I'm in a courtship with a Godly woman but all of a sudden I'm unsure. I definitely want to marry her but now I have unrest, uneasiness and a lack of peace.
Is it usually fear of commitment/marriage or is God telling me something? Not to sound like a third grader but we both love each other and we love the Lord even more...so what's the problem??
Has anybody ever exerienced this?
God gives you the freedom to marry whom you choose given it is within his moral law. In other words, the person is a believer and is of the opposite sex.
After that, generally, you should listen to wise counselors that know your both, as well as your parents input.
The Bible never speaks of waiting for special revelation for whom to marry. In 1st Corinthians 7, Paul states that you have the freedom to get married to whom you chose, though only in the Lord (marrying a believer).
If you have some specific topic that you are uneasy about, then that's something you could address. However, if it's just some ambigious "uneasy" feeling, I would say it could be normal. Marriage is a big responsibility. But, the Lord gives grace to his people. Courting and marriage is too serious a subject to play by your feelings alone.
You said it yourself, you love her. And, you both love the Lord. You are free to do what you think is wise and honorable.
With care in Christ,
Taylor
I'm not a 5-point Calvinist... however, since God knew my children since the beginning of time I have to think that God chose my wife for me.
I dont know how theologically accurate that is... I'm kinda shooting in the dark on this.
Krispy
Taylor, I think you just saved my marriage before the marriage, =) Not you, but the Word. I feel so relieved now man. I feel like if I marry the wrong girl, I might be outside of God's will or something.
Krispy, I think I know what your saying. God chose this girl for me right?
PS- I was really touched by your born-again again experience man. Seriously. Something clicked in me with that.
To balance my post with Krispy's.
I agree with him.
I wasn't trying to say that God doesn't know who your wife will be. But, he doesn't choose to reveal that to us. Our Lord has a revealed will (the Bible) and a secret will (what he will do in time that is not made known to us now). The Lord never tells us to seek out his secret will (Deut 29:29). But, we are simply to walk in light of his revealed will, obeying the things he has taught us.
With care in Christ,
Taylor
Santana,
If I can be of more service to you, please let me know. I will even talk with you on the phone if you would like.
As long as you are keeping the Lord's commands regarding marriage (Purity, honoring all involved, marrying a believer) - you're free. It's not a freedom to sin, but a freedom to honor the Lord. You can choose whom to marry. If you want to marry this girl, and she loves the Lord, go for it! Marriages between believers honor the Lord.
If you can grasp this concept in your life, not just in this area, but in all areas, it will set you free from much guilt brother.
With care in Christ,
Taylor
"Just one word from heaven and you'll never be the same."
Krispy, I think I know what your saying. God chose this girl for me right?
Whoa, nelly! I dont know you or this girl, so I would never presume to give you that advice. All I'm saying is that in my case, as I read scripture and strive to understand it... I can look back and see how God has led my paths. Scripture tells us that God knew us before we were ever here... therefore He knew my kids, and without my wife and I they would not be here.
Now, as I said, I'm not a Calvinist. As Paul Washer puts it... I'm a 5-point "Spurgeonist". I'll never understand all this.
If this relationship brings both of you into a closer relationship with Him... if she encourages you to give yourself completely to God, and vice versa... then before you burn with lust, marry the girl.
But seek some counsel from mature Christians who know both of you and can be fair judges as to whether you both are mature enough to take this step.
Krispy
Actually, it is better for a man to NOT marry!
How does that work into God's "will?"
Of course, there is nothing wrong with being married. He who has found a wife has found a GOOD thing...and will receive favor from the Lord. Remember, God created the first wife! He told man to be fruitful and multiply.
I will say this: Be very careful about entering into a marriage covenant. You are only supposed to do this once! I know people who were "sure" that their girlfriend was "chosen by God" only to figure out later that it just wasn't meant to be (either their girlfriend dumped them...or their wife left them...or they simply found that the woman wasn't the person that God might have wanted for them).
I would simply ask that you pray. It is possible that this uneasiness that you feel might very well be the prompting of the Lord! On the other hand, it might simply be a case of "cold feet." I will pray that you have an assurance from the Lord either way...but I would caution you not to act until you have that assurance.
I am praying for you, brother.
How does that work into God's "will?"
"Let the one who is [b]able
Hello Santana,
I'm in a courtship with a Godly woman but all of a sudden I'm unsure. I definitely want to marry her but now I have unrest, uneasiness and a lack of peace.
Marriage is covenant, which is very serious in the eyes of the Lord. Only He knows who is right for you.
Look, heres how I see this...I had so much uneasyness about marrying my wife. Let me give you the reasons I could have used to not marry my wife:
1. Our pasor told us he wouldn't have married us if we came to him. He didn't approve.
2. I was 18 and she was 18.
3. Her parents were completely against the idea. My family wasn't too thrilled either. We married against our parents will.
4. I was living with my mother.
5. Felt horrible.
Man...so many other reasons I can't remember.
Those are the big ones though. Anyways, it's been 10 months now, almost our 1st aniversary. We got married first and foremost because we both wanted to do God's will and we trusted by faith that it was His will for us to marry. He would use marriage to conform us to His will. To show me how unloving I am that I might look to Him for help. How unsubmissive she is so that she would look to Him for help.
After that, we got married because we loved each other.
Let me fast forward to right now. I'm 19, she's 18. We moved into our first apartment just over a month ago. We have a beautiful daughter named Leah who was born last friday. What else can I say?
Suppose I didn't marry my wife, Leah would not be here tonight. God forbid! By all means, marry away! Marry with faith in Christ! Just the fact that God gave us a child is proof enough to me that He loves us and was with us when we chose to go against the ways of the world and obey the Bible when it says to marry. The world is doing away with marriage which God has created. We Christians should be bold lions and lionesses and marry.
Incase your wondering, we haven't slept on a bed of roses this entire time. We've are sinners and have sinned against each other. I've gotten angry and so has she. She's been unsubmissive and I've been unloving. We married upon the foundation of God's glory, God's will and not our's being done.
I hope that what I've said might encourage you to be bold and look to Christ as your only help.
I am one who failed in this area. I never listened to God's word, never waited on Him in prayer. But I believe Romans 8:28 that He will work all things perfect.
Havng said that, I would certainly suggest that you wait upon the Lord and ask your friend also to wait upon the Lord. Our God is not just a concept, He is real and He will clarify things for both of you.
Often there are times that I know that certain decisions are in God's will, but I have not waited for God to give me complete clarity and just plunged in. But there are times I tarried and waited for that clarity and it almost seemed that I might not get the answer and it might be too late, but against such pressure I waited and God came through. And what joy was mine, because I did not rush till that final clarity came.
I would earnestly request you and your friend to wait on the Lord in specific prayer.
I would also like to recommend the biography of C T Studd by Norman Grubb, for both of you. It speaks about the initial courting time and how the key focus was to encourage each other to pursue in obedience and love to the Lord.
God will come through, He always has, always will - that is how He is.
Just wanted to add a link to a book by Zac Poonen, in this regard
http://www.cfcindia.com/web/mainpages/book_window.php?book=sex_love_and_marriage
Just the fact that God gave us a child is proof enough to me that He loves us and was with us when we chose to go against the ways of the world and obey the Bible when it says to marry.
Can I say something without casting [b]any[b]Paulmcg1
I can tell you're 19. This has got to be the most immature, inexperienced advice I've ever heard anyone give concerning marriage. The fact that God gave you a baby is proof that you had sex... not proof that God approves of everything you did. (Altho I do truly hope that He did approve, I'm not judging that)
An unsaved couple could use this same logic... we live together and God blessed us with a baby, therefore God approves of how we're living.
No, it just prooves your bodies are working properly.
If you've taken what I said earlier in this thread about my kids and applied it to every marital situation, then I repent of ever having said it.
You're married, God bless you. I pray only the best for you, and that God's will will be done in your lives. I dont know you, and so I am in no way judging you. But I would [b]NEVER[i]most
There is a country song thats popular right now called "Back When I Knew It All". You're 19 now, so you have no way of understanding where I'm coming from... but one day, 20 or so years from now... you will.
I know you'll tell me that scripture says that I shouldnt "despise" you because of your youth. I dont. I pray your as wise as you think you are. I truly do.
But your advice, and "proof" of God's blessings is immature and very bad advice. I wish I didnt have to say that as strongly as I am... but marriage is nothing to fool with or to be taken lightly.
There is a series on Courtship that Paul Washer did. I dont know if it is available on SI or not, but to anyone contemplating a relationship with a member of the opposite sex I highly recommend you find it and listen to it... and heed it!
Krispy
KrispyKrittr wrote:There is a series on Courtship that Paul Washer did. I dont know if it is available on SI or not, but to anyone contemplating a relationship with a member of the opposite sex I highly recommend you find it and listen to it... and heed it!
Krispy
Also, this [url=https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/singlefile.php?lid=17989&commentView=itemComments]Singles Table Talk with Keith Daniel
Just the fact that God gave us a child is proof enough to me that He loves us
I know Godly couples who can't have children.
Anyways, I appreciate all the advice. I know Paul speaks on us choosing our own wife but...Why is there a but in my insides? =)
What if this is who I chose and not who God chose? I get scared that God is leading me to seperate sometimes but I can't imagine why. I'm almost even scared to pray about it for fear of saying break up. But then why would Paul, in 1 Corrinthians 7 say we can chose our own wife?
I know it wasn't meant to be this complicated. Good greif!
I said it before... I'll say it again... Find a mature Christian (or Christian couple) who has been walking closely with the Lord and married for many years... who knows the two of you fairly well... and seek their advice.
You want someone who will be brutally honest with you, not someone who will necessarily agree with you.
Krispy
Krispy is giving you good advice. Remember, this is the Internet. We don't know you.
What if this is who I chose and not who God chose? I get scared that God is leading me to seperate sometimes but I can't imagine why. I'm almost even scared to pray about it for fear of saying break up. But then why would Paul, in 1 Corrinthians 7 say we can chose our own wife?
What do you mean? The fact that you choose them manifests the fact that God chose them. Whether he chose them as a means of bringing you closer to him through affliction or to be a joyous blessing to you remains to be seen. It's impossible to go against God's predestined pursposes, but it is possible to go against his revealed will. Does that make sense? So, in summary, it is impossible not to fulfill the decreed will of God (what he has purposed to take place in time), but it is possible to not fulfill the revealed will of God (obeying the Scriptures).
We have freedom within the revealed will of God. If we are seeking to live a life in accordance with Scripture, we simply trust God to bring to pass his decreed will. We are never called to try and search it out by prayer, regardless of what modern spirituality tries to tell you. That is never how prayer is presented in the Scripture. The revealed things are for us and for our children, the hidden things belong to God (Deut 29:29).
Since I don't know you or this lady, it's impossible for us to give you sound counsel here. I can only present general Scriptural principle.
With care in Christ,
Taylor
We are never called to try and search it out by prayer, regardless of what modern spirituality tries to tell you. That is never how prayer is presented in the Scripture. The revealed things are for us and for our children, the hidden things belong to God (Deut 29:29)
Matthew 21:22
And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.
Luke 11:10
For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
James 1:5-6
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
James 4:2-3
Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.
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