because I believe it will give you faith for God's provision in regards to your children's growth and developement..and God's faithfulness in regards to the cry of your heart regarding your impact upon their lives.

When we were seperated God began to move through my life in miracles and healing for others..always out of earshot or sight of him. He was very self contained,hermitlike..I wanted 'to save the world' and had a huge burden for the lost sheep who'd fallen away and those who'd never even known His love at all. He became more earthly minded(carnal) and I more heavenly focused. He decided to divorce me again when presented with an offer for financial freedom from a past mistress. God had already had me move into town from our solarhouse on the high desert mesa..closer to my work and the now much older children's social life and schools.The primary reason for my moving being the telephone affair he was having this lady,planning what life they would have when the marraige failed,as she held out to him what she would provide monetarily for his presence in her life.He desired me but did not see how I was going to be an asset to his future..I was too focused on the things of God..He'd become jealous of my Jesus.Did not being reminded that he'd allowed his relationship with God to lapse completely. He would not let go of me,wanted the best of both worlds..and things became confusing..our house was rented and he lived w/her..but coming to me for the obvious.

I eventually had to leave the area completely..and having no automobile I could not take the children..I knew they wouldn't get the attention they needed or be given instruction pertaining to the kingdom of God from either of them..but they would be sheltered,fed and clothed. Besides I had nothing to offer them monetarily and I was a mess..needing to regroup. Get it together and send for them.

During all this I overextended myself to the lost in our town and compromised my own walk..God is so merciful..I floundered and fell and He picked me up. Praise Him for His faithfulness! He is worthy! When we are weak He is strong and mighty to save!

As the yrs went by I learned our oldest son was in trouble.I managed to pay for them all to visit me for a few weeks and having written him a poem offering my help,I gave it to him upon arrival..he was convicted and touched..he returned to live with me and we spent day and night together..I was able to impact his life with the truth..and to help him step out into his adulthood with a much better attitude..he still respects what he calls my wisdom now that he is a father and is learning how his own father's stunted emotional condition affected him as a child..there is great healing there..Also I am restored to my two youngest who are 17 and 20..both are so very happy to have their mom up close,living with them and we are open and respectful with each other..they are applying the lessons I am able to give them now ..right when they need me the most..we all feel very blessed and thankful. their dad and I have made peace and this has helped their healing as well.

Being seperated from my children gave me a very sharp and edgy view for a while towards parents that did not seem to value the time they had with theirs ..but I soon came to see that this was nothing more than judgement springing up from my own woundedness,from the grief of my own sense of loss..I repented of that and no longer judge others for their parenting skills or lack thereof..too many families are not able to live the way they know would benefit everyone in the family,some cannot see the way out of their predicament..felling trapped by the system of man and so very many more do not know our Savior..do not have faith in God's provision and guidance..in how He will set things aright if allowed to have His way. In today's world priorities are askew and we face difficulties in a society that has lost it's appreciation for the crucial role that a stay at home mother provides..how foundationally important it is to be there for them when they need us..while they are young enough to have an impact upon..soon they are more facinated with everything else the world has to offer.

I hear you saying I want to be there for these little ones..Surely this is not why God gave me children..a family! I need to prepare them for what is coming..I am too tired out to even spend time with them and it feels terrible,wrong!I do not have peace..I am not at peace with this. I believe this is what you are saying.I would encourage you hopefully with these two contrasts..when you are being led to choose them over financial gain..and when you cannot be there to give them what they need..whether you are absent due to what you cannot control,or simply absent while being right there.. however it shows up. God is able to rearrange your circumstances..overnight if necessary..open the lines of communication..tell your husband your concerns..that you don't have peace..do not lose hope in your motherhood role..it is far too soon for you to be giving up without a fight, my friend.ask God to breathe His lifeforce into it..to bring His creative will to pass in regards to your family as a whole. Check your diet,are you eating balanced foods that are fresh and full of life,are you getting what you need....and exercise..bikes for family jaunts are fun and inexpensive..your own stretching program to help get your energy moving perhaps..getting them inspired to help create meals and to be in charge of helping plan and shop and cook(cleanup too)..how great they will feel when they serve up the whole family a meal they have helped create. Involve dad as well..of course..he is your ally here..he loves the Lord? ask God to move upon his heart to understand what is best for you and the children..you both just need to be on the same page. The children will value the family more as they grow if they see that they are an important and integral part of helping it run more smoothly..especially if they realize it is so you can give them more of your quality time..they will grow out of the need for you to be so interwoven in their lives..but for now..if they are made to feel important..which a family meeting and some creative ideas presented and asked for..each member seeing their worth as a whole..will help provide their enthusiasm for being more involved will expand expodentially.

And last but not least ..Remember mom is the hearth of the home..when mom's not happy, at peace..no one's going to be happy..if you are cut off from your nuturing role you will also wither..I'm believing for your family.I hope you could be encouraged by what I've lived. I send it to you by faith..may the Lord strengthen you all.

"You are right..You can do it all..You can do whatever you put your mind to.but you've never done your babies this way..coming up with ways to keep them out of your way,not giving them your full attention when they need you, so you can create finances..He needs you now..you could do it all and the business would not suffer,however the human's will."

Great article, did you write it yourself.

“The Spirit of God leads you into all truth, Test the Spirit to see if it is of God”

Let us keep our eyes on Jesus who is the Arthur and the Finisher of our Faith.

“Thank You destinysweet and may the Lord strengthen you all too, as well” :-)

So what did I do? and what am I doing now?

By way of introduction, am almost 61 YO, [EDIT] have been married to the same man for over 40 years, birthed five children, four boys and one girl. Presently the oldest one is 39 and the youngest is 27 years old. We have ten grandchildren. Three of our children married and two are single. Our DD died when 25 years old, leaving behind two small children and a loving widower who has since remarried and together they have two children - and we consider them our grandchildren as well.

I was a stay-at-home-mom for most of my mothering years. The exceptions were when I did a few small part time jobs to help out. After my children got grown I did more but nothing significant. Now that we are empty nesters, I work with my DH a lot. I am a full partner with him in our business. I enjoy it but he does get concerned for me that I may be working too hard. That concern may be legitimate but the flip side is I am healthy, have no aches or pains common to people my age.

Now how did we make do on a one person income? It was not easy, but I always looked to see how I could make money go further. We gardened, canned or froze the excess; purchased fruits by the bushel and froze or canned it; we raised our own beef, had it slaughtered for meat; had chickens which gave us eggs. I shopped at thrift stores for clothes for the boys. For the daughter, I sewed, even did some for the boys. To save on fabrics I looked for remnants in fabric stores which would be reduced from the regular price. When I did buy I was always on the alert for sales and would buy up then. (This is the hardest thing about being an empty nester - not buying too much when something is on sale!). And if something was not essential for life, we did without.

How did this type of lifestyle effect our family? Our sons are very good providers, are thrifty, have an excellent work ethic.

There is one regret I have and that is I was to concentrated on my work. When I ask my boys what they remember the most about me they say I was "tired so much!" :-o This grieves me. I thought I had this under control, but apparently I didn't. And when it came to the younger boys, I was not all that intense in giving them personal attention like I did the oldest ones. And it shows. Child #3 is not interested in 'religion', and child #5 claims he is a Christian but we see so much carnality.

If only, if only...and I cannot retrieve those years....Sister, DO NOT, I said DO NOT compromise on your devotions, your teaching of the children. Doing without hurt nobody. No one needs the latest gadgets. Remember your children are your mission: this is the only thing you can produce that you can take to heaven. Think about that! Do not compromise on this. Your first responsibility is to God, then your husband, then your children. And let your husband be the provider God has intended for him to be. Other mission efforts are best put aside if it means it will interfere with your mothering. Your children come before others outside of you home. Read Titus 2.

My piece...didn't mean to preach, but can get quite opinionated about this subject!

Blessings,:-)

ginnyrose

Glad you enjoyed it..I really prayed for help in the writing to stay on point..my hope is that Heismypeace will be able to wade through the details that are not applicable to find the different ways that God is so present to help us in our everyday life..how He is able to make all things work for the good for those of us who Love God and are called according to His purpose..it's all about seeking what that purpose is.

I feel it is a great injustice that families are not able to enjoy the great gift that their smaller family presents/is for..because they are too busy trying to survive..In reading my tale you can see why I would be a little sensitive to folks choosing financial security over love..over God's will.I believe God will move heaven and earth so that we can obey His will..it's all about becoming aligned to His perfect will..trusting Him to make it so and being willing to do whatever He shows you..tho none may follow.

If I could edit a statement from the missive below it would be where I wrote...or lack thereof(of parenting skills)..I later wondered if that would seem judgemental or be taken wrong..and I felt stricken momentarily..wishing I could better know the person I am writing to..that they could see my face and eyes and hear the tone in my voice..too late it was posted...I gave it to Jesus.He knows my heart.Perfect love cast out fear..His love will cover me. I'm trying to relax with writing because it is not my ususal mode to communicate.I am really praying about when to write and when not to.I have to trust God with it..staying open to learn more effective ways to share what I believe will help others.
Love believes the best and hopes the best!
Thank you for the prayer for strength..blessings

I will keep praying for your family,Heismypeace!
I believe God is going to move on your behalf! your sister Des