It has been said that a man with an experience is never at the mercy of a man with an argument. Modern thinkers counter this (and often rightly so) with a plea to reject subjective experience as any real indicator of truth and reality. On the thread "Just who IS responsible for this state of affiars" Taylor made a comment concerning the subject of the Holy Spirit speaking actively and presently in the churches,
This is really an entirely different topic, in some sense, than the original post, so perhaps, if people want to discuss this topic, it could be discussed in another thread. However, the topic has been discussed at length here before.
It is important for me to state that I have always felt a sense in which God needed to speak in a congregation. That we should try to hear and speak what the Lord desired for us to share- and with unction.
What I underestimated is how important it is to hear what Acts 20 calls, "The word of His grace." I had gone through some terrible times and trials that had left me battered and bruised. I had not reacted to these rightly and often covered the extent of my condition by a business as usual attitude.
But God determined to deal with me about it. He put in my heart to travel to the UK and visit some churches and attend the conference in Greenock. I was out of character in that I did not speak a whole lot. It was if I was dumb struck. I always have plenty to say it seems, but not now. There was a strange quietness to me.
One night when heading to Greenock we went to a service in Liverpool where the word of the grace of the Lord was present. Through the sharing and ministry of the saints God spoke to me heart. He gave me a personal diagnosis of my condition. He showed me the obstacle to my fully comprehending His love and grace. It was a great encouragement, but God was not done.
You know, I must have read the bible through many times. I have put much scripture to memory and even attended bible college a few tears. I loved to study apologetics and discuss soteriology, eschatology, pneumatology, and all the other '-ologys'. I studied Jewish Roots and all kinds of 'isms' (Baptism, Pentecostalism, etc.). I read the classics and was baptized in Leonard Ravenhill. Did I mention I was baptized in the Spirit in 1992? I tried legalisms and all sorts of stuff.
But the devil had been pounding a sore place in my heart for years and years. He knew how to hit where it hurts and it was taking a toll on my life. I had also been raised in what I call a 'Finney type' hair trigger damnation theology. I could not fully appreciate God's love for me. When I stumbled I felt utter rejection. All the time I was badgered by the feeling that I have to be strong. I can't let them see me sweat. Pride goeth before...
Liverpool was the place God spoke to my heart. Greenock was where He brought what He was doing to pass. The words that were shared in Greenock that I heard were a commentary on where I was and where I needed to be. It told of what I needed in my life. I needed [i]the word of His grace
God showed me to stop filtering His grace and mercy out of my reckonings and know that He loves me. What a rest that is! The PRESSURE to perform has been lifted. I am just able to walk with God now. So much self imposed pressure and condemnation. God was saying there is now no condemnation to those in Christ that walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit, but I had to tweak that down a bit to make it more severe. I listened to the enemy lie to me that things have to be more severe than that.
SO this is why I have an even more definite resolve to hear the word of His grace in my life. I want others to experience it also. It is the provision that God wanted to bring all alone. I traveled some 4500 miles to find it. He showed me it was OK to be holiness and still appreciate His grace.
Nothing I had ever done brought me here to this place of freedom. No studies and no amount of prayer. I needed to hear directly from God. Not a proof text, but I needed an absolute sense in which God was speaking to me this truth. I found it! My life is not the same. Let others hug their chains, but I will seek to hear what the Spirit is saying to me. Not in flakiness, but in a sound theological construct that is willing to let God be God without contradiction. It is God's gift of grace to me!
It will truly be a Merry Christmas this year.
