bible1985,
Chanin and Krispy are giving you what you need to hear, the admonishen to [i]slow down[/i] is just as important and I will go a bit further ...
You have got to realize that some of us have been in this same place even if it has it's variations. What it comes down to is will you take the hard to be said but needful things to heart and do something about it?
Many of us have read your posts since you have been here and as Chanin pointed out, there is a commonality to them.
Neil T. Anderson is not what you need right now, what you need is a realization of your incessant navel gazing. A quick scan of your most recent post explaining your predicament is overwrought with the personal pronoun - [b]I[/b], then [b]my[/b] followed by [b]me[/b]. I know this is redundant to you as it has been expressed before but I had this very same maladjustment of disposition until some good Brethren from this very forum began to press my nose in it, so to speak and it was taken to heart.
"Dying' to yourself is not an abolishment, listen to the Lords words;
[i] For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.[/i] Mat 16:25
It is the paradoxical gain, the displacement of importance and order - Surely you would wish to be in that place where little bothers you, where contentment has the upper hand and reign, to be like Jesus in never being disheveled or displaced within Himself. We all do.
I don't think you are unlike most of us when it comes to reacting, but discipline is the word you must get down into the fabric of your being. Your tendencies from what you have conveyed here are to dismiss and look for those things you wish to hear - An appreciation for acquiesce to what you have already set your mind on, as an example; "[i]I think this book might do the trick, if I could find someone to agree with me then I know I am on the right track[/i]" - Something to that effect?
Forget about 'not being understood', we understand that, we are not any different as peculiar people - in fact, if the many did understand it would prove the opposite and be even more fearful.
Brother, if you want to overcome this peccadillo of disposition than go and do the hard thing. Humble yourself, take that advice to go find a good [i]Biblical[/i] counselor, not just a "Christian" counselor as was so well put by our sister, she knows what she speaks of. And if it takes ten attempts till you hit pay dirt, what of it? But forget about all this deliverance business, your enemy is your [i]self[/i] and will always be the greatest match- not the devil, not the world - The flesh. And the controller or rather manager is your mind. The Holy Spirit is not going to do the work for you. You have got to learn in essence to [i]ignore[/i] your own evil imaginations, [i]crucify[/i], [i]mortify[/i] the members of your body - These are all analogous, eupheisms - if you will, for the same thing.
You know brother I do think this is your problem as hard as it might sound ... you are looking for an easy out, an escape, a [i]deliverance[/i]. If you have convinced yourself that your only avenue out is by deliverance than that is the first to go, get it out of your mind. By that I do mean 'instant' deliverance, you will get delivered alright in due time but it is going to require you to change your mind about things, make a 180 degree turn, a paradigm shift in thinking.
"some Christians" - "If only" - Look brother, realize something, whatever is past and repented of is [i]done[/i] if it has been truly repudiated. You may suffer the regrets but that is a good thing, a reminder going forward, as Charles Simeon put it "[i]Though I am forgiven I do not know what reason I need to have for forgiving myself[/i]". If "some Christians" have caused you to err than it seems pretty self explanatory, what they do is not your problem, nor your excuse;
[i]Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me.[/i] Joh 21:22
Did you ever take up the advice to study those heroes of the faith, even in recent generations, do the comparison thing? Realize just how good and blessed you truly are even with this trouble you are experiencing? Has it occurred to you that your very troubles are those things that test and stretch your faith, [i]make[/i], actually [i]create[/i] character within you? That the Lord does nothing with a man until He literally crushes him from the inside ... All these old adages are not throw away comments, they are truth. If you went merrily along, if you came here speaking all the time of how wonderful everything is, how prosperous you are, the great prophetic insight that was given you and all the other gobbledygook that passes for Christianity in this hour I would say that you were cursed, not blessed - The worst thing that can happen to us is to be hoodwinked into a false sense of so called 'happiness'. To be left alone by the Lord - unchallenged.
Mat 6:34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
Luk 21:34 And take heed to yourselves, lest at any time your hearts be overcharged with surfeiting, and drunkenness, and cares of this life, and so that day come upon you unawares.
In this life, [i]trouble[/i]. Listen to this with that perspective;
[i] And, brothers, we make known to you the grace of God which has been given among the churches of Macedonia; that in much testing of trouble, the overflowing of their joy, and the depth of their poverty, abounded to the riches of their generosity.[/i] 2Co 8:1-2
Get to work brother, none of this happens for no good reason. Take up that advice given earlier if none of this makes an impression upon you. Read a [i]different[/i] book than you think, such as Chanin offered. This is the key, challenge yourself, do the thing you don't [i]feel[/i] like doing.
Take a couple of band-aids, put them over your belly button and quit staring at the darn thing.
;-)
