Thank you all for the thoughtful replies.
I wish there were more coaches like Krispy out there, Coaches that push children to excel and mature into manhood without losing focus on the fact that God is the true coach and He is all that really matters.
I enjoyed your reply as well rbanks, you brought up many good points.
I will share a little about my situation.
I grew up in a house that was loaded with Dobson and Peale type books. As a child, I always had a desire to please others or at least be well liked; this was destructive on many levels. Slowly through the years I became dependant on the views of others for my self esteem, I needed them to like me. It was my sole means of deriving my sense of self worth.
When someone said I was a loser…I believed it. The scoreboard doesn’t lie. The only problem was that this was the world’s scoreboard. It would be many years later before I realized it meant absolutely nothing.
I suffered greatly throughout junior high and high school, often times feigning sickness to avoid it all together. I actually missed over fifty days of school my freshman year. I was developing a pattern that would last well into adulthood. Other people’s opinions and thoughts were shaping my perception of myself. As I look back, I see I was simply running from what was hurting me. I had empowered the world and it was dictating my life. If the scoreboard said I was a loser…I WAS a loser. If the fashion industry said I should dress a certain way…I NEEDED to dress that way. If the world said I should act a certain way…I ACTED that way. During high school I was voted best dressed, I was on the student council, and I dated cheerleaders. It didn’t work…none of it did.
It finally reached it’s peaked in my late twenties with the arrival of massive panic and anxiety attacks that left me unable to hold the most basic of jobs. Depression was also a key factor. I had been hospitalized for it my sophomore year of high school and it was becoming clear to those around me that this was my only form of recourse. I had tried all the drugs that doctors had to offer; over eight psychologist and psychiatrists, not to mention several “Christian” counselors and home study courses.
I was over thirty years old, an alcoholic drug abuser, when, by the grace of God, I was saved. I was just a few steps away from being admitted into some kind of last ditch effort hospital program for people suffering from clinical depression and other psychological disorders.
That night it was made abundantly clear to me that my worth comes from God alone. The Creator of all creation loved me so much that He gave His only begotten Son for me. I still have trouble trying to understand such love. I was a God hating devil worshiper who wasn’t worth the gas it would take to be run over by a garbage truck, yet…He died for me.
Scoreboards don’t bother me anymore. That fact that I’m absolutely terrible at certain sports and events doesn’t either. My worth is derived from the price that was paid for me, not what the world thinks. God Himself, taking the form of a man, came to earth and died on a cross for me. A price to high to comprehend was paid, and man’s opinion simply doesn’t carry weight anymore.
I didn’t need self esteem. I needed to understand what happened on the cross. Today, when I look at the world’s scoreboard, I see a cross in its place and know what I’m worth.
It’s not about me (self), it’s about Him (God).
Grace and peace
