There is a verse in Scripture that says
Luke 7:47
"For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little."
I understand from numerous encounters, situations, circumstances and answers to prayer, even dating back to my adolescent years (I'm in my mid 20s) that this person will be my future wife; so this is not a once off revelation. I recall in one instance I lost a flight and was forced to stay in the hotel that night, I asked God why and the answer I accepted to be from God for me personally was this "If I said yes once, I who knows the past, present and future therefore I will not take my word back no matter what troubles come ahead of you, my yes now is an ultimate final yes in the future". Needless to say that many troubles have come our way since then and it's a miracle that we are still aspiring to be with each other despite the many hardships.
She is my first girlfriend if we can call her that and I wouldn't say I dated her, rather that I courted her with marriage in mind.
Straying in the sense that she is being influenced by another friend of hers to do things in a rational, logical but worldly mannerism and I stray because of the frustration of not being able to do anything about it. I will admit that gradually I am becoming stronger and that this too has been beneficial to my spiritual growth in ways I would never have imagined despite my falls God eventually has helped me back up
It almost seems that logically if it hasn't worked until now from a humanistic point of view I (or both of us) should have moved on already but if I try moving on and I have tried convincing myself to move on I lose all my peace and all the verses in the Bible that speak about forgiveness and love come to mind and furthermore that God has shown me mercy undeserved. How can this be God's plan if the climb is so steep, tiring and seemingly without progress? The mountain top cannot be seen because of the clouds and when we pass the clouds there are clouds higher still giving the impression there is no mountain top. Sometimes it seems a small hill would have had better results and sooner but if the mountain were smooth like a hill we couldn't climb it.
I don't know what the future holds, I am currently going through a difficult trial because I can't accept her to continue being friends with this guy that in my opinion gives her worldly counsel and tears down everything that I try to build in her that is godly but she doesn't want to let go of a friend however she won't let go of me either.
Surely God is in control and surely He would not let this to destroy me or should I begin to doubt and think satan is at work? but rather that somehow it will work for good even if the fog settles across my path and I can't see the finishing line apart from resting on God's word during my prayer in that hotel room that His yes will not change because He knows the future. It's easy for God to say but if I could see what He can see but if I could then I wouldn't need faith would I?
If I try walking away, God won't give me peace and if I stay I become frustrated with that guy and this spills out in our communication and in order to prevent hurting each others feelings we withdraw from each other. However the withdrawal adds more to the frustration and hurt.
I've seen God being faithful in extremely difficult situations and I liken my situation with Lazarus in the grave but Jesus has not come to Bethany yet because His time has not come and therefore my time has not come either. At this point the relationship is as good as dead... until Jesus speaks a word of life
Even a short sigh on my behalf to our Loving Heavenly Father would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
