A couple of weeks ago I started a thread called [url=www.sermonindex.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?viewmode=flat&order=0&topic_id=27180&forum=35&post_id=&refresh=Go]"Is the "Gospel" Fair"
Within that thread “graceamazed” ask: “…How exactly did God get a hold of you and save you? What is the means of your justification before God?...”
Since then, I have found a letter that I wrote a few years back in response to someone who asked me a similar question.
This particular portion of letter provides a brief explanation of how this once sinful and rebellious man found favor with God. I thought it might be good to post it here.
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Written sometime within the first couple of months of 2007
Brian,
…Now regarding your question about justification, you ask: “Again, I wonder, according to you, what is justification and how can I be justified?”
I'm not sure I can answer this question directly. I don’t think I can tell you how to be justified, and I don’t thing I can tell you a definition of “justification.” However, I can tell you about a man who once was not justified but now is.
If we were to begin to examine my life starting in my teen years, you would see a young man who was devoted to spiritual things. My great devotion began as I read some books about a man who supposedly had great faith named Smith Wigglesworth. As I read about the “miracles” that reportedly had taken place through his ministry, I decided that I too wanted to be a man of great faith and see such “miracles.” To be such a great “man of faith,” I tried to mimic the life that this man supposedly lived. I tried to pray without stopping. I would carry my Bible everywhere. I tried to do good works such as visit nursing homes or stand out in front of Wal-Mart and pass out tracts. I also tried to live a life of “holiness.” I tried to not sin in anyway (of course I would often fail in this endeavor).
Some watching my life may have thought that I really loved God, but the truth was, love for God was not the motivation for all this “work.” The motivation of all this work was the desire to be like the man I had read about. So in reality I was simply trying to bargain with God. Please don’t get me wrong, I really thought that I was doing what was right. I thought that God wanted me to do miracles and such things. However, God was not pleased with all I was doing because it was simply actions through which I thought I would gain God’s favor so that he would work such “miracles” through me.
A few years later I would discover the author Leonard Ravenhill. Reading the books by Leonard Ravenhill led me to do even more work. As I read his stories about the supposedly great men like Charles Finney and John Wesley, a desire was born to preach with the “power” that they supposedly preached with. According to Ravenhill, the only way to preach with such power was to pray several hours a day. And so I entered into harder work that even before. Many mornings I would rise a 5:30 a.m. and drive to my “church” to spend a couple hours in prayer (the “pastors” usually let me have a key). On Sundays I would often stay at “church” between the morning and evening service to pray. I would usually fast when doing this. This was a very miserable time in my life, however, I thought it would all pay off when I could finally preach and see people fall down under “conviction.”
As I look back to this time in my life, I am pretty confident that God was the one tugging at my heart. At that time he was beginning a process that in many years to come would bear fruit. However, despite the fact that God was beginning to tug at my heart, he was in no way yet pleased with my life and all I was doing. I was in no way justified. In no way did God look at my life with pleasure, for I did not yet have faith towards God and his word. At that time in my life my faith was in the authors who sounded spiritual. I gave them my trust and failed to fully trust the scripture for what it really said (I don’t think that this was intentional rebellion as much as ignorance and foolishness).
During these years I was very certain that I was saved. I can’t say that I felt anything really real inside me, but I did firmly believe the “gospel” that I had grown up hearing. I believed that I was saved because I believed that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I could not explain the “gospel” that I believed, nor could I defend it in scripture, nevertheless I was certain I was saved because the popular “gospel” said that I was. As I look back to these years I am speaking about, it amazes me that I was so willing to trust my eternal soul to a message simply because it was popular and believed by many. Had the Lord not shown me mercy, and had he let me die in my then current state, I would have perished for all of my sins. For little did I know that I was not truly in Christ. And since I was not in Christ, my sins had not yet been paid for. Had I died then, I would have had to pay for them on my own.
The greatest evidence that I was not in Christ was the evidence that I was still a prisoner to sin. Despite my utter determination to live a life of “holiness,” I would continue to give in to the very sins that I tried to resist. In addition to my bondage to sin, it was also evident that I was not truly in Christ because I did not bear any of the true fruits of the Spirit. Sure, I tried to be good. I tried to be kind. But all of that was just that; my trying, my effort. In no way did these things flow naturally from me, but instead it was always my own hard work.
Brian - that is who I was. I could say a lot more about the many years that followed. During those years I would be involved in ministry positions at various “churches.” However, for the sake of staying brief I will say little of those years. Just be certain that nothing changed. I was always a prisoner of sin, and I was always working to please God for motives that were selfish in nature. I was in no way loyal to God simply because he was worthy of my loyalty. In fact I wasn’t loyal to him in any way. My loyalty was to man. My loyalty was to the institutionalized “church.” My loyalty was to my self. My loyalty was to all the authors and teachers that I held dear. And because of my misplaced loyalty, I was not justified in God’s eyes. He was very displeased with me. He took no pleasure in me at all. Had I not repented, I would have died only to receive wrath. However, God was very merciful to me. He called me to repent, and when he called, I answered.
Three-and-one-half years ago, God began to get a hold of my heart. He began to show me the error of my way. He showed me his displeasure. He showed me my foolishness. When I was brought face to face with such things, I acknowledged them and I turned from them. I resolved to give God and his word my complete allegiance regardless of what it cost. This was not an idle commitment, but I sincerely meant my decision. And then it happened… as a result of this sincere unwavering commitment to be loyal to God, I for the very first time was “justified”. For the first time in my life, God looked down on me with pleasure. Was I yet perfect in all my actions? By all means no. But God would take care of that in his time. He would deal with my sin and my evil nature. But despite my sin and my imperfection, he was pleased because he knew that above everything else in my life, I wanted to please him.
As a result of the pleasure that God had towards me, he wanted to give me gifts. The first gift and the greatest gift that God would give me was the gift of salvation. He brought me to his Son, and just as I gave my loyalty to God, I gave my loyalty to his Son. As the Son saw my loyalty, he took me to himself in marriage. In my marriage to Christ, “I became bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh.” I was truly one flesh with Christ. And through this miracle of marriage to Christ, I obtained the gift of salvation.
By being married (or one with) to Christ, I died with him on the cross. By being “one” with Christ, I rose with him and was declared a Son of God. Because I died with him, my sins were paid for in his death. And also, because I died with him I was freed from the devil’s kingdom (for how could I serve the devil when I am dead?).
It was wonderful to die to Satan’s kingdom. It was wonderful to be truly free from the power of sin. It was wonderful to have my sin’s paid for. But the best part of being married to Christ is being resurrected with him. For through my resurrection with Christ, I was resurrected as a son of God with the nature of God (the Holy Spirit) inside me. And through this nature of God I constantly bear fruit that makes God smile.
Brian – what I just said was a very brief description of what has happened to me. Because of my attempt to make it brief I realize that it is possible that it was confusing. If you want to read a more detailed account of all of this you can go to the web link that I sent to you before.
The bottom line is this. I once was rebellious towards God (even though I was unaware of my rebellion). Because I was rebellious, God was not pleased. Because I was rebellious, I was not justified in God’s sight. In my rebellion I was a slave to sin. In my rebellion I was incapable of bearing any fruit unto God. But when I turned to God with all my heart, he was pleased and I was justified. Turning to him was the only part I played in my salvation. The rest was up to God and his Son. You can’t choose to be married to Christ. Christ chooses you when he sees true devotion and loyalty towards him. You can do nothing to save yourself. It is only a gift that God can give when he sees that you have sincere faith toward him.
I hope this helps, and I hope that your search for truth ends with the wonderful knowledge of knowing that you are truly pleasing God. There is nothing better than knowing that the life you are living is a life that is filling God with joy and pleasure.
Sincerely,
Jason
