Child Custody

I am currently in a sitiation where I have a 3 month old daughter who lives with her mother who is a non believer. She is difficult to deal with and making it hard for me to develope a healthy relationship with my daughter. I was backslidden at the time my daughter was concieved and have since turned back to the Lord.
My question is what do you all think of going to court to ensure that I am allowed a signifigant amount of unhindered time with my daughter? Or just try to work things out with this girl, which hasn't been going very well so far. I believe my child deserves to know and have a good relationship with her Father.

Any thoughts??
:-?

Hello 123,

Your only hope is in the Lord. The only true power that you are going to have in this situation is through prayer. The Lord has shown me that when I take things into my own hands, or turn to man for answers - ultimately I fail, or there is a huge cost associated with a small gain. Conversely, when I turn to Him the roadblock is removed and great blessings come forth.

I will be praying for you and your family.

What is the marriage status of you and this woman? Might make a difference in the advice one would give - was/is either one of you married to anyone at any point in time?

ginnyrose

no neither of us have been married.

123 wrote:
I am currently in a sitiation where I have a 3 month old daughter who lives with her mother who is a non believer. She is difficult to deal with and making it hard for me to develope a healthy relationship with my daughter. I was backslidden at the time my daughter was concieved and have since turned back to the Lord.

My question is what do you all think of going to court to ensure that I am allowed a signifigant amount of unhindered time with my daughter? Or just try to work things out with this girl, which hasn't been going very well so far. I believe my child deserves to know and have a good relationship with her Father.

Any thoughts??

As christians, we are allowed to do all we know within the laws of our land.

If you do not have a parenting agreement, you are within your legal rights to file one and seek AS MUCH TIME with your daughter you can get. (If you cannot afford an attorney, your state or county may have parenting agreements online but with a child involved, I urge you to seek counsel.)

You can seek joint custody in this parenting agreement or every other weekend with one or two days during the week of the previous week.

In my state, when a person files a parenting agreement, the responder has 30 days to object and if not, your agreement stands.

Whatever you do, pray and have faith with [b]no malice[/b] toward your ex-girlfriend. She may think this is about her but it is about a little soul who deserves to know her daddy on a regular basis.

God bless,

So neither one of you is or was married...

Now if you want to pursue a relationship with your daughter, you might begin by offering support to the mother for the child's ongoing expense. This is the moral and legal obligation of the biological father. If you render financial support, I think by law she is responsible to allow you visitation rights to see the child. But aggravate her only one time and it will be back to square one.

BTW, is she a minor and you an adult? If so, you could spend time in the pen for rape, even if it was consensual.

ginnyrose

we were both consenting adults, i think that last question was a little out of place ginnyrose.

I have sought the Lord and wept and prayed to him daily in brokeness for about 9 months now. I was hoping God might change the situation and work things out with the mother of my Child. I was willing to marry her if that was the right thing to do. Over this last 9 months I have gone out of my way to give her over and above what I was legally abliged to do. She was not even willing to talk to me yet I still was there for her financially and trying to develope at least a friendship. She would just take whatever I gave, come to me when she needed something and use me. I am starting to think it is wrong to support this kind of behavior. She has assumed complete control of my daughters life and treats me like an intruder when i go to visit.
If I allow her I believe this behavior would continue forever.

Anyways thanks for the advice guys, I really appreciate it. I am still hesitant about court but am starting to feel like it may be the way to go if she is unwilling toi work with me.

Blessings

I think it is right that you tried to work out your relationship with the mother. I would say you should continue to pray for her and for your relationship with her. I would say the best thing for all of you is to try to work out your relationship. It will be the best for all of you in the long run.

Until then, I would continue to seek the counsel of the Holy Spirit. You are the Father, which means you should fight to make sure your daughter is protected and taken care of. This also means that she needs to have an example of what a man of God is. She is young now, but she will see the way you talk about and to her mother. Your child will see the way you live your life.

As to going to court, we are under the delegated authority of the United States government. I would say you are permitted to act within the parameters set forth in the law.

A test I personally use regarding anything questionable is that if I am so uncertain, it may be best to stay away from it.

Our Lord is in the heart changing business. He can easily change the heart of the mother of your child. He can also fill your heart with such a love for her that you won't know what to do with yourself.

But you must pray believing this to be so. You may have to wait for a period of time, but if you continue to pray, and to patiently wait, knowing that it is His will that you are all together - He WILL provide! However, there may be a period of testing (which you may be going through right now) it may even be that you will not be able to see your daughter for a period of time. If that be the case, will you still believe?

If you feel that you do not believe enough, simply ask the Lord to provide that also.

"And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." - Mark 9:24

I am wondering if it is Gods will that we all be together. I think it might be wrong to assume that. Paul says if you have an unbelieving wife and she wants to go, let her go. This woman wasn't even my wife.

Paul says if you have an unbelieving wife and she wants to go, let her go.

You could fast and pray for her salvation, but that is up to you.

Here is the way of the law. You go to court, somebody wins, and somebody loses. Lines are drawn, the war is on. There is always a way around the law so the days are spent looking for a loophole. Revenge becomes a way of life. The child is forgotten as the battle rages on.

My mother made my father miserable all the days of his life, for he loved his girls, and that was always her trump card. What is tragic, is that today the battle continues on in the mind of my father, even though the war has been over for many years.

The real torture comes when the mother marries another man.

123,

I admit that my approach to this issue is rough. Mind if I tell you why? I have worked at a CPC for 15 years and am well acquainted with the mess sin makes in the lives of ungodly people. I also have sat on a grand jury where a case came before us on whether this man should be charged with rape. It was consensual, but the girl was a minor and the law says it is illegal for an adult to have sex with a minor, even if it was consensual. Fair? The DA admits it isn't but this is the law. (The mother of the girl was pushing it.) What could have saved this man tons of grief is if he would have acted like a MAN instead of an immature boy. So now you will have a woman who has emotional scares from her sexual activity with this man; and the man has to sit behind bars for several years. Who is in the the worse prison? I suppose both are, they are just different. Brother, sin is just messy, inflicts pain, sorrow and grief and no one comes out of it unscathed.

Now, from the Biblical viewpoint I would also not advise you to marry this woman unless she has her heart changed by the Holy Spirit. To marry her without this happening will just about guarantee a failure. The only thing you want is access to your daughter. It just may well be you will have to relinquish that desire to the Father and learn from it and then allow Him to work it out if that is His will.

About financial support: as you have mentioned the woman is demanding more monies....it seems to me if you were to make this contribution to her welfare it might be for the best for you if you would have the amount stipulated by the state "so much" and that is all. Else she will come back and beg for more and more and more and rob you. Even in this you will need to seek the LORD's will...don't do anything apart from that lest you mess up again.

God bless you,
ginnyrose

If anyone on here has been praying for my situation thank you. The mother and I are starting to communicate, which is a new thing.We still have a long ways to go.
Please keep praying.

any new advice is also appreciated

The mother and I are starting to communicate . . .

Just keep praying, and no matter what happens, just keep on believing.
What a wonderful Saviour we have!

any new advice is also appreciated

Live a life of love and integrity before the child and as much as is possible live peaceably with the mother and others. It will take the wisdom of Solomon and the patience of Job to navigate going forward.

[color=000066]If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
(James 1:5)[/color]

Keep yourself strong in the Lord at all times. You need to stay filled with His Spirit. This will help your spirit and disposition be right during serious trials. It is a long and hard road, but one that God has brought men and women through before.

Try to live a life of moderation and contentment so as not to provoke the other parent to jealousy. Be involved as much as is reasonable with your child, but not so much as to cause friction in the other home. Pay attention and pray for wisdom and guidance when a problem comes up. It is easier to hurt than to heal, so use your words carefully.

Don't mean mouth the other parent. You can disagree, but don't mean mouth them no matter how bad they provoke you. The child will take that to heart. Remember, where there is no tail bearer strife ceases; so don't get bent out of shape over, "He-said and she-said." Sometimes kids don't know they are causing trouble unnecessarily, etc.

Just some thoughts...

Hey everyone

I am planning to go down and see my daughter next week. Please pray that God would work things out and it would be a good and encouraging visit.

Thank you

Prayers are continuing.