From the time of my earliest memories I remember attending an Assembly of God “church.” Though I don’t recall an exact date, I certainly believed from my earliest memories that Jesus died on the cross for my sins.
Never did I doubt that I would go to heaven when I died. Though I had no idea as to why Jesus death and resurrection was essential and though I had no idea as to how it made my salvation possible, I was certain that I had eternal life because of it.
For years I attended “church” Sunday morning and Sunday night. I also attended the Wednesday night “Royal Ranger” programs and most all of the weekly “revivals” that were held at least once a quarter. I attended all the yearly “Kids Crusades” and every summer “Kids Camp (church camp)” I was eligible for. After turning twelve I began to attend weekly youth services, monthly youth rallies, summer “Youth Camp”, and winter time youth conventions. In addition to this I attended several retreats for those who wanted to grow closer to the Lord.
For the most part I was pretty serious about my attendance at these services and events. Though I attended many of these things for the fun aspects, I also took very serious the spiritual side of them. I paid close attention to what was being said. An on top of this I also read several books from such men as Leonard Ravenhill, E.M. Bounds, Smith Wigglesworth, etc.
Throughout these years I heard and read many sermons about the importance of being holy, being filled with the Holy Spirit, and winning the lost. Also I heard countless sermons about the importance of reading the Bible, and the importance of prayer. And of course I also heard great number of sermons regarding the importance of making Jesus ones Lord and savior. However, one thing I never heard during these thousands of hours of listening was a simple explanation as to “why” Jesus had to die and “how” his death and resurrection actually made it possible for me to have eternal life.
I never really noticed the absence of these subjects, nor did I ever give these questions to much thought. I do think that I occasionally wondered why Jesus had to die as opposed to God just forgiving us of our sins, but it wasn’t something I ever thought to ask someone or search out an answer for.
It wasn’t until about a year after graduating high school that I happened to read a book that my parents had on hand called “Winning Children to Christ” by George B. Eager, that I finally had many things explained to me that I never understood before.
He was the first to explain to me “why” Jesus had to die. He explained why God couldn’t just forgive us.
After finishing his explanation of the “gospel” I understood that even though God loved us, he couldn’t just overlook our offenses to his laws because it wouldn’t be just. Through what he said, I understood that just as a earthly judge couldn’t legally ignore someone’s offence to the law (even if it was his own wife, son or daughter), God couldn’t legally ignore ours.
Because of reading this book, I understood that because God was just (fair), the debt for our sin had to be paid. However, because of God’s great love for us, he came and paid the debt himself by coming to earth and dying on the cross.
In his attempt to make himself fully understood, George B. Eager gave an illustration that affected me greatly. He told a true story (at least he believed it to be) about a New York judge named Judge LaGuardia. The story goes something like this:
A poor man appeared before Judge LaGuardia who was accused of stealing a loaf of bread. When Judge LaGuardia ask the man if he had stolen the bread the man replied that yes he did steal the bread. However, he stole it because he was hungry and he didn’t have any money. In response to this the judge said that he was sorry that the man was hungry but that he still broke the law and had to be punished. He then told the man that he either had to pay a ten dollar fine or that he had to spend several days in jail. As the man received his sentence, sadness filled his face as he explained that he didn’t have ten dollars. It was at this point that Judge LaGuardia stood up and took off his robe. He then left his bench and went down to the floor and stood beside the poor man. Judge LaGuardia then put his hand in his pocket and pulled out ten dollars. He put his arm around the poor man’s shoulders and said, “As your judge I have to sentence you, however, as your friend I am going to pay your fine. And with that he gave the man the ten dollars.
I remember reading that story and, for the first time, becoming truly excited by the “gospel.” Though I can’t say that I felt any more saved than before I read his explanation, I certainly felt that the gospel was something wonderful that the whole world needed to hear about. And during the next several years, I shared this “gospel” hundreds of times with hundreds of different children (I was both a “children’s pastor” and a “children’s evangelist”).
Over and over again I told children the “bad news” that we had all sinned, or as I would simplify it “broke God’s rules.” I then told them how our just God had to punish us because of these sins. Next, I told them that God loved us so much he came to earth and took the punishment for us by dying on the cross. I then explained how this was a gift for us, but in order to receive the benefits of this gift we had to accept the gift. This was all followed up with an opportunity for the children to pray and accept God’s free gift.
Because this “gospel” seemed to make so much sense to me, I never really doubted it in any way. And even though there remained a few mysteries about the “gospel” I believed, these “mysteries” never troubled me to the point of causing any disbelief.
Now to make a long story short, nearly six years ago some drastic things began to happen in my life. It was at that time that God truly got a hold of me and saved me. In the years that followed he has taught me much, and at this point I can say that little remains of what I used to believe. Even though I am most certainly a Christian, today I am very far removed from traditional “Christianity” and all that surrounds it.
Recently I have been looking back at the “gospel” as I used to believe it and the doctrines that surround it. As I think about the “gospel” as I used to believe it I see something about it that seems very unfair and unjust, and I am curious as to how it is explained in traditional “Christian” doctrine.
In my years as a children’s “pastor,” the “gospel” I believed seemed like a wonderful plan in which God could justly hold us accountable for our sins while at the same time giving us eternal life, however, today it no longer seems fair to believe that one man can take the punishment for many men. Let me explain. . .
They story about Judge LaGuardia looks like a wonderful story on the surface. It seems like a great way to illustrate what God did for us. However, the truth is, it’s a very poor analogy because the circumstances are so different between man and God.
The punishment for sin is not a ten dollar fine but instead it is death. Just the same, it is not one man only who is on trial, but instead it is untold millions.
Now, imagine a court room with a 1000 serial killers and rapist on trial at one time. Now imagine the victims’ families in the courtroom watching the mass trial. At first things are going great – the judge is hard on the offenders and to the delight of the victim’s families he sentences them all to death by crucifixion. There are shouts of joy all over the court room as is seems that justice is going to be served. However, the noise begins to fade as everyone notices some whispering up at the bench. The whispering is between the judge and his son. The people know the judge's son well for he is a very upstanding member of the community. In fact, he is so upstanding that no one has ever know him to do anything wrong at all.
Everyone is wondering what the whispering is about; however, they don’t have to wonder very long. Soon the whispering stops and the judge makes a startling announcement. He announces that his son has agreed to die in place of all the men who were on trial. He then looks towards the criminals and says, “If you are truly sorry for your crimes and place faith in my son, then you can go free because he is dying in your place.” And with this announcement, the 1000 criminals say that they are sorry and will trust in the death of his son to pay their penalty, and walk free that very day.
With this procedure, the victim’s families are outraged, for it certainly seems that justice was not done. 1000 offenders are going free because one man agreed to die. Is there any real justice in this? How can the verdict of 1000 men dying be satisfied with the death of only one man. It wouldn’t seem fair to me.
Now, I ask: how can the ONE death of Jesus fairly satisfy the BILLIONS of death verdicts that are sentenced upon Adam’s children? Does traditional “Christian” doctrine have an answer for this?
Thanks for any answers you have,
Jason