SERIES: FORGIVENESS – A STUDY IN PHILEMON
LESSON 02: THE CHARACTER OF FORGIVENESS
PASTOR T. R. KELLEY
BIBLE READING: PHILEMON 1-7
Philemon 1-7
1 Paul, a prisoner of Jesus Christ, and Timothy our brother, unto Philemon our dearly beloved, and fellowlabourer,
2 And to our beloved Apphia, and Archippus our fellowsoldier, and to the church in thy house:
3 Grace to you, and peace, from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
4 I thank my God, making mention of thee always in my prayers,
5 Hearing of thy love and faith, which thou hast toward the Lord Jesus, and toward all saints;
6 That the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus.
7 For we have great joy and consolation in thy love, because the bowels of the saints are refreshed by thee, brother.
I. INTRODUCTION
“We live obviously in a society that knows little about forgiveness. We live in a society that cares little about forgiveness. In fact, I would think that one of the major contributors, if not the major contributor to the destructions of relationships in our culture is the absence of forgiveness.”
John MacArthur
A. 3 PRINCIPLES OF FORGIVENESS
1. Principle 1: Forgive those who sin against us.
2. Principle 2: Forgive and be forgiven.
3. Principle 3: Don’t forgive and you won’t be forgiven.
Last week we were introduced to the book and person of Philemon and the situation he found himself in.
His slave, Onesimus had stolen from him (vs.18) and ran away to the city of Rome.
While there Onesimus came across the apostle Paul was led to salvation in Christ Jesus.
Paul is sending Onesimus back to Philemon with a letter asking him to forgive and receive Onesimus back.
Forgiveness is not a matter of over looking the wrong that has been done, but rather dealing with it so both parties can move on.
How would you handle this?
Would you forgive or withhold forgiveness based upon the facts and the hurt done to you?
Paul, in house arrest, writes this letter of forgiveness to Philemon.
Paul had already written much about forgiveness in his prison letters to the Ephesians and Colossians.
In Christ we have the forgiveness of sins (Ephesians 1:7; Colossians 1:14).
Forgive one another just as God in Christ forgave us (Ephesians 4:32).
Made alive in Christ through the forgiveness of trespasses (Colossians 2:13).
Bear with one another and forgive one another (Colossians 3:13).
Take note of the pattern Paul uses.
He reminds us our forgiveness in Christ Jesus and then asks that we forgive.
To understand we have been forgiven and then to seek to forgive speaks of the character of forgiveness.
How you forgive has something to say about your character.
Character is a distinguishing feature or attribute of an individual or group.
“Character is best found in the stormy billows of the world.” – Goethe
Forgiveness and the godly ability to forgive are forged out of the adversity of being insulted and injured from the injustices of this life (see Romans 5:3-5).
Romans 5:3-5 (NKJV) – And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; 4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
II. THE CHARACTER OF FORGIVENESS LABORS (1-3)
Reconciliation may not be easy. Often it requires the help of a mature Christian worker. It always requires love and God's grace. In this short book, you should look for ways to help you solve disputes and break down barriers.
READ: PHILEMON 1-3
Philemon 1-3 (NKJV) – Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, To Philemon our beloved friend and fellow laborer, to the beloved Apphia, Archippus our fellow soldier, and to the church in your house: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
We live in an ego-centered, selfish society that knows and cares little about forgiveness.
We have become so decadent and non-Christian as to see forgiving people as weak and unforgiving ones as strong.
Our culture celebrates and exalts those TV and movie heroes who take vengeance on others.
Pop psychologists write books extolling the virtues of blame-shifting, unforgiveness, and making those who offend us pay.
The result is a society filled with bitterness, vengeance, anger, hate and hostility.
Retaliatory crimes and lawsuits are rampantly commonplace as people seek vengeance either outside or inside the bounds of the law.
Further, lack of forgiveness is perhaps the leading cause of the breakups in family relationships.
For a Christian, unwillingness to forgive is unthinkable.
It is a rebellious, blatant, open act of disobedience to God.
We are to forgive others as God has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13).
Failure to do so will bring at least four unpleasant results…
A. FOUR RESULTS OF FAILING TO FORGIVE
1. First, failure to forgive will imprison believers in their past.
Unforgiveness keeps the pain alive.
Unforgiveness keeps the sore open; it never allows the wound to heal.
Dwelling on the wrong done feeds anger and resentment and robs one of the joy of living.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, opens the prison doors and sets the believer free from the past.
2. Second, unforgiveness produces bitterness.
The longer believers dwell on offenses committed against them, the more bitter they become.
Bitterness is not just a sin; it is an infection.
The writer of Hebrews warns, “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled” (Hebrews 12:15).
A bitter person’s speech is cutting, sarcastic, even slanderous.
Bitterness distorts a person’s whole outlook on life, producing violent emotions, intolerance, and thoughts of revenge.
It is especially devastating to the marriage relationship.
Bitterness shuts off the affection and kindness that should exist between the partners.
The root of bitterness and unforgiveness all too often produces the weed of divorce.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, replaces bitterness with love, joy, peace, and the other fruits of the Spirit (cf. Galatians 5:22-23).
3. Third, unforgiveness gives Satan an open door.
Paul warns believers in Ephesians 4:26-27, “Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.”
To the Corinthians he wrote, “Whom you forgive anything, I forgive also; for indeed what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ, in order that no advantage be taken of us by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his schemes” (II Corinthians 2:10-11).
It is no exaggeration to say that most of the ground Satan gains in our lives is due to unforgiveness.
If love fulfills the law toward others [Romans 13:8], lack of love violates it.
Unforgiveness is lack of love.
Forgiveness bars that avenue of demonic attack.
4. Fourth, unforgiveness hinders fellowship with God.
Our Lord solemnly warned, “If you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions” (Matthew 6:14-15).
As noted in the introduction, that passage speaks not of the completed, past forgiveness of salvation, but of ongoing relational forgiveness between believers and the Father.
It is a serious matter nonetheless to know that one cannot be right with God if he is unforgiving of others.
Forgiveness restores the believer to the place of maximum blessing from God.
It restores the purity and joy of fellowship with God.
The importance of forgiveness is a constant theme of Scripture.
There are no less than seventy-five different word pictures about forgiveness in the Bible.
They help us grasp the importance, the nature, and the effects of forgiveness.
To forgive is to turn the key, open the cell door, and let the prisoner walk free.
To forgive is to write in large letters across a debt, “Nothing owed.”
To forgive is to pound the gavel in a courtroom and declare, “Not guilty!”
To forgive is to shoot an arrow so high and so far that it can never be found again.
To forgive is to bundle up all the garbage and trash and dispose of it, leaving the house clean and fresh.
To forgive is to loose the moorings of a ship and release it to the open sea.
To forgive is to grant a full pardon to a condemned criminal.
To forgive is to relax a stranglehold on a wrestling opponent.
To forgive is to sandblast a wall of graffiti, leaving it looking like new.
To forgive is to smash a clay pot into a thousand pieces so it can never be pieced together again.
Forgiveness is so important that the Lord devoted an entire book of the Bible to it.
In the brief book of Philemon, the spiritual duty to forgive is emphasized, but not in principle, parable, or word picture.
Through a real life situation involving two people dear to him, Paul teaches the importance of forgiving others.
Following the introduction in verses 1-3, Paul describes the spiritual character of one who forgives in verses 4-7.
Such a person has a concern for the Lord, a concern for people, a concern for fellowship, a concern for knowledge, a concern for glory, and a concern to be a blessing.
Paul identifies himself as a “prisoner” of Christ Jesus.
Paul was not living life on his own – he had a Master, Christ Jesus.
His life was not his own, but Christ’s.
The first character of forgiveness is it “labors” to do the work of God.
He reminds Philemon of the laboring character that was visible in him.
Philemon was a “co-laborer” who was working the same work as Paul.
Their lives were to be entwined with the business of the Father.
Jesus at a young age announced, “I must be about my Father's business” (Luke 2:49).
Jesus on the cross announced, “Father forgive them…” (Luke 23:34).
A man in conversation with John Wesley once made the comment, “I never forgive.” Wesley wisely replied, “Then, sir, I hope that you never sin.”
PASTORAL NOTE: Those who learn to forgive are those who have experienced God’s grace and peace. God’s grace toward us forgives us and His peace allows us to know we are forgiven.
We who have the character of God born in us need to be laboring in the Father's business of forgiveness.
III. THE CHARACTER OF FORGIVENESS LOVES (4-5)
READ: PHILEMON 4-5
Philemon 4-5 (NKJV) – Philemon’s Love and Faith I thank my God, making mention of you always in my prayers, hearing of your love and faith which you have toward the Lord Jesus and toward all the saints,
Paul begins the main body of his letter by praising Philemon.
It was not Paul’s intent to flatter him.
Rather, the apostle knew that legitimate praise feeds virtue and provides an antidote for sin.
The virtuous character of Philemon becomes the foundation upon which Paul bases his appeal for him to forgive Onesimus.
Paul states his thanks to God for the good and positive things he is hearing about Philemon.
A testimony is not just something we say, but what others have to say about us.
Paul was always able to give thanks to God when he prayed for Philemon; he knew nothing negative about him. The book of Philemon bears that out.
Paul does not correct Philemon, and there is no suggestion that anything was amiss in his life.
Everything Paul heard about Philemon was good.
There is no threatening language that might assume Paul felt forgiving Onesimus would be difficult for Philemon, but rather a spirit that expected he would.
So here, Paul identifies the second character of forgiveness as “love.”
Philemon was a man who loved God and others by faith.
IMPORTANT: We forgive in the degree we love.
Paul heard testimony of Philemon’s faith toward the Lord Philemon had become a living testimony of love and faith.
LOVE (verse 5) (Greek – agape) – Selfless, self-sacrificing love, such as God’s love toward us. Love is the characteristic word of Christianity.
Love can be known only from the actions it prompts.
God’s love is seen in the gift of His Son, 1 John 4:9-10.
1 John 4:9-10 – In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. 10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Obviously this is not the love of complacency, or affection, that is, it was not drawn out by any excellence in its objects, according to Romans 5:8.
Romans 5:8 – But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
It was an exercise of the divine will in deliberate choice, made without assignable cause except that which lies in the nature of God Himself, (Cf. Deuteronomy 7:7-8).
Deuteronomy 7:7-8 (NKJV) – The LORD did not set His love on you nor choose you because you were more in number than any other people, for you were the least of all peoples; but because the LORD loves you, and because He would keep the oath which He swore to your fathers, the LORD has brought you out with a mighty hand, and redeemed you from the house of bondage, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.
Christian love, whether exercised toward the brethren or toward men generally, is not an impulse from the feelings, it does not always run with the natural inclinations, nor does it spend itself only upon those for whom some affinity is discovered.
Love seeks the welfare of all, (Romans 15:2), and works no ill to any, (Romans 13:8-10);
Love seeks opportunity to do good to “all men, and especially toward them that are of the household of the faith,” Galatians 6:10.
Philemon’s love was bi-directional – toward God and toward man.
Philemon had a real concern about people; when you do it is easier to forgive.
IV. THE CHARACTER OF FORGIVENESS SHARES (6)
Philemon 6 (NKJV) – “That the sharing of your faith may become effective by the acknowledgement of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus.”
Literal translation from the Greek text: “So that the sharing of your faith may become effective in the acknowledgement of all the good in us for Christ.”
(NRSV): “I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective when you perceive all the good that we may do for Christ.”
(TEV): “My prayer is that our fellowship with you as believers will bring about a deeper understanding of every blessing which we have in our life in union with Christ.”
(The Message): “And I keep praying that this faith we hold in common keeps showing up in the good things we do, and that people recognize Christ in all of it.”
The Greek word Koinonia is rendered in these verses as “sharing” or “fellowship.”
To us, “sharing” usually means evangelism, and “fellowship” can mean potluck suppers or small-group meetings.
Neither of these was in Paul’s thoughts as he prayed for Philemon.
Koinonia is a difficult word to translate, but it incorporates the true outworking of Christian love in the body of Christ – fellowship that causes individual believers to belong to one another, willingly rejoicing with those who rejoice and weeping with those who weep (Romans 12:15).
The word focused on Philemon’s relationship with other Christians.
Paul prayed that Philemon’s faith would show itself in koinonia among the believers, especially those that would meet in his home (v. 1:2).
The “faith” that Philemon was called to share was both the content of what he believed (doctrine) and the practical demonstration of his devotion to Christ.
The word “fellowship” also anticipated Paul’s coming request on behalf of a new believer who would become part of that group.
Paul prayed that Philemon would be active in this koinonia, this fellowship and sharing.
Paul would later ask Philemon to welcome Onesimus as if he were Paul, and that Philemon should charge any of Onesimus’ debts to Paul (vv. 1:17-19).
This is true koinonia, Christians giving to one another and caring for one another because they belong to one another.
PASTORAL NOTE: Real faith and love will inevitably result in a concern for fellowship. There is no place in the Body of Christ for an individualism that does not care about others.
That concern for fellowship was also motivation for Philemon to forgive Onesimus.
Failing to do so would lead to a rift in the fellowship since Onesimus was now also a believer.
By forgiving Onesimus, Philemon would maintain the harmony, peace, and unity of the Colossian church.
The word “effective”, (“effectual” in the KJV), in verse 6 translates energés, which literally means “powerful.”
Such an act of forgiveness would send a powerful message to the church about the importance of fellowship, even among slaves and masters (cf. Galatians 3:28).
Galatians 3:28 – There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.
Forgiving a fellow believer, no matter what their offense, makes a strong statement of concern for fellowship.
So, the third character of forgiveness is its willingness to share.
Philemon had a real faith in the Lord, and he desired fellowship with others.
The Church met in Philemon’s home.
It would not be uncommon for strangers to come to their services, to which they were received with an open heart and hand.
Paul identified Philemon’s sincere desire to share and fellowship with others, therefore the message of the Gospel needed to be real at all points – toward Onesimus.
It is faith that allows one to share with others the message of the Gospel.
How can we share the message of Christ – “the forgiveness of sins” – if we can’t forgive?
Philemon’s willingness to forgive would be based on his knowledge of his own forgiveness.
V. THE CHARACTER OF FORGIVENESS REFRESHES (7)
READ: PHILEMON 7
Philemon 7 (NKJV) – For we have great joy and consolation in your love, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed by you, brother.
The fourth character of forgiveness is refreshment.
Philemon had a reputation for love, a fact that brought Paul much joy and comfort.
Through Philemon, the hearts of the saints had been refreshed.
The word translated, “hearts,” literally means “bowels;” and it refers to the seat of the feelings.
People struggling, suffering, and hurting emotionally, had been refreshed by Philemon.
“Refreshed” is a military term that speaks of an army resting from a march.
Philemon brought troubled people rest and renewal; he was a peacemaker.
Philemon, as far as we know, was not an elder, deacon, or teacher in the church.
Most likely, he was a businessman.
But he was a man of instinctive kindness, a source of blessing to everyone.
That kind of person, Paul knew, could be counted on to forgive
Like iced tea on a hot day or cold water on a long hike, this Christian brother, Philemon, knew how to be refreshing. He was able to revive and restore his brothers and sisters in the faith. His love and generosity had replenished and stimulated them. Philemon also encouraged Paul by his love and loyalty.
Are you a refreshing influence on others, or does your attitude and temperament add to the burden they carry?
Instead of draining others’ energy and motivation with complaints and problems, replenish their spirits by encouragement, love, and a helpful attitude.
Paul rejoiced in the fact that others, as well as Onesimus, would find “rest” through Philemon.
Listen to Pastor:
It is much easier to fix blame than to fix problems.
Paul was asking Philemon to offer refreshment – rest and ease – to Onesimus.
Forgiveness truly refreshes the body, mind and soul.
VI. CONCLUSION
Might there be an “Onesimus” in your life?
One who needs you to exert the character of forgiveness toward them
A. AN OVERVIEW OF THE LESSON
1. Character of Laboring – in God’s work to forgive and be forgiven.
2. Character of Loving – looking beyond the transgression.
3. Character of Sharing – offering effective active forgiveness.
4. Character of Refreshing – to offer others rest and peace that you have in Christ.
