Eden's story and girls like her

I have question and while there may not really be an answer I still want to just put it out there for everyone to think about. My question involves a young girl. For the sake of privacy I will call her Eden. Eden is a wonderful girl, smart, intelligent, and very pretty. She is about to turn sixteen and comes from a large family that profess to be Christian. Eden is the oldest of the children and at times a lot of responsibility falls on her shoulders. She does not mind helping out around the house and cares for her siblings because her mom and dad are both so busy working and doing their thing. The family is involved with a local church but not really involved in the lives of their children. Most Sundays while mom and dad sit in service listening to the teaching, Eden attends her youth group. The youth leader is just a few years older then her and very progressive in his theology. He teaches them that as long as they try to do whats right, that is all that really matters. He tells them if they make any mistakes God is all about forgiveness so its all good. We are only human after all. There's no challenge to do whats right and there's no mention of sin or living for the Lord. Eden admits that youth group is really a great time for hanging out with her friends but not to much more. She tells me there is a boy in youth group that she has been dating for awhile off and on. Sadly there is not much supervision going on where her dating relationship is concerned and lately this young man who professes to love her deeply has began pressuring her for more intimacy. Not to long ago she tried to talk to her mom about stuff but as usual mom was busy with her ladies group, work, and helping out at church. She told Eden that she trusted her and that she knew she would be fine because after all she was a good girl. She told her they would talk later when she had more time, but later never seems to come. Eden wishes her mother would listen to her, that she would understand that shes a real person who just like everyone else faces temptations and struggles with sin. She is not a good girl, she is vulnerable to sin just like anyone else. She needs guidance, she needs her mother to help her in her daily walk with the Lord, to correct her, and to encourage her to follow Jesus. She told me that she doesn't understand why her mother keeps telling her she trusts her when truthfully she does not even know if she trusts herself. Eden wishes her dad was more involved in her life too. She admits that she is really secretly jealous of another girl from church whose dad actually takes the time to set up boundaries in her life, and guards her relationships, that he truly watches out for her. Eden wishes her dad was more like that. She said that the hardest thing for her, the most frustrated thing is that both her parents say one thing, they profess with their lips all kinds of Biblical standards but they don't even try to live them. To her its all just become empty words. Sadly Eden finds herself on her own most of the time struggling and trying to make decisions that she knows deep down in her heart she really is not prepared or ready to make. Eden's confided that its getting hard to say no to her boyfriend, she loves her him and doesn't want to loose him. Her girlfriends from school don't understand what the big deal is. They tell her she should just go to the school nurse, she can help her get the pill, her parents don't even have to know. She wonders if she should go down that road, shes torn on what to do. I've shared with Eden what I know to be true but sadly the two most important people in her life that should be there for her aren't. The two people who should be her covering, protecting her and guiding her are to busy with other things and just like so many other young girls and boys her age she is left to her own to figure out what to do. I am not trying to lay all the blame at the feet of mom and dad, Eden is old enough and has enough understanding to know what the Bible says on the subject but still even at her age there is such a need for guidance and covering that is lacking today in most homes. I am not sure what she is going to do, I know that she is searching and I was thinking about all of this and wondering why do so many parents who profess to be Christian loose site of the most important task that God has given them and that is the care and covering of their children?

For Eden and all the young girls just like her, I am praying for you

So, what are you telling her?

ginnyrose

BTW, I hope you are telling Eden the guy she is dating is NOT good husband material. A good husband is a male that will work to protect a girls virginity, do what is best for her all around. This fellow sounds like an immature buck who is only thinking of his own pleasure and once he gets what he wants, he will eventually leave the girl and she will be an emotional, spiritual wreck and have lost something she will never be able to regain. You tell her to boot that guy off the place and tell him to get lost and do not ever show your face around here again! She can do well without him.

I sound merciless, I know, but those fellows will say ANYTHING to get a girl's body and I have no tolerance for such flagrant lying. Eden needs to do all she can to protect herself from these sorts of males. And if her parents are shirking their job, you may have to step in there and be her support. I also suggest you take her to a Crises Pregnancy Center that does chastity counseling and get some help from them.

Blessings,
ginnyrose

You asked me what I have shared with Eden concerning her boyfriend? I asked her some questions, first I asked her why she was dating this young man, I asked her if she felt it was right to be dating this young man when she is so young and not in a position to be giving her heart away. This time in her life is precious and belongs to the Lord, not for her to be living selfishly how ever is pleasing to her. She admitted that she started dating him for the status symbol that it gave her. She was able to fit in with the crowd because she had a boyfriend just like everyone else does. She agreed that it probably was a mistake but went on to explain that the pressure from peers is so great that she finds herself making compromises. He can drive and has his own car. Her girlfriends keep telling her what a catch he is, that she is so lucky, they would do anything to keep him and make him happy. She has also admitted that she likes the attention that he pays her, in some ways it makes her feel special. He really seems to care, sadly she receives little to no attention from her dad. I told her she needs to stop going to youth group, end the relationship with the young man and attend services with her parents instead. She needs to cut off friendships with those who would give her bad advice and lead her further away from the Lord. We talked a long time about this but in the end she remains torn. She has given a part of her heart away to this young man already and finds herself conflicted. With out proper guidance from loving parents she has placed herself into a relationship that she is not ready for. I told her that if she goes down that road and gives in to her boyfriends demands she will only be causing herself to have even more sorrow and regret. She will be sinning and she will be causing him to sin as well. I told her no matter what others do she must now guard her heart and do what deep down I think she knows is right. She lacks maturity, and she lacks wisdom, in all of this my heart aches for her because none of this ever should have been allowed to go on, at fifteen she is so young, she should be still under the watchful eye of her loving father and mother instead of being pushed into being an adult because that is what society deems appropriate. And I have been thinking that there are so many other young girls just like her. Where is there covering????

You can go directly to Jesus. The two of you should get together and pray - ask the Lord to be her covering - ask Him to shield her. She is making decisions that will affect the rest of her life, if she will but call upon the Lord, He will be faithful to protect her and guide her in the areas where her parents are failing. Also, the two of you should pray for her parents to come to see the truth. I will be praying also.

A few years ago, there was someone in my life that I was concerned about - that an improper relationship might develop. So I prayed and asked the Lord to protect me, and you know what happened? Every time that person came around, my old dog growled and barked until that person left.
God is good - and faithful to provide. :-)

I do not know how old you are, but could you go with Eden to talk to her parents [privately] and inform them about the pressures she is facing? and that she needs help? It is a stretch to think that if her dad were what he ought to be there would be no temptation. I promise you, the devil will find one loophole somewhere, somehow - the guy is crafty! Either-way, if her dad is unwilling to listen (it just might be that he also does not experience victory in this area - there is the problem of porn, you know), Eden must know that if she gives in she will not be able to stand before the great white throne and blame her dad for her sins. She knows what is right and what is wrong: she will be held accountable and she will pay. Blaming others for her sins will not absolve her of them nor of the consequences. She alone is responsible - you can never shift blame and get by. She will get hurt in more ways then one. Let us count the ways:
1. Sin, estrangement from God.
2. Loss of self-respect, regret
3. Anger
4. Contract diseases, some incurable
5. Unwanted pregnancy and
6. pressure to abort.
7. Illicit sex can become addictive, worst then nicotine.
8. Impairs one's ability to bond once you get married.

There may be more, but this is what comes to my mind at the moment.

I suggest the girl call a CPC and talk to a chastity counselor. Some will counsel by phone and others refuse to do so, so keep looking until you can find one who will accommodate the girl where she is. In the meantime you need to pray and get the girl to understand she has EVERTHING to lose by giving in.

In case you wonder about me: I am a grandmother with 10 grands, has spent 15 years at a CPC, counseled many who were in a crises pregnancy and did chastity counseling as well. You may PM me and will see together we can get the girl some help.

Blessings,
ginnyrose

wind_blows,

I just finished listening to "Theology Versus Anabaptist Reality" by Denny Kenaston that is found under the "Must Hear: early Anabaptist Audio Series" here on SI. I suggest you listen to it, especially the first 30 minutes or so and see if that message will not give you some insight in how you may counsel Eden.

God bless you...

ginnyrose

I was not trying to imply that Eden is not accountable for her sin, she absolutely is. She knows this, and I have reminded her of it often. Ultimately no matter what her parents do she must walk out daily what she knows is true. There are no excuses for going against what you know is right in the eyes of the Lord. There is also no excuse for her parents negating their responsibility to raise this young lady in the Lord, just because she is fifteen that does not stop or end their task given them by God to cover and protect her from the things of this world that would harm her at her young and tender age. When I said that she should not be in this situation I meant that if her dad and mom where walking as they should in the Lord then she would not be in this position because she would not be dating, she would not be allowed to spend time alone with this young man or any other for that matter. She would not be involved in the youth group that is nothing more then a teen peer group and for social interaction. She needs to be under the guidance of older sisters in Christ who are willing to encourage and admonish her daily to make Christ her top priority. I have seen so many girls just like Eden who are left to themselves much to young when they lack both spiritual and even physical maturity to make life decisions. I know that all of the things you mentioned, pregnancy, abortion, disease, shame, ect. can and do happen. I have shared this with her and I hope she will listen but I am not her parent, I can not enforce rules and set standards, I can't see to it that she live by them daily. Her mom and dad can do that but for their own selfish reasons choose not to do so. They can and need to be a part of her life to help her determine what path she will walk in life, once she is an adult and no longer under their care those opportunities will be gone.

I will post again soon to answer some of your other questions. My time is short at the moment though. I will be downloading that teaching you mentioned as well. Thank you for your reply and for listening to me vent on this matter. I can tell that you have a heart for these young ones as well!