Your Prayers Needed

My wife called me today and told me that we were going to be meeting with a mediator next week to discuss our divorce.

I have no idea what to do.

This is a painful situation, and I ask you all to pray for our restoration.

There has been no adultery, or abuse, or any Biblical reason for a divorce at all. I am seeing a five year marriage quickly washed down the drain.

Thank you all so much.

Hi roaringlamb...

I weep with you, dear brother! I hurt for you and this untold amount of pain that you must persevere and endure through.

My wife and I will continue to hold this situation in our prayers. We especially pray for God's strength to be revealed in you as you endure this trial. Of course, we are also praying for a miracle. I pray that God does something in the heart of your wife. Remember, "[i]The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will[/i]" (Proverbs 21:1). I am praying for your wife's heart to be turned back to you.

My next-to-oldest sister is going through a similar situation. She has seperated from her husband after several years of marriage. She has a very small child named Elijah. We are praying for restoration of this marriage covenant as well. Please keep them in your prayers.

Brother, if you ever need to talk, feel free to give me a call. I will PM my telephone number to you. I certainly do not have -- nor can I provide -- all of the answers, but I do know the One who does.

Regardless, He is faithful even when this world (and those we love) are faithless. He is beside you even now to comfort you through this pain. His comfort is better than any other.

Matthew 11:28-30

Brother Patrick,

I have one question. How do you view your wife? When you look at her, do you see the beauty of Christ shining forth out of her soul? Do you see her as an extension of yourself? Does your love for her rise from the depths of your spirit? Would you willingly lay down your life for her and endure scorn and shame? Do you accept her into your loving arms for better or worse - whether she has done good or evil? Do you show forth kindness in all of your conversation with her? Do you view her as a treasure - like the diamond that you put on her finger - shining forth with brilliance and beauty - continually delighting in her presence?

No woman in her right mind would walk away from a man that loves her like this, for a desire for such love is what He has instilled into the hearts of man - to draw them unto Himself.

Heartsong,

No, I have not always loved my wife this way, and I take full credit for that. I was arrogant and self centered much of the time.

Yet also because I am not liberal in my theology, it causes much strife.

I have learned to love my wife in this way through much good and needed chastening from my Father. My wife has consistently told me that she knows that I would never leave her or cheat on her.

But I fear the allurements of the world have sucked my wife away from a solid Biblical view of things, and she is under the impression that she can divorce me and though it is not God sanctioned, she can hold her chin up and lean on Christ.(her words, not mine)

praying for you roaringlamb,

I am so sorry to here this! I have been married for around 24 years. We communicate all the time. I love her dearly. We talk about Jesus together all the time. We settle any differences immediately.
We are truly one in Christ. The scripture talks about how the husband is to love his wife. It says to give honor to her as the weaker vessel. We must have much patience in love for our wife.

I will pray that God will show you areas of reconciliation. Don't give up yet my brother. Pray for her, love her, and show kindness to her.

Pray that God will show you what you can do in any area of seeking forgiveness and restoration.

I have to go for now but i will be praying. -rbanks

Brother Patrick,

I hope you do not mind me picking at this a little . . .

she is under the impression that she can divorce me and though it is not God sanctioned, she can hold her chin up and lean on Christ.(her words, not mine)

Her statement that she can hold her chin up - have you somehow made her feel that her head should be bowed in shame?

Her statement about leaning on Christ - does she not view leaning on you as leaning on Christ?

I pray that you are not lording God over her . . .

Praying.

Brother Patrick,

My marriage was on the brink of disaster, and I did everything that I could to fix it - but nothing worked. In fact, everything that I did and said only made it worse. Finally, in total desperation, I turned to God and said "You fix it - I can't. What ever you want Lord, make it, break it - anything - but just take it off of my shoulders for I can not bear it any longer."

And the tide turned . . .

I will be holding the both of you in prayer.
He can mend it - He can fix anything.

Finally, in total desperation, I turned to God and said "You fix it - I can't. What ever you want Lord, make it, break it - anything - but just take it off of my shoulders for I can not bear it any longer.

For the last 4 or 5 days, this has been the cry from my lips.

I do not think I am lording God over her at all, but it does seem that I am the only one using Scripture to at least make her think twice.

She has refused to meet with a pastor, and instead has sought a "Christian counselor".

We never opened the Bible, never spoke of any productive ways to fix things, it was all what I had done wrong, while my wife's only wrong doing was "getting married in the first place".

She has told me that she never loved me and that anytime she said it was to try to convince herself that she did.

There have been many other things, and I still love her and am willing to do whatever it takes for restoration.

Thank you for your prayers brother? sister?

roaringlamb wrote:
She has told me that she never loved me and that anytime she said it was to try to convince herself that she did.

Wow! if she said that you might be better off with a divorce, how can anyone stay married to someone that don't love them? just wondering.

I still love her and am willing to do whatever it takes for restoration.

Within an hour God changed his heart.

how can anyone stay married to someone that don't love them? just wondering.

Nothing is impossible with God, many Christians stay in their marriages for the sake of Christ's righteousness and the sake of His good Name. For His testimony...not easy...for sure

Wow! if she said that you might be better off with a divorce, how can anyone stay married to someone that don't love them? just wondering.

Brother when I consider all the times I have told Christ I did not love Him, I see it as a very Christ-like deed to bear with her in this.

Love bears all things.

I wanted to let you all knnow that I feel that prayer is working, my wife seems to be under some conviction based on her anger, and strange behavior.

I believe our God is at work!

Love bears all things.

Amen! Brother ..love is patient, love is kind..

Precious love of the utmost kind.

I'm encouraged by your spirit, Roaringlamb, and will be praying without ceasing for the Lord to restore your beloved wife to you.

In Christ
mamaluk

MrBillPro wrote:

Wow! if she said that you might be better off with a divorce, how can anyone stay married to someone that don't love them? just wondering.

MrBillPro,

I love you, but this has to be the worst council I have heard on SI in the last 6 months. This is nothing less then wicked council and has flesh written all over it.

If this was from a non-Christian, I could understand more why it would be said.

Brother roaringlamb,

She is your wife. Love her exactly as you are trying to do. Look to the Lord for your council and not to us men, who can lead you into destruction. I for one will pray for you and your wife.

Hi HeartSong…

Do you realize that right here you have stated that you are right and she is wrong? That in effect you have drawn a dividing line? That your view of God is proper and that hers is foolish?

If what our brother said is true, then he [u]IS[/u] right and she [u]IS[/u] wrong. This “dividing line” is drawn in the Word of God. There is [u]no[/u] scriptural defense for this woman’s behavior.

I say this from experience, because my sister is doing the same thing right now! She decided to leave her husband…and is talking divorce. Her husband is a good, strong Christian man. He doesn’t cheat or abuse her in any way. However, my sister decided to separate herself from him just after the New Year. My sister is even now speaking about her husband in past tense (her “ex-husband”). Her lifestyle has suddenly become extremely liberal – yet she tries to maintain her faith. She even forwards emails about praying for people that she knows. It is all a bit perplexing! Worse – this same sister used to preach to me in tears about Christ while I was an agnostic teen!

Recently, we learned that my sister has started to “see” another man. This man doesn’t even pretend to love Jesus. She found him on “MySpace” – and he regularly mocks God. Yet my sister justifies this relationship because she says that she is “human” and is prone to human desires. She tells me that there is 0% hope for her marriage. She claims that she never loved her husband, even though they have been married for quite about ten years! I have tried to reason with her from Scripture, but she doesn’t want to hear it. She tells me to either change the subject or she promptly ends the telephone call. She claims to still love Christ. I tell her that if she loved Him, she would do as he says.

So, in a sense, she is trying to hold her “chin” up high. She just doesn’t comprehend the gravity of her actions! She SHOULD bow her head in shame! She has ruined a good marriage, devastating the heart of a good Christian man (and a great provider – both spiritually and physically), and insured that their two year old little boy will grow up in a broken home!

I’ve told my sister that I can’t shake the image of her in a few years, holding her hands upon her head, and asking, “[i]What have I done?!?[/i]” In the past few months, this sister who used to call me up four or five times a week has called me twice. Is she under conviction for her conduct? She should be! Deep down, I am confident that she knows that she is doing wrong. I have a feeling that she thinks that she can enjoy the pleasures of her sin for a while…and repent later. In other words, she wants the best of both worlds. Worse – there are actually some “Christian” women who “understand” her “situation” and are “encouraging her” through this decision. My wife told me to tell her that those women are as pathetic with their carnal advice as Job’s friends.

I’m sure that our brother is not perfect. Yet neither is my brother-in-law. However, there are times in which a good woman – raised in the things of God – can fall prey to the lies of the Devil. This carnal “wisdom” and acceptance of divorce is shocking! Yes, there are a couple of circumstances in which divorce is an option. But deciding that the love wasn’t “real” is NOT one of them! It is a shame to even consider such a thing!

My brother-in-law has gone through an extremely difficult time over the past seven months. His heart still aches badly. Not only is he feel unloved and rejected by my sister, but he is also aware of the ramifications that this causes their only son. My wife nearly wrote an email to my sister the other day. She simply wanted to tell her the truth in all of its glorious bluntness. I cautioned her to use tact or not write at all. However, I am beginning to wonder: Maybe a blunt revelation of truth is what my sister needs to hear?

I’m sure that our brother’s case is very different from the situation with my sister and her husband. But the Word of God can be applied to both of these cases. There SHOULD be a bit of shame in regard to such things! Sin is shameful! Disobedience is shameful! I remember reading an article about Bill Cosby (the actor). He was speaking to the NAACP and he was nearly booed off the stage. He asked why African Americans continue to blame “white folks” when someone gets shot for an armed robbery in which the burglar stole pound cake from a convenience store. He questioned why that young African American man didn’t contemplate the shame that such action would cause to his mother and grandmother! In other words, there should be SHAME when we cross a moral or spiritual line. Cosby argued that modern society is making excuses for immoral behavior. A deadbeat dad should feel ashamed! An unwed mother should feel ashamed! Why? Because they have broken a higher law!

Sadly, many of today’s modern and more “liberal” churches preach an overwhelmingly humanistic view of sin. “Nobody’s perfect.” It is time for the people of God to rise up and admit that, while nobody on Earth is perfect, a lack of much desire to purify ourselves as a spotless bride is incredibly shameful! Today, we have a Church – the bride of Christ – who is NOT making herself ready and justifying it anyway!

I am praying for our dear brother. I cannot pretend to imagine his pain. This hurts me deeply, particularly since it hits close to home. However, I know from the Word just what the will of God is in this situation. God does not want for this divorce to happen. God wants this woman’s heart to be turned back to her husband. She cannot treat her marriage covenant with contempt or insignificance. There are eternal consequences involved here. This bride might not fully understand the impact that her decision will have on her life!

I know that the Lord understands our brother’s pain. Our Lord came unto his own…and his own received him not. Jesus understands what is like to be rejected. His chosen bride, the nation of Israel, rejected him upon his arrival. In fact, the entire world forsook him as he hung from a tree. Yet the overwhelming love of God was so strong that he was willing to suffer this – for the joy that was set before him (Hebrews 12). I pray that our brother’s joy may be made complete in the future. I pray that the heart of his bride may be rekindled…and that she no longer gives an ear to the “easy way out” thoughts or advice that she hears or considers. I pray that this marriage may be restored in the manner in which God desires.

Brother, I am praying for you. My wife is visiting one of her sister’s tonight (helping set up her classroom). I miss her greatly. I called her earlier to ask her to pray for you. She and her sister are praying tonight. Dear brother, be encouraged. May your heart remain broken in all of this…because this is the type of heart that the Lord will not despise. When you have a moment, please remember my sister and her husband too. My brother-in-law is experiencing this same heart-wrenching agony. Yet he is comforted in the fact that God is with him – understanding every hurt.

May our Lord lovingly soothe your heart with the oil of his grace heart even now! Continue to love your wife -- and show her this love -- even as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for us. Reveal your love to her through a poem, song, flowers, etc... -- with the holy passion of Solomon for the Shulamite woman! Demonstrate your undying love for her -- and remind her of the love that caused her to say "I do."

:-)

Praying

Thank you brother, it is amazing that my wife too has women around her that "support" her. The y tell her things like, "sometimes things just don't work out", or "a divorce can actually be a blessing in disguise".

No I am not perfect, but I rejoice in One who is. He brought us together, and honestly only He can take us apart.I have seen His hand in differing ways in this, I have seen Him provide for us so wonderfully through our marriage.

But I do see that the stage is set for His glory alone to be the reason that this works.

I love my wife, even in the midst of her troubles just as Christ loving guides us and tends our wounds in ours.

It is painful at times, but I realize that the creature had taken the place where only my Creator should occupy. In His wonderful love, He has chastened me. As the Psalmist says, "before I was afflicted, I went astray."

I have realized that it is one thing to say that God is sovereign, it is quite another to actually live in the light of that from moment to moment. To see with the eyes of faith where no one else sees anything but death and failure.

But to God be glory and honor because He truly is worthy of all.

I will pray for your sister and her brother-in-law as it is an eerily similar situation. Check you PM brother as I have a question to ask that may help your brother-in-law in this.