[b]Defects and defilements
(Letters of John Newton)
Dear friend,
You say that you are conscious of defects and defilements. But your heart could not be right--if you did not feel these things. To be conscious of them, and humbled for them--is one of the surest marks of grace; and to be more deeply sensible of them than formerly--is the best evidence of growth in grace!
Our righteousness is in Jesus alone; and our hope depends, not upon the exercise of grace in us--but upon the fullness of grace and love in Him, and upon His obedience unto death.
It is a mighty manifestation of His grace indeed--when it can live, and act, and conquer in such hearts as ours; when, in defiance of an evil nature and an evil world, and all the force and subtlety of Satan--a weak worm is still upheld; when a small spark is preserved through storms and floods!
In these circumstances, the work of grace is to be estimated, not merely from its imperfect appearance--but from the difficulties it has to struggle with and overcome. Therefore our holiness does not consist in great attainments--but in spiritual desires, in hungerings, thirstings, and mournings; in humiliation of heart, poverty of spirit, submission, and meekness; in hearty admiring thoughts of Jesus, and dependence upon Him alone for all we need. Indeed these may be said to be great attainments; but they who have most of them are most sensible that they, in and of themselves, are nothing, have nothing, can do nothing--and see daily cause for abhorring themselves and repenting in dust and ashes!