Can I get some help understanding

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rainydaygirl Jun 21, 2009

Can someone help me understand more clearly, how a persons shows another that they honor them? What I am trying to fully understand is the concept of honoring ones husband, honoring ones parents. IF you are married woman, who who has priority when it comes to this commend, your husband or your father? Is honoring the same as submitting? Is submitting the same as obeying and honoring? Are they interchangeable? If a husband has asked his wife to submit to a decision he has made but her father has different view, what then?

this is rather important to me so if you have any thing to share please do.
rdg

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White_Stone Jun 21, 2009

In what I have come to understand a woman leaves her family to join her husband. PERIOD! I do not think you can have divided loyalties and a solid marriage. The same goes for the husband, his loyalty is to be unto his wife first and foremost.

This does not mean you can not visit or socialize with family members but in my opinion it works out better the further you live from them and the less you visit. It is a rare mother-in-law who does not take the daughters side against the new husband and this brings pain to all involved. The same goes for the mother-in-law who sides her son against his wife.

I totally submit to my husband but this does not stop me from presenting things for him to view in a different light in hopes that he can enlighten me on his decision. I can choose the times to present these things and have learned over the years, for the most part, when to speak and when to stay silent. It is easier for me to submit when I am certain he is right, or at least have heard his reasoning. However, someone has to be the boss and I believe it is him.

Ever watched a war movie? There is always a leader. Someone to make the hard decisions. Someone always question the choices. When it works out right the leader is vindicated, if it goes badly, at least there is someone to blame. :)

My husband and I are partners and he has always allowed me a voice in decisions but there are times the boss has to make a quick decision and there is no time to have a conference. I trust Jesus to guide him in these times, as at the others He is leading us both during the conferences.

When we were first married my husband told me the most important thing is for him to always feel I am on his side. If I were to walk into a room full of people who were pointing their fingers at him in accusation, I would stand by him even if I did not know what was going on.

Just like our dog shows blind devotion to us, even if she had recently been disciplined. She knows we are hers and she protects us. I may feel cross with my husband at odd times but never voice this to any family members or neighbors. I feel it is important to keep a united front.

You come up with some of the oddest situations for which you need understanding, try being patient, with more life experience most of the questions you ask will be resolved. Read the Bible and ask Jesus for Wisdom.

Kind regards,
white stone

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NoWhining Jun 21, 2009

I wasn't sure if you were wanting female replies only, and if so, my apologies. But my view as a married man for 39 years, and with two grown daughters is you honor your father, but submit to your husband.

When my daughter asks my opinion, she has shown honor or respect. I give my opinion, but I never pressure her to disregard her husband, because it would be sinful. Paul's teachings in Ephesians 5 should help you in this problem.

sermonindex Jun 21, 2009

Hello, RainyDayGirl:

It does seem that when two become one flesh that others (our families) would respect that. However, since we are all creatures, with an inherited sin nature, things aren't always that easy!

The following answer is from:

.~~[url=http://www.gotquestions.org/leave-cleave-honor.html]~~How to balance leave & cleave and also honor parents[/url]

Question: "How do you balance leave and cleave with honoring your parents?"

Answer: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 KJV). Other translations render “leave and cleave” as “leave and be united” (NIV), “leave and be joined” (NASB), and “leave and hold fast” (ESV). So, what precisely does it mean to leave your father and mother and cleave to your spouse?

As recorded in Genesis chapter 2, God created Adam first, and then Eve. God Himself brought Eve to Adam. God Himself ordained that they would be joined together in holy matrimony. He said that the two of them would become one flesh. This is a picture of marital intimacy—the act of love that is never to involve anyone else. To “cleave” means “to adhere to, stick to, or join with.” It is a unique joining of two people into one entity. It means we do not quit when things are not going right. It includes talking things out, praying things through, being patient as you trust God to work in both of your hearts, being willing to admit when you are wrong and asking forgiveness, and seeking God's counsel regularly in His Word.

If either spouse fails to both leave and cleave, problems will result in a marriage. If spouses refuse to truly leave their parents, conflict and stress result. Leaving your parents does not mean ignoring them or not spending any time with them. Leaving your parents means recognizing that your marriage created a new family and that this new family must be a higher priority than your previous family. If spouses neglect to cleave to each other, the result is a lack of intimacy and unity. Cleaving to your spouse does not mean being with your spouse every moment or not having meaningful friendships outside of your marriage. Cleaving to your spouse means recognizing that you are joined, essentially “glued,” to your spouse. Cleaving is key in building a marriage that will endure hard times and be the beautiful relationship that God intends it to be.

The “leave and cleave” in the marriage bond is also a picture of the union God wants us to have with Him. “Ye shall walk after the LORD your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him” (Deuteronomy 13:4 KJV). It means we leave all other gods, whatever form they may take, and join to Him alone as our God. We cleave to Him as we read His Word and submit to His authority over us. Then, as we follow Him closely, we find that His instruction to leave father and mother in order to cleave to our spouse is to discover commitment and security, just as He intended. God takes His design for marriage seriously. Leaving and cleaving is God’s plan for those who marry. When we follow God’s plan, we are never disappointed.

May God continue to bless you and your husband.

Sincerely,

Walter

rainydaygirl wrote:
Can someone help me understand more clearly, how a persons shows another that they honor them? What I am trying to fully understand is the concept of honoring ones husband, honoring ones parents. IF you are married woman, who who has priority when it comes to this commend, your husband or your father? Is honoring the same as submitting? Is submitting the same as obeying and honoring? Are they interchangeable? If a husband has asked his wife to submit to a decision he has made but her father has different view, what then?
this is rather important to me so if you have any thing to share please do.
rdg

R

rainydaygirl Jun 21, 2009

I wanted to say thank you for the replies. I found them to be very helpful. I was looking for replies from any mature Christians, male or female is fine.

White stone you mentioned that I have some of the oddest situations for which I need understanding. I suppose that is true. I come from a "very" large family, only myself and one other is truly saved. My time in the structure church was filled with good time teaching that was always pleasing to the flesh. I also have a large groups of long time friends and extended family that for the most part are not really seeking to follow the Lord but are really more about what feels good and what gets them by. I have not been a christian for as long as some here have on the forum so when I have a prayer request come my way or a friend asks me about things I tend to want to make sure that the answer I am giving them is what more mature Christians are seeing as well. I do spend time in the Bible but there are times when it is good to have those that have been walking with the Lord share what they are seeing as well, at least that was my thinking? Perhaps I have posted to often and if I have come across as bothersome, then I humbly ask you to forgive me. I will be much more mindful in the future and not post my questions.

Thank you again
rdg

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ginnyrose Jun 21, 2009

rdg wrote,

Perhaps I have posted to often and if I have come across as bothersome, then I humbly ask you to forgive me. I will be much more mindful in the future and not post my questions.

I do not mind, sister. If you have any questions, you just come and ask. That is what the brotherhood is for. Someone will answer your questions.

You know what? us older ones can and do forget how we learned. I have also learned how helpful it is to bounce off of others, to see how they would handle situations. This is so helpful and I have learned to deeply appreciate this process.

Now as to the questions you asked, I will have to say I agree what has been posted by Janice, and the others so I see no need to repeat what has been said.

Did you see the sermons posted on the home page concerning marriage and the home by Denny Kenneston? You may find those helpful, although I have not listened to them...I have heard other sermons he preached. Do you know where he came from? He and his wife came out of the hippie culture that was popular during the 1960s. God took them and cleaned them up - good! I would love to hear the details of this process, but am content to know that God is still working to redeem people.

We love you much,

ginnyrose

sermonindex Jun 22, 2009

To RainyDayGirl:

I just happened to think of something that you might find quite funny. When we were first married, every weekend our telephone would ring between 6:30 A.M. and 7:00 A.M. This continued for several weeks, when I finally realized that it was most likely my mother-in-law. She was an early riser, and wanted to make sure that we were up and going as well. The next weekend, on Saturday morning, I called my mother-in-law at 5:00 A.M. She answered the phone, and I hung up. (This was long, long before caller I.D.) From that time forward, we never had another early call from her or anyone else on the weekend.

Sincerely,

Walter

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MSeaman Jun 22, 2009

rainydaygirl,
I find myself in this position at times as well, so I am very appreciative that you would be bold enough to bring the question to the forum.

I appreciate the answers from all of you others as it gives me things to consider in my situation. Thank you all!

sermonindex Jun 22, 2009

Are they interchangeable?

No.

If a husband has asked his wife to submit to a decision he has made but her father has different view, what then?

Godly husband first. It's less simple if the husband does not know the Lord, and the father does, but, still, the order of scripture would indicate 1 Cor 7:13 that the grace of God enables the wife to stay in that situation ~~[u]~~and[/u] honour God. I believe she has the spiritual authority, until her husband submits to Christ, and naturally, having left her father to marry, is not bound to 'obey' her father more than God. However, if her father knows the Lord, he may well confirm God's word to her. There should be no conflict.

Perhaps we need to define 'honour', 'submit' and 'subject'. I'm not offering... ;-) but have some scriptures to put into this discussion. Rom 12:10, for instance.

1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [them] according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

In the above verse, Peter is clearly linking a man's attitude to his wife, to his priestly function. Paul also says

1 Tim 2:8 I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting.

Might the word ~~[i]~~subject[/i] best applied within the concept of the husband as ~~[i]~~king[/i] in his household? It probably goes well with Paul's

Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church...

Whereas ~~[i]~~submit[/i] is not as simple, as primarily, a wife, and a husband, are individually yoked with Jesus, and owe Him their first obedience at all times, most especially if it is in conflict with one's spouse - not the other way round! I believe there is rich blessing also, for the spouse who yields to the Lord's will for the other, if it can be received humbly, as His providence for both ~~[i]~~equally[/i].

This is just as much a function of a husband building up a wife in the Lord, as a wife edifying her husband in the same way at all other times, recognising the spiritual leadership that God has given him, (if he holds Christ as his Head).

Matt 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke [is] easy, and my burden is light.

While I agree that parents are to be honoured, it is a great problem for husbands, if fathers have not released their daughters fully, so that whenever the daughter returns home, she finds the men competing for mastery over her compliance. This is probably something to do with the men, and their attitudes to each other, rather than the daughter - although she can definitely make things better or worse, depending on how ~~[i]~~she[/i] deals with the crossfire.

It may be a subtle distinction, but there is an 'and' in 'honour and obey' which does not apply to fathers ~~[i]~~per se[/i], but does apply to husbands (from a wife's point of view), just as a husband ought to 'honour and cherish' his wife, laying down his life for her as a sign of his love.

Perhaps, though, if a father knows the Lord, a couple together can choose to submit to his better judgement, if they are reaally stuck in a situation. It would be more ideal, though, if the husband would get God's mind on the matter, and lead his wife in this way, which will automatically attract the co-operation of a godly wife.