"Each joint supplies as the Lord provides."...I think of the body of Christ. Yes, there are seasons when the Lord will "drive you into the wilderness.."...but He created you as a part of a bigger, and complete whole....the Church. Ask the Lord to lead you to a Church where there is more than the pew...where the Word is not compromised and an avenue of fellowship is afforded you. Small home groups are not every answer...but the early Church met there....and you have gifts, and your ministry is needed. You are called to serve and to love, yes...but also to be served and to be loved.
Sermons and teachings are ok..but living the gospel is where life is...not just hearing, but doing and being. The church does not revolve around the Pastor, or the meeting, where you sit each Sunday. The church revolves around Jesus, and the Body edifies one another as they walk in Common union and love and care one for another.
I have seen many young Christians dry up and blow away, living like this. You need to be fed, and it is more than words and teachings. It is as the Love a Mom gives to her baby.
Death has her place in the cross...and yet we can become morbid if we do not see that Christian death is but the door to Resurrection, and resurrection life. We can become obsessed with the Cross side of Faith..which will rob us of our joy. This will come in God's due time, if we love Him. We can not inflict it upon ourselves.
You are free in Jesus. He came to bring abundant life. Find holy friends that you can relate to, and possibly a weekly home meeting..[or more.] See if you can go on some mission trips, that will serve the poor of the Earth.
Begin each day in secret prayer and the Word, and seek to please Him all of the time. Joy will return, with trials and pressures. You do have companions out here in the world.
My hopes for you,,,Brothertom.