The Thick Smoke of God

I read FreeCD's thread on Absolute Surrender, which I think ties closely with this one, but I didn't want to pollute that thread with my rants, so I've come here to talk about what's on my mind tonite...

I've been searching for God. I left my home and my family (figuratively speaking) and I set out on a journey (kind of like Pilgrim). I want to find God and be his friend. I want to know Him. Really know Him. I began to climb the mountain that everyone pointed to where God lives, but...now I've reached this point where there's this Thick Smoke and I can't see my hand in front of my face. It was only a short distance down the mountain that I could see for miles...I don't understand...Now, I've had to simply stop and sit! I cannot see to go on...The last thing I saw was my own sin and then, BAM!, now I can't see a thing. I'm trying to understand. I'm trying to search for any little thing in front of my face, but there's no trace of anything...just Smoke...everywhere. So I sit...

Job. That is what came to mind when I read your post. Job, and all that he went through.

I've been reading it as of late, and even though he went through what he did, God knew and saw the whole time.

However, even without being aware of God's presence, he still trusted and believed God.

It is not necessary to see, feel or hear God. Our's is a blind faith, believing when we cannot see.

James 4v8 tells us to draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

He will. That is not based on how we feel, it is based on what He has said, and His words will never pass away.

Now that you are sitting, it is a good position to be in. For now you can read His word, feed on it, and trust Him to be faithful in what He has said.

What you are doing now sounds good. It sounds really good. So wait on the Lord, and believe Him.

God bless.

Our pastor preached a message on Sunday about the Fire of God. His altar call went something like this: "If you want the rain of God in your life, the fire of God has to come first. Do you want God to appear to you? Then, ask him for the fire to come down and tell him to do whatever it takes."

Yesterday, the fire fell. It exposed my sin in a way that left me unable to step out of the light. I had dealt with my sin privately with God, but God knew that I was avoiding the shame, so...I was exposed and there was nothing I could do but hang my head. The more I tried to explain, the worse it looked and I realized that so many of us are jockeying for a little spot of ground high enough to avoid the floodwaters that will cause us to be floating on a little piece of log with nothing but God to save us. The higher the waters come, the more fierce we all fight for a spot to stand where we can look ok. If anyone doesn't know what I'm talking about, then just pray for the fire to fall and you will see.

Last night, I sat awake in the middle of the night and a prayer began to rise out of my gut to God. I wish I could have written it all down, but I'm sure I can't articulate it aloud. I told the Lord how angry I was at all the "ones" in my life who had been so hypocritical and had held their ground while forcing me with a choke chain to give up mine. I told him that I had done everything I knew to do to stop being angry, but still I'm angry, and I know that the anger of mine never produces the righteousness of God. But...I told God I need to move beyond this place and I can't see to go. I've prayed to see as He sees and I've prayed for understanding, but it doesn't come...yet. So, now I am depleted and in a fog and I wait.

Can I just ask about what your pastor said, talking about we need God's fire before we can get His rain.

Did he mean 'rain' or 'reign'? They sound the same but mean two different things.

Plus, where in scripture does what he said appear? I'm asking because I can't think of anything in scripture that resembles that quote of his.

I know it says in Matthew 6v33 to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness..., but apart from that, I can't think what he means.

I don't doubt that we all would hate to have our sin exposed. The thing is, where do we go from there, which is what you seem to be wrestling with now.

But, and I know you know this, some things take time. The anger and pain will go with time, they might not go overnight. But don't let your emotions dictate your salvation, your walk with God. Once we hand it over to God, we have done that. As His word says, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Never mind other people, concern yourself with your walk with God. If people are hypocrites, what's new?

But, God is faithful and worthy of praise.

So let's praise Him.

God bless.

Yes, where there is fire there is usually a
thick cloud of smoke. Still, seek His face
and His presence, seek His strength
continually. He will be found by you, just
as He has promised!! {Jeremiah 29:13-14}

Psa 23:4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

It's good to see you Diane...

The rod is when God disciplines us and the staff is when he pulls out of a whole. He's used both quite often with me.

This is the place where we have to die to self. We have to move out of our lives. I've made it a place to live but I can't stay here much longer.

Enid asked:

Can I just ask about what your pastor said, talking about we need God's fire before we can get His rain.

He was preaching from 1 Kings, chapter 18, speaking about a drought that Elijah had prophesied would come. He was referring to the need for the "idols" in our hearts to be destroyed by the fire of God before the rain would fall.

I told the Lord how angry I was at all the "ones" in my life who had been so hypocritical and had held their ground while forcing me with a choke chain to give up mine.

Dark Shadows in my Mind

There is a song within my heart, the beauty of he light.
It reveals the very best of things and disregards the night.
The light is there for all to see but some don't even try.
Others look then turn away. I can't imagine why.

The love that lies within the light seems obvious to me.
And everything it touches is adored assuredly.
It discloses unseen treasures that everywhere abound.
Within our heart and mind and soul and then to all around.

Despite the light there seems to be dark shadows in my mind.
They ride the winds of discontent and seed themselves with time.
With light obscured, the beauty fades, the issues start to rain.
My heart folds in upon itself with overwhelming pain.

Some that I love, they fail to see, the light that lies within.
They say I’m cold and heartless - that my life is filled with sin.
My flaws are often pointed out with sorrow and disdain.
They take away the things I love and tell me I'm to blame.

The more I give, the more they want, its never quite enough.
They set me up, then knock me down and say that I am tough.
I'm not what I'm supposed to be. I never do it right.
They push, they pull, they shove, they jest - oh Lord where is the light?

My mind goes round it starts to spin I want to make the change.
I try and try to no avail. It just won't rearrange.
The fear of failure I have known. The deep despair it brings.
And now it seems I’ve failed again - again the same old thing.

Where is the light, where has it gone? I know that it is there.
But I’m trapped within this darkness with no hope anywhere.
And then a flicker in my mind - the light that lies within.
Oh Lord please get me out of this, I want to see again.

The light breaks through from up above to shine upon my face.
It surrounds my heart with wonder - the beauty of his grace.
With all aglow, I clearly see the shadows in retreat.
The issues lie forgotten in small puddles round my feet.

The light provides the strength I need to face into the wind.
To stand against the darkness for the truth that lies within.
For all is loved most certainly, it’s our choice how we see.
And in the presence of the light, dark shadows always flee.

Psa 139:7 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
..
Psa 139:8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

Psa 139:9 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;

Psa 139:10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.

Psa 139:11 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.

Psa 139:12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.

...Thick smoke is a sign that something is burning, and let us get burned, the old man and the flesh so that the Lord may reign in us with His splendor and majesty...

And may it never be that we seek for a gift, in a box beautifully wrapped, nor a toy to play with, nor a mere tool to ward our enemies or soothe our conscience, for what we must be seeking is God Himself whose shoes we are not worthy to bear(Mat 3:11).

He is our redeemer, our baptizer, our comforter "Whose fan is in his hand, and he will throughly purge his floor, and gather his wheat into the garner; but he will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire" (Mat 3:12).

With much reverence and humility, with utmost and absolute surrender let us bow and lay before Him our lives, our supplications, our requests, and prayers which by His grace He will freely and gladly give.

hm.

man here i am thinking im all alone with my problems. reading this kinda woke me up, showed me im not the only one going through trials.

hang in there spitfire, you got a tremendous army behind you.

Re: to MattC

Quote
hm.
"man here i am thinking im all alone with my problems. reading this kinda woke me up, showed me im not the only one going through trials.
hang in there spitfire, you got a tremendous army behind you."

What a great Christian response Matt, its always about we, not me.

Eddie