Prayer is not what you need. We could pray until we are blue in the face. What you need is teaching. You need to be taught the elementary teachings of the faith. There are wonderful sermons on this site that deal with Justification and Sanctification.
Take a deep breath, do a word search on one of these subjects and "feel" out which one is worthy to be listened to.
This is why this site is here. There are a lot of people that go to church that have no idea what salvation is. This site hosts a collection of old and new sermons that are put here by divine appointment for the day we are living in for such souls like yourself and us.
Jesus said, "Straight is the gate and narrow is the way". The words "Straight and Narrow" mean that this journey would be difficult. The greatest of preachers have gone through what your going through. They all could tell you the story how it felt like God slammed the door on their faces. But they did something that few ever do, and that is they believed what the book said. "If you seek Me, you will find me". So they would take words like that and believe that God is not a man that He should lie. Therefore they would set their faces like flint and with all their determination that they could muster they'd seek God until He was found, they would have had a made up mind to seek Him even if it meant never getting an answer.
We say Wow to that, but we are no different, we have the same faith. But we are hesitant because something is holding us back from going all the way. Our minds are clouded over with, "what if". We have a secret sin that we groom every so often. We are lazy!
It's so difficult to seek God when we have everything at our fingertips. It takes calamity or personal ruin that causes us to cry out to God.
Years ago in my "Elijah" days when I would go up to the mountain and seek the LORD. I was determined to seek the LORD because I too didn't seem to be getting anywhere with God. So I borrowed a brothers cabin way up in the sticks. I mean this was country. There I was in pitch darkness, I couldn't even see my hand in front of me, and the LORD says to me, "What are you doing here, go back home". I mean I was set to stay up there like grizzly Adams until I found God. Looking back at it all, I thought that by going into the country I could find God, but my whole attitude was wrong. It wasn't a change of location that was needed, I needed a change of mind, a mind that is to be transformed into the image of Christ.
Stop trying to be a Christian. Be real, be yourself and let God change you into what He wants to change you into.
