I need some advice!!

I have an eighteen year old daughter who is planning to go to college about an hour away from where we live. It is a four year state university. She is majoring in pre-med because she wants to be a doctor and always has since she was about nine or ten. She has now found out that she is assigned to a co-ed dorm although she applied early and requested a female only dorm.

She has a friend from high school that is going to room with her and they were both disappointed about the news. We spoke with the housing office and was told that there were no other rooms available and that she would have to wait until the spring for new room assignments.

Question: Would it be inappropriate for her to live in a co-ed dorm as a Christian young women. Should my husband and I try to intervene or decide about changing colleges?

Has anyone else dealt with this problem before?

Personally, I am having my doubts, but I don't want her to feel that we are forbidding her from attending a college of her choosing.

Any advice will be appreciated.

Dee

Question: Would it be inappropriate for her to live in a co-ed dorm as a Christian young women. Should my husband and I try to intervene or decide about changing colleges?

YES. YES.

I think you will need to check out your options and the main one is to get her out of that dorm. The temptations will be just to great for her to live there. And don't buy into the idealistic theory about being a witness in a hell hole like that! They are young with active hormones and it is your responcibility as a parent to protect her as much as possible.

No, we did not have to deal with this when our sons attended a state university. But things are changing.

Did you check out the possibility of her staying in an apartment with other like-minded students nearby? Or, how about buying a house and renting out rooms to other like-minded students?

In the meantime, pray.

Blessings,
ginnyrose

Amen, Ginnyrose.

I would rather have my son/daughter at a Christ-Centered college 10 hours away, than a secular university around the corner. A secular university has no regard for the Spiritual growth of young people, and that should be our main concern! :) Also, these next few years are when most young people choose their spouse. There are many reasons to prefer a Christian College.

You may want to pray about your daughter switching to Pensacola Christian College in the fall. It's not too late! My son will be attending there and majoring in Criminal Justice. We have friends that attended there and are now in the Secret Service. They do offer pre-med also. It's very, very affordable too! It's only about $7,000 per year including room and board.

We just came back from touring PCC and were very impressed with the academics, the pastor, his wife, the staff, standards, safety measures, etc. My son is very excited about attending and so are we. If you have any questions, I would be happy to help in any way I can. You could check out their website also.

I will be praying for you! :)

Lorijean

Dee,

It's about too late to change universities at this date. If you feel a need, you can take a drive and go to the informational desk (or building) and ask about the location of their Christian organizations there (i.e. Baptist Union, etc). They all have some type of house for gatherings and prayer within a half mile (walking distance) of the university itself. Or you can call and get the same information. Visit the ones you want to and talk to the leaders there and share your dilemma. Ask where they live, [b]if they or any Christian students who have rented whole houses who might have a room available, etc.[/b]

I think you might be surprised and your daughter will be able to stay at the university she wants too.

Fear not, this has not taken God by surprise like it has you guys; He knew this would happen. Since He knows, He will either provide another place for her to stay or she will have to stay in the dorm. I would take comfort that if He knows, she will be a great light to those who need a light and salt!

I believe different than most on SI, I don't have a problem with secular colleges or universities; in fact they made my faith stronger! I believe we are salt to be shaken out. How can salt be salt if we are always around other salted people who doesn't need our salt? (i.e. Christian universities). We will lose our savor if we are never used and besides, that is our calling, to be shaken out; not to stay in hidden with all the salt shakers! But just so you know, that's just my two cents worth!

God bless you and I believe it's gonna work out! :):)

I believe different than most on SI, I don't have a problem with secular colleges or universities; in fact they made my faith stronger!

I would guess this is not the norm. I have had too many female clients tell me they ditched their faith once they got to college. (Oh, what did these clients want? Pregnancy tests, and they were single...)

ginnyrose

Thank you everyone for your words of advice and encouragement. We had not yet decided on which way to go concerning this although we are praying fervently and waiting for the Lord's leading.

Please continue to pray for us and I will update you on what we were led to do.

Dear Walter,

That is excellent advice and well put. I agree 100%

white stone

If you truly want to follow the will of God concerning your daughter please see:

The Holy Scriptures

Look at the whole counsel of God(all 66 books) regarding daughters and the role of a woman and wife in the making.

Both you and your husband ought to be on your knees pleading with God for wisdom and direction. He promises to give both to His children. Also plead with Him to give you a heart to obey Him when Truth is spoken to you by His Word and Spirit.

Re: I need some advice!!

I recommend the following that God may give you wisdom and direction. I believe these documentaries are not only insightful, but they are promoting the foundational teaching of the Word of God regarding our christian daughters and christian women in general.

http://visionarydaughters.com/return-of-the-daughters

http://www.monstrousregiment.com/clips.htm

May the God of Truth Whose Name is Jealous convict and direct your hearts,

Savannah

Deu 18:10 There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire....

I think it's wise to understand how the OT transposes in the the NT christians life Jude 1:23 And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.

I have watched your thread with a degree of interest since I also have a daughter in college (3rd Year). She recently left the christian college she went to for 2 years and has enrolled in a University, both out of money concerns and class concerns. But to say that you can insulate your daughter from situations concerning sin by her being at a christian college is just not the way it will be. There is as much sin there as would be any other college, my daughter was very surprised and shocked, but thats a whole other topic for conversation. While you can protect her in this dorm situation your in put is really limited at this point. You and your husband are doing the right thing though by praying, the outcome of which will be counsiling her, but the choices will have to be hers, other wise you will place her under law and she will eventually rebell under your authority. Reguardless, may the Lord give you the wisdom thats peaceable and easy to be understood and the grace to deal with all this matter. God Bless, a simpathic father.

Dee,

I am going to ask a very dumb question: exactly why does your daughter want to go to college? is it to 'buy' insurance against the day she may find herself divorced and alone, having to make her own way?

Does your daughter have the necessary skills to operate a household, be a mommy and a wife if and when she would marry? She likely will not learn this in college.

Several years ago Focus on the Family magazine printed an article written by an older woman who stayed in a dorm for a short period of time. Doing so alerted her to the ignorance of these coeds: they had no sense of orderliness, or how to keep a place tidy and clean. And I am seeing this as well among young females: their bedrooms look like a storm passed through: clothes lying anywhere. They had no sense of beauty, on how to make a room look homey, warm and welcome. Too many are too busy with education, jobs; they have no interest in learning and excelling in the basic things a woman is created to do: make a house a home.

These are a few thoughts that just came to my mind and thought I would share them.

Blessings,
ginnyrose

How often have I missed this education. Cleaning the house was forced and drudgery in my family, no joy was derived from it, only critical comments and negative ones. My parents were divided on it, too. My mother did what HAD to be done, my Step-father was a nit picker and used a white glove to 'inspect' my room. I learned to hate cleaning very quickly as a form of rebellion.

Your point is excellent. Better to be educated in the art of being a worthwhile spouse than the higher learning. My mother always lamented my poor choice of husbands but never saw it her place to train me to be something a more desirable man would choose. For her, a more desirable man was higher in the social ladder and financially successful, too.

Of course, my poor mother, to this day, claims that parenting is not a skill but must be learned by each person - as they go. Easier to say that than admit failure as a parent. Don't get me wrong, I dearly love my Mother, but I see things more clearly than she does now. This is none of my own doing, Jesus has educated me. :-)

Something to ask, too. Is the mother college educated? Or, any other siblings?

white stone

When I emerged from High School in 1983, I went to a university full time. The next semester I went part-time, which I did for several semesters afterward. After the first semester, my primary goal was to learn Spanish in order to share Christ with Hispanics.

A few years later, I decided to go back full time and become a Spanish teacher. After a few weeks of the attempted brainwashing, the Lord very clearly let me know: "this is not your battlefield". I dropped out before the date when it would affect my GPA, and I haven't been back.

One of the things that greatly affected my departure was an interview that a professor had with me for one of her "humanities" clubs. In the interview, I told her about having visited missionaries in Honduras. She asked me: "What do you think? When missionaries go to such places and everything gets changed, don't you think that they are taking something away from the people?". I answered: "They're giving them something MUCH better". Then she asked: "who are we to say that it is better?".

In many such subtle ways the education department of that university was trying to mold my thinking into the new-age philosophy that "all religions are on the same level". It's the same old satanic lie that Jehovah is no different than any other "god" on the shelf.

My sister became a pharmacist, and though she had to wade through the folly of evolution at times, she triumphed on that battlefield and left it unaffected by the leaven that is taught there.

My simple advice is "oh be careful little ears what you hear".

Hi Dee...

As both an undergrad and a grad student at a "secular" university, I lived in coed dormitories. I think that the impression of "coed" dorms is often very misunderstood. Most coed dorms are merely apartments. No one walks around nude...or shares bathrooms/showers with members of the opposite sex. Rather, there are VERY strict rules about noise, appearance and civility.

I do understand your hesitation. Since every college and campus housing is different, I recommend that YOU & YOUR HUSBAND (and your daughter...but mostly, YOU & YOUR HUSBAND -- since the college will listen to you both more readily than a student) strongly protest this placement. Campus Housing (Residence Life, etc...) on most campuses actually are very keen to the living arrangements of students. If you express a "religious" opposition to this arrangement, the Campus Housing department will likely work very hard to make accomodations accordingly. However, you have to do this loudly, promptly (since space is limited) and often (like the "persistent widow").

You might also consider looking into the rules of this particular dorm. My sister-in-law was "stuck" in a freshmen coed dorm at Stanford this past year. It was actually VERY strict. Girls lived on one floor...where males were strictly prohibited without a staff escort. There were also very strict rules on noise, visitors, etc... -- which were more strict than most of the other "girl only" dorms.

By the way, most campuses have a waiting list for changing dorms. You might want to request to be placed on that list as soon as possible. However, I strongly suggest that you make a request for a dorm change if you have any hesitation (and make it sound VERY important to the Campus Housing office).

I will be praying for your family and this situation!

:-)

*EDIT - I disagree with the comments about "godless" colleges and universities. If your daughter desires to serve God as a medical doctor, she would have a difficult time obtaining admission to most schools if she attended a non-accredited school ("Christian" or otherwise) or if she received most of her education at a "community college." Most medical schools are very particular about who is accepted.

Also: As a person who obtained several degrees at "secular" universities, I was greatly blessed by God during my education. I fellowshipped with great Christian college students and professors. I was able to "pick and choose" the professors that I wanted (avoiding those "evolutionists" whenever possible). In fact, most of my undergraduate physics and chemistry professors were believers -- at a secular university. I was even able to take Bible classes taught by a Baptist minister (as a fulfillment of a "required elective") as an undergrad!

I do find the oft-repeated misperceptions of "secular" education to be quite perplexing! Colleges and universities are no more "godless institutions" than the regular workplace. Christian who want jobs usually have to work and interact with unbelievers. However, I not only thrived at "secular" universities -- I actually grew in the faith.

:-)

With our society as fallen as it is, it’s hard for parents to send off their children. For sure, countless young people have abandoned their faith in college. Parents, not only the children, sure do need a strong relationship with God. It doesn’t help if the children find themselves carrying a weight of parental anxieties along with everything else.

Strictness in the dorms has been mentioned already, and the laws against harassment are very strict now-a-days. That should help protect your daughter. Of course, those laws will not protect your daughter against her own choices or her possible weaknessess. Even an all-female building can’t do that. Risks are ever present, be it from male, female, or otherwise – and as pointed out, at Bible College too!

Maturity and strong conscience must be developed from within, not merely from compliance to the parental wishes, or zealous attempts to isolate them from the fallen world. That has all too often backfired when kids left home for college – (as many strict Christian parents have sadly discovered).

I trust that God will help you and your daughter find suitable living accommodations – so that she can be free to focus on her studies, and free from extraneous issues.

I would be concerned about a far greater hurdle: the godless ideologies that get woven in with the good stuff. Her faith will definitely be tested. No doubt, a strong commitment to Christ, will help her overcome, and her faith will grow even stronger. If she is eager to build her faith, she will seek out the many resources and people “out there” that can help her counteract and overcome the challenges that she will face.

This will be no easy journey for your daughter. She needs your blessing and support.

Dee, as a caring and loving parent, you no doubt are adopting the praying heart of the apostle Paul, exemplified in his prayers in Ephesians 1: 13- 21, and Eph. 3:14-21.

Diane