rebuking your wife

Hi!

I'm newly married and for awhile (both my wife and I are Christian) and I've noticed some immaturities in my wife. My question is, how far should I go in rebuking her to guide her to become a better Christian? What I have done so far it seems like she won't believe it and there is no arguing with her. Just to point out some specifics, she'll gossip, and can rarely let things go if someone says anything offensive to her. I point out scripture 'turn the other cheek', but it doesn't mean anything to her. She won't even take one second to listen even though I say that scripture is what we live by and our goal is to honor God. What should I do in this situation? Should I stop rebuking her at all? Should I be moderate in my rebukes? Should I rebuke her every time she says something?

I'm new to this whole marriage thing and I know we both have flaws but I'm just trying to figure out how to help her with hers to build her maturity, and also how I can listen to her better when she points out mine.

Thanks and God bless :)

Hello, I am in the process of getting married so don't take what I say to heart... Please don't be mad at me either, I'm only retelling what I have heard based on sermons I've listened to. Your wife is supposed to submit to you. Now that doesn't mean she should listen to you if you tell her to do something unbiblical, but it does mean if you are in the right and she is in the wrong and you are trying to correct that, God says she must listen. It is essential in a marriage for the wife to submit to her husband (Ephesians 5:22). Authority is NOT a bad thing. We're trained that it is but it's not. You are supposed to be the Biblical head of the house and you are to be grounded in Christ alone. We are all called to conform to Christ as much as possible and if this is not what she's doing, then sir you are in the right for rebuking her. I would ask that you don't do it so often that you get on her nerves, but rebuke her enough and quote scripture enough that she understands that she is in the wrong. Be very careful if you have children as well... Do NOT rebuke her in front of them... For if they see you rebuking one another, they will see the cracks in your relationship and they will say to themselves "Well daddy rules over mommy" and that's not how it is... You two rule over them, they have no authority (but they do have rights). But you rule over her. You my friend are the head of the household. Make sure the children realize you and her are "one" in this deal and to disobey mom is to disobey dad and dad should be walking so closely with God that to disobey him is to disobey God. I trust you will take my words to heart and apply them in your own life. I wish you well brother in Christ and I pray you will bear fruits in your relationship! Be grounded in Christ and glorify Him in all you do! God Bless!

two resources I hope will help

[url=http://www.cfcindia.net/tbsaudio/25_Basic_Christian_Teachings/50_Responsibilities_Of_Husband_And_Wife.mp3]Responsibilities Of Husband And Wife[/url]

[url=http://www.cfcindia.com/web/mainpages/book_window.php?book=sex_love_and_marriage]Sex, Love & Marriage[/url]

Make sure you are praying for her. I wouldn't even think about rebuking her before you do that first. I would also urge you to consider the plank in your eye first. I'm not judging you; I just think before we address what we see as faults in others, we deal with our own faults first. Strive towards perfection for yourself, the way you desire to see your wife perfected in Christ.

I will also tell you that your actions will speak louder than words? Do you know how I convict my wife to keep the house clean? I clean the house myself. When she starts to feel like I do all the dishes, she will be more inclined to pitch in and help. If you want your wife to let things go, you need to let things go. Again, I'm not judging you, I'm just saying you need to lead by example. Do not do this expecting it to change her. It is the same as loving your wife, even if/when she doesn't deserve it. That is part of dying to oneself. So, even if my wife never washes another dish, I will continue to do so without complaint because I love her.

If you want your wife to be more like Christ, I would encourage you to be in prayer and scripture together. Start a family worship time each day. I would also exhort you to your own personal worship time. Again, do this not for praise, but for the benefit of yourself and your wife. Get up each morning and spend time in the word and in prayer. Your wife will notice a change in you that she will yearn for for herself. Again, your words are not always necessary.

I would say it is good to sit down with your wife and say something to the extent of, "these are some things i have noticed and i want to talk through these things and then pray with you about it." after that, hold her accountable.

These are just some suggestions from my own personal experience. PM me if you want to talk more. May God bless you and your marriage.

I also want to say that yes, a wife is to submit to her husband, but I also want to point out that the husband is to love his wife like Christ loves the church.

Did it ever occur to you that your wife is the way she is on purpose? Sandpaper is rough and coarse for a reason: to smooth the wood. The Lord will often permit rough edges to remain on the ones dearest to us to act as His lathe in our lives. Instead of rebuking (which is the automatic reaction), try praying for wisdom in how to handle the situation. God might be trying to flush out deep seated impulses from your heart by allowing your wife to "rub you the wrong way"...and when you have learnt the submissive lesson He seeks to instill in your walk, He will change your wife.

As you sit at the table of the Lord, in matters of grave consternation, try to get in the habit of first asking Jesus: "Lord, is it I?" before pointing the finger at the offender.

Brother Paul

Hi,

you got some good advice here, but we only see your version. Go and find a godly older brother, or better a couple to walk you through some of these issues. I bet you are not the first and not the last one who goes through this.

Dear Brother Paul,

My husband asked me to tell you, 'Thank you', even though your comment was not directed towards him, he finds it to be good advice. Now, if he can only remember it (getting old has a limiting effect on the brain cells).

I thank you, too,

white stone

WOW you guys really do give some great advice and I am very thankful. I am convicted and do plan on taking it to heart and using it. For a summary of the main points I've gotten so far I'll list them out :

-Cleanse my life first
-Lead by example
-Pray for her spirituality
-Lead the wife in love
-Do not overrebuke

We are doing nightly devotions and prayer together but I really do think I'll be taking advice of getting up early in the morning and spending time with God alone. I've been single most of my life up til now and had a lot of time with God alone, but it is much more scarce now and I need to make that time still so I plan on doing that. My relationship with Him is much more important than my relationship with her and I know if I get closer to Him, naturally my relationship with her also will blossom.

yay for humility! God is sure good to work in you this way! praise His beautiful name in this.

and do remember what a wonderful privilege it is to be married at all. remember your former lonely days and be joyous! many do not have this honor though it may be sought with tears (which is the wonderful will of a gracious God! but i'm just saying...). God be glorified in your narriage, His perfect and planned sandpaper gift to you both to bring glory to His name!