God Used A Doctor To speak To Me

As you all probably know, I have been through quite an ordeal recently with melanoma. What I learned during this time was how deadly melanoma can be and how it can spread through the blood to your lymph nodes if not caught in time. During this time, I also developed a terrible pain in my jaw and ear area that would go from one side to the other. It was so painful that I would have to lay down or take pain killers to relieve the pain. At first, a Dr. said that it could be related to stress, but we didn't know for sure. After my surgery was over, the pain got worse (I was worrying about the results, I am sure). I was in so much pain that my anxiety would go through the roof. Now in my wee little mind, you can imagine all the thoughts that might have been giong through my head. "What if this has spread to my lymph nodes in my neck?", etc...I made an appointment to go to an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist to see if he could find the answer for this pain. I had been praying, begging for the Lord to give me an answer to all of this. "Why did I have so much fear? What is wrong with me? Why two major physical things going on at once?" Yet, all the while I prayed that I would learn to trust in Him and that His will be done. I never realized how much fear I had; how much anxiety I had. All the "what ifs" that could run through my mind. While seeing this Doctor, he reviewed my symptoms and we discussed what I had recently been through. He looked at everything and felt my lymph nodes. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, except that my jaw muscles seemed to be slightly tense, along with my neck muscles. He stated that he thought my pain was caused from muscle spasms in my jaw that could create pain all along my face/ear area. These muscle spasms were most likely caused by my anxiety. I even asked him to check my lymph nodes again. I just needed to hear again from Him that they were normal. Then he said the most amazing words to me out of the clear blue, "What about your faith?" I was shocked to hear this coming from him. I proceeded to tell him that, yes," my faith is everything to me. I don't know why I am having such a hard time with this." I told him I even had a website and talk to people all about my faith; that I write about my faith, etc... I was speechless as to what had happened to this big , strong faith I thought I had. He replied "I don't know why it was the Lord's will for you to go through this, but you have to trust that you are in His hands. Your doctor (my skin cancer specialist) is an excellent doctor and if he says that he got it all and it was clear, then you need to trust in that and trust in the Lord." Then He asked me if I had a pastor or anyone who I could get counsel from. In my mind, I am thinking "I am too strong for that, I don't need any counsel, even from a pastor". I was pridefully thinking that I know more about the Lord than most pastors so why should I go to one. As I am thinking this I am also thinking how my faith in this has been a complete sham. I thought I was something that I was not. I thought I was so strong in my faith, and in this area I was being shown that I didn't have it all together. This doctor proceeded to tell me that no matter what happens to him, that he never worries because he trusts God to see him through. He also told me that sometimes when we go through things like this, God uses it to show us our weaknesses- I totally agreed with him there! I was seing myself as God sees me and I wasn't where I thought I was. As I sat there with this gentle, patient and quiet man, I knew I was being visited by the Lord. He was answering the questions I had been asking God- and I was in awe that I felt that I needed to be there listening to him- like he was a counselor. Because of some bad experiences with some doctors in the past, it really helped relieve me to hear this coming from an actual doctor. He told me that it was normal for people who go through traumatic experiences (like being faced with your own mortality) to go through alot of stress. But you see, I had been thinking to myself "I am not normal- I am a 'super-christian'. I don't need anything from anyone- or at least I didn't want to act as if i did." So I stored up all this fear inside. All of my anxiety was causing all of my muscles to tighten everywhere without my even knowing it. I sobbed as I left that office. I was relieved but also so, so humbled. All I could say to the Lord was I was sorry for thinking I was something more that I was. My faith was nothing near what I thought it was and I had deceived myself. I was an idiot and a wimp. Just as a good friend has been trying to relate to me, there are definitely some issues in my life and in my heart that need to be worked on and the Lord brought all of that to the surface with this. Though I thought I could deal with anything and I could trust in the Lord with anything and everything- when it comes to my own body (pain and suffering) I see that I have much to let go of. I was not the spiritual giant that I thought I was and God clearly pulled the rug out from under me to show me this! Once again, when we pray words like "do whatever it takes Lord to humble me or mold me into what you want me to be", the Lord takes that seriously! So be careful when you pray those prayers. :) He will take you up on it and it won't be like anything you expected. The more I go along this journey with Him, the more He shows me how poor I am. How unbroken I still am. The biggest thing I have learned through all of this is humility and how much I still need to grow. ------------------------------The Lord also gave me these verses from James 1:2-4 and really showed me how he was perfecting me with these trials, creating patience and perseverance in me.My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. Just a fellow traveler, Chanin

Hi Chanin,I can so relate to this. I have been in the hospital several times in the last few years. Your going along and your faith seems to be so strong. Seeing those double doors open going into the hospital when your health is in jeapordy is like scaling the gates of hell this side of eternity. If you have been there and were really sick or a spouse was sick and near death- you feel the very shadow of the valley of the shadow of death upon you. i have noticed though that God gives the grace to gracefully endure it once we have been there a few times. "I have walked this valley before" seems to be the feeling.There can be no testimony without a test. God uses valleys to make valley walkers. The valley brings brokeness and exposes us for what we really are. In they valley we forget our reputation and get utterly real. [font=Courier]IN THE VALLEY) HE RESTORETH MY SOUL(Dottie Rambo) © '71 John T. Benson Publishing »When I'm low in spirit I cry Lord lift me up I want to go higher with TheeBut nothing grows high on a mountain so He picked out a valley for me(Chorus)And He leads me beside still waters somewhere in the valley belowAnd He draws me aside to be tested and tried in the valley He restoreth my soulIt's dark as a dungeon and the sun seldom shinesAnd I question Lord why must this beThen He tells me there's strenght in my sorrow and there's victory in trials for me(Chorus)And He leads me beside still waters somewhere in the valley belowAnd He draws me aside to be tested and tried in the valley He restoreth my soul[/font]

There can be no testimony without a testThis is sooo true! Thank you Robert, for your kind words of encouragement, It is nice to see others who have gone along this path as well- (and have lived to tell about it!) :-) What I also realized through all of this is that no matter what people say to you, no matter how they encourage you- if you have great fear there, it will block your heart from understanding the words. I was so blessed by many people who encouraged me or gave me advice- but all I saw was the words (or heard the words) but they never made their way into my heart. Not until this moment with the doctor. It takes personal revelation- a run-in with God. I was not ready to receive the truth until this opportune time.I am not saying that encouraging one another is useless- because it is not. It is felt with the heart, it is felt that someone cares enough to try. But for those of you who encourage, don't be dissapointed that the one you are encouraging is still not "seeing" what they should be seeing yet. The point is that you are doing good to that person and you don't know who God is going to choose to make that breakthrough.I am hoping that my "valley" time is over for a little while. I see what you meant about being a valley walker. Some do more than others and it makes for tremendous growth.Thank you, Jina (rocklife) for your kind words also. :-) I am happy that things are fine with you as well. I know for a fact that i have been called to be in the Lord's army. And so are many of us here on SI. There is no place for fear in a good army. So I definitely see why the Lord wanted to bring this to the surface with me. Anyone who is called into the Lord's army can expect to have the rug pulled out from under them in areas where there is fear in your life. He would not be a good Captain, if He left us to our own ways.A fellow traveler, Chanin

Dear Sister Chanin, Below are a few of the things that jumped out at me from your first post;---I was speechless as to what had happened to this big , strong faith I thought I had. ------Then He asked me if I had a pastor or anyone who I could get counsel from. In my mind, I am thinking "I am too strong for that, I don't need any counsel, even from a pastor". I was pridefully thinking that I know more about the Lord than most pastors so why should I go to one. As I am thinking this I am also thinking how my faith in this has been a complete sham. I thought I was something that I was not. I thought I was so strong in my faith, and in this area I was being shown that I didn't have it all together.------He told me that it was normal for people who go through traumatic experiences (like being faced with your own mortality) to go through alot of stress. But you see, I had been thinking to myself "I am not normal- I am a 'super-christian'. I don't need anything from anyone- or at least I didn't want to act as if i did." ---Ha! ... Ha! ... "I am not normal- I am a 'super-christian" ... There was a time when i could really relate to this ... Your post brings me to mind of the following scripture ....2Cor.12[1] It is not expedient for me doubtless to glory. I will come to visions and revelations of the Lord. [2] I knew a man in Christ above fourteen years ago, (whether in the body, I cannot tell; or whether out of the body, I cannot tell: God knoweth;) such an one caught up to the third heaven. [3] And I knew such a man, (whether in the body, or out of the body, I cannot tell: God knoweth;) [4] How that he was caught up into paradise, and heard unspeakable words, which it is not lawful for a man to utter. [5] Of such an one will I glory: yet of myself I will not glory, but in mine infirmities. [6] For though I would desire to glory, I shall not be a fool; for I will say the truth: but now I forbear, lest any man should think of me above that which he seeth me to be, or that he heareth of me. [7] And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. [8] For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. [9] And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory inmy infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. [10] Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong ...Paul said, "for when i am weak, i am strong" ... i'll go even one better in light of my recent Jabbok experience, my emptying ... "for when i am weak, HE IS STRONG:"! ... i have no idea what it's like to be hit with the term "cancer", and hope to God that i never will, but if i have to i want to go to glory like my former mother in law ... She never missed a beat in her faith in God, at least none that ever showed publicly, and she was a blessing to all, especially to me by her example, up until the time she peacefully slipped on to be with our Lord all she talked about was our Lord, for us to not be sad because she was gonna "tear up heaven with a Holy Ghost dance for at least a thousand years" ... And you know what' i'm not sad ... i can see her doing it right now ... if i can't be anything else for our Lord i most deeply want to be an example of faith to others in whatever, if ever, fire He may have in store for me, especially if it involves sickness and/or death ... i pray God that i'll be able to leave behind such a legacy of faith as my mother in law, and my dad, left for me ...

if i can't be anything else for our Lord i most deeply want to be an example of faith to others in whatever, if ever, fire He may have in store for me, especially if it involves sickness and/or death ... me too! I really saw from my reaction to all of this that I was not going to be giving a good example of "faith and trust". That's what made me so frustrated with all of this. If someone would have asked me how i would weather through a near death experience (or trauma), I would have said I think I would do it with trust and faith in the Lord. I had no idea that I would stop short of my calling to trust in him in all things. That's why I say that we can not assume that we are any where near where we think we are. This is why I love and re-read Zac Poonen's article on "The Five Sins that Jesus Hated the Most". After Hypocrisy he lists Spiritual Pride. This is so hidden that only the Lord can see it most of the time. And the funny thing is that in the areas of these five sins (hypocrisy, spiritual pride, impurity, indifference to human need, and unbelief) I have noticed this is where He exposes our hearts the most- especially for those who desire to be pure and holy for Him. If He isn't calling you on these things, I have to wonder how honest people are about their hunger for God.I can't believe the compassion I have learned for others who are stumbling or suffering. I myself was still stumbling and prideful in my heart, yet God still pursued me and tried to get me to "see" myself as I am. How much more will He do this for others as well? Who am I to judge everyone for their pride or sin. I can certainly discern and pray- but now i see I have no right to go and accuse anyone of anything. Only Jesus has this right.I have also learned to see Jesus in unexpected places. That is His way. He can speak through someone on the street, a tv show, a child's remark, a grocery store clerk- if we will listen and remain TEACHABLE. And these are the neatest and most memorable lessons!!Remember when Jesus was missing for 3 days. His parents searched for Him. Where could He be? Was He lost? Even at a young age Jesus knew who He was, where He was supoosed to be, what He was supposed to be doing. "So why are you looking for me? Don't you know I am right here exactly where I belong?" --Jesus is usually not where you expect Him to be, and He is frequently found in places you don't think to look.I am learning that life is still a great big lesson and that the text book is not always where we think it should be. God is full of surprises and I think He gets joy out of that fact. It's one of those things that makes Him so awsome.So much to learn.In Him, Chanin

If someone would have asked me how i would weather through a near death experience (or trauma), I would have said I think I would do it with trust and faith in the Lord. I had no idea that I would stop short of my calling to trust in him in all things. Amen, Sister, that is me too!! I've thought about you for 2 days. You're so sweet, dear Chanin. I'm sorry you're struggling with something so medically awful as melanoma. But I'm glad it's being used as a tool in the Lord's Hand. The lessons about slaying our pride never end!! I'm learning that!! Best for me to stay in the dirt with tear-streaked face, looking UP.Mrs. Fred

Hi there Mrs. Fred ... God bless you! ... and Amen! ... It's better "to stay in the dirt with tear-streaked face, looking UP" ... Halleleujah, cause getting knocked down ain't no fun ...Sister Chanin you posted,--- That's why I say that we can not assume that we are any where near where we think we are. This is why I love and re-read Zac Poonen's article on "The Five Sins that Jesus Hated the Most". After Hypocrisy he lists Spiritual Pride. This is so hidden that only the Lord can see it most of the time. And the funny thing is that in the areas of these five sins (hypocrisy, spiritual pride, impurity, indifference to human need, and unbelief) I have noticed this is where He exposes our hearts the most ---i think the mother of Jesus summed it up well when she said;Luke 1:[51] He hath shewed strength with his arm; he hath scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.i've been guilty of the same thing myself, and have had to endure the strength of His everlasting arm out in His woodshed ... i pray the Holy Ghost to keep me constantly reminded that it's not wise to have to keep going back to His woodshed repeatedly for the same thing ... Spiritual pride, the bane of unity in Christ Church, may God fix us all in this regard ... You further posted;--- I can't believe the compassion I have learned for others who are stumbling or suffering. I myself was still stumbling and prideful in my heart, yet God still pursued me and tried to get me to "see" myself as I am. How much more will He do this for others as well? Who am I to judge everyone for their pride or sin. I can certainly discern and pray- but now i see I have no right to go and accuse anyone of anything. Only Jesus has this right. ---Aaaaaaaaaaaa-men! ... While thinking on this thread a this scripture came to mind;Heb. 12: [5] And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: [6] For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. [7] If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? [8] But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. [9] Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? [10] For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. [11] Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.He says, "afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby ... My Lord, that's the spiritual chiropractic adjustment both of us have experienced as of late, a new found understanding of "humility" ... i hear it in your post ... We've been "changed", and by God we'll be changed even more into His likeness, not because of anything from our self, but because of His own promises in the following scriptures to whom He's called;Heb.12: [1] Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, [2] Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.Phil.1:[6] Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:"Jesus the author and finisher of our faith", " He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ" ... It amazes me how often i can go back and read a scripture after new revelation, and it seems like i'm reading it the first time, and i think, "Why didn't i see this to this degree before"?And lastly you posted;---I have also learned to see Jesus in unexpected places. That is His way. He can speak through someone on the street, a tv show, a child's remark, a grocery store clerk- if we will listen and remain TEACHABLE. And these are the neatest and most memorable lessons!!Jesus is usually not where you expect Him to be, and He is frequently found in places you don't think to look.I am learning that life is still a great big lesson and that the text book is not always where we think it should be. God is full of surprises and I think He gets joy out of that fact. It's one of those things that makes Him so awsome.So much to learn. ---i learned this some time ago, when He'd send me with "a word", and i'd be rejected, because of whatever the reason(s) the recipient could come up with to discount "the word" ... He speaks to us in so many ways, but so many of us just can't see/hear what He's showing us because it's not coming the way we think it's supposed to come ... i would never had been able to predict that He would lead me to SI, so that He could minister to me thru you, to prepare me for His introducing me to the Watchman Nee article web-site, so that He could explain to mewhat He's done in my life for the past 20 years ... Now that's awesome to me! ... And so these following scriptureshave been very important to me;Heb.13: [2] Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.1 Cor. 1: [27] But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; [28] And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are: [29] That no flesh should glory in his presence. [30] But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption: [31] That, according as it is written, He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.The admonition of these scriptures have made me a better listener, and not so quick dismiss a book (message/person) just because of it's cover (whatever it is that first makes me want to reject) ... Amen my sister ... So much to learn ... But lets all praise Him that He is such a wise, just, and loving Teacher ... Thank you Lord God Father, Son and Holy Ghost!