Need to make a decision(Father has given me an answer)

About a month ago I posted concerning my dad. He is not saved and has had several near misses with his health. He has heart disease and an inoperable blocked artery. He has had several heart attacks and is only still with us because of Gods great mercy. The doctors have said they do not know how much time he has left, its a day by day situation. I have tried to share with my dad many times over the years and he has not wanted to listen. IT has always been the same, he either leaves, cuts me off, or just stays away. I found out that he wants to have a family visit and see his grandsons(my boys) because he does not know how much time he has left or if he will get to ever see them again. He only wants to see them in case this is the last time he is able to and I am not supposed to try and share with him about the Lord and neither are my sons. He does not want to speak about things that matter most, which is Jesus and his eternity. I just don't feel that I can see him under those terms or allow my boys to. I know that this may be all the time he has left but as long as he is refusing to listen then I am not sure what else there is left to say. Its really difficult for me with my dad, and I am praying for Father to show me His heart and will in all of this. I want to make the right decision.

God Bless
Maryjane

Dear MaryJane,

You do not wish to meet on his terms. However, if he is unsaved, the only joy he can ever have is here and now. Would you want to deny him that little bit.

Your sons may obey your wish and not see him but they will always feel they lost something and they will always see their mother as being hard toward her father as he lay dying.

As difficult as it may be for you, the Christian thing to do is to go in love and obey his wishes. You will never know if doing just that may be what he needs to see the difference. You would not want to live with that on your heart. Pay your respects and have mercy in your heart, for if God has not called him, there is no way you can force it.

What would this do to your mother to act that way, anyway? She is going to be around longer, if you are so hard on him, what could she expect?

white stone

Greetings White_stone
I should have given more information about this situation, sorry about that. My dad and mom are divorced. Sadly he left her after 40 years of marriage for a younger woman so they have not really spoken to each other in a while. She does not involve herself with anything to do with my dad in a long time.

I should also have mentioned that for most of my children lives my dad has been very uninvolved. He has only come around once in a while, maybe a handful of times in their lives. They are not close at all, although they do pray for him. They have tried a few times to share with him how they have been growing in the Lord but he is not interested in that. So he has in the past only come around when he feels guilty or wants to check in. Then we do not hear from him or see him unless I try to be in touch with him or he is sick. There isn't any kind of relationship or bond there. Also because of the way my dad has chosen to live his life has played apart in that as well.

The only way this visit can or will happen is for me to promise that I will not say one word to him about the Lord.He wants me to agree to that before hand. I have really been praying about this and it just keeps coming back that if I agree to this then I am putting my dad ahead of what Father has called me to do which is to share the truth with others. My dad is dying I know that and it is hard to think that he may leave this world continuing in his sin and rejecting the Lord and yet that may be what happens. In the end though, what matters most is Jesus, He died on that cross for my dad, would it be right of me to go and agree to this visit knowing that my dad openly rejects Jesus and the cross?

Thanks for your reply, some things for me to be praying about to be sure.

God Bless you
Maryjane

Edit: thank you Neil i will listen to this. I also want to make clear that I love my dad very much. Have shed many tears for him and spent much time in prayer. But in the end if he dies rejecting Jesus, I know it is not the Lords fault.My dad has heard the truth and refused it. With out the covering of Jesus blood each of us is accountable for our sins.

I have really been praying about this and it just keeps coming back that if I agree to this then I am putting my dad ahead of what Father has called me to do which is to share the truth with others.

However, please be aware that it may be that the Lord wants you to visit with your dad. I have often found that it is with the people that I pray for that the Lord requires me to do difficult things. Often, at the time, they seem contrary, but then later prove themselves to be exactly the right thing.

"Sharing the Truth" does not always require speaking directly about the Lord. It is in everything that you do that you share the Truth - especially with your dad, who already knows where you stand. It just may be that you and your sons going to see him, even though you would rather not, will be the thing that turns his heart.

I will be praying that you see His will in the matter.

I suggest you meet with him, based on the Scriptural command to honor our fathers and mothers. You have tried to share with him, and he has rejected it. Who knows, perhaps your honoring him in the midst of this will be used of the Lord to soften his heart?

With care in Christ,
Taylor

Hi MaryJane,

I would never encourage anyone from verbally witnessing for our Lord but have you thought of this as a test. What I mean is that the Lord Jesus Christ accepted us as sinners with no prerequisites, only believe in His accomplished work.

Can you trust the Lord to use you and your family as a witness to your dad through His accomplished works in you? Can you simple show your dad through the fruit of the Holy Spirit the Love of our Saviour.

This may be what your dad is looking for and this may be the test you are being asked to pass.
To show your dad the unconditional love of Jesus Christ and leave the results to the Saviour of our souls.

We will be praying for you, your family, and your dad.

In His Love
pastorfrin

Mary Jane,
May our God in Heaven, through the Power of the Holy Spirit, in the Name of Jesus, His Son, help you make this very difficult decision.
I ask God to give you His Peace during this time.
It would be a hard decision for me, because I haven't had to deal with a situation like this.

My Brother died at 78, and I didn't win him to the Lord, but someone else was able to get through
to him. He wasn't saved long before he died.

May God give you His Wisdom concerning this.

God Bless you.
Nellie

Thank you all for your replies. I have much to pray about. I am very thankful to have brothers and sister in Christ willing to share and pray with me during difficult times.

God Bless you all
MJ

Greetings
I have been thinking about what some of you have shared here with me and praying about it tonight. Its really been on my heart. I shared with my son your posts, after reading them over he asked me a question that I can't answer. He said "Mom if I see him and I spend time with him knowing he is believing a lie, knowing that he could be dieing and I say nothing, knowing where he will go when he dies, how is that the right thing to do. Knowing he will spend eternity in hell and I agree to just say nothing, just doesn't seem right does it?"

I still don't know how to respond to him.

God Bless
Maryjane

This is the question that we must ask ourselves for every person that we meet.

If I remember correctly, there were a couple of apostles that would not agree to keep silent. It would seem that you could go to visit your dad without making any agreements. Just pray and ask the Lord to open the doors if it is His will that you speak. He will make the way clear if you step out in faith. Just be prepared to speak, or not to speak, at His command. And be comforted knowing that He is capable of performing that which He requires.

1Co 13:4 Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head,
1Co 13:5 Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
1Co 13:6 Doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
1Co 13:7 Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.
1Co 13:8 Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit.

Mary Jane,

I did not read all the replies to your question, so what I say may duplicate and that would not be so bad, do you think?

Actually, I do not know whether you should allow your dad to see your boys altho' I would never promise to not witness....But, there is a story I would like to share and perhaps it might inspire you.

I have a friend whose mother is like this: NO WITNESSING! She had a brother who was terminal and unsaved. The mother kept a close watch on her daughter when she came by, never allowed her to be alone with the son lest she speak to [EDIT]him about the LORD. But she prayed. And God is not limited by man, or their foolishness, is he? When the man was sleeping, the LORD appeared to him and drew him and he responded! Now, how do you like that? Makes the goosebumps rise on your back, does it not!

My suggestion is you, your family pray fervently, and act according to what the Holy Spirit instructs you to do. The instruct may even be quite novel or it may be so simple you wonder "why did I not think of that before?"

Blessings,
ginnyrose

EDIT: The work of the Lord is not limited by our access to the person which means that if he would respond to the Gospel, God will work out the details so he can/will: it is not dependent on you or your family. They know and that is why they resist your efforts!! Think about that!! You cannot make a person come to the LORD. Too many times we think we can bring a person to the LORD by our own intellectual, logical reasoning and it does not work IF the Holy Spirit has not been working on him. There comes a time when you have exhausted all your efforts and have to back off, knowing that work of redeeming belongs to God, totally.

Another EDIT! I remember a story of a family whose dad/husband was very ungodly and abusive. The mother told the children "this is the only heaven this man will ever have so we must work to make it as pleasant as possible." Powerful lesson there although it may not apply to every similar situation...

After praying about this I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for posting and sharing with me. I have been praying about this for such a long time now, even before I first posted. My relationship with my dad is a difficult one and I have not fully shared about that. Its more then just his deceived following of the catholic faith. Although that has had its consequences. There have been many years of deep and painful memories and avoidance of ever talking about it. My dad although he professed to be saved and professed to love the Lord, never lived as someone who does. Things happened in my home growing up that were overlooked or ignored because he either was not there or because he did not want to deal with any kind of uncomfortable or difficult situation. Bad and inappropriate things happened, there was no Biblical fatherly covering from my dad for his daughters, and no Biblical guidance given to his sons. Things were allowed to happen that should not have. There are things I want to ask my dad, that I want to talk to him about but he won't let me. He always refuses to talk about anything that makes him uncomfortable or that would force him to see himself as he really is. There have been times on occasions when he was very sick or in our past visits that he would mention almost as if in passing what a terrible dad he had been. He would say, “I know I was a terrible dad and that I wasn't there.” I know there is a part of him that feels guilty about things that happened and about not ever being there. And if I am honest there have been times that I to have avoided saying anything to him. I did not want to make him sad, or upset him so I just either said nothing or lied and said things weren't that bad. I feed into his sin and I said things to ease his conscious. Avoiding truth went on a lot when I was growing up, it was normal behavior. God is opening my eyes wide and showing me just how sinful that attitude of heart has been on my part, something I really want to die to once and for all!

There have been more recent times to, when I have tired to be faithful and share with my dad, to tell him there is freedom for the guilt he carries and from the sin that he is accountable for apart from Jesus, but he will not talk about anything that makes him uncomfortable. He only wants me to tell him that he was not as bad a dad as he thinks he was, to ease his conscious. Sadly there is no willingness on his part to take responsibility for his sins. He wants happy visits that make him feel better emotionally and mentally because he does not want to look in the mirror and see his desperate need for Jesus. We all have that need, we need to see ourselves as we are, sinful, wretched and full of iniquity, then and only then can we see how desperately we need Jesus. Only Jesus covering, forgiveness, mercy, and love, can wash us and makes us clean. No amount of words that I can speak will ever do that for my dad, nothing I can say to him will ever help him in what matters most, his relationship with Jesus. I know that if I say the things he wants to hear it will ease his sadness for a time, but thats all it will do. I know Father has to change his heart and that my dad has to see his need and he has to cry out for forgiveness just as all those that have come to Jesus must do. As I said things with my dad have been and are difficult, I do not want to walk in a hardness of heart or take the easy way out and pretend that everything is fine. I don't want to just ignore my dad either, so after much prayer and seeking I have decided to see my dad. I wont make any promises to him about what that visit will look like, but I am not going to ambush him either. I am not going to look at it as an opportunity to preach at him. I am just going to leave the entire time in the hands of the Lord and seek to follow His leading. If Father gives me words to speak, I pray that I will have the courage that I have on occasion lacked and do so in obedience and submission to His will, if however Father has me say nothing then I want to die to self and obey Him in that as well. In all of this I have come to see and understand something so much more clearly, this isn't about me, or even my dad. This is about Jesus, this is really about Him. Jesus suffered and died on that cross for my sins and my dads. He endured so much pain on that cross and he did it all because of His love and His mercy, not because I or my dad are worthy(none of us are) but because Jesus is worthy, He alone is worthy to receive His reward for that which He endured. Its not about my dad going to hell or not, its about Jesus name being lifted up and glorified because worthy is the lamb who was slain. “We were created for His purposes, to live our lives in loving fellowship with Him, in submission to His will, because after all it is the very best possible life for us.” my son reminded me of that this morning:-)

Thank you very much saints for allowing me to walk this out with some of you here. Thanks also for your loving patients and for understanding that this is being written from a heart that is seeking to grow and walk daily in submission to my heavenly Father. I was hesitant if I should come back and share this or not, prayerfully it was a good thing to do.

God Bless
MJ

Have you told your dad that you forgive him?

Have you forgiven him?

EDIT: After re-reading my words, they sound rather harsh - they were not meant to be. It was only after I forgave my parents for the mistakes that they made that great healing came . . . and is continuing to come forth.

EDIT, EDIT: Now that I think about it, I don't think that I ever told my dad that I have forgiven him - maybe that is what is holding things up! Thank you Maryjane!

Dear MaryJane,

You and your family will be in my prayers.

Your story reminds me of something I heard a long time ago. Of a group of Saints complaining about their burdens and being offered the chance to dump them in a pile and pick up someone elses. They all picked their own Cross upon considering the choice offered. The point of the exercise was to illustrate how God in His wisdom gives particular burdens to those he equips to best carry them. My husband and I used to talk about this when we lived on the road in a van. We decided it was better for us to live that way since God adapted us to fit the trial. We would see many people, some who were our own family and know they could not have handled our life and still found things to rejoice over. On the other hand, I could not live in their shoes.

This is to say, you are doing the best you can with what you have to deal with, I would never want to judge how you decide. Your decision sounds like a good choice, though. Are you going alone or taking your sons? Might be good to have some time alone.

Love, white stone

Perhaps the LORD is speaking in the voice of
your son. Have you considered this?? He is
right!!

Hi Heartsong
That is two really good questions, one I have asked myself and searched my heart before God on. I will say this, I believe that I have forgiven my dad. I want and desire good things for him, to know Jesus, to live his life for the Lord and to have the peace and joy that comes from knowing Jesus. Is there the possibility that in a few days, weeks, or months, Father may open my eyes and show me areas of my heart that I have held bitterness against my dad? Well I am not going to rule that out either. In as much as I can answer this today, I have forgiven him.
You also asked if I have ever told him that I forgive him, no not really. Sense he will not talk about any of these things or listen when it is brought up in any way there has never been much opportunity to share that with him. My dad has really only been involved in my life a very little tiny bit since I was saved. Very few visits, and always very short. Its only when he has need to feel better about things that he calls says hi, asks how everyone is then hangs up before I can say to much. Even now with him being so sick he still holds pretty true to this pattern. I have written him a few letters but honestly I am not sure if he has ever really read any of them. When asked about them he simply replies yes I got them then moves on and will not talk about it any further.
Thanks for caring and for asking me these things, something I am always praying about.

Hi White_stone
Thanks for your prayers and sharing with me. I like your story its always good for me to be reminded that Father ultimately is in control of all situations and I know His ways are best. I am going with my husband, my boys will not be coming. I really feel that this is how Father is leading me to walk in this. Thanks again for your support and prayers.

Hi sojourner7: Yes I have considered that Father is using what my son has shared with me in this situation. And I agree whole heatedly that he is right. I was thinking that these are the things, the truth that Father wants for me to share with my dad. I will be praying and looking for His provision in this.

God Bless
Maryjane

be patient and be available.
My dad got saved on his deathbed,it was so awesome. I have had very little opportunity to evangelize,and i was so nervous because it was my dad. But Jesus gave a little window for it to happen,and I just happened to be there.

Jesus told me exactly what to say. And the tiny act of obedience opened a huge door into my dad.

I started with Adam and eve,and my dad ,who hated and despised anything of God was absolutely riveted to my every word. After our abbreviated walk through the bible,I told him about being born again and he ate it up like a man starved for 3 months. I was so moved I told everybody. He died a few days later and my step mom told me "you know they sent him a nurse that constantly read the bible to him?"

GOD WILL SAVE YOUR DAD!!! You just stay by him and be awed at Gods power and goodness.

This is your dad's portion.......Saved ,delivered,set free,with his very name written in the Lamb's book of life.
You can't save him anyway. It will be all God,but he'll use YOU

With my parents {catholic} I have just learned to relax and LOVE them. Sometimes we try so hard to save them that we forget this. My dad would not here any of it, it's like politics, you believe what you believe, I'll believe what I believe,
but let's not talk about it.
So I started a friendly approach, talk about Jesus, we both know about Jesus, not against Catholicism, Lately he has read the "The Heavenly Man" by brother Yun, and a Wigglesworth Book, both of which he enjoyed.
I found myself, onetime in a J.W house meeting, I do windows and doors, this is why I was there, I was able to share The gosple of Jesus with seven of them for about half an hour, because I focused on Jesus, not on there false doctrine. No one turned to the Lord that day, but many seeds were planted.

Love in Christ tom

It's God's love that leads us to repentance.